Alright - here we go - last part of this story is up - *wipes tear* my first fan fiction - completed. Thanks everyone so much for your replies and comments - the support helped me finish it! Let me know what you think please!
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The girls sat together on Emily's bed, finishing their drinks in awkward silence. As soon as Naomi had taken her last sip, Emily grabbed her mug and set it on her bed side table. Gathering her courage, she asked cheekily, "Feel warmer?"
Naomi laughed softly, "Yes, much. Thank you. It's been ages since I've had hot chocolate."
After nodding, grateful that the girl didn't think her odd for wanting something so plain, Emily lost her nerve and needed to fiddle. She decided music was the key. All important moments on TV have soft music playing in the background. That will help. She quickly moved from the bed and went to the twin's stereo. "Feel like listening to music?" She asked.
"Sure, yea. Music sounds good." Naomi replied, matching her nervousness.
After skipping a few songs, some quicker than others, (as she hoped Naomi didn't catch Celine Dion's 'Falling into You') she finally settled on one of her favourite soundtracks: Amélie. Perfect, she thought. This won't cause much distraction. It's light and it's got hardly any words. She hit play and turned the volume down to fit background music. Definitely perfect.
While the red-head had sorted through the music, Naomi attempted to squash her own jitters by stretching out. She propped herself up against the wall with a few of Emily's pillows. Mmm, they smell nice. Sigh. You're seriously hopeless. I don't know why you even bother pretending that you're not head over heels in love with her.
Emily watched as Naomi made herself more comfortable. On my bed! She thought, giddily. She was looking over at Katie's bed, wondering if she should sit over there and give Naomi some space when the blonde intercepted her thoughts. "Don't be silly Ems; there is plenty of room over here." Emily nodded and sat down cross legged facing her side.
After a few moments of just listening to the music, Naomi couldn't take it anymore. Something had to be said. Anything.
"Right then," the blonde started, "aren't you glad we've had this talk then yea?"
Chuckling, Emily replied "Oh yes. I'm glad we straightened everything out. I feel loads better."
"Great, I'll just be on my way then." Naomi pretended to get off the bed when Emily, laughing, put a hand on her arm, stopping her from leaving. Looking down at the hand and feeling her stomach flip at the sight of Emily touching her, Naomi shook her head slightly and gave a half smile. Oh yes, totally in love.
Thankful for the comic relief and for breaking the ice, Emily regained her nerve. "Ok Naomi, really, what's going on here? I mean, I'm confused. We kissed. We more than kissed. We made love. It was amazing. Perfect. But you left me there. Then, you sit at my door crying, telling me everything that I've wanted to hear you say to me for years." Emily took a breath. "But again, you left me there and ignored me for ages. You didn't answer my text message, you didn't call, and I didn't see you at college. So finally, I decide to have a night out. Have some fun. Get fucking shit faced and let go. You actually show up, see me dancing with Cook," she stopped, looked Naomi and stated with extra emphasis, "which was harmless by the way. But you freak out and get mad at me. You start acting all jealous or something. Then Effy says something about lust and whether it's making you feel good, 'yet', and…" Emily trailed off. She knew she'd been rambling but needed to get it all out at once. Sighing, Emily said, almost in a whisper, "I don't know what's going on between us. Please, just be honest with me."
Honest. There's that bloody concept again. Fucking truth. Get's you in trouble every time. Naomi, in an effort to buy herself some more time, turned her body and sat cross legged so she was now facing the red-head. She put her hands on Emily's knees and tried to collect her thoughts.
"You have to understand Ems, I'm not like you." Seeing the hurt in the other girl's eye, she quickly clarified. "No, I don't mean that. I mean, I have a hard time with emotions and any sort of personal confrontation. Shocking I know." She added sarcastically. "But really, give me a political rally any day. I can stand up in front of our classmates or in front of hundreds of people that I don't even know and spout off how the world should be a better place and that we should all be doing our part. That's easy." Naomi tapped Emily's knees. "This," she stressed, "This is hard."
Emily waited patient, sensing that the girl wasn't finished yet.
"I've avoided this exact situation my entire life." She started again, almost to herself. "Emotional attachment I mean. I don't even have a pet. I had a goldfish once. It died. I cried for weeks. Honestly. Anyway, I'm not very good at this. It scares me." The last bit came out so quiet that she wasn't sure Emily could even hear her.
"You're doing fine," Emily reassured, placing her hands overtop of Naomi's, gently running her thumb over the backs of them. "Just keep talking."
"I don't know how to do this. I can't think properly. I feel like everything's a little fuzzy. Maybe you put too much Bailey's in the hot chocolate."
"Naomi, I didn't put any in. Really, you're doing great."
So much for trying to get out of this. Naomi sighed. Oh just face up you pathetic twat. "Ok," finding her resolve, she rushed in before she lost it again, "Then the truth is this. I can't fucking think when I'm around you. You make it so hard to do anything. And so easy at the same time. I meant what I said at your door that night. You make me feel like a better person. You really do. Like I could do anything. People have told me that before y'know, that I could do anything. People I've known for years and years. But I only believe you. It's like…my brain, it has this 'auto-accept anything said by Emily Fitch' button that's been switched on since we met. I tried turning it off. I tried getting you out of my head. Nothing fucking works."
Emily started to say something, trying to assure the blonde that she wasn't alone, but Naomi kept going. "No, I need to get this out. You asked for it. You wanted it. So take it. Do you know the first thought in my head when I wake up every morning?"
"'I need to pee?'"
Naomi laughed, "Even before that." Emily shook her head. "Your eyes. Not even the rest of you. Just your eyes. They're fucking gorgeous Ems. Really. I lie in bed every single fucking morning and think about your eyes. Every morning since college started. I tried to ignore it. I tried to pretend I didn't. But that's a time when you can't control your thoughts. I've realized that now. When we were at the lake…" She trailed off, unsure how to proceed. "Emily, it was perfect. The rest of the world just fucked off and the things we did…well. You heard Effy. She had asked about us while waiting in line tonight, and I basically said that I was lusting after you. She asked if it was making me feel good, but I couldn't tell her the truth. I couldn't tell her that yes, yes it felt amazing. That I wanted you over and over again. That I've wanted you every moment since. I couldn't admit that to her. To anyone. Not even to myself. It was the best thing I've ever felt." She stopped for a moment to see if Emily was registering her words, and when she saw that the red-head's beautiful brown eyes had a slight mist over them, she continued on.
"I can't take it anymore, Emily. It hurts. This feeling inside of me when I see you. When I hear your voice. God, your voice." Naomi rocked back a little and tightened her grip on the girl's legs. "That's the second thing I think about in the morning by the way, and this one sticks with me all day. It's so husky, all the time. So intense, so fucking sexy. You shouldn't be allowed to use it without permission first. It's unfair. You could be telling me that it's pissing rain outside or that I just flunked my entrance exams or a limitless supply of other drabble and it doesn't fucking matter. Your voice is…it's…fucking hell - I don't even know what word to use! This is what you do to me. I forget how to speak. Just being near you like this. We're not even really touching!"
Emily was smiling, ignoring the tears that were forming in her eyes. I get why people cry out of happiness now, she thought, taking all that the blonde had to offer. "Naomi," she started.
"Seductive!" the blonde practically shouted. "That's what your voice is. Seductive. Jesus. That took long enough. So yea, alright? You're my first and second thought in the morning. Then I think about how I need to pee." She pushed her hair back behind her ear as she continued. "Seriously Emily. I know this must sound like a bunch of clichéd lines from a stupid Hollywood movie but really, I fucking mean it. Then, as if that isn't bad enough. I get to see you, practically every day. But I can't touch you. I can't even show you that I care. That would be giving away too much. You could hurt me. I can't even tell you that I love you because I'm too scared that it will all just end in shit." Emily gasped at what the blonde had said. "Before I sleep – you know what I think?" Emily just stared at her, hardly paying attention to what she was saying now. Her focus on those three words that slipped by unnoticed from Naomi's lips. "Emily? Hello???" Naomi called, seeing that she'd lost the girl's attention. God, what's she fucking thinking that is so important??
"Naomi…you said…before…just now…did you…" Emily couldn't think.
"Yea, I know I said a lot. I told you that you asked for it, that you'd have to take it all. And you zone out on me half way though! No wond…" Oh shit. Wait. Did i? I did…I said it didn't I? I told her I loved her. Oh god, what the fuck Naomi! Ok, calm down. Maybe it's okay. You know she likes you. She's liked you for two years. Maybe it will be okay. Maybe she feels it back…but…she's not said it back. She's not said anything…
Emily saw as it dawned on the blonde what she'd admitted. "Naomi," she started again, "did you mean it?"
She saw her chance. She could just say that it was a slip. That she meant she loved her as a friend, a best friend, a sister. Anything but the truth. She looked into the eyes she woke to every morning in her mind and knew that she couldn't lie to her. Wouldn't. Not anymore. Fucking truth. "Bloody hell. Emily, I meant what I said. I love you. As in – In love with you. As in –" she was cut off as Emily leaned forward and kissed her, pushing her backwards and crawling on top of her. Naomi wound her arms around the smaller girl and kissed her back.
"I love you too." She whispered quietly in the girl's ear when she pulled back.
"Oh, well, good then." Suave Naomi. Real suave. Just give me a rainbow cape, a fucking spandex outfit and call me Super-Suave. I'm Bristol's newest super hero.
Emily smiled and settled her head in the crook of Naomi's neck. They lay together like that for a few moments as she lazily drew patterns on the blonde's stomach. Then Naomi started to run her fingers lightly along the bare skin on Emily's arm. "So, do you want to know what I think about every night before I sleep?"
Emily nodded and Naomi rolled them over, covering her body with her own and slowly kissed her again. Moving her lips down the red-heads neck, she made her way around to her ear, gently nipping at the lobe and whispering her thoughts as she lost herself in memories. "I think about your eyes again. The way you look at me. The way they see me and not just who I want them to. I think about the look in them when you want me. When you want to kiss me. You have very expressive eyes, baby. I think about your voice, your sex-in-a-sound voice that instantly causes my body to react." She could hear Emily's breathing increase and feel her chest as it expanded, trying to capture enough air. She continued her slow soft kissing to the girls other side, taking small bites at the base of her neck causing the red-head to moan.
"I think about your hands. The way they feel on my skin. The way it felt to have you touch me everywhere. To feel me. I think about how it felt to have your nails digging into my back as I took you." Naomi shuddered slightly, trying to keep herself under control. "I think about how it felt to touch you. How perfect you felt over me. How perfect you felt under me. How perfect I felt inside of you."
Emily's swallowed – hard. Voice husky, she offered a suggestion. "Better idea Naomi, why don't you show me?"