Never Be the Same
[[Prologue]]
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I know you – who are you now?
Look into my eyes if you can remember…
Do you remember?
It was so long ago… but the memory was still fresh in her mind.
The great Hinamori Amu, former grade school idol, had fallen once again. Her great stature that she had once achieved had withered away, and nothing remained. Nothing. Just the prim exterior of a ghost.
When he left, her soul went with him.
I can see
I can still find
You're the only voice my heart can recognize…
But I can hear you now…
His face was indented on every handsome human being she encountered. His sweet, deep voice echoed through her cranium like a soft, bittersweet lullaby. She would never forget him. Not when his face was on every news channel, every radio station, every man's lips, and every woman's heart. She always knew he would become famous. She was the one who told him so all those years ago. Now look at him. Famous young prodigy violinist – girls swooned at the mention of his name. He alone had single-handedly brought back the era of classical music; and very professionally done, at that. Pretending not to care, putting on the mask of just another ordinary casual, rebellious teenager.
Typical of him.
But despite what she liked to think, he was no ordinary teenager. He was a prodigy, a musical god. And she knew it; she knew it just as well as every single living, breathing female who simply couldn't bring his name off of their lips.
It disgusted her.
Day after day, strolling through the city, his name popped in and out of every woman's lips like some sort of bitter candy. Just sitting in the café, when she thought she'd cleared him out of her mind for a single, solitary day, some love-struck teenager would ruin it for her. Then, she would retreat back into her shell – a depressed young woman, clearly despising her own life.
It was then that she realized the reason.
She could not live a day without thinking of him.
I'll never be the same
I'm caught inside the memories
The promises
Of yesterday
When I belonged to you.
I just can't walk away…
'Cause after loving you –
…I can never be the same.
Nothing could ever make up for the suffering he'd caused her all these years.
He'd? He'd caused?
She wanted so badly to believe that it was all his fault… but she found it impossible. She took credit for her pain. She had hurt herself, he had done nothing. He had simply been too perfect to be real.
And how can I pretend
That I never knew you?
Like it was all a dream?
His soft, midnight blue hair that reminded her of the endless nights they'd spent together, gliding from rooftop to rooftop, gazing into each other's eyes…
Apparently those nights weren't so endless after all.
His deep, beautiful, catlike blue eyes that serenaded her with their soft lullaby, all the while puzzling her with their deep mystery. They had held such a wondrous spectrum of emotions, she could never tell when he was being serious, joking, compassionate, cold – that was another thing she hated about him.
He always hid his world from her.
But did she really hate it? Why did she so frequently find herself longing to see those deep, emotional eyes staring lovingly back into hers?
She cursed herself.
You don't know what you want.
I know –
I'll never forget
The way I always felt with you beside me…
And how you loved me then…
She had tried her absolute hardest to keep any inkling of feelings hidden. Thus, she hindered herself from truly realizing her feelings for him.
Until it was far too late.
So many other men had entered her life, simply throwing themselves at her feet, but she didn't notice. The feeling of "love" she had once felt so strongly had completely withered away when he left. Now, she felt completely numb to any hinting of romantic intentions toward her. She refused to love another – for she knew that she would never feel the same way as she had toward him. No man could hypnotize her as he did. No man could put her under a spell with just one touch. Just feeling his presence near to her was enough to make her feel her heart beat pulsing through her chest.
But you never told him.
I'll never be the same
I'm caught inside the memories
The promises
Of yesterday
When I belonged to you.
I just can't walk away…
'Cause after loving you –
…I can never be the same.
He had given her the opportunity of a lifetime.
He told her he was leaving.
He wanted her to come with him.
She didn't know what to do.
"But… m-my family, my friends! I can't just… l-leave them behind!"
He touched her cheek.
"Who said you were leaving them behind? You can see them whenever you want."
"B-but…"
She was beginning to run out of excuses… and focus.
His eyes were beginning to draw her in again.
Pressure… pressure…
You can't do this, Amu...!
"…I can't."
His expression at that very moment was the most unreadable that she'd ever seen it.
Anger? Relief? Fear? Shock? Regret?
But she didn't get the opportunity to find out.
With not another glance, he released her from his arms, and stood at her window.
A strong breeze blew his hair and the curtains. But neither of them felt it - numbness overcame them like a toxin.
"I love you, Amu."
She crumpled to the floor and wept, watching him disappear from sight.
You left me here –
Then I watched you disappear.
You left this emptiness inside
And I can't turn back time.
NO!
STAY!
Nothing compares to you.
Nothing compares to you.
…I can't let you go.
Then, her life was forever scarred with the memory of him.
Because after loving him…
She knew that she'd never… ever be the same again.
(A/N) - don't be turned off this story by the horridness of this songfic – i promise it's a fairly tolerable story.
this is, well... it's the prelude to the actual storyline of this fanfic. i have only one thing to say: never fear – i like happy endings. no unfinished angst in this here story.
so basically, i just spoiled the ending for you in a way. the two canon characters DO NOT DIE.
so if you like that kinda thing, my b :3 but the story isn't totally void of angst. so fair warning - get out your tissue boxes. i got mine :D
anyway... enjoy :3