Fanfic Title: Shadows in the Moonlight

Game: Kingdom Hearts series

Pairing: Xemnas x Saïx

Author: keadeblue264

Like OMG! It is time, ladies and gentlemen, but mostly ladies, for some XemSaï yaoi angsty/morbidly depressing stuff! Yaaaaaaaay for the yaoi part! … the rest is just dismal to me… Anyway, I am so obsessed with the ever smexy couple that is XemSaï. So naturally, I have the urge to want to contribute to the collection, but I'm sorry that my first XemSaï fic is something like this... So very very sorry. It's sad though…my best friend probably thinks that I'm crazy for liking this yaoi pairing. …Oh well! By the way, I made up ages for Saïx and Xemnas so yeah. Now, on with the XemSaï!!

Summary: After ending up in the hospital from drug overdose, Saïx goes into a rehab program to get clean, but escaping from drug addiction, even with the help of his doctor, Xemnas, isn't that easy. Especially if you have as much emotional baggage as Saïx does. XemSaï, AU, yaoi.

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own the rights to the Kingdom Hearts series. *runs into the night while weeping hysterically*

Warnings/Notes: Eventual yaoi sex (meaning guy-on-guy), AU (very, very, very AU), bad language, drugs, ODing, withdrawal symptoms, angst, abuse, death and/or suicide, otherwise unpleasantness, and probably other depressing things that I can't think of at this moment. My god…my mood was thrown headfirst into the gutter while I typed that… This is gonna suck major ass for me…

Chapter 1: Overdosing

The full moon shined brightly in the night sky above him, illuminating the dark corners and shady alleyways in a subtle, yet haunting glow. The part of town that he stood in was the red-light district, famous for selling and advertising debauchery in the form strip clubs and all-night bars. Many people rushed in every night after the sun went down, eager to finally obtain what they had waited all day for.

But he was here for neither one.

Furthermore, he wasn't extremely appealed to drinking himself under the table with other vulgar, uncivilized drunkards or wasting his riches on seeing half-naked women dancing around and sliding on metal poles placed on stage in a dimly lit room while listening to the hooting and hollering of perverted and ultimately overexcited men.

The blue-haired man leaned against the wall of one of the numerous bars, blocking out the noises of its occupants getting shit-faced drunk.

He flicked his red lighter on and off, watching the flame produced by the motion go out just to come alive again before he lit the cigarette held between his lips. He didn't normally smoke regular cigarettes unless he was very bored and he had never been so tired of something in his life.

Waiting for his dealer was becoming a tedious habit.

He knew that his addiction to the particular narcotic that he was waiting to buy was extremely bad for him, could even rob him of his life quicker because he was so fond of using it. But what else could he use to full the ever-increasing hole in his heart and soul? In all of his twenty-eight years of existence, he had never discovered anything else that had given him such excitement, such lucidness, such thrill.

So what if it was bad for him? It made him happy and that was worth any sort of price he was willing to pay.

Opening his lips slightly to let the lethal smoke filling his lungs escape and holding his half-finished cigarette between his index and middle finger, he spotted his dealer out of the corner of his amber eyes. There weren't many people that he knew that had red, spiky hair and almost clown-like markings under green colored eyes.

When his slightly unusual-looking merchant finally reached him, he said calmly, "You're late once again, Axel."

"Oh come on, Saïx!" Axel griped, fumes from the long cigarette held between his lips hitting Saïx right in the middle of his face, "Don't you dare start giving me that kinda crap too. You know very well that I've got other clients."

"I thought you made a point to show up early for your best patrons," Saïx said, taking an extended drag from his own cigarette before letting it plummet to the ground and crushing the still lit stick underneath his boot.

"Can't help it if I get held up from time to time. And since when do you smoke cigarettes?"

"I usually keep a pack on me, just in case the urge strikes me or if there's nothing else I can do to senselessly waste my time. And you constantly blowing smoke in my face doesn't help."

Axel laughed slightly before saying, "Jeez, man. The last thing you need to be picking up bad habits from me. So, do you want the usual or do you feel like being spontaneous this time around?"

Axel gave Saïx a smirk that the devil himself would probably wear, his face betraying his true intentions perfectly. Axel was always trying to swindle more cash out of each and every single one of his customers, whether they were new users or regulars, but after five years of buying his poisons from the man, Saïx had practically learned about all of the cards the redhead constantly kept hidden up his sleeve.

"The usual," Saïx said, burying his cold hands in his trench coat pockets.

"Tch! Shoulda known that I can't pull a fast one on you anymore," Axel said, letting the butt of his finished cigarette fall from his fingers onto the ground.

"You can only fool someone so many times before they start to catch on to your ploys."

Actually, in all the five years in their relationship of seller and buyer, Saïx had only fallen for Axel's "special" merchandise only once before he started to catch on to Axel's game. He was younger back then and more inclined to make a mistake in the trade, but being a particularly smart person paid off in the end.

"Aw well. At least I gave it a shot."

Axel reached inside his leather biker's jacket and retrieved a medium sized brown box. He handed over to Saïx, who in turn, stuck the parcel carefully in his black coat. Because the cops were tightening up on drug crimes, Axel, as well as others in the same trade, started selling their wares in places that cops didn't usually hang out. The red-light district was the perfect location, but Axel had taken another step ahead and decided to keep his toxic products in normal looking containers.

"I shouldn't hafta say this to you of all people, but--"

"I know how to handle this, Axel. You should at least trust me a little by now," Saïx said boredly, cutting the fiery redhead short.

"One can never be too careful. Besides, I wouldn't like it if I had my ass hauled off to prison because of a regular's recklessness. Or because of anything or anybody else for that matter."

Taking his other hand out of his pocket, Saïx handed Axel a wad of bills while he said, "That's a kind of contradictory statement, considering that your main way of making a living for yourself is through drug dealing."

"Well, excuse me, Mr. I'm A Fucking Rich Asshole, but other people aren't as blessed as you when it comes to having oodles of money," Axel retorted, stuffing the currency into the back pocket of his jeans, "But I will admit that having you as one of my regulars has greatly increased my finances as of late."

Pausing for a moment, Saïx said, "That's very flattering and all, but I'd rather not get into an argument right now if it's all the same to you."

"Yeah, whatever you say, dude," Axel replied, taking a glance at his wristwatch, "Besides, I had better start haulin' some serious ass right now if I want to make it to my next buyer."

Axel gave Saïx some comically half-assed, almost forced wave and trotted off into the writhing mass of bodies in the street. Making sure he had a good hold of the box between his arm and the side of his chest, Saïx also stepped out of the alley and proceeded to walk home.

Even though he had a considerably large amount of money, Saïx's home wasn't exactly something other rich people would fawn over. It wasn't a horrible place, but it didn't have the overly extravagant feel of the wealthy either.

A quaint setting was the best thing the bluenette could ever want or ask for.

Saïx inserted his key into the door's lock and successfully opened it, striding inside and shutting the door behind him. He placed the box on the miniature table next to the door, pulling off his coat while he flipped the light switch. Saïx picked the box back up and headed into the living room.

His usual purchase from Axel lasted for about a week so he didn't really feel like there was any real hurry to mercilessly rip open the package like some sort of undomesticated animal, not that he would do that under any circumstances anyway, and start medicating himself with his overly priced drug. His stomach always came first before he would even think about indulging himself in a yet another drug-induced high.

Sitting the box down on a table in the center of the living room, Saïx walked into the kitchen and perused through cabinet after cabinet, not to mention the refrigerator, for something edible.

Two hours later

After satisfying his appetite and taking a short nap following a lengthy, well-deserved shower, Saïx returned to the living room and lounged on the sofa, lying back against the couch's soft cushions. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting it spill back out of his mouth seconds later. Not even all the money in the world could pay for this type of relaxing luxury.

Cracking his eyes open until they were half-lidded, he glanced over at the box on the middle of the table. Feeling that there was no better time than now to begin, Saïx carefully took the lid off the box and peered inside. Contained within the box were seven hypodermic syringes, a tie for his arm, and seven vials of his liquid drug.

Heroin.

Situating the lid next to the box, Saïx removed a syringe, a vial, and the bind. Dropping all three on the table, he rolled his sleeve up to his shoulder. The skin of the crease where lower arm met upper arm had a tiny, almost healed hole with a tinge of purple around it. This was mostly due to the fact that it had been almost two days since he had had a hit.

Retrieving the strap and securely fastening it around the middle of his upper arm, he took the vial and the needle in his hands and slid the needle into the plastic covering of the vial, pulling back the end and watching the fluid fill the syringe.

With little effort, Saïx plunged the needle into his flesh, pushing the end down to let the narcotic flow into his bloodstream.

The kind of shudder one feels when they are out in the cold raced up his spine and he let out a shaky, unstable breath. He never really got used to the feeling of heroin flushing through veins and his reaction was just about always the same no matter how many times he injected himself.

Of course, being a drug addict, he was somewhat associated with others like him. And, like almost all other addicts, they always attempted to get him addicted to some other form of drug. They had once convinced him to try sniffing crack and he did, once and only once though. Saïx didn't like the unpleasant burn it left in his nose afterwards and it was surprising easily for him to never thinking about the stuff ever again.

An hour passed after he had taken his first hit that night and he didn't felt any different. He did feel a little languid and at peace, but, otherwise, he felt exactly the same as he had an hour previous. Deciding that taking another hit would solve the problem, he repeated the process.

Another hour trailed swiftly by and he still didn't feel a single, significant difference in himself.

"Goddammit," Saïx muttered lowly to himself, his face in his hands and his fingertips rubbing small circles on his forehand.

He was facing a very bad, potentially nerve wrecking situation. The fact that he had not felt anything unusual in the past two hours meant that his system was building up a tolerance to the heroin. Either that or Axel had sold him a bad batch without knowing it. But the first choice seemed more likely because of his five years of usage.

Five hours later

All seven of the hypodermic needles and vials were scattered in all sorts of directions on the table, not a solitary drop left in any of them. Saïx was sprawled out on the couch, his left leg dangling off the side. The fold in his arm was littered with minute holes, an increasingly large blot of purple coloring the pale skin. And he felt borderline perfect.

Time seemed to almost stop completely and all there was left was this feeling of perfection in him.

That is, until a different kind a sensation filled him a few minutes later. A lurching, repulsive phenomenon readily filled his abdomen and before he could register what was happening to him, he tumbled off the sofa, hitting the wood floor with a noisy thud and knocking the table over. Saïx coughed violently a few times prior to a burning feeling in his throat. He vomited on the ground, the disgusting taste of bile and partially digested food filling his mouth and covering his tongue.

With what little strength he had at the moment, Saïx got to his feet and unsteadily walked towards the kitchen counter. He realized that his legs were wobblier than he initially thought when he lost balance and collapsed into a small table, effectively knocking it over along with a lamp. Wincing faintly due to a small cut on his arm that he had received from a shard of broken glass, Saïx got back up to his feet, acquiring more cuts on his hands because he had to use them as leverage to even get up from the floor in the first place.

Unfortunately, he toppled over once again when he got halfway to the kitchen counter and regurgitated on the flooring once again, his throat burning like an unrestrained wildfire. Desperately, he tried to reach the phone in an attempt to call for help, but just as he was about to get his hand on it, Saïx fell unceremoniously to the floor and his vision faded to black.

Author's Notes: …… D: That was so awful…! *cries* At least I've already mentally prepared myself to be yelled at so if any of you are mad and/or upset, please feel free. And about Axel, I didn't feel like making up some person so I just decided to pick him for that role. I'm not sure if he'll make another appearance though. Hahaha he's a one-hit wonder. …… *drawn-out gasp* OMG, I think I finally got the idea for the AkuRoku story that I've wanted to write for a VERY long time! Thanks self! *hugs self* Oh and I should warn ya'll now that I won't be able to update frequently because I don't have Internet access at my house. Sorry! Anyway, please send me a review if you liked this.

P.S. Oh, and CrazyDumbassBlonde9110? I know that you wanted me to publish that Disgaea story that you asked me to write first, but I ended up finishing the rest of this chapter in one night and I wasn't gonna just let it sit on my jumpdrive and not publish it. So for that, I'm really sorry!