Bella's Point Of View

Some people say that losing someone you love is one of the toughest things you will ever go through in your life. I beg to differ, it's impossible for such a thing to be difficult when you can't feel it at all. Personally, I found my body was numb as I stared down at the coffin in front of me, the body on display for the family members surrounding me.

I didn't remember getting dressed. I could only assume that Renee had aided me in doing so. She had also been the one to purchase the black dress that covered my lifeless body. Although she needed me right now, I was unable to so much as look at her, let alone hold her hand in an attempt to comfort her. I was partially glad that Phil was at her side today, able to hold her as she cried. I was partially hating him, for existing.

Bouquets of flowers were placed around the open church. Many donated and brought by other families as an attempt to send their condolences. Many people pointed out their favorite floral arrangements from their seats, ogling them with their eyes, explaining just how beautiful they were. I didn't bother to so much as glance at the plants. How could something be even close to beauty when everything you've had in your life was taken from you in such a short time? To me, the white roses were wilted and bleeding.

I wished so badly that Charlie was here beside me. Here to hold my hand as I stared down at the lifeless corpse before me. After Edward had left, Charlie was the only one able to force a smile out of me, I would be forever grateful for the small bits of happiness he offered me over those months. I would also be forever angry with him, for being so stupid for only a few days ago, he had managed to leave me just as alone as the love of my life had.

A hand squeezing my shoulder tore my thoughts away from whatever I was thinking about. My mother's soft voice whispering in my ear. "Your father would have been so proud of you for being this strong, baby girl..." I looked up at her as she brushed the hair from my face, the make up that had been forced on my face streaming down my cheeks along with the countless tears. I could see it in my mothers eyes that she wished she hadn't said a single word, my eyes staring back down at my last piece of withering sanity. "Perhaps you could go talk to Carlisle, he's been asking for you, sweetie..."

Carlisle was one of the last people I ever wanted to speak to, even at such a lonely time like this. After my father's shooting on one of his calls, Carlisle had flown in upon request to help with my fathers surgery. His plane was far too late, as Charlie had passed away in the time it took to fly from wherever the Cullen's now resided, to Forks. I didn't blame Carlisle in the slightest for my father's death, though held him partially responsible for my own.

My eyes glanced to the back of the chapel, my eyes falling on him. I despised how beautiful he continued to look, clothed in a respectable suit with his hands in his pockets. His sad eyes were on me, refusing to move. As if it were possible, my heart shredded the million pieces it was already left in, into millions more. I tore my eyes away, my body leaning down to place a gentle kiss against Charlie's cold cheek as the priest asked us to take our seats for the service to commence. I had never possessed the intention to stay for the funeral and the burial of my father, I didn't have that strength in me. Watching them lower my dad into the ground, knowing it would be the last image I had of him was enough to destroy me. I settled for walking past the filled pews, past Carlisle and out of the church I would ignore for the rest of my existence. Renee nor Phil followed me, both knowing I would refuse their presence.

I didn't bother to drive my truck home, the sight alone stirring nausea in my stomach. I wasn't ready to be reminded of Charlie, of anything. I found myself wandering well past Forks, and out of the towns boundaries irregardless of the fact I had been wanting to go home. My body refused to lead me in that direction, it knew the sadness that awaited me if I brought myself back there. The rain pelted my skin, instantly making me curse myself for not bringing a sweater. I guessed it was only fitting that it rained today, it wouldn't have been right if it was sunny...

Wrapping my arms around my body, I watched my feet walking over the gravel that lined the side of the road, the sound of a car against the wet pavement becoming more distinct. The sleek, black car stopped a few feet in front of me, the passenger window rolling down enough for Carlisle's voice to sound through it. "Bella, let me drive you home."

Home? I didn't have a home! How easily he forgot just how his family broke me down. I was hardly able to continue living in this stupid town when they left. How was I supposed to do it without my father?!

I ignored his words, walking past the car without so much as a glance in his direction. I heard the car door slam shut as he easily caught up with me. His long legs carrying him much faster than my own could. I tried to out-walk him, but I could feel his presence lingering closely behind me. My body moved into a soft jog before upgrading into a fast sprint down the empty road, the rain soaking me from head to toe by now. I felt a set of arms around my waist, halting me from escaping. Carlisle holding me close to his body as I struggled to free myself from his iron embrace. I screamed in defiance, shouting swear words and horrible names at him, my feet lifting off the ground as I kicked the air before me, though he refused to loosen his grip on me. Instead of listening to my demands of freedom, Carlisle leaned his head against mine and placed a single kiss atop my hair. My body went limp with the gesture, trying to collapse to the cold, wet ground though his arms wouldn't allow it. Instead, he eased us both down to the dirt, pulling me into his chest tightly as my tears soaked his expensive suit. My own chest heaved with each heavy sob while his hands rubbed my back and hair in comfort.

Every angry feeling I held towards this man vanished for the time being. Before he left, I had seen him as a second father to me. In the span of a year I had lost a mother, two fathers, my true love, two sisters and two brothers. Not to mention the friendships I had with the lot of them. I was truly and utterly alone, unwilling to travel back to the superficial life that Renee and Phil were now leading. I no longer belonged in that world.

"Bella..." I was too exhausted to respond, by body begging the tears to stop flowing, begging my body to stop gasping for breath between each helpless sob, but it wouldn't. His strong arms lifted me fro the wet ground, his body walking the both of us to his car. I was unable to fight, though mentally cursed him just as loudly as I had before. "Bella... Everyone's here, everyone is here for you." His hand opened the door, setting me in the passenger seat of his car before making his way to the drivers seat.

The thought of seeing any of them again brought more tears to my eyes, my defeated sobs weakening as I drifted off to sleep, continuing to cry through my horrible dreams.