A/N: **hiding behind my bedroom door, peeking through a crack** Hello, everyone! **dodges a shoe being thrown at her** A shoe? Seriously? Ok, ok, I deserve it… Where have I been, you say? Here. Lol… Ok, so not here updating, obviously. The summer was a super busy one. My sister announced her engagement and had a huge engagement party and bridal shower all in the span of the summer. And then she set her wedding date for November 1. So, we had a few months to help her plan. It was super hectic! In the meantime, my other sister had her spleen removed and we were also helping her deal with her real-life drama. And, all in all, I can honestly say I haven't focused on much of myself—which includes writing—lately. **takes the tissue being handed her** Uh… thanks; how did you get in my house? Never mind, enjoy this chapter! Hopefully, I'll be back with more soon.
Disclaimer: I do not own X-men Evolution.
Chapter 12:
~ July 19, 2005 ~
"Another round?"
Logan glanced up from the dingy, green velvet of the pool table, to the equally dingy man before him.
The game was over?
Without answering, he looked to the table once again, seeing it littered with solid-colored billiard balls—his suit—and not a striped one in sight.
Yeah, he guessed the game was over. And, once again, he'd lost.
He let out a sigh; on a regular, normal night Logan would have played the roll of the hustler, not hustle-ee. Unfortunately, it'd been quite a while since he'd been feeling "normal." Not days, weeks, or even months. If he were truly honest with himself, he knew it'd been a little over a year since he'd been feeling like his regular, indifferent self.
"Don't think so, bub," he answered, instead of allowing himself to dwell on when it was exactly that he'd developed "feelings."
The man, whoever he was, held out his hand for his earnings; earnings that included game two's double or nothing rate. That had been a mistake. When he'd found he couldn't focus on the game during their first round, he should have never agreed to a second. But, as was evidenced of recently, his judgement was seriously lacking.
Jesus, what is wrong with me? he thought harshly, urging himself strongly to: Get it together.
The man went on his way with two-hundred dollars of Logan's hard-earned cash; a grin on his face let Logan know just how easy of a mark he'd been.
He blew out a tired breath as he went about racking up the balls, readying the table for the next pair of combatants that would definitely not include him.
Serves you right! a wayward thought attacked him. You should be at the institute already, not here, screwing around.
The voice, as much as he hated to admit it, was right. He had no business being anywhere other than Bayville at the moment, much less a shady bar on the town's outskirts.
Logan knew if he stayed much longer the Professor would make good on his threat. Something about a chicken and the Macarena, he remembered, shuddering.
Problem was he'd majorly screwed up. And rather than apologizing and attempting to atone for his stupidity, he did what he did best: ran. He was very skilled in avoidance tactics.
Jean… he thought involuntarily.
Remembering the way he'd acted, the things he'd said to her… God, he was so ashamed of himself. He'd acted like an ass to the 'nth' degree. She hadn't deserved the verbal assault he'd dished out.
It was all because she'd snuck a peek at his thoughts and feelings, unintentionally, he believed. No, it was he who was in the wrong.
And now he was more convinced than ever before that he had no place in her life. He'd been kidding himself this past year. Trying for friendship, while patiently waiting for more.
No. No more.
It just wasn't possible. Not when he did idiotic things like he'd done; hurting her at the slightest provocation, all because his fear of rejection.
Rejection? a voice in his head questioned.
And this time it wasn't the scolding voice of his conscious. This voice was decidedly not his.
Chuck! he warned sharply. What are you doing? You know the rules!
I do. But it's hard to obey them when you're shouting out your thoughts. Lower the volume, if you please.
For a moment he panicked, wondering if maybe Jean had heard his thoughts.
She didn't, the Professor assured.
Chuck, he growled.
Volume, the Professor replied simply.
Logan took a deep breath, hoping it would tamper down his thoughts. What do you want?
Logan didn't think it was his imagination when he felt a wave of the other man's indignation all these miles away. What I want, Logan, is to know why you're still elsewhere and not at home? Apologizing for your abhorrent behavior, as it were. You do remember what I said, don't you, about the chicken?
Geesh, he sure did.
I wouldn't be too glib if I were you. You can ask Bobby what happened when he decided to sneak out of the mansion with a few of the younger mutants. Let's just say he isn't primed to do that again, not if he doesn't want to perform the Barney song for his classmates again.
That's torture, he accused, grinning.
Friendly encouragement is the way I see it.
There was silence then, and for a moment Logan thought he had his brain to himself.
No such luck.
She leaves tomorrow.
Logan let out a loud, long-suffering, mental sigh.
She's been very unhappy, Logan.
Way to twist the knife, Charles, he thought guiltily.
Maybe it will cheer her up, having her best friend drive her back to school.
Fine, fine, I'll be there…
Good.
He wasn't so sure about it though. She'd want to know why he'd acted the way he had. And Logan had no clue what he could tell her.
Not the truth. That was a given.
Rogue laughed heartily into the phone as she listened to her brother do a fairly accurate impression of Kitty coming face to face with a little mouse.
"Ah'm pretty sure," she said, attempting to get her chuckles under wraps, "that it isn't right ta make fun of your girlfriend, Kurt."
Kurt chuckled sheepishly. She could just picture him ducking his head between his shoulders in his embarrassed sort of way.
"Ah, vell, you're probably right, Rogue. But, I svear, that mouse vas more scared of her then she vas of it. Poor thing."
Rogue wrinkled her nose, she wasn't sure about that. But her brother, gentle at heart, was a lover of all God's creatures.
She smiled involuntarily. Rogue had awoken this morning with the sudden idea to phone up her brother. That's when he'd given her the news that instead of heading to Italy after visiting his parents he'd gone back to England. Where he and Kitty had moved in together! That's where Kitty had encountered the mouse in their tiny flat—all they could afford with Kitty going to the fancy and expensive technical school and Kurt in between jobs while he decided on what to do with his life.
A frown came to her features as she remembered what he'd confided in her once before, fairly recently.
"Ya're sure, Kurt, about uh… seminary school?" she asked gently.
Before realizing Kitty was as much in love with him as he'd always been with her, he'd told Rogue he wanted to become a Catholic priest.
Her brother sighed. "I love her, Rogue. I always have. It vouldn't have been right for me to enter the church even if she didn't love me."
She understood.
"But what about you?" he asked, changing the subject. "How's Hawaii?"
"Beautiful," she answered, simply.
"Everyone knows that," he chided. "Meet anyone yet?"
"Our neighbors are friendly," she avoided, knowing exactly what he meant.
"Rogue…"
"Kurt…" she returned. "It hasn't even been ah month…"
Still, even saying that, her mind was drawn to Alex. It sure hadn't taken him more than a month to find a place in her life.
Whatever that place was, exactly…
She was still in the midst of trying to figure that out. And all while trying to make sense of the Scott stuff too.
Because with thoughts of Alex, Scott wasn't far off.
Rogue blushed to the roots of her hair as she once again played back their little encounter in her bedroom. The sensual leg massage. Geez, she had no clue what that was about. And, honestly, every time she tried to think about it analytically, all she ended up doing was reliving the whole delicious moment.
"And vhat about Scott?" her brother's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"Scott!" she yelped out in surprise.
"Yeah?" Her brother's voice echoed from behind her.
She swivelled on her bar stool to see that Scott had just stepped into the kitchen, looking thoroughly rumpled, having just awoken.
He gave her a quizzical look.
"Ah… Scott's right here. Just ah sec," she said, thrusting the cordless phone at her roommate. "It's Kurt."
Scott raised one eyebrow at her but took the phone wordlessly.
"Kurt? Hi… how's it going?" That was her cue to flee the room quickly.
Rogue entered her room, shutting the door behind her. She leaned back against the solidness of it, inhaling a deep breath. Ok, so she was still on edge from the other night. She wasn't sure how much longer they could keep going on like this. Something most certainly had to give. She was just terrified of where it was going to leave them all when it did.
A knock at the door made her yelp out once again. For a moment, she considered ignoring it. But that wouldn't be right.
"Rogue?"
"Yeah?" she called through the door resignedly.
The knob twisted and she stepped back swiftly, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. He pushed open the door and was in her bedroom all over again.
And he looked good. Too good for someone who'd just woken up. It wasn't fair. She'd bet that even his breath smelled good.
"Hey—" he began.
But she cut him off. "Good morning!" she exclaimed, jumping off the bed. "Ah hope Ah didn't wake ya. There's left over pancakes in tha kitchen. Actually, why don't Ah fix ya ah plate?"
She made to push past him. Hoping if she kept busy, kept talking, he wouldn't give her any grief. Instead, he grabbed hold of her hand, whirling her back around to face him.
Rogue stared at the bare patch of skin that showed from where a few buttons of his jersey top were undone, completely fascinated by the smoothness that was interrupted with a bit of chest hair. She steadfastly refused to look him in the eye.
"I don't want pancakes," he said.
His tone told her there was something else that he sure wanted.
He was still holding her hand; in fact, he'd entwined his fingers with her own.
"Rogue," he said her name with longing.
She looked up at his face then and could see that longing for her, plain as day. It was the same look he'd given her the night they'd kissed.
Leaning forward, she knew what he was about to do before he did it.
His lips brushed against hers in a feather light kiss as he wrapped his arms around her. She couldn't help herself; her arms circled his waist, settling there. They stood like that a few moments more, lips moving against each other.
Rogue had been right, his breath was sweet, and his mouth tasted oh-so good.
Pulling back slightly, but still hanging on to her, Scott led them over to her bed. She took a seat on the edge next to him. Rogue stared shyly at the ground before them, not daring to look at him.
"I know," he began. "I know we decided that this isn't right… but it doesn't feel that way…"
"Scott…" she started tentatively.
"We talked about Jean… but we didn't talk about how we feel…"
Whoa, Rogue thought. How did we get to this moment? Just a few minutes ago she was enjoying a few lighthearted moments chatting with her brother. And now they were really going to do this. Talk about their feelings.
His fingers reached out and gently tipped her chin up so she was facing him.
"Rogue, I really care about you… And I understand the fact that I'm still officially with Jean throws a wrench into things, but… Jean and I? We haven't been right for a while. And I'm starting to think we never will be.
"Things with her have never been like they are with you… Rogue, when I'm with you, everything feels so much easier, lighter. I like how you make me feel… Do you uh… feel the same?"
She let out a shuddering breath. "God, Scott…" She paused. "Ya have no idea… Ah feel tha exact same. Ah've felt this way for so long," she confessed, blushing, but holding her ground.
"You have?" He beamed down at her.
She'd sometimes wondered. But, he honestly had no clue of her long-time crush, turned love for him.
"Yes." The word whooshed out of her, taking her breath away. "Ah… Ah have always… cared for ya…" She couldn't bring herself to say 'love.' It wasn't the right time; would it ever be the right time?
His hand reached for her again, pushing her hair back from her face, smoothing it down, and coming back to cup her cheek tenderly. She leaned in to the touch. Savoring it. All of it. Because it wasn't going to last much longer.
Rogue frowned and Scott sighed, dropping his hand.
"There's a 'but' in there somewhere, isn't there?" he questioned.
This time she reached for his hand, not willing to let go of him so soon. She scooted an inch closer to him and looked up into his shaded eyes. "There is." She waited as he nodded knowingly. "As much as Ah… care about ya, Scott. And Ah do. Ah'm not sure… anything could ever happen between us. Even if ya and Jean were over… Maybe before. Before, Jean and Ah became friends. But… Ah don't think now…"
It was hard to explain. And it killed her to say it. But how could she ever be with him knowing she was the reason for breaking them up? Jean, as far as she knew, was still very much in love with Scott. And Rogue knew that Jean wouldn't forgive her this. Just thinking about it went against friend code everywhere.
"Rogue…"
She shook her head. "Ah'm sorry." She lifted her hand to trail down his arm, as if she wanted to get in as much touching time as possible. "It is about Jean. She's mah friend, Scott."
"So, what, we just continue on like none of this happened?" he asked, tone resigned already.
"Ah hope so," she said with urgency. "Ah can't lose your friendship."
It was Scott's turn to shake his head. "That won't ever happen, Rogue. You're my best friend."
"Even if Ah continue ta date your brother?" she asked, pushing through her reluctance to do so.
"You like him?" He looked at her curiously, wonderingly.
She shrugged her shoulders, looking down at the ground again. "Ah lahke ya. But Ah can't have ya, so… Oh!" She rushed ahead. "But, ah'm not settling, if that's what ya think. Your brother is ah great guy."
"Don't worry, Rogue, I don't think you're settling on him or anything," he assured.
She wasn't as sure. But, she was willing to try at least.
"Look, Ah don't know what's going ta happen in tha future… if something will happen between Alex and Ah. But, say tha word right now and ah'll end it. Ah won't lose ya for this."
She was adamant that she wouldn't lose Scott's friendship. Rogue had known for a long time now that she could never have him. But, that didn't mean they couldn't be friends. The best friends that they were.
"What kind of friend would I be, or brother for that matter, if I told you to stop seeing each other? Not a very good one, that's for sure," he replied, making her smile. "If he makes you happy, that's what I want. All I want is for you to be happy, Rogue."
He caressed her cheek once again and she closed her eyes for a second, imagining that things were different. That she'd admitted her feelings for him a long time ago.
But she had been a very insecure young woman back then.
And things were what they were; there was no changing the past.
"Thanks, Scott," she said gratefully. "That's what Ah want for ya too."
And with one last lingering touch and look, Scott got up and left the room.
Rogue flopped backwards onto her bed with an exhaled breath, mentally drained and the day hardly even begun. But, it was a conversation they'd needed to have for a long time now. She wasn't exactly glad that things were officially over (before they'd even started) for her and Scott. But she was glad that they could at least get on with their lives now.
At least, that's what she hoped.
Well that's it for this chapter. I hope you enjoyed. So, Scott and Rogue… over? Lol. Not exactly. You can officially call this chapter the calm before the storm. Jean and Logan… well, they'll be chatting for sure in the next chapter… So, that's what you have to look forward to in the next chapter.
Thanks to everyone who's been reading! I know the wait is horrible. And I really appreciate anyone who's been sticking with this. As always, I fully intend on seeing this story through, I just don't always have the time to focus on it.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: SilverIcy; DrkSpphrGT (x2); Guest; RogueBHS; DoDo X3; ScruffyLovin; FlowerChild13; and TieDyeJackson.
Hope to be back soon!