The Art of Self Destruction

Part 1

When she's six Effy gets lost.

It the annual family holiday in the south of France and they leave their parents further up the beach to play tag in the waves. But Effy's legs are shorter than Tony's and she keeps falling and it's not much fun.

'No' she says stubbornly to Tony's offer to accompany her back to their parents (after all she is six now and more than old enough to find her own way) but the beach is busy and she has to weave in and out of families camped out on towels and sun loungers with screaming children running from the threat of sunscreen and somehow when she looks up she finds she's veered drastically off course.

Even at six years old she's a smart kid (she knows this because Tony told her last time she'd managed to avoid eating her broccoli at dinner and the feeling of pride had sat warm in her chest for weeks after) so she does her best not to cry and instead be the brave, clever Effy that makes Tony proud.

Deep breath in and she's trying very hard to retrace her steps, she really is, but there are just too many people and the traitorous tears prickling at the corners of her eyes make it difficult to see anything.

With the heavy feeling of inevitability in her gut she sits down in the dying light and gives in to her tears.

---

Of course it's Tony who finds her in the end, sitting alone in the sand.

As soon as she catches sight of him something in her relaxes and the panic leaves her. She only feels shame at being such a baby, but even though she knows she deserves it he doesn't mock her or even comment on her tears, just leads her to a bench, sits her down and puts one warm, very comforting arm around her.

'I got lost' she says stupidly, as soon as she can talk, then regrets it immediately because obviously that's what's happened and she wants desperately for her big brother to still think she's clever. But he doesn't seem to care, just tilts her head upwards so she's looking him straight in the eyes and says 'It's OK' with more tender sincerity than an eight year old should possess.

Her tears have stopped by now but she's still shaking and he pulls her against him tightly as if unconcerned with the fact that at eight years old he's far too grown up to be seen in public cuddling his sister.

'I found you didn't I?' he whispers when her trembling continues, 'I will always find you'.

Even at six years old, frightened and half hysterical, Effy can tell the difference between a lie and the truth.

He will always find her.