Hate that I Love You

By: yingfa-fuiso

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Point of View of Konno Manami

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I hate him…

I hate everything of him…

I hate his stupid messy black hair, his sharp blue green eyes, his irritating smirk…

I hate his sharp words… his teases…

"You're such a pig!" He told me during our junior high school days when his senpai-tachi, together him, and I coincidentally met in a fast food chain near in the university that we were studying. I was seating beside him as his friends were seating beside us.

"What the--! You're already grown up and still you get trip with a piece of rock!" He reprimanded me when I got tripped all of a sudden causing my ankle to be sprained. We were heading home together at that time and we're still on our senior year in Junior high.

"You're so slow." He told me one time when I didn't get his point during our conversation about our friend's issue. At that time, a friend of ours got caught in a problem that needed our advice.

"Be careful with her, she has something on her sleeves. She might hurt you, you know. During our high school days, your boyfriend and she have love interest with each other." He said in front of me and to my guy best friend's girl friend that was also so close to me and was standing beside me, during our High School batch's little reunion swimming galore in the resort somewhere in Osaka. This event happened recently around last week, during our summer vacation in college. We already finished our second year level in college.

"Bitter." He muttered when I mingled with my guy best friend's girl friend during also in our little reunion. We were inside our assigned cottage and he was seating not too far behind me while he was listening to his ipod.

"Don't give her that snack." He said to my friend who asked some of the snack that he was eating after he declined me on asking for that snack too.

I hate his guts and the times he corrects my mistakes…

"You should have used this formula in that problem! Baka!" He told me when he checked my math homework one time when we were in our Second year in junior high.

"You should only answer 'Yes or No' to my questions! You know that I don't need your explanations." He sarcastically told me when I answered his question with elaborated answers one time.

"Correction! It's not, 'Are you coming to your friend's house?' it should be, 'Are you going to your friend's house?'" He corrected me in my English homework during our junior high school days.

"You should have used a straight shot awhile ago!" He reprimanded me when I got lost in a tennis match in our last year tennis competition held in our University.

I hate his pride…

"Will you shut up and don't even look at me with that sympathy of yours! I don't need it!" He bellowed towards me when I found out that his right knees got injured during our sophomore year in high school. He and I were in the park at the time and we were just heading our way home. He was using crutches to walk.

"I can do it on my own." He replied when I asked him if he needed my help in making the props for our junior high school play. He was in charge on making the background for our play.

"I'm okay… Don't mind me." He told me when I asked him if he was okay. He was sitting all by himself on the shore side of the pool. It also happened in our recent swimming galore.

I hate him when he orders me… I don't know if he was showing some concern over me or not.

"I'll head you home. Just stay here." He told me in a whisper manner when I asked him if we could go home. We were in our friend's party at that time and it was already past my curfew time.

"Sit here. You might end up getting jealous if you seat beside them." He muttering told me when the seats in our first table were taken and his table had some vacant seats at that moment. It also happened during the little reunion.

Though I hate him so much… I have feelings for him and it's been almost eight years that I held this feeling for him. That Kirihara Akaya! He's the responsible one on why I'm feeling like this—clumsy, stupid, girly and weak!

I'm so confused!

I know he's aware that I have feelings for him and he found that out when we were in junior high. Argh! If he knew about my feelings, why doesn't he make a move towards me? He's making me so confused!

So, I decided to end my feelings for him… to get over him. But every time I do so, he's making a move not to end it or should I say the destiny makes it. And it ends up that I can't forget him.

One of my girl best friends told me every time I failed on ending up my feelings for that idiot, "Manami-chan, like I always tell you, you can't end your feelings for Kirihara Akaya just like that. Let the time end it."

But if I let the time end it, I continue to yearn for him… and I don't want that to happen.

I tried to avoid him but destiny makes a way to get me attached to him again.

I wanted to confront him and ask him with fury, "Are you blind or not? Why can't you see that I have feelings for you? Don't you have feelings for me?"

But of course, I can't do that. I don't have enough strength to do it.

Every time I'm introducing him to my new friends that he's my friend, he'll always say with so much sarcasm, "Friends? Are we? I didn't know that."

So, if we are not friends… what relationship do we have? Are we merely an acquaintance? We're not even enemies. We're not even strangers to each other. I have known him since we're in junior high and I couldn't think of that we're just a mere of acquaintance.

If we are not friends, why are you showing kindness to me? When you said at that time in the reunion, "Sit here. You might end up getting jealous if you sit beside them." You are showing some concern to me. But you said we're not friends.

He always make me cry, get hurt with his words, annoy every time I was with him... but still I have feelings for him.

That Kirihara Akaya! YOU'RE REALLY AN IDIOT! YOU'RE MAKING ME SO CONFUSED!

I wanted to cry and shout so that this feeling will be long gone… but I can't do it. I'm scared… I wanted to ask my guy best friend about this feeling I have but I couldn't… because I'm scared to death.

My guy friend named, Hirano Natsume, told me coolly but in mysterious manner, "You want to have a boyfriend but you're scared to get hurt. Because you wanted, if ever you're going into relationship, that guy will be your first and last that you will love until you die."

Yeah, I'm scared to get hurt.

I'm so stupid.

Really stupid…

I want to confess my feelings to Akaya but I'm scared to get declined.

I hate that I love you so, Kirihara Akaya.

-Owari-

Author's free talk: Konnichiwa minna-san! I hope you like this fanfic that I made. To tell you the truth, some of the scenes here especially the lines that Kirihara had said, are based on my own experience even the emotions that Manami-chan (My made up character here) were showing.

Don't forget to review okay? Arigatou gozaimas' everyone!