CATEGORY: Missing scene for Window of Opportunity. Humor.

SPOILERS: Window of Opportunity, minor one for The Learning Curve

SEASON / SEQUEL: 4

RATING: G / K

CONTENT WARNINGS: none

SUMMARY: Jack takes a loop off.

ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, Stargatefan. Chez Corine. .

DISCLAIMER: This story is written entirely for entertainment and is not intended as an infringement against the copy written material that belongs solely to Showtime, MGM/UA, Gekko Films, et al. I'm only playing with their characters and will return them as soon as the story is finished. The following story is the property of the author and is not to be copied, or published without the express, written consent of the author.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the second in a series of three. The first is: Teal'c's loop off, and the third will be: The next day. Hope you like them all. Let me know!!!

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"You could do anything for as long as you want, without having to worry about the consequences."

Jack could still hear Daniel's words, and knew it was an opportunity he had to take. He was bored to death with the translating job, not to mention the frustration he felt about the fact that they weren't making much progress. Jack allowed himself another loop off, deciding it was time for some fun.

BANG

He stared at his bowl of Fruit Loops

"Anyway, that's just the way I feel about it. What do you think?" Daniel looked at him, questioningly.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Jack complained, shoving the bowl of Fruit Loops aside.

Major Carter immediately looked up, worry etched on her face. "Sir? Are you all right?"

"No. I'm not all right. But I will be, after I've taken care of some things." Without giving his team members any more of an explanation, Jack rose to his feet and left.

His first destination was his office. He grabbed the phone and dialed.

"Sgt. Siler speaking," came the reply.

"Yo, Siler, this is Colonel O'Neill. I want you to have some jars of paint delivered to the Gateroom. Red, yellow, blue, green and orange. Oh, and don't forget purple. Gather every available man and meet me there in... one hour."

"Sir?"

"Move, Sergeant. I don't have all day." O'Neill chuckled after putting down the receiver.

He dialed another number and waited for an answer.

"Senator Kinsey's office," a woman answered.

"Hi, ma'am. This is Colonel O'Neill from the SGC. Could you please patch me through to Senator Kinsey? It's urgent."

The woman on the other end of the line asked him to wait, then placed him on hold. Within a minute, the Senator picked it up. "Kinsey."

"Yo, Senator! This is Colonel O'Neill, I'm sure you remember me," Jack started.

"I do. How can I help you?" The voice from the other end of the line sounded bored.

"Well, I just called to check up on you, sir. How are you doing?" O'Neill continued.

"Is this some sort of joke?" the senator asked sharply.

"No, no, no. I just wanted to tell you that you are a big piece of shit, sir. An annoying, selfish son-of-a-bitch and the biggest idiot on Earth. That's all, sir," O'Neill happily announced.

"Colonel O'Neill!" the Senator snapped angrily. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but this will not be tolerated. You'll hear more from me..." with that, the Senator broke off the connection.

"Oh, no. I don't think so, you moron. Not now, not ever..." Jack smiled, and then dropped the receiver. He left the office, still grinning, heading towards the General's office. On his way, he changed his mind and stopped by the infirmary.

Dr. Janet Fraiser was writing some reports behind her desk as he stepped into her office.

"Hi, Colonel... what can I do for you?" she asked, looking up from her papers.

"Where is your penlight?" he asked, impatiently motioning her to give it to him with his right hand.

She frowned, and then took the little light out of her pocket. O'Neill jumped forward and snatched it from her fingers. He quickly opened it, removing the batteries, sliding them into the left pocket of his pants. He closed it again and tossed it back at the stunned doctor, turned and then left.

His next direction was General Hammond's office. Without knocking, he kicked the door open and walked in.

"Colonel..." Hammond started, slightly irritated by the interruption.

"Sorry, General. I need to borrow your phone. It's an emergency." Without saying more, Jack walked over to the General's desk, drew the red phone closer and lifted the receiver.

"Colonel!" hissed Hammond now.

O'Neill put one finger in front of his mouth, hissing, "Sssh."

A low, dark voice answered.

"Yo, Mr. President! ..." He was unaware of the shocked expression on Hammond's face. "No, Sir. This is Colonel O'Neill... Yes, Sir, the General is right here. But I called you, Sir. It's urgent. You see, the Colorado Avalanche are playing the Montreal Canadians next Saturday. I have two tickets, Sir. Do you wanna join me?"

General Hammond rolled his eyes, all color drained from his face.

"Yes, Sir. That would be great, Sir. Yes. I knew you loved hockey. Yes, Sir. See you there, then. Thank you, Sir." The smile on Jack's face stood in sharp contrast to the disbelief etched on Hammond's face.

"You... did you just... Colonel O'Neill," Hammond stammered. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"Relax, George..." Jack reassured. "I invited the man to a good game of hockey and he accepted. What's the big deal?" Without giving the General time to say more, he left.

This time he headed straight towards the Gateroom. He was pleased to find Sgt. Siler waiting for him, along with five other airmen, not to mention all the cans of colorful paint. The group of waiting men saluted crisply upon his arrival.

"At ease," Jack started. "Thank you for coming. I'm going to need your help. We're going to paint this whole Gateroom. It's way too boring right now, and hardly interesting for our arriving guests."

"Sir?" Siler asked, his eyebrows lifted high in surprise. "You want us to paint the walls?"

"Yes, Sergeant. Let's lighten this place up a bit, shall we? I mean, everywhere we 'gate out to, there's drawings and symbols, grabbing our attention. And what have we got to offer? Look at this place. Gray, everywhere. Not much of a welcome, huh?" O'Neill tried to determine if they were convinced, then realized he didn't care. He opened up the jar of bright yellow paint, dipped the brush in the thick liquid and drew a sun on the wall.

"Get to it, airmen. Use your imagination. Paint!" he ordered.

After some hesitation, still unable to believe what they were supposed to do, the men slowly loosened up, daubing, the walls in all available colors. They painted cars, trees, flowers, airplanes and rockets, chuckling over their work.

They were all so caught up in their work that they failed to notice the General's arrival.

"Colonel O'Neill!" Hammond burst out. "What the hell is going on?"

The airmen hurriedly put their brushes away, snapping to attention, their eyes wide in shock. O'Neill turned around to look at his commanding officer with a wide smile on his face.

"Oh, we're just making this place a little bit more colorful, Sir. Don't you agree this looks much better than that boring gray stuff?" O'Neill waved at the colorful drawings on the wall behind him.

General Hammond's mouth fell open, unable to respond to what was happening in front of him. He was simply too stunned.

Jack walked over to a can of deep purple, dipped his brush and painted a big dog on an empty spot on the wall. "There," he said, stepping back to look at his drawing. "This one is for Merrin. She'll love it," he then dropped the brush and rushed off, before the General could voice his objections.

Without hesitating O'Neill grabbed his stuff and hurried to leave the base. He had a couple of things left to do. First, he drove straight to a MacDonald's, bought a McBreakfast and drove to a scenic spot close by, up on the hillside, in the middle of nowhere. He got out, found a nice spot to sit and, enjoying the view, he took some time for his first real breakfast in ages. No-one to banter him with questions, no difficult Ancient or Latin translation issues, no scientific rambling about subspace fields and bubbles, nothing that needed to be done; Jack just sat back and relaxed.

When he had enjoyed both his breakfast and the scenery, Jack drove his truck to the nearest supermarket. He took a shopping cart and walked through the store, soon finding what he was looking for. The breakfast products.

There.

He took a box of Fruit Loops, looked at it, and then threw it in his cart. He snatched another, tossing it on the first. There were still many boxes of Fruit Loops on the shelf, so O'Neill pushed the cart right under the shelf and, using both hands, he dragged every box over the edge, letting it fall in the cart. It took him a while, and even the tall Colonel had to stand on his tiptoes to reach the last boxes, but finally he had them all, his shopping cart overflowing.

Determinedly, he stamped through the check out lanes, heading towards the exit. He pushed the cart past the stunned cashier.

"Hey, Mister!!! You can't do that!!! Someone stop that man!" the lady behind the counter called out.

Completely ignoring her, Jack pushed the cart outside, meanwhile pushing one of the security officers aside. He glared around, searching the best spot, then moved to the middle of the road.

"Watch out!"

Cars were stopping, their drivers hitting the brakes. Some of them crashed against each other, and the sound of windows breaking and metal crushing deafened the area.

One of the security guards stopped running after the man he was chasing, and used his walky-talky to contact his back-up.

O'Neill never looked up. He stopped on the middle of the road and kicked the shopping cart hard enough to flip it upside down. He pushed the cart away and used his feet to shove all the boxes of Fruit Loops into a pile.

Once he was satisfied, he took out a box of matches, struck one and set the first box on fire. He lit match after match, the fire catching on a variety of different spots, until the flames got a firm grip on the material, setting the whole pile on fire.

O'Neill was unaware of the sirens and lights of the police coming his way. He just stepped back, smiling widely, pleasantly, looking at the burning pile of Fruit Loops. He was SO never going to eat those damn things again...

BANG

He stared at his bowl of Fruit Loops

"Anyway, that's just the way I feel about it. What do you think?" Daniel looked at him, questioningly.

***THE END***