A/N: Taking a page from Cupricanka's book, I have identified this oneshot as a therapy fic to challenge my inability of late to write a oneshot. It took me two days to write it. It's hardly beta'd, and I have exercised my right to sling cliché hash, leave prairie-dog burrows where details should be and take gratuitous liberties with canon characterizations yet again.

This is an entirely plotless yaoi romp consisting of my two favorite OTP, ShikaNeji and NaruGaa. It's rated M for language and mature suggestions but beyond that, it's just good clean family fun.

I do not own Naruto or any of the characters. I make no money from the writing of this story.

Warning: unbeta'd; language; humor; OOC; yaoi

"There he is", Shikamaru announced, jerking his head in the direction of a long-haired man dancing alone.

After three weeks of stalking a man with the most incredible eyes he'd ever seen at a local club, Shikamaru brought along his good friend, Naruto, to see for himself what the fuss was about.

Naruto followed his friend's motion, his sky-blue eyes seeking and then finding the man in the crowd. Even from their perch against the wall in the corner, Naruto could understand why his normally laid-back friend was so excited.

The man in question was tall and lean, with long, dark hair he wore bundled near the end by a cylindrical silver clip. They were too far away for Naruto to see his eyes, but not to see his pretty face.

He smiled. The man was definitely something special. It came as little surprise to Naruto that Shikamaru had honed in on him so quickly.

"Nice", was all he said.

He looked at Shikamaru, who was still observing his target and biting his lip.

"So how do we do this?" Naruto asked.

"All we have to do is move in. The other one is never far away", Shikamaru told him.

"I've got your back", Naruto told him.

Shikamaru looked at his blond friend.

"That's why you're here", he responded.

The two men bumped fists.

"Let's do this."

Shikamaru moved forward through the crowd, in as straight a line as possible toward where his long-haired love interest danced alone.

Naruto maneuvered through the crowd on Shikamaru's right, in search of the man Shikamaru had dubbed "the bouncer". He described him as red-haired man with a dangerous expression and an annoying habit of threatening anyone who came within a two-yard circumference of his long-haired friend.

Shikamaru stopped at the boundary surrounding the pretty man. He knew where it was because it was where all the other interested men and women were standing. Any closer, they knew, and the bouncer would come out calling foul in a most unpleasant way. Shikamaru had seen it enough times to know the routine.

He looked around, unable to see Naruto or the bouncer in the crowd.

I'll find them soon enough, he thought to himself, and moved forward.

It's now or never.

In the crowd, a redhead observed silently as a young man wearing a ponytail approached his friend from behind. He got up from his chair quickly, considering himself challenged, and prepared to make his move.

Neji was Gaara's beautiful friend, his only friend, and he liked to go out dancing. When Gaara was with him, no one talked to him and no one touched him. Those were the rules and Gaara made sure that anyone entertaining an interest in Neji understood them.

Gaara had seen the man with the ponytail before, and had even talked about him with Neji, who admitted they'd made eye contact and he found him cute. The man with the ponytail always followed the rules until tonight.

Gaara was going to make sure he didn't break them ever again.

He managed to take three steps before a strong arm snaked around his waist from behind and pulled him back against a warm body.

"Dance with me", the owner of the arm purred into his ear.

Gaara wasn't prepared for the way that voice sent a shiver down his spine. He blinked slowly, trying to regain his bearings.

"Get off me or I'll cut that arm off at the shoulder", he warned.

"So hostile!" the voice responded, tightening his hold. "I think I'd be willing to risk being called Stumpy for you, sexy."

"Get. Off." He voiced through clenched teeth. He didn't see himself in any danger but he was in the middle of something, and his molester was proving to be a distraction.

Naruto scanned the crowd over the redhead's shoulder. Shikamaru was making his move. He'd try stalling the redhead a little longer.

"I could get you off. How would you like that?" Naruto asked him.

Gaara's cock definitely liked the idea. His eyes grew wide as waves of shock, arousal and shame hit him in that order. He was going to punch the bastard holding onto him, but at the moment he couldn't decide if he should do it before or after the guy made good on his offer.

He knew he needed to do something, and he needed to do it soon. Neji was out there unprotected.

Just as he prepared to defend himself, his molester released him and stepped back.

Gaara rounded on him quickly, prepared to teach him a lesson. He was stupefied by the vision of a bed-headed blond Adonis standing there.

Gaara found himself squeeze-blinking the way he usually did when he wasn't sure what he was looking at. Meanwhile his cock twitched its apparent approval.

Who the fuck was this guy?

On the dance floor, the sound of murmuring around him caused Neji to stop dancing and turn around. Behind him stood a handsome young man with his hair pulled up into a spiky ponytail and two small hoop earrings in one ear.

Right behind him.

He quirked a brow. Where the hell was Gaara?

"You know you're on dangerous ground, don't you?" Neji asked the man in a proper voice. He shivered under the gaze of teasing dark eyes.

"Yeah, I know", Shikamaru responded, smiling. It felt good to be so close to him after having to settle for making eye contact from a distance for so long. He seemed even more beautiful to Shikamaru tonight than usual and those moonlit eyes…he'd longed to see them up close, and now he was.

It was Heaven.

He isn't walking away, Shikamaru thought to himself.

This is good.

"He'll be here any moment", the pretty one stated, as if it wasn't common knowledge.

He wasn't there yet, though, which meant the plan was working.

Shikamaru extended his hand to Neji.

"Then come with me", he entreated.

Neji looked at that extended hand, and then back at Shikamaru's handsome face, before he responded.

"Why should I do that?" he asked him.

"Because you want to", Shikamaru answered.

Neji smiled, and then took his hand.

Shikamaru led him off the dance floor and through the crowd amid a chorus of murmuring, feeling like he'd won the lottery.

"I'm Naruto", the Adonis announced.

Naruto. Naruto? "I'm busy", the redhead replied sternly, and then turned around, reluctantly. He still wasn't totally sure he wasn't dreaming, or half out of his mind from some random contact high.

He didn't see Neji, or his very brave would-be suitor. In fact, the crowd was now dancing over the spot where Neji had been dancing alone.

"Shit!" the redhead exclaimed and half-turned to Naruto again.

"If something happens to him, I'm going to kick your ass!" he promised, turning back to move toward the crowd before a strong grip on his arm stopped him.

"Relax. They're fine", Naruto declared in a voice meant to make the redhead understand before releasing his hold on his arm.

Gaara stiffened, and then turned slowly, a hard-core scowl marring an otherwise beautifully boyish face.

It was Naruto's turn to be stunned. He hadn't really paid attention the first time, but now he was looking down into green eyes like none he'd ever seen.

"You know where they went", Gaara accused, folding his arms.

Naruto shook his head, all the while trying to categorize that peculiar shade of green.

"Then how would you know that?" Gaara asked.

Naruto smiled. "I just do."

Gaara was disarmed again. Naruto was a vision, there was no denying that.

But he was a fraud. He was running interference for a son-of-a-bitch with a ponytail and less-than-honorable intentions.

Gaara walked toward Naruto until they were practically toe-to-toe, his arms crossed and his scowl firmly in place. He was absently aware of a crowd forming around them, and of the fact that they were close enough for Naruto to touch him again.

He tried to push that last thought away. He needed to remain focused.

"You're going to tell me where they went. Right now."

Naruto shook his head again. "I can't tell you what I don't know, red."

"Then tell me what you do know, Naruto", Gaara responded without missing a beat.

Naruto stepped back and folded his arms. He began to pace a circle around the redheaded spitfire as he spoke.

"I know that it took my friend three weeks just to dredge up the courage to talk to yours. I know my friend is a great guy, a good man with whom I go way back, and he would never hurt anyone. I know that we came here in separate cars, and that your friend and mine could be anywhere right now."

Naruto came to rest in front of Gaara. "And I know that he isn't your lover, red."

"How the fuck do you know that?" Gaara demanded.

Naruto snorted. "Trust me; I know what a man marking his own territory looks like."

He leaned in closer.

"So what's all the fuss about?"

Gaara couldn't contradict Naruto's assessment. "He's my friend."

"No one's trying to take your friend away, red", Naruto told him.

He jerked his head toward the bar.

"Come on, have a drink with me. I'll call my friend on his cell and you can hear for yourself that everything is all right."

Naruto extended his hand.

"Deal?"

Gaara used that moment to look at Naruto, really look at him, and he couldn't believe his luck. The blond was tall, well-built and good-looking, with big blue eyes and a luscious smile. He was amazing. Gaara didn't think of other men that way since he'd befriended Neji, who was easily a standard that was hard to match, let alone exceed. Gaara was torn between wanting to beat the living hell out of Naruto and take his cell phone from him and wanting to figure out a way to get the blond to touch him again, and he hated it.

Naruto insisted that Neji would be all right with his friend. For the moment, it would have to be enough and besides, Neji thought Naruto's friend was cute. If Neji was enjoying his time with Naruto's friend, then Gaara could forgive him. Neji was his friend, and he only wanted him to be happy.

The redhead shook the blond's hand.

"I'm Gaara."

Shikamaru led his new friend outside to where his black Isuzu i-370 was parked, pressing a button on the fob to unlock the doors and then opening the passenger side to let him in.

Neji eyed his new friend warily.

"You're not planning to kidnap me, are you?" he challenged.

Shikamaru shook his head and held up his right hand.

"I'm on my best behavior, I promise", he told him. "Besides, I left my friend in there to keep company with your bouncer."

Neji stepped up and then into the truck. He wanted to hear more.

Shikamaru closed the passenger side and then got into the driver's side of his truck, closing the door and inserting the key into the ignition. He fiddled with the stereo until he found something tolerable to listen to.

"This okay?" he asked his pretty guest.

"Sure", Neji answered, not really caring.

He was busy watching Shikamaru as he fiddled with the stereo. He took note of tanned skin and taut muscles outlined by the tight black t-shirt he wore. There were only earrings in one of the handsome man's ears, even though both were pierced.

"In what month were you born?" Neji asked Shikamaru.

"September", Shikamaru answered. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just thinking how nicely a garnet would look hanging from your ear."

Shikamaru smiled a smile that rocked Neji's world.

"You just met me and you're already picking out gifts for me?"

"No. It was just an observation."

Neji stunned Shikamaru with a smile of his own.

"But if I were your boyfriend, you'd be dripping garnets."

Shikamaru turned his body in his seat toward Neji. "Is that so?" he asked, intrigued.

"Mmm", Neji responded, nodding once.

Shikamaru slowly extended his hand again.

"I'm Shikamaru", he greeted.

Neji took his hand and shook it firmly. "I'm Neji."

"It's a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Neji."

"Likewise."

"So, Neji…does your bouncer own any garnets?" Shikamaru asked, pulling away his hand.

Neji bit his lip.

"A few."

Shikamaru quirked a brow.

"You know, I don't get you two. What's your story?"

"What's there to get?" Neji asked him. "Gaara is my very good friend and guard dog."

"Is that how he got his garnets?" Shikamaru couldn't help but ask.

Neji chuckled. "Yes, that, and the fact that his birthday happens to be in January. Gaara's a good guy, he's just…high-strung. And a little overprotective."

Shikamaru made a face. High-strung? A little overprotective?

"Not that it's any of my business, but that guy should be kept in a cage."

Neji looked out of the passenger window at the bright lights of the club.

"That's where he was, until he met me."

He turned to look at Shikamaru then, who was watching him intently.

"Gaara doesn't need a cage; he just needs a more constructive outlet for his energy."

Neji looked down at his lap.

"Actually, that would do us both some good. I love the guy, but sometimes…"

"Then why don't you tell him to stop?" Shikamaru asked.

Neji looked up again.

"Because it makes him happy. It gives him a sense of value, of purpose. He's never had that and I won't take it away from him."

"But he's hurting people", Shikamaru contended.

Neji snorted. "No, he's not. He's got a vicious bark but his bite will land him in jail, and he knows it. No one wants that, especially not Gaara."

Neji turned his body in his seat toward Shikamaru then.

"Tell me about your friend in there."

"Ganymede", Naruto called out to the bartender as he took a seat at the bar. "My friend Gaara and I are going to drink."

Gaara scowled at the man sitting on the stool to Naruto's left. The man promptly picked up his drink and vacated the stool. Gaara watched him walk away before sitting down.

"Gaara, you have got to lighten up, dude! What are you drinking? It's on me."

"One drink, and then we make the call. That's the deal."

"Gaara, I promise you, you are going to talk to your friend. Now what'll you have?"

A thin, pasty man with short black hair stood behind the bar watching the pair make themselves comfortable.

"Bartender, I will have a Rolling Rock", Naruto announced.

"And for you, red?" the bartender inquired.

"I'll have one of those too", Gaara responded. He didn't much care what he drank. It was on Naruto and besides, it was only so that Naruto would call his friend. Gaara wasn't exactly what anyone would call a happy drunk, so he usually didn't touch the stuff.

"Would you care for a thorazine chaser?" the bartender asked.

Both men heard the question at the same time. Gaara was now training that homicidal scowl on the small man behind the bar.

Naruto could swear he heard the surge of adrenaline coursing through Gaara at the bartender's comment.

Oh, shit. The blond moved quickly, extending his left arm out to block Gaara's movement a split second before the angry redhead got up to make his way over the bar.

"Easy, easy!" Naruto exclaimed, trying to calm his friend.

Naruto looked at the bartender then. "Just get him a beer, alright?"

The bartender, seemingly oblivious, shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

What the fuck?

Gaara sat down on the stool, trying to calm himself and very aware that Naruto was touching him again.

That's when Naruto moved his arm away.

"You okay?" he asked him.

Gaara made the mistake of looking into those soulful blue eyes. All at once he felt like he was drowning.

The feeling must have been contagious, because Naruto, gazing into green eyes swirling with emotion, was affected too.

Wow.

Gaara opened his mouth to say something; he wasn't sure what. He wasn't used to being in situations like this, social situations. He was usually alone or with Neji, and the social dynamic there was a linear one.

He wasn't used to being dominated by his attraction to anyone, male or female.

He wasn't used to wanting.

The sound of bottles being placed on the bar in front of them jolted the men from their trances. Naruto looked at the bartender, who was looking back and forth between him and Gaara.

"What?" Naruto challenged. What was this guy on?

"I was just thinking", the bartender responded. "You're a blond, you're a redhead"—he pointed at Gaara, who had picked up his beer—"and I'm a brunette."

"Congratulations", Gaara offered, "you figured that out all by yourself."

Gaara turned his beer up to his mouth and drank, and Naruto could swear he saw him smirking around the rim of the bottle.

"Anyway", the bartender continued, "I was just imagining how wonderful we would all look in bed together, you know, in a threesome. What do you two think?"

Gaara nearly choked on his beer. Did that guy just proposition the two of them?

"I think you should stick to tending bar, dude", he heard Naruto answer.

Gaara, meanwhile, was processing. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd actually been propositioned in a social setting. He didn't know how to feel about it, especially since this bartender didn't seem to be playing with a full deck. An image of the three of them naked in bed together sprang into his mind, one he was stunned to realize was making him a lot warmer.

New things were happening to him tonight, all because Naruto had helped his friend steal Neji away.

Neji.

Gaara turned to his gorgeous blond companion, who was watching him with an amused expression on his face.

He furrowed his brows. "What?" he felt compelled to ask.

"Oh, nothing", Naruto responded, drinking his beer.

Gaara put a hand on Naruto's shoulder.

"We have to make the call", he told him.

Naruto put down his beer, and then dropped a bill on the bar for the drinks.

"Let's go outside, so we can hear", he told Gaara, motioning toward the door of the club.

Both men were sliding off their stools when the bartender approached again.

"If you change your mind, you know where to find me!" he told them.

Gaara turned to look at him once more, and he winked.

He turned again and followed Naruto out of the club, hoping no one could see his blush this time.

"Well, his name is Naruto, and we're born in the same year. We've been friends since grade school", Shikamaru supplied.

"And what else?" Neji asked.

"What else do you need to know?"

"Well, you pit this Naruto against Gaara; I don't suppose you did that for lack of a better option. He must be someone special."

"He is."

Neji narrowed his eyes.

"Is this a special relationship the two of you have?" he asked.

"You mean like with benefits?" Shikamaru asked.

He shook his head. "No, it's never been anything like that. Naruto is more or less my guard dog."

"I see."

Neji did see. He and Gaara were the closest of friends, but it ended there. There had never really been any desire on his part to take it further and Gaara was just…asexual.

"Is he like us?" Neji asked.

"You mean, does he like boys?" Shikamaru clarified.

Neji nodded.

"I refrain from using convenience-store definitions when it comes to Naruto. He's just…Naruto."

Shikamaru looked at Neji then. "You want to hook them up."

"Do you think Naruto would be opposed to the idea?" Neji asked.

Shikamaru raised his hands. "Wait a second; I think we're getting ahead of ourselves. You want to hook up your caveman with my wingman? Has that guy even had all of his shots?"

Neji chuckled. Gods, was he happy he'd allowed Shikamaru to steal him away. He was a breath of fresh air.

"Let me tell you something, Shikamaru. I never bring my cell phone when Gaara and I go out together. He must be out of his mind right now not knowing where I am or if I'm all right. Now I don't know your wingman, but it says a lot about him that Gaara isn't standing out there swinging a Louisville Slugger at your windshield and slashing your tires right now."

"At the very least it says he's still alive", Shikamaru countered, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. "I don't know about this, Neji."

"I do. I think your friend might be just what Gaara needs."

Shikamaru looked at Neji again. "You wouldn't be trying to get rid of him, would you?"

Neji snorted. "No. Not in a million years. He's my friend."

He saved my life.

"I want this for Gaara. I want him to get a taste of what he's missing. He might be enjoying the time he's spending with your friend and if that's the case, then so much the better. He deserves to be happy."

"Yeah, well, so does Naruto."

"Listen to me. If Naruto makes Gaara happy, then he will become someone precious to him. If that happens then there is nothing in this world he wouldn't do for him."

"You wouldn't mind having to share your friend with someone else?" Shikamaru asked.

Neji smiled. "Not if Gaara were happy."

He reached out a hand in a gentle caress of Shikamaru's face.

"And not if it meant that I got to see more of you."

Shikamaru made a face, a hybrid of surprise and happiness.

And then his cell phone rang.

Naruto and Gaara stood outside the entrance to the club. Naruto fished his cell phone out of his pants pocket and Gaara tried not to blush again as he watched.

Naruto flipped open his phone, pushed one button twice and put the phone to his ear.

"Let me talk to him", Gaara said, reaching for the phone.

Naruto moved out of his reach, holding up his other hand in a gesture meant to reassure the impatient redhead.

"Nara here", the voice on the other end of the line spoke.

"How's it going?" Naruto asked him.

"I certainly can't complain", Shikamaru responded. "How about you?"

"Well, right now I'm standing in front of the club with a very impatient redhead who is extremely eager to speak to his friend", Naruto replied.

Shikamaru chuckled on the other end. "I'll put him on."

Naruto handed his cell phone to Gaara, smiling.

Gaara put the phone to his ear. "Neji?" he spoke.

"I'm here, Gaara."

Relief washed over Gaara. "Where are you? Are you all right?" he asked.

"Gaara I'm fine, I promise. Naruto's friend is a perfect gentleman. We're close by; in fact I can see you standing under the light with the phone to your ear."

Gaara's eyes grew wide. He looked around, but all he could see were the cars in the parking lot.

"Tell me where you are, I'll come to you."

"No, just listen for a minute I want to ask you something. Are you enjoying yourself with Naruto?"

Gaara wasn't expecting the question, or the rush of mixed emotions that came with it. He looked up at Naruto, who smiled back at him. He had to look away again, quickly. Naruto was beautiful and perfect. He touched him and made his blood rush. He stared at him and made him swoon.

He'd dared to challenge him and then bought him a drink. And he'd kept his word to phone his friend so that he could speak to Neji.

He'd called him a friend.

Gaara was enjoying himself with Naruto. The realization surprised him. He never really felt at ease if Neji wasn't with him.

Gaara found himself needing to sit down. He stepped back against the wall of the club and slid down to a crouching position, oblivious to the patrons entering and exiting the club through the door nearby.

"Yeah", he finally answered his friend. "He's nice."

"Just nice?"

"Okay, very nice."

Neji chuckled. "Gaara, I can see him too, and I'd say he's a bit more than 'very nice'."

"Okay, okay, what do you want me to do?"

"I'm just teasing. Hey, what do you say we go get breakfast somewhere?"

Gaara sighed. "Just us two?" he heard himself ask.

"Unless you want to invite Naruto and his friend to come along."

Breakfast with Neji and Naruto and Naruto's friend?

Gaara looked up at Naruto again and decided. Yes, he would like to have more time with him. Whatever happened tonight was special, and he'd been part of it. He wasn't ready to let it end.

"Sure, I mean, if they want. It could be fun."

Gotcha. Neji would bet his brand new custom sports car that Gaara had never used the word 'fun' before.

Shikamaru and Naruto were in.

"All right. We're coming to you. Stay put."

"I will."

The cell phone toned, signaling the end of the call. Gaara flipped it closed and held it with both his hands, feeling comforted by its presence.

"I guess we're going for breakfast. Do you want to come?" he asked, suddenly feeling anxious.

Naruto's face lit up.

Neji closed the cell phone and handed it back to Shikamaru.

"I need you to do something for me", Neji told him.

"Are you sure we won't be intruding?" Naruto asked, moving closer to Gaara.

Gaara shook his head. "I'm not even sure I'm awake. This has been a crazy night."

And it's not over. Naruto lowered himself to a crouching position next to Gaara.

"Well, if you think this is crazy, then you should hang out with Shikamaru and me some night. This won't even scratch the surface by comparison."

Gaara looked at Naruto, still clutching the man's cell phone in his hands. He was so close again. "You'd want to hang out with me?"

"Sure, why not?" Naruto answered. "We can go someplace else and tease another bartender into making a proposition."

Gaara had to look away then.

Naruto smiled. "You know I've been meaning to tell you, you are diabolically sexy when you blush."

Gaara knew it couldn't get any worse.

The sounds of someone approaching their position caused both men to look up.

"Hey!" Naruto exclaimed, and stood.

Shikamaru and Neji stood side-by-side, holding hands.

Shikamaru exchanged a knowing glance with Naruto and smiled. Mission accomplished.

Gaara was stunned. He'd never seen Neji with anyone before.

He's touching him.

He stood up and took a good look at the man holding Neji's hand. He was taller than Neji, which was saying something—Neji was nearly six feet. He was tanned, close to Naruto's shade. He was handsome, with dark eyes that suggested well-kept secrets and a bright smile that contrasted jet-black hair.

Broad shoulders.

Strong arms.

Flat stomach.

He's touching him.

"Gaara."

Naruto placed a gentle hand at his back, urging him forward. "Meet my friend, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru locked eyes with Gaara, who was feeling hustled between that stare and Naruto's hand on the small of his back.

Shikamaru extended the hand that wasn't being squeezed in Neji's. "Pleased to meet you, Gaara", he greeted, trying to remember the name of the color of Gaara's eyes. Something about foam on water…oh yeah.

Gaara felt himself cracking. He wasn't in love with Neji or anything, but seeing him with this…pretty boy was annoying him. Who was he?

How did he manage to get Naruto for a friend and Neji for a boyfriend in a single lifetime?

"Gaara."

It was Neji who called him this time.

Gaara looked at Neji, who returned his look with one of pleading. Do this for me, it told him.

Neji was Gaara's beautiful friend, his only friend. He would deny him nothing.

He looked at Shikamaru again.

"I have a garnet that would look great on you", he told him, gripping his hand in a firm shake.

Neji smiled.

A/N: Okay, that's it. I did it!

Thoughts? ^_^