TOW The Past Isn't At Rest
"Of Course I'm Alright" - Prologue
Well, I should probably finish the other story before I start a new one, but
I've been thinking this through for the past few days and decided to go ahead
and start it. I promise it's not a completely generic story - or at least I
don't think so. I've never read one like this anyway. You just have to give me
time to let the story unfold! Let me know what you think! (Yes, I know it's
short, especially for me, but this is just kind of the prologue...)
Chandler Bing glanced out the window of his small house in the suburbs,
watching for her car. She would be pulling up any minute. He took a deep breath
and tried to control his racing heart, praying that his anxiety would not be
evident on his face. He watched the black Explorer turn into his driveway, and
was out the door and down the steps before she even pulled to a stop. Without
so much as a glance at the woman in the front seat, he immediately pulled the
back door open and leaned into the car with a smile.
"Hi Emma. Hey sweetheart! Let's get you out of this car seat, okay?" He
unhooked the straps as quickly as the baby's arms, flailing with happiness,
would allow, and lifted the three-month-old from the car. As soon as Emma was
free, she started to gurgle, and reached immediately for Chandler's short hair.
Emma was finally contented with grasping the sleeve of his shirt as he lifted
her to his shoulder and kissed the top of her head.
"Ohh, I missed my girl. Did you miss Daddy, Emmers?"
Emma just laughed and squirmed in Chandler's arms, and Chandler kissed her head
again, closing his eyes to fully enjoy the feel of his daughter in his arms.
"Hi, Chandler."
He opened his eyes reluctantly and glanced at the woman standing in the
driveway, watching him with their child. This was the only bad thing about his
time with Emma - it meant he had to see her. He turned toward her reluctantly,
holding Emma closer, as if she could be his shield. If she looked closely, she
could see some emotion in his eyes, but she had stopped trying months ago.
She could never be sure if it was love or hate.
"Hello, Mrs. Burke."
She froze at the utter lack of any warmth in his voice. She should be used to
it by now, but she still hated it. It was hard to believe that this man had
once whispered promises of love to her in the darkness of the night. And yet it
was still harder to believe that Chandler, her best friend, her daughter's
father, and the love of her life, could look at her so coldly.
"Don't call me that. I'm not married to Richard."
Chandler gazed at her, studying her beautiful face, but only with callous
curiosity.
"Yet."
Monica sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. This was harder than almost
anything…even harder than the next three days without Emma would be. She didn't
want it to be like this. And she certainly didn't want Emma to pick up on the
tension. But she didn't know what else she could do.
"Chandler, please…For Emma's sake, don't do this."
"Hmm, I guess I could have said the same thing to you when you accepted
Richard's proposal. But, well, you know."
Monica looked up, her eyes shooting fire.
"Don't start with me, Chandler. I never lied to you. Never."
"Never, huh? Well, maybe you didn't "lie" about that, but you didn't make
absolutely sure that I knew, did you? You just let me go on believing that…"
He paused, and this time the pain in his eyes was easy to see. He glanced down
at Emma, who was studying her father's face closely, and sighed. He shook his
head slowly, his eyes fixed on his daughter's face.
"Never mind, Mon. It's all in the past, and no amount of arguing will change
anything. We can't change anything."
Monica sighed too, and leaned against the side of the Explorer, reaching out to
stroke Emma's cheek. The baby's gaze never shifted from Chandler's face. She
was definitely a Daddy's girl, which made Monica more than a little jealous.
But she was grateful, for Chandler's sake, for the unique bond he had with
Emma. She leaned over to kiss her daughter's forehead, then reached into the
backseat to grab a large bag.
"Here are all of her things. Do you want me to pick her up on Monday, or would
you rather bring her over?"
Chandler thought about asking if he could take her to Rachel's and Joey's
instead, but he knew that was being completely childish. Finally, he shrugged.
"If you don't mind picking her up…"
He hated taking Emma "home". It only reminded him of the fact that he was
basically a weekend father, the very last thing he had ever wanted to be. And
it was hard for him to go to that apartment, because it only reminded him of
all the things he had planned for them. A life they would never have. He
avoided thinking about it at all costs, but it was impossible to look at Emma -
to see Monica's smile and her cute little nose - and not remember.
"No, I don't mind. I'll be here about nine?"
Chandler nodded, and reluctantly gave up Emma so Monica could say goodbye. He
knew how much Monica dreaded leaving Emma. It was just as difficult for her now
as it had been the very first time. He thought fleetingly that this wasn't how it
should be. They should both be with her, all the time, and no one should ever
have to leave. But that wasn't to be. And the large diamond ring on Monica's
left hand brutally pounded the message into his head - and painfully into his
heart.
Monica reluctantly passed Emma back to Chandler, looking at her longingly. She
handed Chandler the bag, and opened the car door, stopping to look back at
father and daughter.
"Take care of our little girl, okay?"
Chandler nodded silently, glancing at the child in his arms. For some odd
reason, the fact that Monica continually made reference to Emma being "theirs"
always made him swallow hard and fight tears. When he looked back up, Monica
was already in the car and turning the ignition. He waited until she was out of
sight before he buried his head against Emma's little body and let himself cry.
Alabama
Why do you ask?
Of course I'm alright
Guess I wasn't thinking I'd run into you tonight
Do I seem surprised?
Guess you caught me off guard
Yes, I'm really doing fine.
No, it hasn't been that hard.
How 'bout you?
Getting on with your life…
There's so much to tell you
But I won't even try.
My, it's good to see you
How long has it been?
I must admit I think about you
Every now and then
Like when I open my eyes.
When I lay down at night.
And every moment ever since the day you said goodbye
But you'll never know
Cause I'll keep it inside
How'm I doing without you?
Of course I'm
alright
Well to tell you the truth
Guess I have felt better
God just look at you
You make it look so easy
I can see it on your face
Everything we used to be
Is gone without a trace…
If you wanna know
Right now I'm sinking fast
Girl, you always could see right behind this mask
But I won't give it away
Gonna keep it inside
How'm I doing without you?
Of course I'm alright.
If you don't wan to know the truth
Of course I'm alright.
To Be Continued...