Episode/Chapter 1

In the vast deep forest of Hyrule…Long have I served as the guardian spirit…I am known as the Deku Tree…

The children of the forest, the Kokiri, live here with me. Each Kokiri has his or her own guardian fairy. However there is one boy who does not have a fairy…Because he's a sick little weirdo…

"Hehehe, oh, yeah baby, take it off…" the young boy mumbles in his sleep.

He's dreaming again. And it seems to be the same damn dream he's been having for a while…

"Aw, a castle?" the kid whines as he watches a badly animated drawbridge lower in the dead of night and pouring rain, "I wanted to have the dream with the girls and the hot tub! Man, this dream sucks."

A white horse with a woman and a girl on it came hurling towards him from the castle. "Alright! Finally some chicks! How you doin, baby?" he yelled.

The girl on the horse turned around and stuck her tongue out at him. "Get away from me, you loser!"

"Greeeeaaaat, now even in my dreams I'm not gettin any! Man, why does nobody love—" the kid mumbled, and he turned around, to see a…black horse! And a man, on the horse…

"GAH!" he yelled, seeing the horse. Or maybe it was the guy on the horse…

"You know," the Guy on the Horse said, "you're kinda cute!"

For the sake of the audience's eyes, the screen goes black, but unfortunately for the kid, he actually sees what the audience hears: clothes being thrown off.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" the kid yells.

Time for the Title Sequence!!!

Adamwestslapdog presents…[long and awesome title sequence that will take too long to type]…The Legend of Zelda The Abridged Series. (Transposed to metaphorical paper by Principessa Dell'Opera)

End Title Sequence.

"Oh, Navi the Fairy, listen to my words, the words of the Deku Tree," the overly gargantuan mustached tree said in a very low and boring voice.

"Do you always refer to yourself in third person?" Navi the Sarcastic Fairy asked.

"No the Deku Tree doesn't!" it convinced itself. "I think it's time for the boy without a fairy to discover his destiny."

"And what destiny is that?" Navi asked, pretty damn bored with this tree that spoke WAY TOO SLOW.

"Well, to get rid of that damn squirrel that set a nest inside me of course!" the Immense Talking Tree said. Duh. "Do you have any idea how annoying it is having nuts deep inside you?!"

"For the last time, YES! Stop asking me that!" Navi yelled exasperately as loud as she could which is not very loud, because she's a fairy, ergo, she's small, ergo, small voice. Thank God.

"Whatever. Now just go get the boy without a fairy," the Tree demanded.

"Yeeeeeeeah, whatever you big wooden idiot," Navi muttered. "Ugh, why does it have to be him? He's probably not even out of bed yet. Out of my way, jerkass!" she yelled at a little kid with his legs spread waaaaaay too far apart.

"Hello!" a little girl on a roof yelled.

"'Hello' yourself! You're probably gonna be stuck up there forever!" Navi mumbled as she flew in the opposite direction of where she wanted to go. "ARE YOU HUMPING A ROCK?!" she stared a kid outside a house who was very obviously humping a rock.

"Hellz yeah!" he groaned.

"Okay, must get out of here! Really fast!" Navi turned around and flew away from the rock humper, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, OW!" Navi shook her head after running, uh, flying into a tall fence. "Hope nobody saw that."

"I did!"

"SHUT UP, ROCK-HUMPER!" Navi yelled, looked at a sign, and flew into a kid's house.

"Finally! This place is a real freak town!" Navi growled as she got inside a random kid's house. "Hey, you, wake up!" she flew over to annoy the boy still in bed.

"No, no get off me you big, green, ginger-man!" the kid yelled in his sleep.

"Oooooooookaaaaaaaaay…Ah, screw it, wake up! I don't wanna walk past that rock humper again!" Navi tried to yell.

Little Kid yawned really loud, for a really long time, and saw Navi, "Hey, they make lightbulbs with wings now!"

"I'm a fairy, you jackass," Navi grumbled.

"Hee hee! Sweet! It talks!" he giggled.

"Riiiiight, whatever. Look, just come on, the Deku Tree has a job for ya," Navi said.

"Tell him I'll go when he comes to get me himself," Link (if you haven't figured out its Link by now, you need to see a psychiatrist or a optometrist) sniffed.

"You are aware he's a tree, right?" Navi checked.

"Oh. I just thought he had a funny last name," Link said blankly. Someone's an idiot.

"A FUNNY LAS—you—YOU JACKASS! Alright, come with me now, or else I'll—" Navi couldn't think of anything because what exactly can a flying lightbulb do?

"Or else you'll what?" Link said suspiciously.

"I'll kick your ass! That's what!" Navi made it sound almost convincing.

"Yeah right. Like I'd get my ass kicked by a flying lightbulb," Link said, bored. "I'm going back to bed."

Black screen pops up that says "sorry folks this video is rated PG" while sounds of Link obviously getting his ass kicked are heard in the background.

"Hehe! If this was prison, you'd be my bitch!" Navi squealed as Link walked out of his house looking unscathed. Great graphics.

"Shut up!" Link growled, annoyed that a lightbulb would beat the shit out of him.

Now Ending Sequence!

"To Be Continued…"

REVIEW!!!!!!!

End Ending Sequence.