Notes: Save for the email address that sends this fanfic, "In Memoriam" will be left unmarked. It seems irresponsible for me to directly put my name on it, as it deals with what we have been living with since September 11th, easily a very touchy subject for many people, myself included, living but twenty-five miles of Ground Zero. I wrote this to get it out and share it with everyone reading this, not for personal glory or anything of the sort. If you don't believe that, fine, I can live with that too. You are free to email me and lodge a complaint with me, I have no problem with that. In the meantime, I have written "In Memoriam" for everyone to see, and it is my hope that with this and other things, good people will choose never to forget.
That said, even without my name directly on it please don't take this work and claim it as your own. It will be stored at http://www.infinitedeferral.com/ and in my area at Fanfiction.Net (and naturally in the RAAC archive), so rest assured that any other copies found on the Internet and promoted for profit or personal gain are taken without the permission of this author.
Ah! My Goddess is the creative work of Kosuke Fujishima, its North American distribution rights owned by Dark Horse.
Please give freely of yourselves this Christmas season to those most in need. Find out how you can contribute by going to http://www.networkforgood.org/, formerly Helping.org.
Now, without further introduction...
---
In Memoriam
An Ah! My Goddess Fanfic
There hadn't been an "all hands" like this for centuries. But when the order came down from The Almighty, no one questioned it. Especially not Belldandy.
She had to fight to keep her current contract from being canceled, and was relieved when she settled for a temporary suspension of her responsibilities to Keiichi. Even then, she returned to the Morisato residence every three or four days when she required rest. That way, she had a shoulder to cry on, after the intense pain and suffering she had felt from those she touched. Not long after the tragedy had it become clear that all the powers at her disposal could not prepare her for what she had faced, and what she was still to encounter. Of course, Belldandy was always more keen than her fellow goddesses, more sensitive to the unhappiness and sorrow of human beings. And despite Christmas fast approaching, she feared if it would suddenly become too much for her to bear.
"So," Keiichi said as Belldandy prepared for her next journey, "Urd tells me that you've been working double shifts, more than expected."
"I'm sorry, Keiichi," she replied, "I wish I could stay with you, but--"
"It's not me you have to worry about," he said, forcing a smile, "I just can't imagine what you're going through."
Belldandy finished packing. She slowly turned her head, looking at him, "It's my duty. I can't turn away from all the suffering, especially not now."
"I know. But doesn't it...get to you?"
"Yes," she said, walking up to Keiichi, "But people need me. There are so many good people over there that need my help right now. That's too important to me."
This conversation had been made countless times already, and by now it was academic. With nothing left to say, Keiichi helped Belldandy with her backpack and led her to the bathroom mirror.
"I should be back by Christmas," she said as she placed her fingers on the mirror.
"Belldandy," Keiichi said softly.
"Yes?"
"You and the other goddesses...couldn't you just...make it so it never happened?"
Belldandy smiled. As naive as he was, he cared for others almost as much as he cared for her. "Everyone needs to experience pain," she said, "As long as people know sorrow, they know what true happiness is. Without either one, life would not be worth living."
"I suppose you're right," he said.
The goddess wrapped her hand around his cheek, and kissed him gently. "That's why I love you, Keiichi. Because you're so caring."
He whispered a soft goodbye just before she disappeared, stepping into the window and traveling into the center of the tragedy, offering her help wherever it was needed.
---
"For Nancy Walters, a policewoman working out of the Tenth Precinct, this was all she could hope for, and all that she dreaded. She was on medical leave, recovering from an appendectomy that she underwent just days before the tragedy, so she didn't accompany her partner, Manny Sanders, into the disaster area minutes prior to the North Tower's collapse. Sanders was lost among the ruins for three months until word came to Officer Walters that her partner had been recovered from the site. She has little reason to mourn, however, because the Medical Examiner cannot identify the remains of Officer Sanders. The Police Commissioner has urged officials at the First Avenue facility to work out a death certificate as soon as possible so that a departmental funeral can take place, but until the M.E. can complete the necessary DNA tests, another in a huge backlog of requests piling up since the attacks, the NYPD, and indeed Nancy Walters, will just have to wait a little longer, even if it means enduring through the Christmas season before saluting their fallen hero. In Midtown, Joe Torres, ABC7, Eyewitness News.
---
He operated with a scalpel, hoping to find something that the lab could use to make a determination. He worked with his back to the glass window, so that those looking in could not see his look of desperation. The Deputy M.E. was caught in a bind. All his training in medical school, all the advice from fellow colleagues, all his years of experience, and he could not properly identify the remains before him. It wasn't much of a problem, though, because the DNA tests would be conclusive enough to ensure that Officer Sanders was indeed on the operating table. But the family needed confirmation. The Police Department needed confirmation. Officer Walters, who partnered with Sanders for fifteen years and had been visiting the Examiner's Office for almost a week now, needed confirmation. With so many requests for DNA results, the evaluation he needed would not get back until after New Year's Eve, at the least. He had been working as a Medical Examiner for as long as he could remember, and with Ms. Walters looking in through the window, he still never figured out what to say to those he couldn't adequately help.
But having been at the problem for two hours today and a total of sixteen hours over the past week, he was ready to put the case on hold. There were other victims to tend to, and despite the urging of everyone involved, he could not make out the necessary paperwork until there was positive proof that he was, in fact, making out the paperwork for a fallen police officer.
Walters needed to be told. He put down his scalpel, but picked it up again after turning around. He could put off the bad news for a couple more minutes, until after she finished talking with whoever it was she was talking to.
"Who are you?" Nancy asked, "A friend of Manny's?"
Belldandy shook her head, "I'm sorry I didn't know him."
"Then--?"
"I'm here to offer my help to you, Officer Walters."
Nancy scoffed, "Well, unless you can get this damn bureaucracy to get going, I don't know how you can help me."
She looked through the window, "Is that your partner?"
"His shield was on him," she said, nodding, "Unfortunately, his...parts...were mixed with another person's, so they've been dealing with two people since they brought him in. The Examiner's looking for identifying marks, but those DNA tests are the only thing that'll spell out who's who."
"I'm sorry," Belldandy uttered.
"Look, just stop apologizing, alright?" Nancy exclaimed, "He wasn't your partner, you know. He didn't go to your wedding. He didn't babysit your kids on his vacation time! You don't know him, so don't say you're sorry!"
She stood there silent, waiting out Nancy's outburst of emotion. Nancy was a good person, and didn't mean to attack her personally, so Belldandy easily overlooked it. Still, she knew that her usual bright and cheery demeanor would not help the situation.
"Hey," Nancy said once she calmed down, "Don't take it personally, alright?"
"It's OK," Belldandy replied softly.
The officer reached into her pocket and grabbed a photograph from her wallet to show to Belldandy. "See this?" she asked, holding up an image of her in a hospital bed along with two other figures, "That's my second baby, Lisa. She'll be three in February."
"She's beautiful," Belldandy said.
"Yeah. And that's Manny right there. My husband works uptown, and I went into labor in my apartment. My partner was dropping off some paperwork that night, and took me to the hospital himself. Ran every red light from Central Park to Mt. Sinai." Nancy laughed silently, recalling fond memories. She continued, "Anyways, the doctors told me there were unexpected complications that they didn't pick up during pregnancy. If my paren't weren't there, I would've...he saved my life." She talked on, her voice cracking and her eyes welling up, "And all this time it never occured to me that I ain't ever did one good thing for him to pay him back!"
Belldandy clasped her hands together, "Miss Walters, it's not your fault..."
"That son of a bitch! That son of a bitch died before I could ever return the favor, could you believe that?"
"But," the goddess replied, "You're here now. You're speaking on his behalf. Mr. Sanders must be happy to have a friend like you."
"He should," Nancy said, cracking a smile, "He lived alone, didn't have any friends except at the station house. Hell, he spent more time playing with my kids than he did staying at his apartment!" The smile faded, and Nancy asked, "How do I make it up to him?"
"As long as you remember him," she said, "You can honor everything that he is, and there you will find happiness."
Nancy wiped her cheeks, "What're you, some kind of philosopher?"
Belldandy stood puzzled, "I--I'm--"
"Anyways, thanks. But the thing now is this damn certificate. He's Catholic, he's gotta be buried or--"
"Don't worry," she replied, "Eventually luck will find you. You may be pleasantly surprised."
"Ha, I could use some," Nancy said, breaking off just before the M.E. spoke into the intercom.
"Excuse me, Officer Walters?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really sorry, but I've been telling you for the last four days, there's nothing that--"
A steady ring diverted the doctor's attention to the telephone beside him. He picked it up and spoke with a hint of fatigue in his voice, "Central office. Uh-huh. Really? Uh, yes, send him in."
"Doctor," Nancy said into the intercom, "I could try back later today--"
"No, wait...hold on a minute, alright?" the M.E. said before rushing to the door on the opposite side of the room. There in the doorway stood a man in a similar lab coat, handing papers to the doctor and taking off with expediency. The man left in the room opened the materials, and on his face a steady frown slowly turned into a gentle smile, showing a sense of bittersweet relief.
"Officer Walters?" he said, with renewed vigor, "You may inform the Department that we can start the papers right away."
"What?" Nancy exclaimed, "But, how--?"
"There's a note attached. Someone got the Governor to call the lab and get them to fast track the results as soon as possible. Think of it as a Christmas gift, Officer."
"You see?" Belldandy said.
Nancy smiled at Belldandy, then looked back through the window, "Doctor, I don't know how to thank you!"
"It's nothing at all. We're just happy to help," he said, tearing off his gloves and preparing to break for lunch.
Officer Walters breathed heavy sighs of relief. In such difficult times, it was all she could ask for. "Ma'am," she said, "Something tells me that--"
Nancy stopped in mid-sentence. She looked about the observation room, but her comforter was not in sight. She had left as quickly as she had entered. Nancy nodded, smirking and securing her cap on her head, whispering under her breath, "Thanks."
---
"Rescue and recovery workers are fully aware that conditions at Ground Zero are steadily worsening. With tons of chemicals and hazardous materials just sitting underneath the ruins, they are told on a constant basis that fires can break out from under the wreckage, adding havoc to an already chaotic work area. Already one crane operator had to be hospitalized this week for second- and third-degree burns throughout his body, and a dump truck bound for Fresh Kills had to be scrapped after sustaining heavy damage due to a massive chemical fire yesterday. Two more incidents that prove that the recovery effort is a task not for the faint of heart, but even the toughest workers at Ground Zero are taken to task by the dangers that constantly surround them. Virginia Cha, NBC News, New York."
---
"Charlie!" one man shouted, "Keep those supports in place, I don't want that wall collapsing onto my guys here!"
"Got it!" another man replied.
The first returned to his two-way radio, "Dispatch, this is Tom, I need a haz-mat team down here. Uncovered a vein of flammable chemicals and we need to haul the source away, ASAP."
If this wasn't such a life-threatening operation, Tom would have enjoyed getting back into field work. He started his own construction company and was living it up, getting lucrative contracts working in Long Island, Brooklyn, even Midtown Manhattan. He dealt with the managerial work, getting blueprints set up and talking with property owners on matters of development, and he hadn't worked on-site for over six years. Now, with every pair of hands needed, Tom jumped back into the real work without hesitation. For him, construction was all about helping people, offering homes and office spaces to anyone wanting one. Today, it's still about helping, but now it's for a much more dire, more desperate reason. Whether it was recovering bodies or finding lost assets or clearing space for what eventually would become the newest, tallest towers in the world, Tom just couldn't walk away from it all.
He did know when trouble was coming, of course. The new guy operating the crane was too inexperienced to handle it with the perfection needed to ensure safety. "For heaven's sake, Pete," Tom said on the radio, "Don't be a freaking hero. One beam at a time, alright!?"
"Sorry, boss," the radio echoed back the voice of the man operating the crane that was lifting what looked like twice the weight considered safe to carry, "But I think I can handle this pile!"
"Hey, do you know construction better than I do? I said put the--oh, shoot!"
Tom rushed instinctively towards the crane as its arm, after lifting hundreds of tons of metal for days on end, snapped and scattered its cargo all about, causing nearby workers to scatter about for safe refuge. At that moment, Tom was ready to kill Pete, assuming he didn't find a good place to hide.
"Pete," he said into the radio, "I oughta fire you, but that means you get to go home for Christmas, so under the circumstances--"
Tom dropped the radio as the ground below him shook. What he stood on was nothing more than beams of scrap metal, but his worst fear - that he would be standing on an area of wreckage that hid a deep sinkhole for him to fall into - was about to become realized. The beams carried by the crane fell to the ground to cause a great force to shake the ruins and cause serious trouble for the workers on site. And for Tom, it now looked like he was going to suffer the worst possible fate, as debris around and underneath him sank lower and lower in what appeared to be a hollow depression carved into the ruins. With all his might he tried to move away, but the force of the debris simply forced him to the center, catching his foot and slowly pulling him under.
"Somebody help me!" Tom cried, but with all the chaos and confusion it was quite likely that no one heard him as the sinkhole engulfed him, until nothing stood below to support him, and his descent turned into a freefall.
Either Tom would be killed by the fall, or a piece of falling debris would collide against his head before he hit what he did not, as of yet, conceive to be the bottom of the wreckage. He had yet to consider either possibility, however, as he was consumed in panic. He needed a miracle in the worst way, seeing as this was hardly a fitting end to a man with a wife, friends and three children.
Suddenly, in all of it, Tom's freefall was stopped, but he remained alive. He opened his eyes to look, after instinctively shutting them in the face of certain doom. Tom, to his surprise and eventually to his relief, was in a laid back position, carried upwards by what appeared to be a figure of light. It was an angel! A female creature of light that had come to his rescue! But wait, rescue? Isn't this what happens when one dies? All things considered, of course, having not felt the pain of a deadly drop or the force of scrap metal, Tom didn't mind either way.
He lived through it all, of course, and he found himself standing motionless - save for his instinctive trembling - a good distance away from where he thought he had fallen. Workers were still scattered about, scrambling to find some sense of order. Tom counted them, however, and couldn't detect any casualties, at least among his crew. He remained perfectly still for a moment, wide-eyed and relieved to be alive. The next time he moved, Tom was looking around for any hint of the angel that had saved his life. There was nothing, to his disappointment, that resembled what he saw in that fraction of a second that burned into his memory.
One thing was out of place, though. Not too far away was a woman with his back turned to Tom. He didn't see her face as she walked away, but there was something about her. A kind of warmth that enveloped her and that the rest of the working area around him lacked. A bright light danced around her to distinguish her as a being unlike any of the others at the ruins.
"Hey, lady!" Tom exclaimed, "I don't know what you did, but whatever it was, thanks!"
Those nearest to Tom looked at him curiously, their attention not drawn towards the woman that saved his life. He looked at them and felt that he was suddenly in a ridiculous position. As a cover-up, he added at the top of his voice, "You ain't allowed around here without a helmet, though!"
---
"He chose not to give his name, saying that it really doesn't matter anymore. He lost everything when debris from the second crash destroyed his recreational vehicle with his wife inside. A sixty-eight year old baby boomer from southern Illinois, he and his wife had been living a dream, traveling the country for over four years, living off Social Security and a pension from his former accounting job. But after the events of three months ago, with no next of kin he has nothing to live for. And so he wanders the area surrounding Ground Zero, expecting little, if anything, from anyone that passes him by, for no amount of charity can return his life to normal, and no amount of sympathy can bring his beloved wife back. Jeanne Moos, CNN, New York."
---
After a while, the relief workers just stopped trying to help him. They couldn't, however, simply ignore him as he walked by. The tourist clothes on his back were gray from all the wear and tear over time. The stubble on his face covered the dirt and the soot on his cheeks. The socks in his shoes, once a pair of the best running shoes money could buy, were rubbing against the ground, its fabric frayed and torn along his toes. Once or twice a day he would be in sight of the volunteers at the relief station. Every so often, a newcomer to the efforts would trot out and offer him a bowl of soup or a sandwich, and everytime he would rebuff whoever was offering him handouts. He never believed in taking something for nothing, a belief that he took from his blue-collar laborer of a father.
But that hardly mattered. Even when he was hungry, dirty and cold, it didn't matter one bit. If only he hadn't parked and stopped to go grab the morning paper at the nearest newsstand, and if only he hadn't told his wife of thirty years to stay and keep the motor running, he would not be telling charity workers to buzz off. He was a man waiting to die. Waiting to die out of regret for the tragic mistakes he made, or waiting to die simply because he had nowhere left to go, he couldn't say.
With the sun long gone, it was getting bitterly cold, he thought as he folded his arms tightly to preserve what was left of his outer wear. So, at the end of this day, he did what he had been doing for the past week: sitting on a set of boxes that made for a makeshift bench just some distance from the Christmas tree planted for the workers at the ruins. He was out of the way of much of the important work, so the police no longer bothered to escort him out of the site. Eventually, after a long time of reflecting on the grave errors that still flash vividly in his head after so long, the man would just lie down on the boxes and get some rest.
He would, however, have to wait for the woman seated next to her to leave before he could rest.
"Merry Christmas," she said, unexpectedly to him.
"Leave me alone, young lady," he replied out of instinct, prompting her to step away.
It was apparent that no amount of sympathy would ease the man's pain. Belldandy understood all that he had lost, and despite his apathy for the world and everyone in it she still felt pity for him, knowing him to be a good soul with a good heart in the end. Instantly, she knew the one and only wish that he had in his heart, and he needn't spell it out to her. Under the circumstances, it was hardly a problem for the system to process his last request.
"To the heavens above, hear me," Belldandy chanted, "Ease the sadness and sorrow of this one soul who shall be delivered unto you..."
Oblivious to the figure behind him, he slowly sunk his head into his hands, grieving one more time. To his surprise, he felt an arm wrap around the back of his neck, a hand lightly touching his shoulder. It was warm and delicate, a sensation he had not felt since he had seen his--
"Baby?" he said, looking up.
His wife smiled, looking back at him and gazing into his eyes. "You look like you've had quite a day," she replied, in the usual bubbly tone that always relieved him after the hardest of times.
"Oh, God," he mumbled, laughing at what he had determined to be either a cruel joke or a final delusion before the end. But he played into it, seeing no other alternative, and saying, "Oh, baby, I'm so--"
She placed a finger on his lips, and replied, "You've been carrying this guilt for so long. Don't carry any for me anymore, dear."
"But it's been so hard," he said, "I can't imagine life without you, girl...I just can't live with the thought."
"You won't have to," she said, "Perhaps it's time to rest. An eternity is long. Won't you share it with me?"
For the first time in a long time, the man smiled. He watched his love become enveloped in a white light that consumed all that it touched. It blinded him as a warm breeze consumed him until it was all that he felt. He finally let go of all the guilt and all the sorrow and all the pain, and let go of his grip on the world he knew.
Eventually, a relief worker found the man, only to check for a pulse that wasn't there. From a distance, Belldandy watched as emergency workers finally came to take the body away. The man was dead, but his final thoughts were filled with one last moment of happiness and joy, and the image of his love that was taken away from him so abruptly. He was going to a better place than the one the world gave him, and with that he had every right to be eternally happy.
This, however, gave little comfort to Belldandy. One more soul was taken from the fabric of existence, leaving behind an emptiness that could not be replaced. Only a few times before had the pain she had felt in her heart been so great. She knew that it would fade with time, but until then all she could do was fall to her knees, place her hands on her face, and weep. Belldandy cried for all those who had no reason to die, and for all those that they left behind in a tragedy of tragedies to cope with a new world filled with despair, fear and danger as much as it was filled with hope and happiness.
In all her time on Earth, the goddess had never been in a more frightening environment than the one in which she existed right now. Humans were capable of great beauty, but every so often they would create terrifying horrors that made those who watched over them express nothing but sympathy for them. Belldandy, and others like her, had seen the likes of this before, but it hardly made experiencing it again any easier. It would get better, however, and the mortals she aided would move on from a disaster such as this. But right now they would have to endure this time of sorrow, leaving Belldandy to share this time with them. For that, she continued to weep.
"You look like YOU'VE had quite a day," a voice said.
Belldandy looked up, "Urd?"
"Yeah," Urd replied, kneeling down to comfort her younger sister. She was dressed in relief worker's clothing so as to disguise herself among the rest of the humans scattering about the ruins. Urd had been joining in the goddesses' relief effort as well, if only out of sight from the rest of her fellow kind. "Why do you force yourself like this?"
She looked away, "It's my duty, Urd. I can't sit and do nothing."
"No, I don't suppose you ever could," Urd said with a hint of playful mockery, "I brought some potions with me. At least let me relieve some of your suffering. I could even make you forget--"
"Please, Urd," Belldandy said, "I can handle it. But...thank you for caring."
Urd laughed softly, "Yeah, sure. What are big sisters for, anyways?"
Smiling warmly at Urd, Belldandy picked herself up and gathered herself for more, "There are more that need me, I must--"
Her sister grabbed her by the shoulders, saying, "Nah-ah. It's time for you to rest."
"I can't! I'm needed right now where I can--"
"Right now, it's getting close to midnight," Urd reminded Belldandy, "All they need right now are coffee and sandwiches and...whatever these men need to keep going. I got it covered for the night. Even Peorth's come down to lend a hand. And you know what?" She took her sister by the arm to show her all that was going on around them, "These humans are quite capable of enduring the night even without the likes of us. I don't think they'd mind if you rested for a while."
Belldandy wanted to argue, but couldn't, slowly coming around to understanding her big sister's words. There was, of course, one person who could use her comfort, she thought. "I must return," she said, "There's someone who needs me."
"Listen, sis," Urd said, raising her tone before she finally understand, "OH. Well, you don't want to keep him waiting, do you?"
A trace of Belldandy's usual cheer and happiness returned to her smile and cheeks, as she prepared to leave. "Thank you, Urd."
"Aw, just get going, will ya?" Urd exclaimed, watching her sister depart the ruins for a place more familiar. With Belldandy gone, the goddess that remained stretched her arms and prepared for the night shift awaiting her. "Alright, boys," she said, "Who needs my helping hand? Don't be shy, it's almost Christmas!"
---
"Please, Keiichi," Belldandy said, "Don't go to all this trouble for me!"
"No trouble at all!" Keiichi exclaimed, rushing around to serve to Belldandy his version of homemade cooking, "You've obviously been through so much, let me help you for a change!"
She smiled as she watched her love scramble about to try and make her time between her temporary duties a little more comfortable. If that made Keiichi happy, then she shouldn't mind at all, Belldandy thought. It was hardly a perfect meal, as demonstrated by Keiichi's expressions over his own cooking created in Belldandy's absence, but it was never in the goddess' nature to complain. What's more, after enduring such a great burden, she realized at the end of her day that there was someone who did care about her. Those to whom she gave her immediate help were indeed grateful, but with Keiichi things were different. She had not tended to the duties written in her contract with Keiichi for three months now, but still he was always there to give her aid and comfort when she had little to give.
"Belldandy?" Keiichi asked, "Something wrong? If it's the food--"
After being lost in thought, Belldandy snapped out of her daze and focused back on Keiichi, "No, no! It's not that at all. I was just...just..."
"Yes?"
The goddess stopped in mid-sentence, and after a moment, smiled, "Nothing." She leaned towards him and kissed him on the cheek, saying, "Just in case...Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas to you, Bell," Keiichi said, pleasantly surprised. He wondered what he had done to deserve such a sudden pouring of affection from Belldandy.
"You have always deserved my heart, Keiichi," she said, reading off intuition, "I just wanted to you let you know...that you will always make me happy."
The tone was personal, as was the mood. He guessed at what made her say what he always knew. He leaned closer to the goddess, with her head facing down. "Belldandy..." he said, "I don't know if I'll ever know what you've been going through the past three months. I don't know if I want to. It's such...a terrible tragedy, this...disaster. But it sure brings out the best in you, and you should know...that I like this side of you...and..." Keiichi continued on in this fashion, saying whatever came to mind, until he realized that his love was fast asleep, sitting up but depleted of all her energy after a long day of comforting others that needed comfort the most.
Keiichi was irked, because his timing was always awful. But he smiled, thinking himself lucky to have the heart of the woman that he was proud of. By his choice, Belldandy told him nothing of the horrors that she faced day after day for three months, but by watching the news and seeing the images of disaster, Keiichi knew at least in part what his love was enduring. If there was anything he could do to comfort her, he did it, and at that moment all Keiichi could do was lift Belldandy up and carry her to bed. She needed all the rest she could get, Keiichi thought, because tomorrow was just another day where Belldandy would spring to action once more, giving of herself all that she was in order to aid, help and save the lives of good people caught in hard times. Until then, of course, Belldandy was his, as much as he was hers, and for Christmas, that was all Keiichi could hope for.
That said, even without my name directly on it please don't take this work and claim it as your own. It will be stored at http://www.infinitedeferral.com/ and in my area at Fanfiction.Net (and naturally in the RAAC archive), so rest assured that any other copies found on the Internet and promoted for profit or personal gain are taken without the permission of this author.
Ah! My Goddess is the creative work of Kosuke Fujishima, its North American distribution rights owned by Dark Horse.
Please give freely of yourselves this Christmas season to those most in need. Find out how you can contribute by going to http://www.networkforgood.org/, formerly Helping.org.
Now, without further introduction...
---
In Memoriam
An Ah! My Goddess Fanfic
There hadn't been an "all hands" like this for centuries. But when the order came down from The Almighty, no one questioned it. Especially not Belldandy.
She had to fight to keep her current contract from being canceled, and was relieved when she settled for a temporary suspension of her responsibilities to Keiichi. Even then, she returned to the Morisato residence every three or four days when she required rest. That way, she had a shoulder to cry on, after the intense pain and suffering she had felt from those she touched. Not long after the tragedy had it become clear that all the powers at her disposal could not prepare her for what she had faced, and what she was still to encounter. Of course, Belldandy was always more keen than her fellow goddesses, more sensitive to the unhappiness and sorrow of human beings. And despite Christmas fast approaching, she feared if it would suddenly become too much for her to bear.
"So," Keiichi said as Belldandy prepared for her next journey, "Urd tells me that you've been working double shifts, more than expected."
"I'm sorry, Keiichi," she replied, "I wish I could stay with you, but--"
"It's not me you have to worry about," he said, forcing a smile, "I just can't imagine what you're going through."
Belldandy finished packing. She slowly turned her head, looking at him, "It's my duty. I can't turn away from all the suffering, especially not now."
"I know. But doesn't it...get to you?"
"Yes," she said, walking up to Keiichi, "But people need me. There are so many good people over there that need my help right now. That's too important to me."
This conversation had been made countless times already, and by now it was academic. With nothing left to say, Keiichi helped Belldandy with her backpack and led her to the bathroom mirror.
"I should be back by Christmas," she said as she placed her fingers on the mirror.
"Belldandy," Keiichi said softly.
"Yes?"
"You and the other goddesses...couldn't you just...make it so it never happened?"
Belldandy smiled. As naive as he was, he cared for others almost as much as he cared for her. "Everyone needs to experience pain," she said, "As long as people know sorrow, they know what true happiness is. Without either one, life would not be worth living."
"I suppose you're right," he said.
The goddess wrapped her hand around his cheek, and kissed him gently. "That's why I love you, Keiichi. Because you're so caring."
He whispered a soft goodbye just before she disappeared, stepping into the window and traveling into the center of the tragedy, offering her help wherever it was needed.
---
"For Nancy Walters, a policewoman working out of the Tenth Precinct, this was all she could hope for, and all that she dreaded. She was on medical leave, recovering from an appendectomy that she underwent just days before the tragedy, so she didn't accompany her partner, Manny Sanders, into the disaster area minutes prior to the North Tower's collapse. Sanders was lost among the ruins for three months until word came to Officer Walters that her partner had been recovered from the site. She has little reason to mourn, however, because the Medical Examiner cannot identify the remains of Officer Sanders. The Police Commissioner has urged officials at the First Avenue facility to work out a death certificate as soon as possible so that a departmental funeral can take place, but until the M.E. can complete the necessary DNA tests, another in a huge backlog of requests piling up since the attacks, the NYPD, and indeed Nancy Walters, will just have to wait a little longer, even if it means enduring through the Christmas season before saluting their fallen hero. In Midtown, Joe Torres, ABC7, Eyewitness News.
---
He operated with a scalpel, hoping to find something that the lab could use to make a determination. He worked with his back to the glass window, so that those looking in could not see his look of desperation. The Deputy M.E. was caught in a bind. All his training in medical school, all the advice from fellow colleagues, all his years of experience, and he could not properly identify the remains before him. It wasn't much of a problem, though, because the DNA tests would be conclusive enough to ensure that Officer Sanders was indeed on the operating table. But the family needed confirmation. The Police Department needed confirmation. Officer Walters, who partnered with Sanders for fifteen years and had been visiting the Examiner's Office for almost a week now, needed confirmation. With so many requests for DNA results, the evaluation he needed would not get back until after New Year's Eve, at the least. He had been working as a Medical Examiner for as long as he could remember, and with Ms. Walters looking in through the window, he still never figured out what to say to those he couldn't adequately help.
But having been at the problem for two hours today and a total of sixteen hours over the past week, he was ready to put the case on hold. There were other victims to tend to, and despite the urging of everyone involved, he could not make out the necessary paperwork until there was positive proof that he was, in fact, making out the paperwork for a fallen police officer.
Walters needed to be told. He put down his scalpel, but picked it up again after turning around. He could put off the bad news for a couple more minutes, until after she finished talking with whoever it was she was talking to.
"Who are you?" Nancy asked, "A friend of Manny's?"
Belldandy shook her head, "I'm sorry I didn't know him."
"Then--?"
"I'm here to offer my help to you, Officer Walters."
Nancy scoffed, "Well, unless you can get this damn bureaucracy to get going, I don't know how you can help me."
She looked through the window, "Is that your partner?"
"His shield was on him," she said, nodding, "Unfortunately, his...parts...were mixed with another person's, so they've been dealing with two people since they brought him in. The Examiner's looking for identifying marks, but those DNA tests are the only thing that'll spell out who's who."
"I'm sorry," Belldandy uttered.
"Look, just stop apologizing, alright?" Nancy exclaimed, "He wasn't your partner, you know. He didn't go to your wedding. He didn't babysit your kids on his vacation time! You don't know him, so don't say you're sorry!"
She stood there silent, waiting out Nancy's outburst of emotion. Nancy was a good person, and didn't mean to attack her personally, so Belldandy easily overlooked it. Still, she knew that her usual bright and cheery demeanor would not help the situation.
"Hey," Nancy said once she calmed down, "Don't take it personally, alright?"
"It's OK," Belldandy replied softly.
The officer reached into her pocket and grabbed a photograph from her wallet to show to Belldandy. "See this?" she asked, holding up an image of her in a hospital bed along with two other figures, "That's my second baby, Lisa. She'll be three in February."
"She's beautiful," Belldandy said.
"Yeah. And that's Manny right there. My husband works uptown, and I went into labor in my apartment. My partner was dropping off some paperwork that night, and took me to the hospital himself. Ran every red light from Central Park to Mt. Sinai." Nancy laughed silently, recalling fond memories. She continued, "Anyways, the doctors told me there were unexpected complications that they didn't pick up during pregnancy. If my paren't weren't there, I would've...he saved my life." She talked on, her voice cracking and her eyes welling up, "And all this time it never occured to me that I ain't ever did one good thing for him to pay him back!"
Belldandy clasped her hands together, "Miss Walters, it's not your fault..."
"That son of a bitch! That son of a bitch died before I could ever return the favor, could you believe that?"
"But," the goddess replied, "You're here now. You're speaking on his behalf. Mr. Sanders must be happy to have a friend like you."
"He should," Nancy said, cracking a smile, "He lived alone, didn't have any friends except at the station house. Hell, he spent more time playing with my kids than he did staying at his apartment!" The smile faded, and Nancy asked, "How do I make it up to him?"
"As long as you remember him," she said, "You can honor everything that he is, and there you will find happiness."
Nancy wiped her cheeks, "What're you, some kind of philosopher?"
Belldandy stood puzzled, "I--I'm--"
"Anyways, thanks. But the thing now is this damn certificate. He's Catholic, he's gotta be buried or--"
"Don't worry," she replied, "Eventually luck will find you. You may be pleasantly surprised."
"Ha, I could use some," Nancy said, breaking off just before the M.E. spoke into the intercom.
"Excuse me, Officer Walters?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really sorry, but I've been telling you for the last four days, there's nothing that--"
A steady ring diverted the doctor's attention to the telephone beside him. He picked it up and spoke with a hint of fatigue in his voice, "Central office. Uh-huh. Really? Uh, yes, send him in."
"Doctor," Nancy said into the intercom, "I could try back later today--"
"No, wait...hold on a minute, alright?" the M.E. said before rushing to the door on the opposite side of the room. There in the doorway stood a man in a similar lab coat, handing papers to the doctor and taking off with expediency. The man left in the room opened the materials, and on his face a steady frown slowly turned into a gentle smile, showing a sense of bittersweet relief.
"Officer Walters?" he said, with renewed vigor, "You may inform the Department that we can start the papers right away."
"What?" Nancy exclaimed, "But, how--?"
"There's a note attached. Someone got the Governor to call the lab and get them to fast track the results as soon as possible. Think of it as a Christmas gift, Officer."
"You see?" Belldandy said.
Nancy smiled at Belldandy, then looked back through the window, "Doctor, I don't know how to thank you!"
"It's nothing at all. We're just happy to help," he said, tearing off his gloves and preparing to break for lunch.
Officer Walters breathed heavy sighs of relief. In such difficult times, it was all she could ask for. "Ma'am," she said, "Something tells me that--"
Nancy stopped in mid-sentence. She looked about the observation room, but her comforter was not in sight. She had left as quickly as she had entered. Nancy nodded, smirking and securing her cap on her head, whispering under her breath, "Thanks."
---
"Rescue and recovery workers are fully aware that conditions at Ground Zero are steadily worsening. With tons of chemicals and hazardous materials just sitting underneath the ruins, they are told on a constant basis that fires can break out from under the wreckage, adding havoc to an already chaotic work area. Already one crane operator had to be hospitalized this week for second- and third-degree burns throughout his body, and a dump truck bound for Fresh Kills had to be scrapped after sustaining heavy damage due to a massive chemical fire yesterday. Two more incidents that prove that the recovery effort is a task not for the faint of heart, but even the toughest workers at Ground Zero are taken to task by the dangers that constantly surround them. Virginia Cha, NBC News, New York."
---
"Charlie!" one man shouted, "Keep those supports in place, I don't want that wall collapsing onto my guys here!"
"Got it!" another man replied.
The first returned to his two-way radio, "Dispatch, this is Tom, I need a haz-mat team down here. Uncovered a vein of flammable chemicals and we need to haul the source away, ASAP."
If this wasn't such a life-threatening operation, Tom would have enjoyed getting back into field work. He started his own construction company and was living it up, getting lucrative contracts working in Long Island, Brooklyn, even Midtown Manhattan. He dealt with the managerial work, getting blueprints set up and talking with property owners on matters of development, and he hadn't worked on-site for over six years. Now, with every pair of hands needed, Tom jumped back into the real work without hesitation. For him, construction was all about helping people, offering homes and office spaces to anyone wanting one. Today, it's still about helping, but now it's for a much more dire, more desperate reason. Whether it was recovering bodies or finding lost assets or clearing space for what eventually would become the newest, tallest towers in the world, Tom just couldn't walk away from it all.
He did know when trouble was coming, of course. The new guy operating the crane was too inexperienced to handle it with the perfection needed to ensure safety. "For heaven's sake, Pete," Tom said on the radio, "Don't be a freaking hero. One beam at a time, alright!?"
"Sorry, boss," the radio echoed back the voice of the man operating the crane that was lifting what looked like twice the weight considered safe to carry, "But I think I can handle this pile!"
"Hey, do you know construction better than I do? I said put the--oh, shoot!"
Tom rushed instinctively towards the crane as its arm, after lifting hundreds of tons of metal for days on end, snapped and scattered its cargo all about, causing nearby workers to scatter about for safe refuge. At that moment, Tom was ready to kill Pete, assuming he didn't find a good place to hide.
"Pete," he said into the radio, "I oughta fire you, but that means you get to go home for Christmas, so under the circumstances--"
Tom dropped the radio as the ground below him shook. What he stood on was nothing more than beams of scrap metal, but his worst fear - that he would be standing on an area of wreckage that hid a deep sinkhole for him to fall into - was about to become realized. The beams carried by the crane fell to the ground to cause a great force to shake the ruins and cause serious trouble for the workers on site. And for Tom, it now looked like he was going to suffer the worst possible fate, as debris around and underneath him sank lower and lower in what appeared to be a hollow depression carved into the ruins. With all his might he tried to move away, but the force of the debris simply forced him to the center, catching his foot and slowly pulling him under.
"Somebody help me!" Tom cried, but with all the chaos and confusion it was quite likely that no one heard him as the sinkhole engulfed him, until nothing stood below to support him, and his descent turned into a freefall.
Either Tom would be killed by the fall, or a piece of falling debris would collide against his head before he hit what he did not, as of yet, conceive to be the bottom of the wreckage. He had yet to consider either possibility, however, as he was consumed in panic. He needed a miracle in the worst way, seeing as this was hardly a fitting end to a man with a wife, friends and three children.
Suddenly, in all of it, Tom's freefall was stopped, but he remained alive. He opened his eyes to look, after instinctively shutting them in the face of certain doom. Tom, to his surprise and eventually to his relief, was in a laid back position, carried upwards by what appeared to be a figure of light. It was an angel! A female creature of light that had come to his rescue! But wait, rescue? Isn't this what happens when one dies? All things considered, of course, having not felt the pain of a deadly drop or the force of scrap metal, Tom didn't mind either way.
He lived through it all, of course, and he found himself standing motionless - save for his instinctive trembling - a good distance away from where he thought he had fallen. Workers were still scattered about, scrambling to find some sense of order. Tom counted them, however, and couldn't detect any casualties, at least among his crew. He remained perfectly still for a moment, wide-eyed and relieved to be alive. The next time he moved, Tom was looking around for any hint of the angel that had saved his life. There was nothing, to his disappointment, that resembled what he saw in that fraction of a second that burned into his memory.
One thing was out of place, though. Not too far away was a woman with his back turned to Tom. He didn't see her face as she walked away, but there was something about her. A kind of warmth that enveloped her and that the rest of the working area around him lacked. A bright light danced around her to distinguish her as a being unlike any of the others at the ruins.
"Hey, lady!" Tom exclaimed, "I don't know what you did, but whatever it was, thanks!"
Those nearest to Tom looked at him curiously, their attention not drawn towards the woman that saved his life. He looked at them and felt that he was suddenly in a ridiculous position. As a cover-up, he added at the top of his voice, "You ain't allowed around here without a helmet, though!"
---
"He chose not to give his name, saying that it really doesn't matter anymore. He lost everything when debris from the second crash destroyed his recreational vehicle with his wife inside. A sixty-eight year old baby boomer from southern Illinois, he and his wife had been living a dream, traveling the country for over four years, living off Social Security and a pension from his former accounting job. But after the events of three months ago, with no next of kin he has nothing to live for. And so he wanders the area surrounding Ground Zero, expecting little, if anything, from anyone that passes him by, for no amount of charity can return his life to normal, and no amount of sympathy can bring his beloved wife back. Jeanne Moos, CNN, New York."
---
After a while, the relief workers just stopped trying to help him. They couldn't, however, simply ignore him as he walked by. The tourist clothes on his back were gray from all the wear and tear over time. The stubble on his face covered the dirt and the soot on his cheeks. The socks in his shoes, once a pair of the best running shoes money could buy, were rubbing against the ground, its fabric frayed and torn along his toes. Once or twice a day he would be in sight of the volunteers at the relief station. Every so often, a newcomer to the efforts would trot out and offer him a bowl of soup or a sandwich, and everytime he would rebuff whoever was offering him handouts. He never believed in taking something for nothing, a belief that he took from his blue-collar laborer of a father.
But that hardly mattered. Even when he was hungry, dirty and cold, it didn't matter one bit. If only he hadn't parked and stopped to go grab the morning paper at the nearest newsstand, and if only he hadn't told his wife of thirty years to stay and keep the motor running, he would not be telling charity workers to buzz off. He was a man waiting to die. Waiting to die out of regret for the tragic mistakes he made, or waiting to die simply because he had nowhere left to go, he couldn't say.
With the sun long gone, it was getting bitterly cold, he thought as he folded his arms tightly to preserve what was left of his outer wear. So, at the end of this day, he did what he had been doing for the past week: sitting on a set of boxes that made for a makeshift bench just some distance from the Christmas tree planted for the workers at the ruins. He was out of the way of much of the important work, so the police no longer bothered to escort him out of the site. Eventually, after a long time of reflecting on the grave errors that still flash vividly in his head after so long, the man would just lie down on the boxes and get some rest.
He would, however, have to wait for the woman seated next to her to leave before he could rest.
"Merry Christmas," she said, unexpectedly to him.
"Leave me alone, young lady," he replied out of instinct, prompting her to step away.
It was apparent that no amount of sympathy would ease the man's pain. Belldandy understood all that he had lost, and despite his apathy for the world and everyone in it she still felt pity for him, knowing him to be a good soul with a good heart in the end. Instantly, she knew the one and only wish that he had in his heart, and he needn't spell it out to her. Under the circumstances, it was hardly a problem for the system to process his last request.
"To the heavens above, hear me," Belldandy chanted, "Ease the sadness and sorrow of this one soul who shall be delivered unto you..."
Oblivious to the figure behind him, he slowly sunk his head into his hands, grieving one more time. To his surprise, he felt an arm wrap around the back of his neck, a hand lightly touching his shoulder. It was warm and delicate, a sensation he had not felt since he had seen his--
"Baby?" he said, looking up.
His wife smiled, looking back at him and gazing into his eyes. "You look like you've had quite a day," she replied, in the usual bubbly tone that always relieved him after the hardest of times.
"Oh, God," he mumbled, laughing at what he had determined to be either a cruel joke or a final delusion before the end. But he played into it, seeing no other alternative, and saying, "Oh, baby, I'm so--"
She placed a finger on his lips, and replied, "You've been carrying this guilt for so long. Don't carry any for me anymore, dear."
"But it's been so hard," he said, "I can't imagine life without you, girl...I just can't live with the thought."
"You won't have to," she said, "Perhaps it's time to rest. An eternity is long. Won't you share it with me?"
For the first time in a long time, the man smiled. He watched his love become enveloped in a white light that consumed all that it touched. It blinded him as a warm breeze consumed him until it was all that he felt. He finally let go of all the guilt and all the sorrow and all the pain, and let go of his grip on the world he knew.
Eventually, a relief worker found the man, only to check for a pulse that wasn't there. From a distance, Belldandy watched as emergency workers finally came to take the body away. The man was dead, but his final thoughts were filled with one last moment of happiness and joy, and the image of his love that was taken away from him so abruptly. He was going to a better place than the one the world gave him, and with that he had every right to be eternally happy.
This, however, gave little comfort to Belldandy. One more soul was taken from the fabric of existence, leaving behind an emptiness that could not be replaced. Only a few times before had the pain she had felt in her heart been so great. She knew that it would fade with time, but until then all she could do was fall to her knees, place her hands on her face, and weep. Belldandy cried for all those who had no reason to die, and for all those that they left behind in a tragedy of tragedies to cope with a new world filled with despair, fear and danger as much as it was filled with hope and happiness.
In all her time on Earth, the goddess had never been in a more frightening environment than the one in which she existed right now. Humans were capable of great beauty, but every so often they would create terrifying horrors that made those who watched over them express nothing but sympathy for them. Belldandy, and others like her, had seen the likes of this before, but it hardly made experiencing it again any easier. It would get better, however, and the mortals she aided would move on from a disaster such as this. But right now they would have to endure this time of sorrow, leaving Belldandy to share this time with them. For that, she continued to weep.
"You look like YOU'VE had quite a day," a voice said.
Belldandy looked up, "Urd?"
"Yeah," Urd replied, kneeling down to comfort her younger sister. She was dressed in relief worker's clothing so as to disguise herself among the rest of the humans scattering about the ruins. Urd had been joining in the goddesses' relief effort as well, if only out of sight from the rest of her fellow kind. "Why do you force yourself like this?"
She looked away, "It's my duty, Urd. I can't sit and do nothing."
"No, I don't suppose you ever could," Urd said with a hint of playful mockery, "I brought some potions with me. At least let me relieve some of your suffering. I could even make you forget--"
"Please, Urd," Belldandy said, "I can handle it. But...thank you for caring."
Urd laughed softly, "Yeah, sure. What are big sisters for, anyways?"
Smiling warmly at Urd, Belldandy picked herself up and gathered herself for more, "There are more that need me, I must--"
Her sister grabbed her by the shoulders, saying, "Nah-ah. It's time for you to rest."
"I can't! I'm needed right now where I can--"
"Right now, it's getting close to midnight," Urd reminded Belldandy, "All they need right now are coffee and sandwiches and...whatever these men need to keep going. I got it covered for the night. Even Peorth's come down to lend a hand. And you know what?" She took her sister by the arm to show her all that was going on around them, "These humans are quite capable of enduring the night even without the likes of us. I don't think they'd mind if you rested for a while."
Belldandy wanted to argue, but couldn't, slowly coming around to understanding her big sister's words. There was, of course, one person who could use her comfort, she thought. "I must return," she said, "There's someone who needs me."
"Listen, sis," Urd said, raising her tone before she finally understand, "OH. Well, you don't want to keep him waiting, do you?"
A trace of Belldandy's usual cheer and happiness returned to her smile and cheeks, as she prepared to leave. "Thank you, Urd."
"Aw, just get going, will ya?" Urd exclaimed, watching her sister depart the ruins for a place more familiar. With Belldandy gone, the goddess that remained stretched her arms and prepared for the night shift awaiting her. "Alright, boys," she said, "Who needs my helping hand? Don't be shy, it's almost Christmas!"
---
"Please, Keiichi," Belldandy said, "Don't go to all this trouble for me!"
"No trouble at all!" Keiichi exclaimed, rushing around to serve to Belldandy his version of homemade cooking, "You've obviously been through so much, let me help you for a change!"
She smiled as she watched her love scramble about to try and make her time between her temporary duties a little more comfortable. If that made Keiichi happy, then she shouldn't mind at all, Belldandy thought. It was hardly a perfect meal, as demonstrated by Keiichi's expressions over his own cooking created in Belldandy's absence, but it was never in the goddess' nature to complain. What's more, after enduring such a great burden, she realized at the end of her day that there was someone who did care about her. Those to whom she gave her immediate help were indeed grateful, but with Keiichi things were different. She had not tended to the duties written in her contract with Keiichi for three months now, but still he was always there to give her aid and comfort when she had little to give.
"Belldandy?" Keiichi asked, "Something wrong? If it's the food--"
After being lost in thought, Belldandy snapped out of her daze and focused back on Keiichi, "No, no! It's not that at all. I was just...just..."
"Yes?"
The goddess stopped in mid-sentence, and after a moment, smiled, "Nothing." She leaned towards him and kissed him on the cheek, saying, "Just in case...Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas to you, Bell," Keiichi said, pleasantly surprised. He wondered what he had done to deserve such a sudden pouring of affection from Belldandy.
"You have always deserved my heart, Keiichi," she said, reading off intuition, "I just wanted to you let you know...that you will always make me happy."
The tone was personal, as was the mood. He guessed at what made her say what he always knew. He leaned closer to the goddess, with her head facing down. "Belldandy..." he said, "I don't know if I'll ever know what you've been going through the past three months. I don't know if I want to. It's such...a terrible tragedy, this...disaster. But it sure brings out the best in you, and you should know...that I like this side of you...and..." Keiichi continued on in this fashion, saying whatever came to mind, until he realized that his love was fast asleep, sitting up but depleted of all her energy after a long day of comforting others that needed comfort the most.
Keiichi was irked, because his timing was always awful. But he smiled, thinking himself lucky to have the heart of the woman that he was proud of. By his choice, Belldandy told him nothing of the horrors that she faced day after day for three months, but by watching the news and seeing the images of disaster, Keiichi knew at least in part what his love was enduring. If there was anything he could do to comfort her, he did it, and at that moment all Keiichi could do was lift Belldandy up and carry her to bed. She needed all the rest she could get, Keiichi thought, because tomorrow was just another day where Belldandy would spring to action once more, giving of herself all that she was in order to aid, help and save the lives of good people caught in hard times. Until then, of course, Belldandy was his, as much as he was hers, and for Christmas, that was all Keiichi could hope for.