Title: Four Times Jack Forced Himself to Stop and One Time He Didn't
Rating: 15
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Jack/Gwen, Gwen/Rhys
Spoilers: Both Series
Warnings: Jack's thoughts aren't completely child safe at times.

Summary: Since the moment he hired her, Jack has felt an almost magnetic pull to Gwen. He's never acted upon it, but after the losses of Owen and Tosh, will his resolve break?

Disclaimer: The boys and Gwen don't belong to me, RTD and BBC own 'em

Author's Note: Okay, so I was watching Something Borrowed earlier, and then From Out Of The Rain, and I was debating watching Adrift (but my brother arrived home from uni and I got distracted away from the TV). This lead me to thinking about the progression of the love triangle thing that's kinda there, kinda not (because it's not consistent through both series really). I came to the realisation that Jack has never actually slept with Gwen. She kisses him that once in the second episode (and then to bring him back to life) but apart from that, there's nothing but UST between them.

As much as I hate to say it, it's also very clear that whilst Jack and Ianto's relationship is strengthening and evolving, it's never really mutual love in S1 and S2. I've also ALWAYS been bothered by that gratuitous Gwack scene in KKBB (awesome episode apart from that little, 2 min scene - it completely detracts and if I don't fast forward, I'm annoyed for the rest of it) and I felt I finally needed to try and explain it in some way or another.

So yeah, just a warning: whilst this story is the development of the Jack/Ianto relationship, it's shown in quite heavily Jack/Gwen moments... I've never written anything like this before and I'm a little worried I've got them OoC. I used the clips from the shows to write in their reactions where I could, but I may be interpretting them a little wrong. (Apologies if I've messed up the KKBB Gwack scene, cos I've only watched it properly once or twice - I never really want to watch it again cos it angers me how they oared that in for no reason other than to tell everyone that Gwen's engaged.)

I hope you find it interesting! Comments would be hugely appreciated on characterisations (I don't think I've ever written this much Gwen before)

Four Times Jack Made Himself Stop and One Time He Didn't

The first time Jack really had to make a conscious decision was the evening after he'd finished filing the reports on the cannibals.

He'd dropped Gwen and Owen straight to the hospital and taken Tosh and Ianto to their respective flats, assuring them that he had everything covered. As Tosh was the last to be dropped, he'd ended up having a rather interesting conversation with her. It had left him with lots to think about.

As he filed the last piece of paper in the correct place – ready for Ianto to tuck into the archives the next day – the siren went off and he watched the door roll open with a frown.

Gwen walked through a little shakily, looking over at him with a smile which he couldn't help but return. She was in clean clothes and wasn't limping as badly as before.

"You should be at home, Gwen." Jack said gently, leaning on the door frame and watching as she made her way over, hesitating slightly.

"I've already been. I can't begin to think of sleeping after a day like today." She looked down at her feet and after a moment, back up at Jack, those wide, brown eyes gazing at him with complete need and vulnerability.

Jack felt a wave of lust hit him and forced himself not to react. He closed his eyes and looked away.

"He's so alone, Jack. Surely you can see that. He saved me – saved us all… But who's going to save him?" Tosh had spoken in a sad whisper, saying the last line with a slight grimace. Jack had simply pulled her into a hug and pressed a kiss to her head, assuring her that he'd take care of Ianto.

He looked back up at Gwen. She had a hopeful half smile on her face and her body language clearly said what she wanted. As if oblivious to it all, Jack stood straight and headed over to her, turning her around and pushing her gently, but firmly, back to the door.

"Gwen, you got shot. I'll deal with whatever the Rift throws out tonight. Go home and get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled warmly and watched as she tried to cover the disappointment before nodding and smiling in return, shuffling back through the still open door.

He spent the next hour in the Hub, monitoring the activity of the Rift and the police feeds. When nothing new came in of any importance, he made the decision to go be with Ianto. With a strengthening of resolve – and an unusual anticipation at the thought of spending time alone with the young man - Jack grabbed his coat and left.

That night was a turning point. That night, Jack simply held Ianto until the young man fell into a fitful sleep. That night, for the first time, Jack stayed until the sun rose and Ianto woke up.

*

The second time Jack had to make a decision was no more than a few weeks later, after the fiasco with Suzie.

They'd brought Gwen back and Owen had given her the once over, checking that the wound had caused no lasting damage. Once she'd been cleared, Owen had fixed her some especially sweet tea and had seated her up with himself and Toshiko, keeping a watchful eye on her.

Jack still hadn't decided on whether or not he should he would punish her for what had happened. She'd disobeyed a direct order, allowed herself to be manipulated, blamed him for it all and almost gotten herself killed.

It was the last part that really made him waver though. She'd almost died because of her actions. He felt a stab of concern and pushed it roughly to one side. Gwen was better, there would be no grieving for her anytime soon. Still, she'd been running dangerously close to being labelled a renegade recently and this was only the tip of the iceberg.

He looked up when he heard a gentle tap at the door.

"Can I come in?" Gwen looked at him shyly, having the common decency to look ashamed for her actions. Somewhere, Jack wondered whether she really felt that remorse.

"Sure, take a seat." Jack replied coolly, gesturing to the chair opposite before turning back to the form he was filling out.

"Jack, I'm so sorry about today…" She looked down at her hands, fidgeting with her fingers and chewing on her lip gently. Jack could tell she was close to tears again.

"Don't, Gwen. Please. Just don't." Jack sighed heavily and turned his eyes away as the woman looked up, eyes widening in confusion. He knew that wide eyed bafflement for the ploy it really was. He'd begun to recognise it after only a couple of weeks.

"Listen, I was thinking I could stay here tonight, you know… make up for what I did?" Gwen looked up at him hopefully again and Jack met the gaze this time. He searched into those huge, damned eyes, trying to find something other than sheer lust there.

He could tell she was thinking what he was – that they'd shag all night and it would be fantastic. It would be mind-blowing and so incredibly hot. But he also knew Gwen Cooper wasn't one to let go once she had her claws in and Jack didn't want to commit himself to her. It would tear the team in two. Sooner rather than later, they'd butt antler's and self destruct, taking everything with them.

Explosives like Gwen were never meant to meet fire like Jack.

Conversely, Jack was beginning to feel that there was something calm and soothing in the young man currently in the morgue. His quiet, understated presence had a bizarre effect on Jack and he wanted so desperately to explore that.

"No, Gwen. Go home. Get some rest and come back tomorrow. I'll decide what to do about this then." Jack nodded curtly and turned once again to the form in front of him.

Gwen sat still for a long moment, poised as if to saying something more. When Jack didn't look up from his work, she sighed lightly and stood up, slowly and reluctantly walking from the office. Jack gave himself a few more minutes and heard the cog door open and close, the other three members of his team leaving for the night.

With a slight grin, he headed down to the morgue, armed with a very distinct plan for helping himself forget the horrors they'd seen over the past two days.

*

The third time, he very nearly made the wrong decision.

He arrived back in Cardiff with a spring in his step and a new resolve for his life. It had been fun to pick up the location of the SUV and chase it to the house in the suburbs. It had been downright hot to see Ianto pointing his gun at the blowfish's head.

Of course, he could also see the slight alteration to his stance – the rigid shoulders, the too tight grip on the gun, the locked elbows – and remembered just how disgusted Ianto became at even the thought of firing a gun. Without thinking twice, he'd pulled his own and finished the job.

He'd known at that moment that Ianto was the one he wanted to get to know – he was the one he wanted to fall in love with.

All of that was nearly blown from his mind as he was given a full force demonstration of just why he found himself so compulsively drawn to Gwen. His memories hadn't really done her justice.

"Oh okay, here we go again. You know everything about me, Jack. Why do you keep shutting me out?" She looked at him strangely, as if disappointed and he couldn't help but defend himself.

"Here and now, that's what's important. The work we do, the person I am now – that's what I'm proud of." Jack barely had time to finished before she was jumping in. He didn't remember her quite like this.

She'd lead the team, somehow, after less than a year. The more cynical part of him said it was only because the others had more important, defined jobs to do within the organisation. The rest of him couldn't argue with that.

"Then why did you desert us?" Gwen asked sharply, her eyes screaming, 'me, why did you desert ME?' at him at the same time.

He couldn't reply, didn't want to. He'd planned on only having to tell Ianto about that year. The young man was his rock, the foundation that grounded him when his head got too high – he could see that now, for he'd had many long hours to contemplate and analyse his life… but why was part of him screaming to tell every little detail to Gwen?

"Where did you go?" She asked, her voice filled with hurt and annoyance and impatience. He took a breath and tried to look away, but she called him back. "No, no. Come on, where did you go? Tell me… talk to me."

He laughed in disbelief, trying to stop the words that she seemed to be charming from him. How could she have this effect on him?

"I've died so many times," He met her eyes, already finding himself drawn in, his tongue freeing up, "been dragged back into life, like being hauled over broken glass. I saw the end of the world."

There, he'd said it. Her eyes had widened ever so slightly, fixed on his as if he was feeding her some sort of drug, some nectar that was swallowed up without a second thought. The funniest part was that he couldn't stop himself from giving it to her.

"How?" She breathed, frowning slightly, but Jack shook his head.

"It doesn't matter now… But after it was all over," He smiled, he couldn't help it. His heart was beating that little bit faster and Gwen's eyes were so damn enticing and he could feel that lust rising again. "I knew I belong here. What kept me fighting was the thought of coming home to you."

He reached out and ran his fingers down her arm, revelling in the touch of her skin and wanting to feel more. His eyes didn't leave hers as they gazed at each other intently, lost in them. He could see the stars spinning in Gwen's eyes and could see the lust for the adventure, the greed to experience everything he'd done, to desire to finally be with him.

His hand moved to grasp hers but the moment his fingers touched smooth metal, the spell was broken. He saw the look in Gwen's eyes, saw the hunger die just a little and be covered by chagrin as he brought they hands up to eye level. "What's this?"

"That's urm…" She looked at the ring and Jack glanced between them. "That's an engagement ring, that is."

She looked back up at him with a look that dared him to fight for her, but his eyebrows raised a little.

"You're getting married?" His voice felt stronger, less breathless and free from the dripping sentiment he'd been about to fall into.

"Yes." She barely whispered, but then she barely needed to. Jack was slightly alarmed to realise just how close they'd gotten. She pulled her hand away from his and he let her. "Rhys asked, when you were away."

Jack adjusted himself, folding his arms and frowning, leaning backwards every so slightly in an attempt to take back everything he'd just said.

"Wow. Gwen Cooper, getting married." Jack laughed, though it was forced and Gwen's eyes stayed wide open, as if pleading to him for a reason to take the ring off. He couldn't help himself. "Down on one knee?"

"He tried to and then he had a twinge in his back and had to lie on the settee and that's when he popped the question." Gwen reeled it off as casually as she could, but it was ever so slightly hurried and Jack couldn't help but notice the intent fixture of her eyes on his lips.

"And you said yes?" Jack asked seriously, more than a little incredulous and sceptical. Since when had Gwen ever shown enough devotion to Rhys to marry him? He supposed that watching him die was enough, but didn't she then spend a week watching over his body in the morgue as soon as time reversed?

"Well, no-one else will have me." She spoke with a mixture of challenge and embarrassment with a hint of hurt. Jack remembered right then why they'd never slept together.

Gwen still thought she could marry her two worlds together perfectly, keeping Rhys completely in the dark. It was an ugly and selfish thing to do and Jack had an extremely strong feeling that the Welshman had no idea of Gwen's past affair with Owen.

Still, it didn't stop the jealous stirring in his stomach. There was silence for a moment before he forced himself to grin.

"Good for you." Without thinking, he leaned forwards, hands on her arms. For the smallest of moments, he'd planned on going for her lips, but moved to her cheek, lingering longer than was wise.

He heard her breath catch and felt her tense slightly. Her pulse had picked up and he was well aware that he could've taken her, right then, and changed her mind about Rhys. In that moment, his mind moved inexplicably to Ianto and he pulled away from Gwen, seeing this as the opportunity he needed to stop lusting after her – though knowing it wouldn't work.

He pulled away and looked at her, seeing the shock and renewed desire in her eyes, still wide from having to admit the engagement to him. With a voice that held none of the conviction he was hoping for, he pointed to the board room.

"We should get back to work." He muttered, heading away as she made a none committal noise of agreement.

The day that followed would bring trials to the entire team, and he almost wavered on his resolution as John took Gwen hostage… but it was Ianto he went home with after it all. It was Ianto who he stayed up for hours talking to about very little.

It was Ianto who's bed he slept in and, for the first time, they didn't just shag. For the first time, Jack made love to Ianto.

*

There'd been hard times since his return, times when he'd wanted to let Gwen run into his arms again. In those moments of weakness, he found it hard to remember just why he wasn't with her.

The worst had been facing off with her over retconning Rhys. Part of him had still not accepted that she was going to marry him and be with him and not Jack. That moment had made him and hurt and more than a little betrayed. Still, when Ianto had dragged him from the Hub and forced him to stop watching her, it had been a pivotal moment for him. There'd been no choice for him to make, for Ianto hadn't given him one.

He'd not felt a trial such as that until the wedding, until he had had to consciously stop himself for the fourth time.

He hadn't been intending to go, despite her subtle hints for the previous few months. He hadn't wanted to face seeing her so happy with Rhys when he knew he would never have a relationship like that with Ianto.

It was still undefined and a little shy at times, but he was feeling the strong, intoxicating stirrings of true, bone deep affection for the young man. He wouldn't admit to them for that meant he was in for the long run, and the long run hurt. The long run was needing the other more than oxygen and losing that would feel like suffocating. No, it could be that with Ianto.

But as he pulled Gwen up form the hay in the barn and swung her into his arms, he wondered once more just why he'd let her go. Her hair fell forwards and a gentle wash of scent drifted to him. He couldn't help but grin as she laughed happily.

Despite the accusations and the subtle taunting from her earlier in the day, he still wanted her. This time though, it was his turn to point out that she was marrying Rhys. True, she'd been saying she wanted Rhys, saying that she was going to be with him, but both men knew what her body was saying.

Jack had been torn between intense exasperation at the woman and both embarrassment and sympathy for the other man. It must've been horrible to watch. Even as he spoke, her eyes had remained glued and imploring on Jack's face. The desire had bubbled and boiled within him, urging him to just do it, to take her before it was too late.

He heard something behind him and remembered Rhys.

He knew the Welshman was watching them, knew he could see the look of pure happiness on Gwen's face. He looked over and, with a slight nod, put Gwen down, putting her hand in Rhys' and walking away. He could feel her eyes on him as he left the barn.

The ceremony itself had been free of action and tension, the couple smiling happily at each other, Gwen being Gwen and Jack feeling surprisingly calm about it all. He was happy for her, but his mind kept straying. The look of inadequacy and hurt on Rhys' face as Gwen had clung to Jack had made him think.

He never wanted Ianto to feel like that. He never wanted to put Ianto into a position when he didn't feel like they most important person in Jack's personal life - because the truth was, as hard as it was for all sections of Jack's mind to accept, he was heavily dependant on him.

Of course, when Ianto cut in on Gwen and began to slow dance with him, he knew he should stop watching Gwen walk away. He knew he should be concentrating on the deliciously warm body in his arms and he begin thinking of ways to make this up to Ianto – subtly, affectionately, leaving no room for doubt in the young man's mind.

As they carried out the clean up on the wedding guests and location, Jack formed his plan. By the time they'd finished, the other three were more than ready to go home and sleep. Jack took Ianto home, stayed with him until he fell asleep then slipped away to deal with some memories before beginning his plan.

*

The time everything changed was a few weeks after they lost Tosh and Owen.

The Hub had felt so empty and broken without them. Gwen had cried at least once a day since and Jack barely spoke. Quietly, stoically, Ianto moved around the place, keeping the other two going, making them keep working, if only to get another day over and done with.

For the first few nights, Jack hadn't slept well at all. Ianto had been there without fail, holding him when the darkness closed in and the dirt forced its way down his throat again. He was there when Jack couldn't get up in the morning, couldn't face the day.

After a week of this, with Jack steadily improving to the point of being able to function at least a little, Ianto began spend a little more time at his flat. He was still there whenever Jack needed him, but the fact that he was no longer staying the night made Jack think he'd finally pushed the young man too far from him.

So, instead of following him home, he'd wait in the Hub, throwing himself into work, spending the later hours of the evening with a very lost looking Gwen. In quite the reverse to Ianto, she'd begun spending more and more time at work, despite his protests.

Finally, after Gwen fell asleep late one afternoon, Jack sent her home to sleep for the rest of the day. She'd protested and clung to him, saying she was fine, that she didn't want to go. After a little over an hour, Jack had called Rhys and he'd collected her, nodding his muted thanks to Jack, his expression uncharacteristically grave.

When the captain had returned to his office, he'd found the hub empty. Ianto was no longer there and he felt a stab of hurt again. Every time Ianto wasn't there, he felt a little more lost and alone.

He decided, then and there that he wanted to talk this out with the young man. Ianto was perfectly polite and affectionate during work hours, but if there was something wrong, Jack wanted to know.

He made his way to Ianto's flat, pulling up and entering the building before he began to think about the wisdom of his actions. If Ianto was going home quietly, didn't that suggest that he wanted to be alone? He was on the fourth floor and knocking gently at the door before he reached any semblance of a conclusion to his thoughts.

However, when his knock went unanswered, he immediately forgot his ponderings in favour of a mild panic. He knocked again, a little harder and waited. When that went unanswered as well, he pulled out his multitude of keys and pulled Ianto's free, with practised ease and precision.

He slipped inside the flat, closed the door and glanced around. Ianto was lying on the sofa, facing away from him, a blanket pulled over and around his shoulders. His chest rose and fell encouragingly and some of the knotted tension soothed in his chest. Jack was just about to cross the room when his phone vibrated in his pocket.

He quickly pulled it out and held it to his ear, eyes never leaving Ianto's form.

"Harkness." He answered curtly, his voice low.

"Jack, it's me." Gwen's voice sounded small and oh-so familiar to him.

"I thought I told you to get some sleep."

"I know, I know… but it's just, Rhys doesn't understand, not like you. I wondered whether you'd let me stay the night at the Hub instead… with you." Her voice was filled with hope and vulnerability that had worked wonders on Jack once upon a time. Now though, it made his blood boil unexpectedly.

"No." Jack's voice was suddenly harsh. He couldn't believe she was actually suggesting this. "Gwen, I'm not your lover, your partner – your husband. I never have been, never will be. You have Rhys and you need to spend time with him. Right now, I intend to spend the night with my equivalent. I suggest you forget what you asked me and go comfort that man of yours. He's been through a lot as well. Don't make this about you."

Without waiting for a reply, Jack ended the call and tossed his phone to one side. He kicked his shoes off and hung his coat up before moving over to the sofa and perching gently on the edge, watching Ianto for a while. He was asleep, his features drawn into a harried expression.

Carefully, Jack ran the backs of his fingers over the young man's cheek, smiling sadly as he turned unconsciously into it. The dim light form the standing lamp made the shadows shift across his face, illuminating the streaks across his skin.

Jack felt his heart break just a little and pulled his hand away from Ianto's face. After a moment, his eyes blinked open and he peered over his shoulder as Jack, looking up at him with confused, reddened eyes.

"Jack?" His voice was soft and hoarse and Jack just attempted a smile.

Slowly, he manoeuvred himself so that he was lying next to Ianto and wrapped his arms around the young man, waiting for him to turn and bury his face in his chest before securing his grip. He felt Ianto relax and settle closer to him, sighing gently.

"I miss them so badly, Jack." He murmured, voice choked with tears that were falling silently again.

"I know, so do I." Jack pressed a kiss to the top of his head and rested his cheek against it. "But you've still got me. All of me, I promise. I'll keep you safe for as long as I can."

He felt Ianto nodding against his chest, his arms shifting to return Jack's embrace. They were silent for a while longer, just tuning back into the breathing patterns of the other. It felt like home to be in Ianto's flat, curled up on the sofa and holding him – no matter what the circumstances. Jack hadn't felt at home outside of the Hub for too long.

"I love you, Jack." Ianto's voice was gentle, breaking the long silence.

"I know… I love you too, Ianto. I'm sorry it took so long to say it." Jack said gently, running his fingers in absent patterns across the young man's back.

It didn't take long for Ianto to fall asleep after that, but Jack remained awake. It was his duty to look after him, no matter what the cost to himself – even if for just one night.