Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto (the wonderful Kishimoto-sama does). You'll know if ever this should change because Sasuke-that-bitch will come around (after being smacked with a rubber chicken embedded with kunai by Itachi-come-to-life) and fuck Naruto like he should... which reminds me. This story is not for minors. Okay? Okay.

Author's Note: What can I say - this is a brain fart after a long, caffeine-deprived week? I really like a solid Naruko story splashed in with the classic yaoi - SasuNaru, thanx - and there just aren't that many out there. So, I was inspired to, um, inspired to... (squints) This story has a female Naruto, cough, cough. And, yes, it's a one-shot.

Befriend Rosesareblue (please?): rosesareblue at ymail dot com (Write me with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Remember, there's nothing like feedback that improves an author's moral/writing.)

ONE-SHOT-NARUKO

by rosesareblue (because I caaan and often dooo)

Uchiha Sasuke

"Sasuke, I was wondering if I could have a word with you…"

I resisted – but just barely – my first instinct, which was to jerk my head up in surprise. I'd been aware of her presence since she entered the room, my every sense keen on even the slightest shrug or sigh. She'd shuffle some paper and leave, I'd thought. Or she was here to drop something off, take two seconds. Maybe she'd acknowledge me, something like a casual "hey" or "what's up" so that it'd be strange if I persisted in conversation.

But that's not what she'd said. She'd said she wanted a word with me. Wanted a word, a word…

"Yeah, sure." I tilted my head up, careful to seem careless, careful not to betray a flicker of a smile that threatened to surface. "What is it?"

She smiled timidly, pinching that fat lower lip beneath her teeth, and for a second I felt a moment of sheer panic – but luckily it passed. God, was she hot. Hotter now at twenty-one than ever before, which, really, was saying something.

"So, uh," She flicked a stray blonde hair from her vision and giggled, a little nervous.

Something was definitely wrong – this wasn't like her at all. I sound like a huge bastard in admitting this but: I wanted it to be something like Tsunade was really sick or an anbu team had been annihilated – a story with lots of detail so she'd have to stand there and talk to me for that much longer. Yeah, so I'm a bastard. Problem with that?

"Oh, god, sorry. I don't know why I'm being so awkward." She mumbled sheepishly, those amazing blue eyes widening a little in mock apology. On anyone else, it'd be one of those expressions I'd have found indescribably infuriating – a little too girlish to be real. On her, it reminded me of all those years before – when it'd be the commonest thing in the world for her to come find me, grin, laugh, say "Sasuke, wait up" in that provocative voice that made me feel like I had to touch her or I'd die…

"What?" I did jerk that time, taken aback. "What did you just say?"

Naruko laughed a little too loudly, flushing bright red.

"Yeah, um, it's a really fucked up thing to ask, I know. But like, I was assigned to this spying mission at the end of this month and I'd rather that my first time was with… with someone I knew instead of some sketchy guy from the enemy camp. You-you don't have to sleep with me if you don't want to, obviously. I can ask Sai or someone else or, or something…"

Uzumaki Naruko

I could see Sasuke was furious. Which was understandable, I mean, we weren't exactly on the closest terms now and I was, in fact, soliciting him for sex (kuso). Still, I'd thought he'd be at least a little more sympathetic – Sasuke, sympathetic, HAH. I was such a dumbass sometimes. Such. A. Dumbass.

But, it really had to do with ninja stuff! When Tsunade brought up the spying mission to the Mist involving that sorry-excuse-for-a-human-being-lech rumored to traffic young girls and specifically asked for a kunoichi on the job – of course I knew there would be some kinky, underhanded stuff involved. But like, I was the only female of my anbu rank that hadn't gone on one of these dirty missions and didn't want to be getting special treatment – either because I was young or chummy with the hokage. Besides, if it meant one night of sleeping around for information enough to prevent hundreds of teenage girls from being sold into a lifetime of sexual slavery… yeah, well, as shitty as the job was, that was what ninjas were for.

And I was ninja. A damn good one too.

So there was no reason for Sasuke to look at me like that – his eyes bloody red and seething like he'd explode at any minute.

"Did Tsunade put you up to it?" Sasuke gritted out. "Going senile, is she?"

"No, I volunteered." I replied, coolly so that he wouldn't see I was… yeah, I was hurt. Hurt that he was making it out like this – humiliating me like this.

"Oh, so you volunteered to be a whore?" He spat and I recoiled as if he'd slapped me. I'd rather he had. He should understand. If he cared at all, he should understand…

"Well, nice talking to you too." Snapping, I turned to go and was surprised to find Sasuke gripping my elbow – so hard it hurt. I panicked – a mixture of fear, regret, shame, want... "Let me go!"

"No – you're not going anywhere. No mission – no Sai – not anywhere."

"You're such a jerk, Uchiha Sasuke. This is why we've stop being friends – let me go! Let go!"

His grip slackened instantly at that and I ripped away from him, flying out of the room so that Sasuke wouldn't see that there were these stupid, stupid tears welling in my eyes. And I'd thought this time he'd be there for me. Despite the messed up situation I was in, I'd almost been glad because I'd thought it'd bring him back to my side – so we could be a team again. Friends again.

Yeah, I really was a dumbass.

Uchiha Sasuke

Naruko and I had a falling out. Just like that. Don't get me wrong, I think I've been in love with her since I was, what, two? All during our ninja academy years too, when she was the class dobe but still declared I was her rival – which, to be fair, I egged on. So that she'd follow me around all the time, challenging me to this and that… Then we were in Kakashi's team together and those years were perfect – since there was always an excuse for us to be together. Okay, so Sai tagged along, being our third member, but it was easy enough to ignore him… for me anyway.

And then around when Naruko started growing out her boyish hair, she stopped running after me all the time and yelling about whatever. Sometimes stop speaking when I was around. Squirm. Be uncomfortable, which, since this is Naruko, doesn't really happen. I was afraid she could read my mind and knew all the horny things I imagined doing to her body I had greater and greater difficulty not blatantly looking at so… I backed off. It wasn't easy, but I gave her room.

That's when it got so bad that it was almost abnormal for me to talk to her and her to me. I'd only ever see her when we had missions together – which was rare because by that time we were both already jounin. I got so desperate I accepted Sakura's asking me out – Ino's too. Any of her friends, actually, so I had a reason to be where she was.

She started dating Sai when we turned seventeen – only for two months, but I didn't know that till I came back to the village three years later. Being a missing nin wasn't so bad except now Tsunade had me pressing paper instead of giving me a humane punishment – like sending me on a deadly mission or taking off my head with a katana. So I was back pathetically counting the days between Naruko's catching my eye in the hall and flashing me almost a smile. But it wasn't like I was going to broach the resurrecting the clan topic with her when I had a bitch ninja job and she was one of the highest ranking anbu…

Still, I couldn't let her go like that after what'd just happened – after she'd mentioned that two-faced bastard Sai.

I was worried she'd be long gone by then, but when I flew out of the window, jumping from branch to branch, and landed at ground floor soundlessly – I found myself face to face with Naruko. And she was crying.

Crying.

I nonplussed.

"What?" She scowled, her bright blue eyes misty with tears and her voice rising – cracking. "So what if I'm crying? You think I want to go on that mission, do you? Was ecstatic to let my body be used as a tool? Well, I'm not – I'm scared and I don't want to but there's not really a choice, is there? It's not fair I let someone else be the sacrifice because I'm too chickenshit to do my own job… and stop staring at me! I make you sick, I get it. Go away, teme – "

"I'm sorry."

Naruko stopped, mid-rant, and blinked so that two new tears slid down her wet face. "Y-you what?"

"I'm sorry." I said again and – because it was all surreal and I wanted to so much I felt almost a physical pain – I did it. I took her in my arms and hid from the world that this girl knew how to cry.

Uzumaki Naruko

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

When he touched me, it was like all that time, all that distance, was behind us. I don't know how long I spent wailing in his arms – but everything after that was just even more of a blur. He led me behind a tree where we weren't so out in the open, watching me straighten out my clothes, retie up my disheveled hair in pigtails. Then, he reached out to wipe a stray tear and… Maybe it was because of the feel of his finger on my face. That'd he'd touched me thrice in one day, when we'd gone for weeks and months before without even so much as an accidental bump of shoulders. But it was so intense. That one moment. All the heat just rushed to my face and I was babbling about how sorry I was that I'd been so melodramatic, how stupid the whole thing was, how being a ninja just sucked sometimes so he could just forget it, whatever, I would just deal with it and…

Yeah, and then he… and then, well, he kissed me. Just like that. When I was trying to pull away from his hand, he yanked me to him instead and was kissing me.

To explain the sensation: So, I have this demon living inside me, Kyuubi, and sometimes, when I'm really pissed off or, rather, on the brink of death, I just snap and the monster bursts into life, taking over my body. It was kind of like that – except six thousand seven hundred ninety-two times worse. I was grabbing his shoulders and dragging him to me. He was already all over me, pushing me against the tree, his hot tongue inside my mouth…

It's kind of amazing we had sense enough to make it to his apartment, stumbling up there somehow with our hands beneath each other shirts. I think I regained a sense of self for, oh, two seconds, but by that time I was sprawled on his sofa – we never made it into the bedroom – with my pants dangling off one knee and my shirt pulled up over my breasts. He was already naked – I think I literally clawed his clothes off – and had this look on his face that made me scared and so excited at the same time. And for those two seconds, I thought that we must be crazy – after all those years of just no interaction, this couldn't possibly be happening, and wondering whether or not Sasuke even liked me or wanted to get my proposal over with because I'd made such a scene or just stick his dick in something because he was a perv or WHAT.

Then his warm cock was poking my inner thigh and I stopped being sane again.

So, yeah, then we had sex – my first time, so it should have hurt and, trust me, it did. But since I'd given up thinking all together, this hadn't been a damper the second time we did it against the wall – I think we'd been trying to head in the general direction of his bedroom but, like I said, we never made it. I passed out during the fourth or fifth time, I think – we'd been doing it doggy-style, his hands molding my breasts – and woke up several hours later with a sleeping Sasuke stiff inside of me.

Yeah.

Well, I of course had a silent nervous breakdown – a pure, unadulterated moment of ohmigod-what-have-I-done – before limping my naked and dripping with something I think was mayonnaise ass out of there.

And this was basically what I told Sai, verbatim, as I sat at his dining room table – practically gnawing my fingers off my hands. He took it well. So well, in fact, that it was freaky. I mean, I'd come hobbling through the guy's door wearing Sasuke's pants and throw rug and demanded to use his shower and all Sai had said was: "Soak your hair in hot water first. It'll hurt if you try to wash the dry cum out right away."

"So what do I do?" I crowed, spraying spit and bits of chewed nail in his face. "How can I ever look Sasuke again? What would I say?"

Sai smiled docilely, pouring more rosemary tea into my mug. "Tell him you had a good time."

"Sai! I don't think you understand the seriousness of this situation!" I hollered. "Just yesterday morning, it'd have been weird if I traded more than a 'how are you' with this guy. This morning, I know what his dick tastes like, okay?"

Sai calmly picked up his mug and cooled it with his breath. "But you like him?"

That made me stop. Blush. Or, more like, burst steam from my ears.

"Of – of course I like him. I love him! You're best guy in the world for me to date and we broke up because I was still head-over-heels for that jackass, remember?"

"I do remember." Sai took a sip of his tea and grinned good-naturedly. "So you slept with the guy you love. I don't see the problem, Naruko."

"Because he doesn't love me!" I shrieked out my worst fear, covering my face with my hands and moaning because it felt too true. "Because now he thinks I'm an easy lay – some sex.. sex animal and I wanted… I wanted…"

"I beg to differ." Sai quipped, reaching over to gently pry my hands off my face and place the steaming mug in my hands. "About whether or not he loves you, anyway. I don't know about this whole sex animal thing."

"Thanks a lot, jerk." Taking a sip and burning my tongue, I hissed. "Aren't you supposed to be comforting me?"

"I'm supposed to be opening your eyes to what everybody else already knows." He snickered. "That Uchiha Sasuke is madly in love with you. Grab an objective toddler off the streets and ask. He'll tell you the same."

"The same bullshit!" I sighed. "You don't know him like I do."

"And I'm very glad." Sai snickered. "Keep the flavor of Sasuke's dick to yourself, if you please."

"Oh, shut up. You know what I mean. Remember? Sasuke recoiled – no, like, became even more antisocial, which is veering on insanity because this is him – when I first got my retarded crush on him. He didn't speak to me – didn't even look at me. And then he went out of his way to let me know he wasn't interested. I think he dated every girl in my year at one point other than me and Hinata." Furrowing my brows, I brooded. "At least he had some decency and left my best friend out of it."

"Maybe he's just shy." Sai shrugged a shoulder.

"And maybe he just doesn't want me except when my friends aren't available." I replied, sniffing. "Maybe he's packing right this minute to run away from Konoha again – to get away from me."

"It's you who ran away this time, Naruko." Sai cut in and I flinched.

"I'm too scared to approach him – I'll lose him again, Sai. I'll push him away again and he might not come back this time."

When I finally looked up from staring at my bleeding fingertips, it was because I heard Sai say into the phone: "Uchiha, this is Sai."

Uchiha Sasuke

I hate Sai. No two ways about it. I hated that he nicknamed Naruko "penis-envy" when we were children, and she'd get mad at him – touch him, too, when she slugged him in the face. I hated that he was on Kakashi's team, because that meant Naruko spent as much time with him as she did with me – I remember once when she and he'd hid in a broom closet on a B rank mission. I'd opened the door when the coast was clear and Sai's head had been pressed between Naruko's boobs. He said it was a mistake – too little room, no light, and they had to be quiet. The bastard was lying through his fucking teeth; you don't mistake Naruko's boobs with anything except maybe melons – which wouldn't be in the closet, now would they? And I hated Sai since he'd dare ask her out when – never mind I was dating Ten Ten at the time – when it was clear and always had been clear that Naruko was mine. He probably made the usuratonkachi say yes with those predator mind-games he plays, that ink-faced-son-of-a-printing-press.

But I don't think I've ever hated him more than when I'd stopped pacing naked in my kitchen, mulling over where the heck Naruko was (and whether or not she had clothes on), and picked up the phone to hear his voice on the other end – followed immediately by hers yelling: "Don't tell him I'm here! Don't tell him I'm here!"

In a flash, I had this image in my head of them lying together – their limbs tangled in the aftermath of sex – and felt the plastic beneath my hands bend in my grip. I loosened my grasp before the phone burst into pieces and gritted out, "Touch her, and I'll kill you. I swear I'll rip you apart limb from limb, hair from hair, if you so much as lay a finger – "

"Penis-envy and I were having a little chat about you just now and I wanted you to know – hey, hey, Naruko, please untangle yourself from me and give me back my – "

The phone went dead. Already, I was pulling on my shirt – not caring it was stained with Naruko's virgin blood – bent on getting rid of the one that she would leave me for once and for all.

Uzumaki Naruko

"What the hell!" I shrilled, hysterically beating Sai with the cut phone. "Why did you do that? What could have possibly possessed you to do that, you jerk?"

Sai's smiling form burst into smoke beneath me and the real Sai was back leisurely sipping his tea. "There's really no use going over all this with me. Sasuke's the one you should be talking to."

"What kind of friends are you?" Yelling, I hurled the phone at his head. He dodged it with a slight tilt of his head and the phone arched into the sink with a clatter. "If I wanted someone to speak sense, I'd go to a freaking psychiatrist," I pouted.

Sai smirked in reply, then sat up suddenly – slapping his fist in his palm in mock remembrance. "Well then, I best be going now. You have company."

"What? WHAT?"

But before I could get in another word edgewise, the door of Sai's apartment exploded into splinter. In the rising dust and debris, I could see that the double-crosser had abandoned both me and his beloved tea. Coughing, I made to rise when I heard Sasuke's voice and felt my heart drop into the pit of butt: "Sai! Where the fuck is Naruko?"

There was nothing else to be done.

"Henge!"

Uchiha Sasuke

As the dust settled, I spotted Sai sitting at his dining room table – across from an empty place where I knew Naruko must have been bare minutes before. The bastard had nerve enough to be drinking tea, though he choked on the grime that must have fallen in it during the explosion. I felt my fist clench – my vision flicker in rage.

"What up, man." Sai waved at me, in some mock show, his normally pale faced flushed. My eyes instantly narrowed. "Sorry about that phone call, yo. I just wanted to pretend like Naruko was here. When she wasn't here. Ever. For-for kicks. I'm a, y'know, a shrewd character like… like that."

In less than a blink of an eye, I sent the motherfucking liar flying with a punch. Grabbing him by the collar, I pinned him against the far wall and broke off his air passage with my grip.

"Don't say her name with your mouth." I spat. "Don't look at her – don't touch her."

His kick to my stomach missed barely, but only because I'd dropped my hold to block it. Free, he tackled me head on – punching, kicking, biting. I'd gotten into a number of fights with Sai before – some sparring, mostly over her – but it was the first time he'd snapped like this. In a way, I was glad; ripping apart a limp body wouldn't be as nearly as gratifying…

"Just because you think Naruko's not worth shit, doesn't mean everyone else has to think so too!" He screamed, the crazy punch meant for my face just grazing my cheek and going through the floor. "Just because you regret touching her – doesn't mean, doesn't mean…"

"What the fuck are you on?" Before he could pull his hand out of the broken panels, I had his wrist and was bending it – trying to break bone, rip muscle. Sai screamed before wrenching away, but not before I'd delivered another punch to the stomach that had him coughing up blood.

"DON'T TOUCH HER BECAUSE SHE'S MINE." I roared. "DON'T TOUCH HER BECAUSE NARUKO MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME."

Sai, who'd been till then bent and gasping on the floor, froze. He looked up at me with wide startled eyes as if he didn't know, as if he'd never known, the blood dripping freely from his mouth. Glaring at him, I reached up and wiped my own blood – coming thick and hot from my still bleeding nose. Fuck, that bastard could punch...

There was a moment of silence before Sai opened his mouth and said, almost a matter-of-factly.

"Sasuke, I love you."

Uzumaki Naruko

I had said it. I looked up at him dead on, loving him for all his perfections and, more, his imperfections. I loved the red of his blood against the stark white of his face, loved the haughty look of his dark, hungry eyes, loved the lonely anger trapped inside that pretty body, daring to remind – no, daring to challenge me in my own weaknesses. I loved him and everything he meant to me. Uchiha Sasuke.

Exhilarated in the aftermath of my confession, I said it again and marveled at the words. "I love you."

It was over in a flash. His surprise crumpled to anger – livid confusion – then, my greatest fear, utter disgust. He was disgusted with my love for him. My breath caught in my throat – choking, burning. I wouldn't have been able to imagine that his rejection could hurt me so much. So very much.

"I'm going to kill you." He hissed. "How dare you mock me!"

"Go ahead and kill me then." I burst out, hurting, dying in my own hurt. "You're the one who led me on by saying I meant everything to you!"

"What!"

In an instant, it made sense – his confusion and my total idiocy. Looking down at my pale hands, I realized I was still in henge. Oh god, oh gawd! It was mortifying, so mortifying – I'd never live this one down. But better now than after Sasuke had sent me to a premature grave…

Screwing my eyes closed, I lifted the transformation jutsu with a quick mutter and tried again in my own body: "Um, so, I, Uzumaki Naruko, love you, Uchiha Sasuke. O-okay?"

~ OMAKE ~

Haruno Sakura

Seeing Sasuke and Naruko together is an out-of-body experience. Don't get me wrong, I've been pretty privy to the object of mister raven-haired emo-boy's affections since the age of fifteen, going out with him off and on and kinda having to notice that our dating venues consisted of: the ichiraku ramen shop, Naruko's favorite training grounds, the park near her house, and, once, even the tree right outside her window. But with those personalities? Puh-leeze. I figured their frustrated libidos would lead them down dark, twisted paths while the rest of us watched – sighing knowingly and thinking that the unnecessary bloodshed might have been avoided if Naruko weren't the-way-of-the-righteous-but-obtuse-ninja and Sasuke weren't a bitch and they would just have angry sex already.

But when is life ever that simple?

Even with their relationship in full swing, they were still pretty hard to watch – kinda like a train wreck. I kept wincing whenever I looked on because - I knew some shit would go down soon. They'd start off looking like a too-attractive-for-their-own-good-sexy-as-your-mom normal couple and – suddenly, like, just suddenly, Naruko would slug Sasuke in the stomach or Sasuke would karate chop Naruko head and all hell would break loose. Or, also very suddenly, they'd start making out on top of a certain person's desk. Scattering all of a certain person's stuff. And certain person, who likes her desk clean, thank you very much, would have to spend all night cleaning up after their impromptu happy time only to pass out when she found her favorite scroll covered with something she'll spare her readers, who probably buy dildos like civilized people, from having to know about. But anyway...

No wonder Naruko was over at Hinata's house every two nights – insecure about what the fuck was going down in her topsy-turvy relationship.

Today though… today I witnessed a sign firsthand that, maybe, Sasuke and Naruko might work after all.

I was hinting to Tsunade sensei about upping the expenses for damages to office supplies (which, surprise, surprise, had been a little high as of late) when Uchiha Sasuke stormed in and fearlessly slammed his palms down on the godaime's desk. When he turned to glare daggers in my direction, I smartly caught on that it was my time to leave (and listen in at the door – muhahaha).

Being quick about it, I managed to catch the last of his proposal, "…send me on this mission."

Sasuke was complaining about his job? That wasn't new, since he was being punished for his escapade with red tape work (and, of course, he was far from happy about it). I was about to go when I heard Tsunade sensei respond with, "You know very well that that's a kunoichi's job."

"Then I'll go as a kunoichi," was the raven-haired man's heated, instantaneous reply, "I'll go in drag – in henge – take a vial beforehand. I don't care. Let me go on the undercover mission. Let that be my punishment."

I almost eeped on hearing that. Uchiha… Sasuke? Undercover mission as a kunoichi? That Sasuke – proud, aggressive, too-cool-to-be-alive Sasuke – was going to give himself up to be humiliated, no, literally fucked over and used, so that he could get a leg-up on his job? This wasn't like him at –

"You mean, 'let me go in Naruko's place?'" Tsunade sensei spoke softly and I felt my blood chill, my heart stop.

The Uchiha spoke important words curtly: "If you want to phrase it like that."

Tsunade sensei didn't answer for a while and, when she did, there was almost an affectionate inflection in her voice, "Fine, Uchiha, then let this mission be the remainder of your punishment. Don't fail me... or her."

I darted to my feet but Sasuke's thanks, though textbook formal, was very short and I only made it halfway down the hall, flipping unconvincingly through paperwork, when he emerged from the hokage office. Passing me on his way back to his office, Sasuke whispered in that deep, ringing voice, which still managed to quicken my heartbeats, "Don't you dare tell her, Sakura."

"She'll find out though, Sasuke-kun." I murmured back, struggling against a smile. "Eventually."

"Hn." The raven-haired man scoffed, his eyes flashing a red that almost looked warmed. "Naruko's punches don't hurt."

As I looked after his retreating back, I couldn't help but let my smile surface and widen into a goofy grin.

Usotsuki. Liar.

A/N: Please leave a review and I'll seriously adore you. Thanks.