Chapter four.

Sorry for the taking so long, I was kinda at a creative low. Plus I'm working on another one.

Thought's are in italics.

And since this is my first time doing Point of View's, hope it doesn't suck.

I like, don't, like, own, like, Death, like, Note.

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Next day, Mello's POV

"Huh...why is everything so...fuzzy? And where's Near?" I turn around, "Holy sheep! What's up with the polar bear. Wha-? It's nudging me...OH CRAP HE PUSHED ME OFF!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" I screamed in terror, shattering everyone's eardrums simultaneously. "What waaaaas thaaaaaaaat yoooooouu stuuuuupiiiiid polaaaar beaaaaar!?! AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" But than...the unexpected happened, I bounced back up. As I started to fall again, I noticed some men in an inflatable raft.

"It's all right, kid." One said as he took his hands off his bleeding ears. "Okay, fall right about...there."

I felt hands grabbing me and tearing off the harness (How did it get there anyways?) off my chest.

"AHHH, PEDOPHILES!!!"

".....What?"

"Nevermind."

And, having my brain jolted after falling 300 feet off of a bridge, I look back up at the white lump encroaching on my vision. There, smirking at my shocked state, was Near. "So that's what the 'polar bear' was...Oh woah, he's going off!"

"Near! Noooooo!" I screamed hoarsely. I then watched as he did three back flips and spinning three hundred and sixty degrees each time. Than, he stretched out straight, and hit the water. Like a flippin' fairy.

"Wow! Nice job, kid! Have you ever done that before?" The man who pulled Mello out of the water asked the sheepish boy.

"Nope, I just watched what 'The Blond' did, and did everything but." He taunted.

"Why you little..!" I gritted my teeth, and visibly started to clench my fists and breathe heavily.

"Is that kid okay?" The waterman(lets call him "Bob") asked Near

"He's in withdrawal; Mello, fetch!" Near called out as he threw a chocolate bar into a tree above his head.

"Oh..so that's why I can't think straight." I lunged seven feet into the air, grabbed the chocolate bar. And promptly landed on my face... "Stupid Near, he giggled... deviously ."

"Hahahahaha! What an idiot!" Bob's assistant said while laughing hysterical.

"I HATE ALL OF YOU!" I yelled as I chomped down on my chocolate. "Mmm, Heaven...in my mouth..."

"So, Mello, how did you enjoy the bungee jump, or should I say 'fall'?"

"Well, you could have woken me up." I rasped, my throat still sore from screaming my lungs out.

Near's expression changed to shock. "You've been awake for the past seven hours! It's 3 PM!"

"Hmm?" I grunted.

"You've been walking and talking with us like you usually do. What does that chocolate do?"

"Turns my brain on, what else?" I replied sarcastically.

"Makes you fat." Near retorted, poking me in the stomach.

"Ha,ha, he think's he's sooo funny."

"Come on, Mello, we still have a few more sites to go to. Like the zoo."

Sadly, the chocolate quickly wore off. Close to light speed proportions. Exactly 3.7 seconds til the batteries died again.

"What's two plus seven minus twelve cubed?"

"Minus nine, that's easy." I replied cooly, still half aware.

"Okay."

"Hey kid," Bob whispered in Near's ear. "You said cubed, not squared."

"I'm aware of that. Mello is off of Mr. Miracle Worker. He can't think straight."

"Oh...Kay?"

"Matsuda! Let's go before Mello snaps out of it and we have to deal with his whining again!" Near yelled at a brunette man who was taking pictures.

"I'll be right with you!" He called back as he put down his camera and took a bite out of his hamburger.

"Porkins! Let's go!" I watched that one blond chick, Misa, yell at the brunette. "Light-sama might get mad at us!"

I followed the polar bear-like thing back to a car... Strange things are in Poland... Wait...I'm in Poland? What the crap? Ugh, I'm tir-...

0o0o0o0o0o0o

(Two hours later: Third person POV.)

They decided to tour a Maori village when their legs started to go numb and Misa had to pee again. After waking Mello, they withheld chocolate for the lulz.

They were greeted by a man with blue tattoos over his face and arms.

"Hello, would you like to fight a Maori with staves? The cost is five dollars. And if you win, you can keep the staff. Whether you win or lose you will help us struggling tribesmen. You'll also receive free medical care for all injuries received in the fight!"

Near's lips twitched. "Where do I sign?"

"No laddie, I don't think you'll do that great."

"Oh, it's not for me." Near said as he wrote 'Mello' onto the list. "Mello is the blond addict."

"Okay... Hey Staffen McTribesmen! We have a client!"

"Yeah!" Some random guy with a stick exclaimed as he threw another stick at Mello. The staff hit his shins, but still being low on chocolate he keeled over. He looked up, as he brushed the dirt off his face.

"Wha-? Ouch! What was that for? Ow! Hey man-ow! Hey there's a stick!"

He grabbed the stick, but the man got to him first, hitting him in the head. Lifted the stick, was hit in the arm. Swung the stick, was hit in the hand. That was kinda how the fight went until Mello was on the ground, being pummeled mercilessly, as the crowd booed...But then, he suddenly managed to swing his staff up...Right into the man's groin. Needless to say, he won...

"YAY!!! Baby Mero won!" Misa and Matsuda squealed in unison.

"Hey, boy, here's your stupid staff..." The man groaned as he tossed the stick at his conqueror.

"I can't let go of this one though..."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because it's sticky!"

"So? That's the 'point'!"

"I was wondering why it was sharp..."

"Wow Mello... you sucked!" Near rolled his eyes at the still shocked chocolate addict.

"Maybe you should have done it!"

"Hmm, well I could," Near reminisced, "If I put to use...My memories!"

"Your memories?" Mello mused.

"Yes, in one of my past lives, I was a Roman Emperor!"

"Oh really? Than what was your name?"

"Near-o."

Mello groaned.

And now; Time for the....FABULOUS FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!!!

"M-my l-liege, what is i-it you d-desired?" The manager stuttered.

" I desire knowledge. Specifically, why is the Colosseum not making as much money?"

The man trembled, "Well sire, it's not my fault!"

"Than whose fault is it?" Near-o asked disdainfully.

"W-well, the lions!"

"How is it the lions fault?"

"Because, they're eating up the prophets!"

*Sigh* "You know what I truly desire?"

"What is it, my liege?"

"I desire meat from a large cat!"

"But, sire, you must be lion!" The man recoiled.

"I want some just for the pun of it!" Near-o maintained. "Okay, I lied, instead I want to see people fighting each other."

"Glad(iator)ly." The manager said cheerfully.

"Give me a pole!"

"Bring 'em in!"

"But I don't wanna!" A thick accent was heard. "You jerks dragged me from me Northern home! Agh!"

"You idiot!" Near-o yelled at the guards. "I wanted a pole, like a staff, not a 'Pole'!"

Suddenly, several Polish men came into the room.

"Hello, Mister Emperor, we are the Pole staff you ordered."

"Idiots. Kill them all! Or just sell them to the Prussians or something."

"No! That's too horrible a punishment!"

"That's what she said!" Near-o said promptly. "Now get me my stick."

"Here you are, sire." One of his aides said after several minutes of figuring out what he meant by 'stick'. They were correct. Finally.

"Now..." Near-o paused dramatically. "Now, you can bring in that Pole, and give him a pole."

"But I don't waaaaaanna!" The Polish man whined. A nearby aide boxed his ears. "Oh, fine, gimme the shtick!"

The man grabbed a staff, and charged the 'close' by Emperor. He was immediately smacked in the face. He fell down and complained about his team failing in the World Cup. He was hit again.

"Ha ha ha!" Near-o laughed maniacally, "In a couple thousand years, my country will win the prize!"

"Ummmm..."

"Destroy Brasil!"

*Pause*

"...Where, or what, is 'Brasil'?"

"Oh, right, it hasn't been discovered yet..." Near-o sighed.

"Well then...that means that the-"

THE FLASHBACK ENDS!!!1!!1!!!!!eleven!!!1!!!one!!!!

"Yo, Slave!" Near commanded. "Come here!"

"Sweet, free money!" A tourist yelled. "I can totally beat that sheep, I'm from Warsaw!"

Near smirked. He took Mello's staff, and stood there.

The Polish man charged wildy, hair flowing, eyes sparkling, cheeks flushed; Then a certain staff slammed into his face. He crumpled to the ground and wailed about his National team perpetually fails at the European championship and World Cup.

Near chuckled.

Just then, Matsuda came running up. "Did you (huff) know that (puff) these (huff huff) people get (puff) their housing (huffity puffity) materials from(huff) flax machines!?!"

"Matsuda..." Mello sighed as he chomped down on his newly liberated chocolate.

"What?"

"You're an idiot."

"I wasn't being serious..." Matsuda said as he lowered his head in shame. Tears were already forming in his kicked puppy-like eyes.

"Hey, Dreams, can you cut to a flashback or something?" Near yelled loudly at the guy with the notepad.

"Who's 'Dreams'?" Mello ask-

Welcome to Matsuda's amazing 10 second flashback!!!!!

"Ah..." Matsuda sighed in contentment as he looked at the sea crashing down on the cliffs. The moon was shining brightly, the seagulls crying and-----

Flashback ends.

Matsuda was placed, slightly bruised and completely unconscious in the car.

"Finally, that clown stopped the outrageous howling." Mello scoffed.

"So...What do we do until he wakes up and drives us back to our hotel?" Near wondered aloud.

"Well," Mello contemplated thoughtfully, "We could walk around the village some more. Or call a tow truck., OR you could drive!"

Near grinned creepily and rubbed his hands together as he slipped behind the wheel...

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Yep...That's the end of the chapter...Muahahahahahahhahahaha!!

A/N: I randomly and blatantly interspersed this story with Naruto Abridged. I do not own, BELIEVE IT!