Disclaimer: Harry Potter, names, characters and indicia are solely JK Rowling's. I do not take credit for any thing you recognize in this story.

-&-

Him

-&-

Her breath speeds up and her back archs against him, and a low guttural moan escapes her throat, her fingers clawing at his back.

"Oh my god," she breathes, as he rolls on his back beside her. "Is it just me, or this keeps getting better?"

He lets out a chuckle, deep and guttural and looks at her with dark amused eyes. She stretches out her arms and legs, wrapping the sheet around her small form.

"I'm tired," she yawns. He nods and slips out of her bed, searching for his clothes on the floor, before kissing her lightly on the forehead and leaving the room.

She keeps staring at the door and sighs, her euphoric smile slowing sliding off her face.

He never says a word.

-&-

She watches him as he eats his breakfast with his friends the next day, like last night, or the night before that, or the one before that, never happened.

It shouldn't have, anyway.

His gaze catches hers and she immediately looks away, feeling his eyes burn a hole in her head.

Later, he leaves the Great Hall with Emeline Vance, chattering away animatedly, and he briefly glances her way as he passes by her seat.

Her stomach churns unpleasantly and she's frustrated with herself because she's not supposed to be feeling this way.

So they're sleeping together every now and then. It doesn't mean he's her property.

But she can't help it. She feels possessive and angry and selfish.

A downright hypocrite.

-&-

"Are you going out with her?" She asks him bluntly, later that same day while he's sitting in one of the corners of the Common Room finishing up his homework.

He looks up and frowns at her.

"Emmeline Vance. Are you going out with her? Because if you are, we should really end this," She continues, and he shakes his head.

She feels a huge weight being lifted off her shoulders and she archs an eyebrow at him. "Well, good. Because I didn't really want this to end."

He still doesn't say a word, just watches her curiously.

"Do you want to go up to my room?" She asks tentatively and he glances at his homework hesitantly.

"Later," He finally says and she nods slowly before walking away from him and joining Alice in front of the fire.

Later, he doesn't show up.

-&-

"Why didn't you show up last night?" She can't help the hurt in her tone when she questions him the next day at breakfast. "I waited until two o'clock for you."

He shrugs, not taking his eyes off the Daily Prophet. "Studying ran late."

Her heart is beating a thousand times faster and her mouth is parched and her hands clench into a fist. She doesn't know what to say. She shouldn't be feeling like this. It's just sex. Purely physical sex. Nothing more, nothing less.

Then why is she feeling these shards of ice piercing her heart?

"Why are you treating me like this?" She hisses, and he finally looks at her with a look so apathetic, she's a second away from slapping him across the face.

"Treating you how, Evans? I'm just telling you studying ran late, and my studies are far more important than sex, you know?"

She feels like she's just been slapped. He called her Evans. He hasn't called her by her last name since they started sleeping together.

"Right," She whispers, fighting completely unnecessary tears from slipping down her cheeks.

She picks up her satchel and leaves the table.

-&-

At night, he comes up to her while she's reading a book in the Commons and asks if she'd like to join him in his room.

She wants more than anything to say no and hurt him the way he has hurt her, but she can't help it. The look he gives her, dark and intense, pierces a hole in her head and she feels her heart skip beats.

"Okay," She whispers and follows him up to his dorm.

The room is dark and messy and she has barely stepped inside when he grabs her arm and kisses her forcefully. His lips are pliant under hers and they immediately fall into a rhythm they have perfected together, his tongue curling against hers, his teeth lightly scratching her mouth.

It's all she's known for over three months now. His lips, his smell, his breath, his touch. The way his hands coyly descend down her chest, across her back, over her bum. Her breathing speeds up and she can't help the way her body reacts to his, when his lips run over the sensitive skin of her neck, up her ear and down her collarbone.

His body is warm and suffocating against hers as they lie down, and she's barely aware of the cool sheets agaisnt her skin, only his lips everywhere, on her face, her chest, her thighs, and it all tumbles out of control, and they're turning around in his bed and she's moaning softly in his ear, kissing every bit of him.

He's sorry. He whispers it against her skin and she doesn't really hear it amidst her groans and sighs, and she doesn't care at the moment.

It's just James. James, James, James.

-&-

It's quiet and dark and she feels like she's suffocating, having his head lying on her chest, his soft breaths tickling her skin. There's a feeling in her chest, and she knows it's not the quiet and the dark that's causing her to suffocate.

It's him.

It's always him.

She feels a sob rising in her throat and she closes her eyes tightly, lips quivering and chest trembling. He feels her tension and pulls away, looking at her with those same familiar dark eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asks quietly and she just shakes her head. "I know you, Lily. What's wrong?"

She shakes her head again, holding back a sob. "You smell amazing," She whispers. "Have I told you that before? I love your smell," She chuckles tritely , the tears burning at her eyes.

He sighs deeply, and runs a hand across his face. "You're falling for me."

It's not a question.

"Merlin, Evans," He breathes, looking away from her and running a hand through his hair. She hasn't realized how much she has missed that habit of his. "Not now… Why now?"

He's talking to himself. He doesn't want her anymore. The tears finally slide down her face, and she takes in a shaky sob.

"What's so wrong with now?" She whispers, shrugging nonchalantly, a maniacal chuckle escaping her throat.

"It was just sex, Lily. Nothing more."

She feels her heart stop beating for a second. Her hands shake.

She runs.

-&-

-fin-

-&-

A/N: so I've recently found out that I absolutely despise happy endings. I might write a sequel to this, if you want one. Leave me your comments please, and add this story to your alerts in case I write a follow up.

Anyway, this story has been sitting on my laptop for a LONG time, and I finally decided to finish it. I hope you like it. I really enjoyed writing it (: