Stan Shunpike, Ladies Man by Luvscharlie

These days it seemed like his "assignments" were more in the realm of 'let's see what it takes to drive Malfoy to commit murder.' The Ministry didn't allow former Death Eaters to go around with wand in hand. They were required to have "partners" and they had paired him with her.

They had spent two days chasing a marauding poltergeist who had an entire village terrified to come out-of-doors. The villagers all had to be Obliviated after watching the wee demon pull Draco up and down the street. Merlin, he hated this job.

"I'm not allowing you to side-along Apparate me," Draco shouted. "As tired as you are, we'll get splinched. We take the Knight Bus or we stay here."

Hermione made a noise in the back of her throat indicating she thought he was being ridiculous, then she reluctantly stuck out her wand. The Knight Bus came roaring into view moments later.

The door opened and Stan Shunpike stuck out his head. "I hope ye don't think you'll be riding on my bus," he said, crossing his arms. "Of course, I'd not be meaning you, little lady. You are always welcome. That one—he jabbed a finger at Draco—is not."

Hermione smiled. "Mr. Shunpike, I understand your reluctance considering what Mr. Malfoy's kind did to you during the war, but I would consider it a personal favour if you would allow him to ride your bus just this once." She fluttered her eyelashes at the homely little man and Draco had to bite his tongue not to laugh when Stan went red in the face.

"Well, madam, since you asked so nice and all," Stan said, straightening his robes, then turned to Draco. "One wrong move out of you, and don't think I won't toss your sorry arse off my bus."

Draco grunted his compliance and followed Hermione onboard. He had to admit she did have a way with people.

They both took a seat on a bench as the Knight Bus went roaring into motion. Draco chuckled as he saw Stan spray something into his mouth and attempt to smooth down his hair. He sidled over, wedging himself between them, and knocking Draco to the floor in the process.

Draco stood and brushed himself off, cracking his knuckles. Hermione caught his gaze and shook her head. He took a seat across from them and attempted to calm himself.

"You're a pretty lady, you are," Stan said, scooting closer.

Hermione attempted to move away, but Stan was stuck to her like glue. "Why don'cha give Ol' Stan a little smooch, darlin'?"

And that was it. Draco snapped. His fist slammed into Shunpike's nose, sending the man sprawling.

"What has gotten into you?" Hermione shouted, using her wand to heal the unconscious man's nose.

Draco wondered that himself.

Stan came round shortly. "Whoa, that was some kiss." He straightened up proudly, "When a girl's kissed by Stan Shunpike, she doesn't forget it!"

Fin.

A/N: Originally written for Round 3, Challenge 9 of the Dramione_LDWS (Draco Malfoy-Hermione Granger Last Drabble Writer Standing) Competition on Live Journal. Our prompt was a drabble that must be set on the Knight Bus, with a theme of snark and must be under 499 words. This one made it through to the next round and won Mod's Choice for the week.