Title: A Visit to the Department of Inventive Backstory

Author: SCWLC

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be.

Spoilers: Umm. . . you've all seen the opening minutes of Hollywood Babylon right after the teaser right?

Timeline: The moment Sam hops off the tour bus thingy in Hollywood Babylon.

Genre: Humour, pre-series.

Rating: PG at most.

Summary: As the title says, department of backstory. Why does the idea of Gilmore Girls strike disquiet into the heart of Sam Winchester?

Notes: I couldn't think of a better title, okay? Also, I looked up Jared's credits and I know House of Wax was done in '05, which would mean no one could be squeeing over it in Sam's first year of university which would have been 2001. We're going to pretend he did it sooner for the sake of my fictional rotten fangirls. Besides, it's an alternate universe, right? Anything could happen that I want to. Including there being a Sam Winchester and a Jared Padalecki existing at the same time.

********************

Sam heard the tour guide say, "Now, to the right, here is Stars Hollow. It's the setting for the television series, Gilmore Girls. And if we're lucky, we might even catch one of the show's stars."

Even as he leapt off the trolley, knowing he looked like a freak, he was thrown back to those first days at Stanford.

*********************

"Wow! I think that's Jared Padalecki!" He heard the unsubtle whisper from not far behind him in the cafeteria.

The girl's friend seemed more sceptical. "Are you sure? I mean, what would Jared be doing eating lunch in our cafeteria?" She was speaking 'quietly' as well, which meant that the harsh whisper's easily reached Sam's ears, trained as they were to pick up on town gossip that might explain the monster of the week.

"I dunno!" the first girl whispered back. "I'm just saying, it totally looks like him. Maybe I should go and ask."

The second said, "Well, maybe, but maybe he, like, wants his privacy or whatever."

Sam had just finished his mediocre lunch as he got up and headed for the door. Dimly he heard the girls moaning about how this Jared guy was leaving. He shook his head, wondering if all the girls in the world were always so obsessed with their schools' jocks or rich kids. After all, what else could this Jared Padalecki guy be? A movie star?

*********************

The weeks passed and Sam was getting into his classes, enjoying no longer being constantly on the move and starting to actually collect enough stuff and friends for people to stop thinking he was some sort of freak.

But there was conversation after conversation, badly muffled within earshot. Girl after girl having giggled conversations about this Jared Padalecki guy. Sam was even starting to be able to pick out the girls who would be having these conversations. He'd also started trying to figure out who this guy was. He wasn't on any of the school's sites or clubs or newspapers, and Sam was trying to figure out the common people to those times he'd heard all those loudly whispered and muttered conversations.

The confusion was cleared in a traumatising incident one November afternoon. "Like omigod!" a high-pitched female voice squealed. "I can't, like, believe it!"

Sam was abruptly confronted by a girl, his own age, her eyes wide, a rictus-like smile covering her face, almost stretching it out of shape as she got into his personal space. "I . . . uh . . ." He couldn't think of anything to say and he was trapped by the table behind him and the chairs to either side. He couldn't get away from her.

"Omigod!" she said again. "I'm such a huge fan! I love you on Gilmore Girls and you totally made House of Wax a way better movie!" She moved in closer, making Sam's eyes widen as he tried to find an escape. "You were so totally hot!" She looked him up and down. "Are so totally hot," she corrected herself.

He was finally able to stutter out, "I . . . uh . . . I really . . . don't know what you're talking about."

She giggled. "You're so modest! I mean, anyone can see you're like, one of the hottest guys on tv." She lightly slapped his chest.

Taken aback on a variety of levels, ('He was hot? That was silly, girls said Dean was hot. Sam was just there.' 'House of Wax, he'd never been to see it, because really, he had better things to do than watch horror flicks when his life was a horror flick.' 'She thought he was a tv or movie actor?' 'Why wasn't she backing off, he was practically lying down on the table to get away from her and she just kept leaning forward.') Sam said, "I think you're mistaking me for someone else. My name's Sam. Winchester."

She frowned, apparently unable to process this, because she said, "Would you, like, sign this CD for me? It's got all the songs from the first season of Gilmore Girls on it."

Sam tried again. "Seriously. I don't know what you're talking about, and you don't want my signature."

It was as though a lightbulb suddenly went on over her head. "Oh! You're like, researching a role aren't you!"

"Wha- No!" Sam said. "Seriously. I'm not this Jared guy."

She just floated off to her friends, who all turned wide eyes on him and began to giggle and whisper.

The rest of the day was a misery. It was as though some invisible message had spread over the campus that Jared Padalecki was there and researching a role. The not-so-quiet whispering followed him everywhere, rumours about whatever he was doing right then. Was his role as a student? Jock? Genius? TA? Professor? Janitor? Good Will Hunting redux?

Sam fled off campus the moment he could and hid at a Starbucks on the opposite side of town. He typed Jared Padalecki into Google and came up with fan sites, IMDb and lists of previous work.

There was some guy running around with his face on a show that was like an ongoing chick flick supreme. Who was in that movie with Paris Hilton.

Sam didn't know whether to laugh or cry. What he did know was that if this kept up he was going to have to find another school to go to, because he couldn't take too many days of this. But really, what were the odds this wouldn't blow over. Someone would check and find out where this Jared Padalecki guy actually was and the rumours would go away.

Naturally, for the next week, Sam was inundated with girls. Dean might've taken advantage of it to get laid as many times as possible, but Sam couldn't help but think that he didn't want to make life hard for his poor doppelganger.

Heck, if Padalecki was going through this – these throngs of hysterical girls who felt they had the god-given right to grope and touch him in ways anyone else would call sexual harassment, girls who flocked around him asking him questions about his underwear preferences and his favourite sexual positions – Sam could only wonder why the other man hadn't fled the country for someplace like the depths of the Amazon rainforest.

Sam was in a state of desperation by the end of the week. He was literally tackled by the girls who were trying to peel his clothes off, and he didn't know how to get them off of him. He could resort to the martial arts skills his father had drilled into him, but he was reluctant to use them on a bunch of untrained girls. He'd taken a lot worse punishment than this, but he was still getting bruised. The struggle of those fans to get in a grope of unclothed skin was rapidly spinning out of control.

"Wait your turn!"

"Oh please! Like you're not totally trying to get his fly open."

"Stop pulling my hair!"

"Then get your hair out of my way so I can see him right."

"Ow!"

"Bitch!"

"Skank!"

There was a catfight happening right on top of him and Sam was getting clawed, pawed and generally freaked out.

"All of you! Get the hell off him!"

Suddenly, the girls were being yanked off, and Sam discovered he was being defended by a gorgeous blonde girl. Her hair was long and curly and Sam didn't think he'd ever seen anything so beautiful as she capably spun the screaming, clawing mass away from him.

She stood in front of Sam, glaring at the mess of hysterical female hormones. "Get the hell away from my boyfriend."

One of them boldly stepped forward. "Oh please. Everyone knows that Jared's got a girlfriend, and she's not you."

The woman, whoever she was, said, "It's good thing he's not Jared then, isn't it?" Then she kissed him. Sam had never been kissed like that before. For a moment he even forgot about the bruises and scratches on his chest.

A moan of disappointment rose from the girls. They started to leave, but one felt the need for a parting shot. "I can't believe you like, took advantage of us by pretending to be Jared. I should've known you were a fake. Jared would never have been as horrible to his fans as you."

"I . . . uh . . . Thanks," Sam said to his rescuer.

She smiled. "I've been wanting to do that for a while, actually."

"Really?"

"Jessica Moore," said the blonde. She held out her hand and Sam shook it. "Luis said you were having trouble with the fans of that actor. I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone. Help out a friend's friend and introduce myself."

Sam smiled back. "You're friends with Luis?"

"Sadly, since sixth grade."

**********************

She'd talked him into sometimes hiring himself out to Padalecki's fans, $10 a shot, to take pictures they could use for manipulated pics of Dean Forrester or Wade or whatever Padalecki was doing at the moment. Jess had beaten the fangirls off, and Sam had quickly fallen for her cool head and strength.

But still, every damn year there was a new crop of first years, exchange students, returning exchange students and transfers who would see him and instantly try to claw their way through his clothes. Sam couldn't hate Jared Padalecki. The poor guy was probably spending his life trying not to get caught in situations like that.

But he hated the mere mention of Gilmore Girls with a passion. He just knew, if he stayed on that trolley, it would come up. Someone would see his face and start screaming about Jared Padalecki. And this time, he didn't have Jess to save him. It didn't hurt as much as it might have once, but that didn't mean he wasn't getting the hell away before someone said anything about Dean Forrester.

He also had no intention of ever telling Dean.

The End