I finally finished the second part! I'm sorry it took so long-but in the middle of writing it I lost my muse for the story and only just recently got it back when re-watching some of Mai HiME at my friend's request. I just I should thank him. x3 But I probably won't. This part is once again, more from Natsuki's point of view than Shizuru's, and really tried to convey Natsuki's more Gentle (can I use that word with her? xD) side, the one that she uses with Shizuru.
I'm gonna go ahead and apologize for any errors ahead of time since I have no beta and I can only do so much proofreading. If you you've forgotten what happened thus far-go and check out the first part! (It's got the disclaimer in there too)
It took a few excruciating long moments for the elegant woman to make her reply, and when it came it was nothing of which Natsuki wished to hear. "Would Natsuki like to move to a more comfortable area?" she asked pleasantly, her 'polite mode' on, "Perhaps that would make this easier?" she offered.
Natsuki growled, letting her friend go and shook her head angrily, giving up. She opened the door to the living area and muttered an annoyed 'whatever' to the latter of the two. When she was sure the older woman had followed her and that the door was closed she turned on her. "what? Can't take the garage?" she murmured, anger still lightly tingeing her voice. She'd have preferred if they had spoken in there, where there was a easy exit and lots of things to keep her distracted enough to not become overly intimidated or start to over think.
"It would probably be easier to talk if we both had a place to sit, right?" Shizuru commented, gesturing with her hand towards Natsuki's small couch. Small as it was, Natsuki cast an embarrassed look at it. In the past few days of her vegging out it had become littered with game cases, her controller, and a few magazines. "Or perhaps…not?" Shizuru added a bit offhanded, raising a hand to her mouth to smother her small smile.
Natsuki gave her a quick scowl and set to work cleaning off the small area. "I just haven't really been paying attention to cleaning the past few days," she answered curtly. Been too busy thinking about you…she added silently in her head. She pushed the last of the debris away and motioned for Shizuru to sit. "Damn it…I'm a freakin' mess…I'll get it all dirty…" Natsuki grumbled, looking at her soiled cargo pants. They were the pair she always wore when working on her Ducati and today she'd gotten them particularly messy when she changed the oil. Her top too-which was a green wife beater had become soiled with splotches of black. Natsuki looked at Shizuru and growled, "Not a word out of you," she ordered, recognizing the glint in the crimson. She had a tease all set for the bluenette and she was not looking forward to it.
"Ara, I have no idea what Natsuki is talking about," Shizuru answered innocently, smiling to prove her point.
"Yeah, I'm sure…" Natsuki threw back sarcastically, grabbing a jacket from the ground and sitting on it. She looked to Shizuru who held that innocent smile and she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow, "What?'"
"nothing, only if Natsuki had wanted an easier way to kept everything clean she could have simply taken them off," Shizuru answered smoothly. She had hit her mark when the other girl flushed and she gaped, trying to form a coherent answer. "Of course, it would seem Natsuki is too timid…?" she added, tapping her chin in thought.
"G-Get real Shizuru! Stop getting off topic!"
"We were on a topic?"
"Yes! Now tell me what's bothering you!" Natsuki ordered, narrowing her eyes to the girl, backing up her demand with a trademark 'Kuga Glare'.
Shizuru sighed, leaning back in her seat, an folded her hands in her lap. She would take her time with this, and Natsuki was fairly certain the other girl wished she had a cup of tea to sip while thinking. Too bad Shizuru…nothing to distract you this time. She thought victoriously. Of course, the thought of how long said thinking might take hadn't crossed her mind at the moment. At this moment, it seemed to be taking too much time. Of course, Natsuki never was very good at waiting for answers, or really anything. Thus she began to fidget.
It wasn't much at first, merely her drumming her fingers on her thigh. A simple sign of annoyance, but she was sure Shizuru had noticed. She was probably factoring it into Natsuki's mood too; trying to find the best way to talk to her. She also probably knew that she was ticking the girl off immensely at the moment. The foot started tapping around the ten minute mark and Natsuki couldn't even tell if the older girl had even come close to deciding anything. Needless to say, she was fed up with the silence. "Oi Shizuru-" her words were stopped by a risen hand from the subject of annoyance.
"It's alright Natsuki, I'm just about to begin," Shizuru answered quietly, placing the hand back in her lap. Natsuki nodded mutely, shutting her mouth. She'd have to bite back that retort forming on her tongue, and swallow the anticipation. "Natsuki…you wanted to know, why I was sad, right?" she began slowly, glancing towards the blue haired girl.
Natsuki nodded, "Yeah, I just noticed it earlier, and it was kind of strange…you don't normally make those sorts of faces," the girl mumbled slightly, At least not around me…I know that much…She added in her head.
"I suppose…it's from not being able to have what I want," Shizuru phrased carefully, closing her eyes, veiling her expression.
"What…does that mean?" Natsuki questioned quietly, a bit confused that Shizuru would say such a thing. The Fujino family well extremely well known throughout the Kyoto district, and even through the rest of Japan to some kind of degree. Shizuru should want for nothing, and Natsuki knew, given the girl's simplistic nature, she really didn't ask for much. The fact that Shizuru wasn't vocalizing her answer was starting to worry her. "Ne, Shizuru? What does that mean?" she pressed again, placing one of her hands on the older girl's shoulder. She wasn't prepared when the older girl turned towards her, eyes open with such an expression that the younger of the two had to suck in a breath.
"I want to be with you Natsuki," she whispered fervently, eyes pained, "So very, very badly." Natsuki felt a tug at her heart when she locked eyes with the girl. She'd always found if she wanted the truth, she need only look into these eyes. However, these eyes now scared her with the depths of the emotion in them. Such a deep affection, and Natsuki was afraid to identify the other emotion; A burning love that seemed to scare the girl to no ends.
"ah…is that why…you said that…before?" Natsuki managed to choke out, forcing herself to focus and force words from her closed throat. Her hand left the older girl's shoulder and retreated under her legs, suddenly extremely squeamish around her almost lifelong friend. Damn it! It's Shizuru-I shouldn't be afraid of her! Natsuki fumed at herself waiting for the older girl's answer.
"Yes, it was a slip of the tongue however, it wasn't supposed to come out like it had," Shizuru answered, pain and a strong sense of disappointment emanating from her tone and face. It was as if she was ashamed of letting herself simply be herself.
"Were you…never going to tell me?" Natsuki asked, trying to keep her voice even, though she felt her nervousness over the subject starting to bubble up in her throat, trying to force her to squeak.
Shizuru gave her friend a strained smile, "I know that Natsuki could never accept feelings like this, or ever feel the same way," she gave a small shrug of defeat, "So no, I wasn't planning on telling Natsuki,"
Natsuki felt the fabric under her stretch as she made her hands into fists. Her strained to keep calm once more, "How long Shizuru?" she asked through almost clenched teeth.
Shizuru blinked, turning to her friend, confused, "Beg your pardon?"
"How long…have you loved me I mean," Natsuki answered, the word love coming out a bit harder than the others. It wasn't her fault though, she had never been very good with words and her feelings and this whole matter was really pushing the very limits of what her mind could really comprehend.
It was a while before the older girl answered, "It's probably been years now Natsuki…Though only in around the past year or so I came to terms with it myself,"
Natsuki squeezed her eyes shut, the fabric beneath her hands crumbling. Shizuru…has been suffering all this time-because of me? She agonized in her mind. She had caught the elegant girl dazing off at times, or sometimes staring at her; but she had always dismissed it as the girl merely thinking deeply. All those times…and I never even thought about asking about it! She yelled inwardly. She gasped when Shizuru's hand came in contact with her shoulder and her head whipped towards the crimson eyed beauty.
Shizuru's eyes radiated worry and genuine concern for the internally torn girl before her. Her mask had almost all but dropped and her eyebrows had creased together. Her mouth was downturned slightly as if frowning, "Nat…suki?" she whispered, "Are you…alright?" she asked. Natsuki had to turn her eyes downward to avoid the heat of the worried crimson, and bit her lip.
Even now she's worrying about me-as if she thinks I couldn't handle it…did she already forget that I was one of the first to know about Chie and Aoi? Natsuki glanced up at Shizuru and nodded slightly, "Yeah…I am…so that's why you're sad huh…" she leaned back against the couch, letting Shizuru's hand fall from her shoulder, "'Cuz of me…" she muttered. Because I can't…accept her…She rubbed her temples and scowled, eyes closed in thought. So…what should I say? I don't even freaking know if I'm straight or not! Ugh…what a time to be indecisive Kuga! Think damn it! She ordered herself, the scowl deepening slightly, alright…I hate Takeda and pretty much all the other idiot boys who have tried to hit on me…and I haven't found any of them attractive…so do I like girls? She let her hands fall back down with a exasperated sigh. It was far too frustrating.
Natsuki blinked her eyes open when she heard an amused giggle. Her face filtered red when she filtered red when she realized Shizuru was giggling at her indecision. She gaped at the older girl and stuttered out a few incomprehensible words before the older girl collected herself. "maah…Forgive me Natsuki-you just looked so cute when you're flustered," she explained, still covering her mouth to smother the smile.
"You…Shizuru! Quit it! I'm trying to think!" Natsuki barked, a scowl setting itself on her face, the blush only deepening at her weak comeback to the playful tease. "Bah…forget it…" she grumbled, slapping her palm to her forehead, trying to cover her face. Seriously…how am I supposed to think about thing with her giggling at me like that?! Cute…ridiculous…she groused in her head. The last part of her thoughts however, weren't helping her heart though, as she felt it skip a beat and speed up at the thought. And just what the hell is that about? She thought incredulously, placing her free hand over her chest, Why the hell is it beating so fast?
"Natsuki doesn't have to have an answer for me, I haven't asked for one," Shizuru admitted, glancing over to her debating friend, "There's no need for you to become so stressed over the matter," Shizuru almost seemed to be pleading with the other girl, as if she didn't want to know the answer.
Natsuki turned to her and shook her head furiously, "That's not what I'm thinking about!" she lied, the hints splotched across her face in the form of a pink flush, "I mean-Shizuru, why'd you go this long without telling me?! We're friends aren't we? We should be able to tell each other anything!" Natsuki cried, clenching one of her fists again, her voice fervent. She wasn't expecting the shocked expression on Shizuru's face, followed by the chestnut haired girl turning away from her.
"Really…to say such things…" Natsuki heard the definite strain in those words, "Natsuki…is so kind…" Shizuru seemed to be laughing her words, but the fingertips that were discretely trying to wipe something out of her eyes caused the bluenette some degree of distress.
"Sh-Shizuru-Are you crying?! Oh god, why are you crying? Did I say something-!" her frantic babbling was cut off by something very soft against her lips. It took her a moment to realize what exactly they were: Shizuru's lips. Her jade orbs widened as the older girl threaded a hand through her hair, the other tenderly cupping her cheek. She inwardly whimpered as the other of the two began to slowly move her lips against her own. She squeezed her eyes shut and grasped onto the crimson eyed girl's shirt, clinging to her source of stability.
Natsuki couldn't really describe all the emotions that had seemed to start to boil with her stomach and were causing the blooming warmth in her chest. All she could really comprehend, or hear for that matter, was the fierce beating of her heart and soft rustling of their clothing. They broke off for only a second before Shizuru's lips dived back in for another catch, this one more deep than the last. It wasn't long before Natsuki felt her own lips reciprocating in the kiss. She barely felt it as her arms weaved around the other girl's neck, trying to bring her closer. It was when Shizuru's tongue poked at her lips that Natsuki gasped, and she felt Shizuru back away suddenly, as if burned.
Natsuki blinked her eyes open, still somewhat hazy from the kiss and stared at her friend. Shizuru had a hand over her lips and her eyes were downcast. It was a while before either of them spoke, "Natsuki…I am so very, very sorry," Shizuru whispered, a disgusted tone in her voice, as if she felt as though she'd forced the whole thing to happen. She stood abruptly, leaving Natsuki still wordless on the couch and quickly headed to the door. She turned again and reiterated her words, "Kannin na Natsuki," she whispered again, pain evident once more. She twisted open the door knob and it was then Natsuki realized the girl was trying to leave.
"W-Wait a minute! Shizuru!" She scrambled up from her seat, stumbling as fast as she could to grab at the girl who was trying to escape through the door. She was successful, capturing the stray hand from the door, effectively stopping the shocked girl before her. "D-don't leave…" she begged pathetically, partially for herself, but mostly for the beauty before her. She knew well enough that when Shizuru blamed herself for something, she really, honestly thought of herself as some sort of monster. She wouldn't' let it go, and she would agonized over it for days or months at a time and never really get over it. She didn't want that moment to be one of them. Not when she could help it. "Why are you trying to leave?" she demanded, her voice firm, despite the faint flush from the kiss still on her cheeks.
"I…" Shizuru seemed too stunned to truly answer and Natsuki noticed how much trouble Shizuru was having hiding behind her mask. Come on Shizuru…Just let it down! I need to know what you're feeling! Natsuki pleaded silently, hoping her eyes got the message across for her and she stared into scared crimson. It was a few moment before Natsuki saw a distinct shift in the emotions on the pale face of her friend and saw the self disgust. "I shouldn't have forced myself onto Natsuki like that…Not when she didn't want it," Shizuru finally answered, slowly drawing out her words, trying to pin the blame on her. Natsuki grabbed hold of the other hand and pulled the taller woman back into the room, frowning slightly.
"I…it's not like that Shizuru…You didn't really…" she blushed at the thought, and turned her eyes away, "I mean it's not like I did nothing back right?" she murmured softly, almost hoping the older girl didn't hear her. Instincts to protect herself against any incoming teases were hard to break, and even harder to suppress. She had to remind herself that this was serious, and she had to be firm. So she tried it again, "I mean, Shizuru, I may not have been expecting it or anything, but…" She glanced into her friends stunned eyes, "It's not like I wasn't enjoying it either,"
Shizuru's face seemed to break at her words and Natsuki couldn't help but feel irked at the tears that started to pool in the normally stoic girl's eyes. "Really…Natsuki…you're far too kind for your own good…ookini…" she added her thanks quietly, through her hand as she tried to wipe away the incoming tears.
"So…I mean…I can try for you Shizuru, because honestly…I want to know what this feeling is too," Natsuki admitted, taking her now free hand and touching her chest lightly over her heart, which had begun to once again to beat faster and harder than she would care for it to do.
"So…you would be willing to try for a relationship?" Shizuru asked, her voice small, tinted with faint hope.
Natsuki felt her face flush even deeper and shook her head, "Well, maybe not a relationship per say, but something close to that…like just dating or something-to try it! I mean I'm still unsure and…" she trailed off, looking up and Shizuru's now semi-amused expression, "And I'm making myself look like a total nut job aren't I?" she grumbled, shoulders slumping a bit. She blinked in surprise as Shizuru patted her head lightly, turning the motion into a caress of her hair.
"I believe that I would be honored to be 'just dating or something' with Natsuki. If it's with you, I'll always be content with that," Shizuru commented affectionately, her voice regaining it's normal amount of teasing amusement. Natsuki felt her heart flutter again at the words, but managed to keep the pace there as Shizuru leaned in for a small peck on the lips.
Yeah…me too Shizuru. Even though, I'm not quite sure what this feeling is yet. I'll be happy beside you. That much I can be absolutely sure of.
I'm not sure how to call this..fluff, or healing/acceptance? x3 either way i still enjoyed writing the second part alot. Natsuki really can be sweet (even if she doesn't realize it herself-being the blunt and clueless person we love). Shizuru's conception of her being a monster shows up in the anime during the scene righhtttt before she looses it and 'kills' Haruka. (I was just re-watching that two nights ago too...) it shows how she really does regret certain things, and near the end where she honestly and freely is apologizing to Natsuki was far too adorable for it's own good.
anyhow, That wraps this story up. (thank god...) and I'm sure I'll have other stories from this time line sooner or later. But right now I've got other ideas to work on, like the collection of ShizNat drabbles that have been festering in my head, and the Otome/HiME cross over where the Shizuru's switch (should that be a go or no go?) and I'd love to hear what you'd like me to do next. =3
As always thanks for reading and reviews are love =3
KonaxOokami