A/N: I'll admit, I'm not the best angst writer in town, so bear with me if this isn't so good :D (*bows*)

Chapter 4: Coming Home

***

Susan walked weakly into her home and closed the door. Tears streamed down her face and she made her way into the kitchen. Suddenly, everything seemed quiet, muffled, ruined. Dead. Just like her family.

Susan laughed gaily as her friends sat around her at a simple café, sharing jokes and stories and so much more of such drollery.

"Oh, Susan, dear," Rose said and tapped her friend on her shoulder. Susan looked up and smiled, "Ah, yes?"

"My younger sister is dreadfully eager to meet your older brother, you know."
Susan's smile froze on her face, recalling the argument of 'friends and family' she had with Peter earlier that afternoon. She quickly masked it over, however and grinned, "Don't you worry, she can meet him soon," she teased, "I can talk him into anything."

The girls giggled when the radio that had been left on for bland entertainment rattled with an urgent sounding commentator's voice, "Earlier today at the West Train Station, there was a collision of trains that took place at around 13:04. One was arriving for a stop, while the other just for a drop-off to continue on to the next station. Officials cannot say what caused this horrific accident."

Susan's eyes widened and she stared at the radio, her friends apparently also paying close attention. The speakers went on, "Casualties are large in number and survivors are still being scouted for. The wreck took lives from both trains and also on the platform-"

Susan suddenly felt cold. Very cold, and her heart wrenched painfully in her chest. She didn't need to know who or what the casualties were. Deep down, she already understood. She wouldn't be having dinner tonight with her family after all.

She'd planning her farewell speeches.

Susan's face crumpled and a sob escaped her lips. She went to the oven and saw the biscuits Edmund baked for dessert were still inside, waiting for the hungry mouths that will eat them.

Susan sat on the couch downstairs, her brow furrowed over a math sheet. Twenty-seven times thirty-five equals…Susan unconsciously stuck out her tongue. This wasn't her lesson in school. It wasn't even for her level, but Susan just couldn't stand Peter being 'smarter' than she was. If only she could figure out what twenty-seven times thirty-five equaled to.

Creak.

Susan shot her head up suspiciously and looked out the door onto the dark hallway. Someone was going down the stairs. Quietly, she made her way to the door and peeked outside to find her seven-year-old Edmund's silhouette tiptoeing to the kitchens. Susan smiled and shook her head, "Where do you think you're going?"

Susan knew the answer though. Earlier that morning, mum was baking Edmund's favorite chocolate chip cookies. Edmund had had enough for a day, and mum had specifically instructed Peter, and Susan not to go around tempting their brother into any more, or offering him any more. They were also not to give in to his adorable pouts.
Susan smiled, despite her tears, imagining a chubby, pink-faced Eddy standing in front of her with his hands clasped behind him.

He stared up at his sister, his sweet dark eyes conveying one message, 'Just one cookie, Susie. Pleeeeeease?'

Susan shook her head and smiled, "I'm sorry, Ed, but mummy says you might get a tooth ache if you eat any more."

"I promise I'll brush my teeth again, Susan. Please, Susan, pleeeeease?"

Susan stared into her brother's hazel regard, "Oh, I don't know," she said with mock hesitance. Edmund ran to her and hugged her waist tightly, his gaze never leaving his sister's face, "Oh, please, Susie?" he pouted, his cheeks becoming all the chubbier. Susan laughed and kissed his hair, "Oh, all right, but just one."

Edmund beamed.

An image of Edmund at twelve suddenly flashed into her mind. He wore a silver crown on his head, the richest clothes of gray and pearl whites. He wore a regal smile on his face, his dark eyes not only sweet, but also sure and wise. He looked like a true k—No. Susan sobbed.

They were all gone.

Edmund was dead. Susan will never see his smile again.

"Suuuuusaaaaan!!"

Susan nearly dropped her English book as a fourteen-year-old Peter burst through the study room, a wide grin pasted on his face, his blue eyes bright and naughty…about something.

"Su, you won't believe what I've managed to do. I'm quite pleased with myself. Revenge is terribly sweet!"

Susan rolled her eyes and smiled, "What is it this time, Peter?"

Peter sniggered and ran out of the room again. Susan waited until he entered, this time with Edmund. Edmund? Susan's eyes became the size of cricket balls. She had two sisters now? Edmund was wearing her old party dress, and was looking very annoyed. Susan struggled to keep a straight face, "Oh, Edmund," she said, "Purple is delightful on you."

"Oh, shut up."

With that, Susan fell in fits of laughter, really dropping her English book. Peter joined her, "That ought to teach you not to try anything bad with me, Ed," he said, flipping up his brother's skirt.

"Oi!" Edmund yelled, turning a beet red. Susan laughed hysterically, wiping the tears from her face. That did teach Edmund. It taught him not to mess with the High—Susan choked. She couldn't.

Peter was dead. Susan will never see his happy blue eyes ever again.

"Mummy, Daddy, can we please open our presents now?" little eight-year-old Lucy trotted up to her parents who were seated contentedly on the sofa. Peter and Edmund were patiently waiting the morning away, lying on the carpet by the tree and trying to rid off the last signs of sleep from their eyes. Christmas Eve lasted longer than expected last night. "Not yet, darling," Helen Pevensie smiled as she kissed her daughter's forehead, "Why don't you call your sister, and then we can open your presents."

Lucy beamed and quickly ran back, tripping over Edmund's sprawled body, "Ugmph! Lu!"

"Sorry, Ed!" Lucy scrambled up and quickly placed a kiss on her brother's cheek.

When Lucy arrived at the stop of the stairs, you could imagine the astonishment when she saw a silver ribbon running down the hallway. Lucy furrowed her brow and her imaginative mind quickly recalled a tale Susan always told her every night before going to bed. It was about a fairy who had a magic silver ribbon that she would use to lead her fairy friends to their secret glen in the forest. Lucy gasped delightfully and found the ribbon leading to her sister's room. The little girl quickly ran, her feet patting slightly on the floor. She pushed open the door and peeked in.

"Susie?" Lucy called out in her small voice. Her sister wasn't in bed. In fact, the bed was all made up. Lucy craned her neck to look over the toy chest at the foot of the bed and saw a big red box tied in the same long silver ribbon that extended from outside. Lucy walked over to the box. Were there fairies inside? As the youngest Pevensie neared the box, she made out a tag taped to the ribbon. It said: Especially forLucy Pevensie from her fairy friends. Lucy gasped and slowly pulled the ribbon off of the box, treating it like a real treasure. She opened the lid and found a stuffed puppy looking up at her. Lucy squealed in delight and cradled the puppy delicately in her arms.

"Do you like it, Lucy?"

Lucy spun around and found her sister in her faded green dressing gown standing by the doorway, a gentle smile on her face. Lucy nodded eagerly, "Are you my fairy, Susan?"

Susan laughed and grinned, "We are fairies of each other, Lu." Lucy ran to her sister and both girls hugged each other tightly, the puppy toy in the middle of the embrace.

Lucy was dead. Susan will never be able to hug Muffy together with her again.

Dead. Gone. And she was left alone. She, Susan Pevensie was left to be haunted by the bittersweet memories that will be just that. Memories.

Dark remnants of that afternoon rushed back into her mind, taunting her until sobs escaped her lips with no chance of being silenced. "It's not like I'll never see them again, right?"

"Susan, you knew they were coming today. The least you can do is meet them. Just apologize to your friends that you were late because you had to meet with them."

Susan did the one thing she never thought she would do. She fell on her knees, raised her head up and screamed as loud as she could, "ASLAN!" and wept. She cried and cried so long as she still had tears to shed. She gripped at herself, wishing she had her siblings to hold her close. Wishing she had Peter's warm embrace. Wishing she had Edmund's soothing voice. Wishing she had Lucy's sweet lullabies.

But, no. They weren't there anymore, and they never will for as long as she lived.

I'll always love you.

Susan froze, recognizing Edmund's whisper of a voice. She whipped her head around, feeling as if she were going mad. The voice never returned, and Susan clamped her hands over her ears. She released her anguish, that bitter feeling in her heart through the screams she voiced and the tears she shed. After a moment of sense she managed to find in her head, she whispered, "Why did you leave me?"

I never left you, Susan.

Susan looked up and kept silent. The Voice. It was deep, rumbling, and ever so comforting. It embraced her, blanketed her, held her in a warmth Susan only knew after everything in that Magical Land. The Land that was not the 'game' she insisted upon. The Land that was not the dream her siblings just made up. It was the real Land. It was the loving Land. It was Narnia.

"Aslan?" Susan whimpered.

Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen, the Voice said firmly. Susan swallowed and closed her eyes. The Voice spoke on.

You have lost your faith in Me, my daughter. You doubted Me and turned away. Why?

Susan bit her lip in painful shame. She shook her head, her voice growing even smaller, "I…I thought you left me. When you said I could never return to Narnia, I just…I couldn't accept it." Susan felt her eyes sting.

My daughter, said the voice, I have laid down a path for you long before you were even born. When you came to Narnia, you already knew your destiny.

"Aslan, I beg your forgiveness," Susan cried.

You are forgiven, my beloved.

Silence.

Now, tell me, my child. Are you willing to return to the path I have chosen for you?

Susan's eyes lit up and she looked down at her hands. They were shivering, "Yes, Aslan."

To return to Me, you will have to accept any test I bestow upon you.

"Anything, Aslan, for that is what I owe you," Susan said shakily, but bravely.

Said like a true Queen, said the Voice, love and warmth ran richly in His words, Therefore, hear me. Stay on this earth until the time comes that you are stronger. Stay here and live, love, laugh, but remember Me as always. When you have shown me that you can do all of those things, I will call you, and at once you shall return to Me.

Susan's heart, still grief-stricken and confused, fail to truly comprehend those words, "Aslan, what do you mean?" she asked.

No reply was returned. Susan swallowed and suddenly she remembered all the times she had in Narnia. Aslan knew she understood. She just had to believe.

Susan stood up and looked to the biscuits in the oven. Another wave of calm passed over her, and her tears ceased completely to run. Then, her younger brother's voice sounded clearly in her ears, and her heart listened.

I'll always love you, Susan.

And with that, Susan knew her eyes and heart had been opened, renewed and blessed in a way she could never explain. She knew, slowly, she will live. She will love. She will laugh. All in the memory of her brothers and sister, and of the Great Lion Himself. Susan will present to Aslan, and to her siblings above, and to herself the true Queen Susan the Gentle of the Radiant Southern Sun, monarch Narnia.

***

And sure enough in Aslan's Country, the Eastern Ocean did glisten,

The Western Wood did again become great

The Northern Sky did clear the way

For the Radiant Southern Sun as she rose again

All as the Four Powerful Thrones were filled

All under the Name of the Great Lion

Aslan

***

A/N: Ok, so that ends it. I'm honored if you reached to read this far. Writing this was just some 'impulse' that I couldn't let to pass me by. I hope you liked it nonetheless :)

Thanks all you readers and reviewers!

~vrangr