Well then, this is the continuation of "Kyoya's notes about Mary Sues", my other parody.

Kyoya sat in front of the computer, intent on scribbling in his notebook. His agents had told him that, now that the research about Mary Sues was over, there was something else he should inform the club members about: something called the badfic. He wasn't sure this was really something he, Kyoya Ohtori, should care about, but, upon the insistence of one of the most trusted members of his private police, he eventually agreed. What he received was a CD-rom, which, the agent said, contained just a random badfic, with him, Kyoya Ohtori, in it as well.

The only reason why he stayed perfectly calm during the whole time he clicked going through the file on it was that he knew nothing even remotely like that could ever occur in the Host Club, or generally Ouran High; second, he knew that there was one easy way to avoid it: everyone just had to stay in-character, end of story.

Occasionally sipping some strong tea, he wrote down exactly what he read and saw, with occasional comments and side notes.

Part I: General Misspelled Incongruent Badness

"ZOMG MY FIRST OURAN FIC!! 11!!1!!!111!!! rEAd And rvIEw PLZ OMG!1!!THAX!!!11!1!!! WARNING CONTAINS RAPE!!! SLASH!!111! INCEST!1!!!ZOMG THX 4 RVIEWS1!!!!!111111!!!"

(Now, really. What was that? It sounds like… forget it, no idea. I've never heard stuff like that even from the Lobelia girls, let alone Ouran.)

"ZOMG TAMAKI TAKE ME NOW!"

(Was that Haruhi?)

OMG! A CLIFFY!

(I won't get to know it right away… not that I really want to…)

"Oh, mommy…" squealed Tamaki ZOMG!

"Oh, Tamaki, daddy, my only LUUUUV!!!" moaned Kyuoya Ohotri in pleasure.

(Um, so the Lord is having sex with some guy. Wonder who this "Kyuoya Ohotri" is.)

OMG! A CLIFFY!

(Very exciting.)

"Harder! Harder! Harder!1!!!111!!"

(I'll have to check the box of this DVD, in case they accidentally switched it with some gay porn. Bad gay porn, I may add. I can't waste my time on that, not that I want to, of course.)

The night was over soon ZOMG!

(Well, nights usually end. Why is that so unusual that you need a ZOMG? Oh, I see. You're living on the North Pole? But then, it won't be "soon"… oh, never mind.)

OMG! A CLIFFY!

(Do you even know what a cliffhanger means?)

"ZOMG Tamaki! I got RAEPED!"

(Who are you, and you got WHAT?)

"Oh my darling daughter!1!! Daddy will punish them11!!"

(So it's Haruhi, but why is the lord talking in numbers?And what happened to that mysterious Kyuoya Ohotri?)

"THX Tamaki!11!!!"

"Haru-chan!!1!!!" Hanniy screamed.

"NOOO!" Mory screamed.

(Who are these two guys, and why are they talking in numbers too?)

"Koaru I need sex!!!11111!1!!!"

(Who are you and who is Koaru?)

"Hykaruuu1!!!"

(Never mind the numbers and the nonsense… and what happened to the others?)

OMG! A CLIFFY!

(Somehow I saw this coming.)

Author's note: I got stuck! Dunno how to continue the story ZOMG! ARGH! OMG! A CLIFFY!

(Was this even a story? Really, I thought they were random words thrown together. And, if you can't continue… thank goodness for that.)

The next day, as the Host Club opened, Kyoya welcomed his customers.

"So you see, if you want us to please you, all you have to do is accept us as we are, and remember: Ouran is a great, expensive school. And if something happens… causes lead to consequences."

"EEE! Kyoya Ohtori is sooo clever!" the fangirls squealed. Kyoya just smiled, knowing they would pay for the merchandise; and he also saw one of the richest girls, Aki Kamimae, enjoying her time with Tamaki on the couch. Profit was sure.

Once the customers left, he asked the others to stay another while, and handed around a copy of his notes.

…what happened about five minutes later?

Haruhi got so disgusted she couldn't touch the ootoro which was ordered for her. Tamaki crouched in his emo corner, surrounded by an even darker aura than usual. The twins sat in utter shock. Mori had already dismembered the combat dummy they got him, just in case. And Hunny? Well, he fainted before he could eat his cakes.

Suddenly Kyoya's mobile phone rang.

"So there's something new?" his glasses flashed "I'll be home in a short while."

Well, that was what Kyoya gathered on the first day of his research. And sorry for adding my OC as a wallpaper :)