The Rules Of Flying
by Sarcastic Proserpine
*
"Man is free at the moment he wishes to be." - Voltaire
*
- Wanting -
She was already far away as he was screaming at her, grabbing her roughly by her bony shoulders in order to shake some sense into her. She didn't see his red face that was dangerously close to hers, she didn't feel his fingers digging into her skin and leaving purple-blue bruises, she didn't notice the raw anger that seemed to seep out of his very existence and was engulfing them both. She was already far away, into her own world that lied beyond the sky and which only she was able to reach. She was flying.
However, her flight was soon obstructed by the sheer force that came with his hand and she went tumbling down, straight into the floor that had suddenly returned again and broke her free fall painfully. Her cheek stung and her mouth felt very warm as red liquid seeped from behind closed lips, staining the floor and enraging him even more. His kick came harder than expected and she doubled over in pain at the place where she had fallen down. The smallest of groans left her lips but she lay very still, as she knew that it would calm him. Playing dead was tactic number one in the survival guide of the weaker of animals.
"Learn how to obey for once, you ungrateful piece of trash!" His words rang hollow in her ears, but she noted the trembling undertone that indicated that he was more upset than angry with her now and sighed in relief as he turned his back on her, leaving her behind in a messy heap on the cold tiles. Footsteps echoed through the large hallway and sounded further and further away and when she was finally alone again she allowed herself to cry a little.
She wanted to fly. Not just off to her little fantasy world, but far away from reality and his clutches too. She really wanted to fly away.
*You need to truly want it. Wanting it, is finding the strength to do it. Without commitment there will be no success.*
- - -
- Believing -
The mirror reflected her swollen cheek and blood-shot eyes and she looked at her miserable form in disgust. Perhaps he was right, perhaps she really was a failure, a stain that needed to be removed from society. The realization of it stung her harshly and no matter how hard she struggled to hold it in, she still ended up vomiting her sadness out.
The overwhelmingly sour smell made her almost gag again and in fear for him finding out she quickly went to the storage room to get some supplies in order to clean it up. The same mop she had used earlier that evening to wipe the traces of her blood away was standing there and she almost hated it for knowing so much about her. Willing that ridiculous feeling away she lifted the thing up and took it with her to her room, softly climbing up the stairs so that no one would hear her. Her little sister couldn't find out, she would only be worried again.
The last traces of her latest unfortunate event were flushed away in the sink and the mop was pushed away into the farthest corner of the storage room again. It was when she sat down on the floor of her bedroom that she realized that she could really fly away if she wanted to.
If society didn't want her, she decided, she would go away herself.
*You need to believe in it. If a bird would doubt its own wings, it would immediately fall to its death.*
- - -
- Looking -
The night felt cool and soothing against her skin as she carefully climbed through her window, not daring to look down as one foot was set into the roof gutter, soon followed by the other.
While the wind was playing with her pajamas she fearfully climbed the rain pipe towards her destination, the roof. She smiled a little at the irony of it all; afraid of heights, and it was her one dream to fly. She would have to get over it, she told herself, and then she could make her wish come true all by herself.
Finally reaching the roof she let out a shaky breath, a bit proud of herself for pulling through. A laugh was freed from her lips as she looked ahead and took in the sight that unfolded itself right before her eyes. From up there she could clearly see the bright city lights, high buildings reaching far up the dark sky as if they were lighthouses guiding lost boats towards their safe haven. The lights of Tokyo city would have to make up for the absence of the stars, as the sky was far too clouded with burned leftovers of the industry to display any flickering of the universe. She could still remember them from happy days in the past though, when her mother was still alive and they all went on vacation to a place high up in the mountains, where they had almost had been able to reach heaven.
There was no such place at this moment, so the roof would have to do for now. It was high enough to make her memories from what used to be come alive again.
*Always look for the highest spot there is.*
- - -
- Avoiding -
"Hinata!"
She turned around to see where the voice had come from and slightly smiled when her good friend Inuzuka Kiba came into sight. "Hey, where were you yesterday? I thought you had said you'd come to my gig."
The disappointment in his dark eyes hurt her more than the beatings of her father could ever do. "I-I'm really sorry K-Kiba-kun, but I wasn't a-able to make it y-yesterday…M-Math homework was a- a lot." At his slightly skeptical look she hastily added as an afterthought: "…Bu-But I will d-definitely make it n-next time…!"
He just grinned at her attempts to make him happy and ruffled her dark locks. "Geez Hina, you don't need to fret about it or somethin'. Next time I'll just hafta drag you outta your house." At her look of pure abhorrence he sniggered loudly and grabbed her hand, dragging her with him. "C'mon, or we'll be late for class."
She obediently followed him and just before the bell rang for the second time they arrived in the class room, their biology teacher following them soon after and gesturing impatiently for everyone to sit down.
Even though it was still early in the morning, everyone could already feel that it would be another warm day and the windows had been set wide open, gusts of summer wind playing with papers and uniforms. But the refreshing morning air didn't lighten her uncomfortable thoughts. The classroom was small and filled with thirty plus people, and the feeling of being cramped somehow reminded her of the basement he used to lock her in when she had been disobedient again. Her stomach churned at the mere thought of it.
The lightheadedness was becoming worse when they were told they would be watching a movie about micro-organisms and the lights went out. She didn't pay attention to the small screen in front of the classroom and let her head rest on the cool surface of her table to make the dizziness go away.
Soft laughter and whisperings that she should at least pretend to pay attention were heard around her but as she turned her head towards her neighbor Yamanaka Ino to answer, the latter was shocked by the pale sickness that seemed to enlighten her entire face. A hand shot up, a pleading to get to the nurse rang through the sudden silence, and suddenly she was lifted up from her chair by the strong hands that belonged to her biology teacher.
"Come on Hyuga-san, let's get you to Shizune-san." She only nodded as she had heard halve of what was being said to her but as soon as her head hit the soft pillows of a bed she relaxed into the whiteness and closed her eyes, the swirling chaos in her mind fading bit by bit.
The dizziness had soon wore off entirely but she pretended to be asleep when the soft voice of Shizune-san asked her where she had gotten those bruises from. Only when the sound of curtains closing and distancing footsteps were heard she opened her eyes, sighing in relief when the ceiling seemed far away again and the curtains fluttered in the wind that came through the opened window, allowing her to see the rest of the spacious health-care room. She had always found the white of the nurse's office to be very soothing, in contrast with the frightening white of the place most would call their home.
*You need to avoid closed spaces. Walls and ceilings only strengthen the power of gravity. He who stands at the bottom of the skyscraper will never be able to fly away.*
- - -
- Balancing -
Ino and Kiba had came to get her as soon as class was over, repeatedly asking her if she was really feeling alright again in a worried tone. She nodded and smiled and asked if the documentary about micro-organisms had been interesting, and soon all she had to do was listening to the ranting of her friends that looking how their fellow classmate Uzumaki Naruto fell into sleep and got reprimanded for it had been much more fun than watching creepy little things crawling all over the screen.
The chattering of her friends made her feel light as a feather, but in a good way this time. She always became happy when hearing them speak as they were a source of comfortableness to her, and she loved being with them even though they would never see what was really inside of her. But she didn't mind.
"Hina, what are you doing?"
Kiba and Ino stared incredulously at her while she was dancing around a little, her feet barely touching the floor as she moved. She smiled back at them, genuinely this time.
"Nothing. J-Just dancing."
*You need to minimize the contact between body and earth. You could stand on one leg. If you can, don't lean into a wall.*
- - -
- Thinking -
She didn't have any more dizzy spells that morning and she was glad for that as the first one had attracted a lot of unwanted attention from her classmates that morning. The boys assumed it had to be one of those girly fears acting up and the girls decided that it had to be a pitiful attempt at getting the attention of the school's number one heartthrob and ultrahot bad boy, Uchiha Sasuke.
But the uproar had died down as time went by and when it was lunch everyone seemed to have forgotten that Hyuga Hinata had almost fainted during Biology class while watching a DVD about micro-organisms. Only her friends still teased her a little at the cafeteria, saying that she shouldn't eat any of the food that was stalled out; for all you knew, it could still be littered with the main source for salmonella. The entire school could still remember the incident in which a boy called Akimichi Choji had gotten quite sick after eating too much of the cafeteria's food. Everyone knew that Choji always liked food to the extreme, but ever since then the rate of home-made lunches had risen dramatically.
She took heed of the advice, but not because she was scared to get struck by any form of food poisoning; she just really wasn't hungry. If she wanted to try and fly that day, she thought, it wouldn't be healthy doing so with a full stomach, right? So she decided to take a muffin; those always made her feel light.
*You need to think light. But to only think won't be enough. Stuffing yourself with food of all sorts won't help you to think light.*
- - -
- Learning -
For the first time she felt excited about going to her last subject of that day, physics. She had decided that she would ask Kakashi-sensei all about flying that day. Her enthusiasm was much to the disbelief of Ino who had the same class, as she thought that they both shared the same dislike for the subject in question, and she found herself thinking that the girl had been acting weird all day. Somehow she felt as if her friend would just fly away one day.
She was oblivious to the silent observations of the blonde girl and sat down in her rightful seat, at the back of the classroom. Kakashi-sensei arrived fifteen minutes later, as always, and muttered a ridiculous excuse for his tardiness, as always. None of the students seemed to mind as they were chattering away but sat down again as their teacher began scribbling something on the blackboard.
She just yawned as he began his explanation about optic illusions and silently waited for the bell to ring, so that she could hopefully learn the secret to the one thing she had always wanted to do.
-
Time seemed to pass very slowly and she tried to pay attention as she really didn't want to sink away in her chaos of thought again, when a butterfly fluttered through the open window. No one but her seemed to notice it as its tiny wings danced rhythmically on the gushes of wind and she found herself following its every move. The droning voice of her teacher was tuned out and pushed back to the background and it was as if she was only able to hear the wisps that were caused by the many wing-beats. She felt herself rise up high above the classroom, the school building, the city. Air pushed her higher and higher until no building was in sight any longer, and her heart skipped a beat in excitement, as if she was riding a rollercoaster.
Continuing to levitate through the deep blue sky, she tried to push her body into any direction she wanted to go to, reaching her arms out as if they were wings. Gradually, she began to move forward and her delighted laughter filled the sky for a moment.
She had never felt so free, so light. It was a fantastic, almost surreal experience but she didn't dwell on that last part for too long and let herself freely flow, past clouds and reality.
Eyes flew wide open as the school bell shook her out of her flight, and she took a deep breath in order to cope with the shock of sense that had returned.
She was awake again, and all the questions that she had been planning to ask were answered.
*You need to study hard. How have others been able to defy gravity? You need to know everything about it. Because knowing is the key to flying.*
- - -
- Rising -
His slap came down very hard and she flew back against the wall, gasping out in pain while holding her cheek in surprise. What had she done? What made him so angry with her again? She had been so careful not to slip into a stupid mistake, she had been making so sure not to do anything wrong.
"Why have you been born?! You are a failure, and always will be! You don't have any right to live."
It continued to rain down on her and she shielded her bloodied face with her shaking hands instinctively, an act of stupidity to her father. The slaps became even harder and she fell onto the ground, curling up like a wounded animal. Tears unconsciously began to stream and she frantically tried to wipe them away with one hand while protecting herself with the other.
As his rage continued to encircle around the both of them, she felt her blood rush through her head and her heart loudly beating in her ears. His yelling suddenly didn't strike her anymore as it used to, before she always zoned out.
"Trash!"
The tears stopped.
"Filth!"
Her hands that were still trembling lowered.
"Failure!"
She let go.
*You need to push your body and mind relentlessly hard. To learn to ignore pain. To rise above yourself.*
- - -
- Leaving -
When she came back to consciousness again, he had already left her. Her head swirled and only when she was able to clearly distinguish one color from the other again she sat up right, bruised back carefully leaning back against the wall. Her hands felt sticky and when she shakily rose them up she saw that they were caked with her own blood. She didn't pay any heed to it though, as her mind was already filled with his yelled stabbings.
"Trash!" Pang. "Filth!" Pang. "Failure!" Pang.
They pierced her heart like thousand little needles, never to be pulled out again.
She decided that today would be the day she was going to fly away.
-
The wind had picked up in strength as it toyed with her dark-blue strands of hair, some of it sticky with red. But it was still warm. It was very warm. The crickets were performing their evening concert and each bird its own sonata as they would so every day, but this day they would also be the accompanists of her take-off.
The picture with her entire family on it fell out of her hand and was taken silently away by the wind, rising and rising until she could no longer see it.
She felt really sorry for her friends, she realized while taking a step towards the edge of the roof, she would cruelly leave them behind without even saying anything. But it was probably for the best that way, since goodbyes always made the departure very hard. She would be thinking about them once she had taken flight, they would be in her heart. She took another step towards the edge and finally there was no longer any ground beneath her feet.
As she let herself fall, she felt very peaceful.
*You need to be willing to leave everything behind. To be flying you need to let go, be unrestrained. Once you're in the sky you'll see how easy it is to feel free.*
- - -
- Sacrificing -
Yamanako Ino looked up from her homework as she could hear the distinct sound of wings fluttering. Her light blue eyes stared around the room and within seconds they fell on a tiny creature that had made its way past her window. Its white wings were working tirelessly to stay in the air, and the butterfly came closer and closer and continued to float around her head for a while, as if trying to tell something.
As it left again, Ino swiftly got up from behind her desk and rushed towards her window, following the butterfly until it disappeared from her sight.
It almost felt as an goodbye.
*You need to be able to sacrifice everything. Those who aren't willing to make sacrifices, are destined for a colorless life. Those who will take the challenge, will find their reward.*
*
A/N: Happy Easter everyone!! 8D Heh, and that's coming from someone who just wrote this probably-quite-depressing story.. it's been on my mind for a while now, and that I updated it with Easter is actually just purely coincidence. n.n; Well, you can decide for yourself if Hinata has committed suicide or has actually flown away, but I thought it was a fitting ending for a story like this. The idea for the whole thing came to me as I was watching a Dutch short movie called "The Ten Rules Of Flying", which was very striking as it dealt with the same kind of feelings, not from abuse, but from parents fighting all the time. It was sad but very beautiful.
Aaaaanyways… I would love you all (platonically speaking of course) if you'd leave a review, since they are my food. And man, am I starving. 8D -has yet to eat-