Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss rules. Get it?

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: B/F

Authors Notes: I always wondered what'd happen if Buffy didn't gets kicked outta the house that night. What if she were the one to lead the girls into the vineyard? What if she found the scythe before that bomb went off in her face, what if she didn't get knocked out for like a day? So ya know, I kinda abused Joss' characters for my own end.

Release

When you open your eyes it's dark in your room, but the moment consciousness hits you, you know she's there. A quick glance confirms her presence, sitting on the windowsill smoking. Like she's your silent guardian. Neither of you speak, even though you know that she's aware you're awake now.

She flicks the end of her cigarette out the open window, her eyes tracking it as she blows out her last lungful, before she stands and closes the window. Without a word she places your shoes next to the bed and picks up your jacket before making eye contact. She nods towards the door and steps back as you pull yourself from the bed and slip your feet into your shoes. She hands you your jacket as she leads you out and down the stairs.

You can hear all the injured girls in the living room, but you keep your eyes front as you walk out the front door behind Faith. Maybe if you don't look it won't hurt so much. You might have gotten that awesome axe out of the deal, but a lot of girls were hurt in the process, some even killed.

You shake your head as she holds the passenger door open for you, then walks around to the drivers side. She doesn't put the radio on, just cracks her window a little, so the only sounds are the wind and her steady breathing. You don't know where you're going, but you're happy to let someone else lead for a while.

She's brought you to the little restaurant you both discovered the first time she came to town, after chasing a couple of vampires out here. It's not until the food's been ordered and your hand's wrapped around a glass of wine, hers around a cold bottle of beer, that you start talking.

You tell her everything that you just can't bring yourself to say to anyone else, even Willow. How scared you are, how you don't know how to win this time, and how you feel about the vineyard. How it stabs you to know that some of the girls that came to you for protection are now dead, a lot more injured.

When you've finished talking you look up at her. She rolling her nearly empty bottle along the edge of the table, staring at it as she processes what you've said. The silence is broken by her chuckle. You wrinkle your brow at her. You don't think you said anything funny.

She looks up to catch your expression and chuckles again before starting to speak.

"You've died twice an' you still don't get it." You raise an eyebrow at her until she continues. "It's a war B, it ain't science. People get hurt, an' they get killed, an' we can't do anythin' but be here to help. They know that, maybe it's time ya let it sink in."

You're silent a second as her words roll around your head. Not the most poetic, not even the most blinding when it comes to brilliance, but just like it's always happened before, her words bleed into you and you feel some of the tension you didn't even know you were carrying, roll off your shoulders. She smiles at you because she knows this little excursion worked, and leans back in her chair as the waiter takes away your empty plates.

You don't thank her because you don't need too. She's done this countless times before, when the weight of it all was pressing down on you too much, even though you're both aware that she's the true slayer now, that the line continues through her and not you.

You don't even mention that you're actually walking away from the car, and not towards it. You know what comes next and a thrill runs through you at the thought of what's to come. She leads the way and without looking at you she pulls out a stake and hands it to you. It isn't one of the busiest cemeteries but this isn't where you're waging a war so it's ok.

Within a few minutes a vampire appears out of the shadows and you smile as she leans back against a tombstone to watch. The vampire isn't big, or good, but you take your time kicking him around, feeling the crunch of bone under your fist. And when you're done, and he's nothing but dust, you feel better. You're facing a mausoleum, your hands braced against it when you feel her come up behind you.

"Thought ya could do with a little release." You don't reply, just nod as you breath through your mouth. It wasn't a hard fight, it didn't even wind you, but the blood's rushing through your body, leaving a pulse between your legs that you're very aware of. You catch the scent of her and smile. Watching you fight, when she knows you're gonna win, still has the same effect on her that it always does.

Without turning around you reach behind you and grab hold of her shirt, pulling her in front of you. Her back hits the mausoleum but when you look into her eyes, she's not surprised. A small smile curls at the corners of her lips a split second before you lean against her body and kiss her.

She's quite willing to let you lead because she knows that slaying doesn't really make you horny to be touched, it makes you wanna touch. You want to feel the warm wetness of her as you sink your fingers into her, you want to hear her moan for you. And that's exactly what you do.

Without looking you yank the buttons of her jeans open, stopping for only a split second to look into her eyes, before you push your hand down them, and roughly put two fingers inside her. Her back arches and a moan comes out of her kiss swollen lips, her fingers pushing under your hair and curling around your neck. But she doesn't take her eyes away from yours.

Even when her breath catches in the back of her throat, when you bend your thumb round to press against her clit. She wants you to see what's in her eyes for you, and the sight makes you thrust a little bit harder, a little bit rougher. Because without words she's telling you that she missed you, that she hasn't forgotten a single night you spent together and all the ways you made each other scream. She's telling you that she's still in love with you, that she probably always will be. What can you do but say the exact things back with your own eyes?

Because it doesn't matter how much you hurt each other, non of the pain, and the suffering make even a little bit of difference. Because you can't help who you're in love with. You're not supposed to.

Her orgasm arrives in the whisper of your name and you'd forgotten how viciously beautiful she looks when she comes.

It takes her a few seconds to catch her breath but when she does, she spins you around so your back's pushed up against the granite.

Now it's your turn to scream.