Okay, so after having seen the mess that Shonda and Co. made of the crossover ('Before and After', 'Ex-Life', & 'An Honest Mistake') which actually started oh-so-AMAZING with all of the Addekness,they of course, had to TELL and not SHOW that Meredith and Derek belong together, and made it contrived and just cringe worthy by having all of the other characters remind you!! (Example: Mama Shepherd, "Addie wasn't the right girl." Or Alex, "He's her guy now." REALLY?? 'cause I wouldn't have noticed with all of the throat shoving that has been done to pimp the Mer/Der ship) Look, I get it. Shonda decided a long time ago that Meredith and Derek would end up together, regardless of the fact that it's become absolutely manipulated and overdone, plus Derek's chemistry with his ex-wife Addison is off the charts, while Mer/Der just pales in comparison. I mean, even in this crossover, there was so much more passion in one of Addek's heated arguments than there was when Mer/Der were having sex.

Seriously GA writers haven't you ever heard of "Strangled By The Red String"?

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Strangled By The Red String:

What happens when the Red String Of Fate and Token Romance are done especially poorly? Essentially, you get Strangled By The Red String. Where the main character, who was once single, is implausibly thrown into a relationship that's forced down the audience's throat. Love At First Sight taken to a fictional extreme. These two people are always somehow making out or getting it on, even if they only knew each other for a few minutes before they started getting busy. Even worse is when they have been in the same group for a long time and have mostly ignored each other.

And they just simply have to announce their love to the whole world. Oh, and suddenly all of the other characters are telling us how these two belong to each other.

But don't expect them to be able to share any interests, or even be able to have a conversation about anything but their schmoopy love. The audience is supposed to be happy for them, but usually they'll be more disgusted than anything.

Sometimes this is just the result of a story written without skill, but this is becoming more and more standard in many series nowadays, where you have Fanon-savvy authors that feel that if they don't officially "pair up" characters, someone else will. (They're right, but it still happens even if they do) Typically pitiable, often painfully inept, but not unworthy of note.

Often done to prove to the audience said character is not gay. Also a leading cause of Die For Our Ship. Sometimes this is an awkward attempt to lure a female audience by adding soap opera-ish tactics.

Often, the writers have to resort to Cleaning Up Romantic Loose Ends because the relationship can't compete with other possibilities.

Courtesy of Television Tropes & Idioms: Search word: Strangled By The Red String

**

Sound familiar? I know I'm bitter about this, but how can I not be?
Addek had such amazing potential, it was still there between them during this recent crossover, even the Mer/Der's were going bat shit crazy about it, but yet they sacrificed that amazing chemistry for a story that has not only become contrived and predictable, but honestly tired. Obviously, I think you can tell by the recent descent in the ratings. Okay, rant over. =)

So, I've decided to re-write what should have taken place...and this time, Derek ends up with the right women. 'Nuff said.

Summary: A/U What should have happened after the camera panned away from Meredith and Derek on the couch in "An Honest Mistake". This is the reconstructing of Addison and Derek.

ThanX, as always, go out to my beta, Agent Extremis.

Disclaimer: 
I don't own the characters, that honor belongs to Ms. Shonda Rhimes & Co., but I had to borrow them and treat them right for a change.

Reckoning: 
An opinion or judgement. The working out of consequences or retribution for one's actions.

Nobody Can Hurt Me Like You Love Me--By Agent Addek

Chapter 1: Reckoning

The clock ticked every second away. The kitchen faucet dripped water simultaneously with every tick. The air seemed almost elusive, the emptiness and the strain was palpable throughout the now big and vacant house.

Meredith sat uncomfortably in her living room next to Derek. No roommates were running about talking about the latest surgery, there was no excessive noise coming from the kitchen where Izzie usually cooked. None of that today. They had all stayed away to give them space, space to be alone. And there was space...but it was between them instead of for them and they were alone, except not together but individually. She stared at the bottle of scotch that he was firmly holding onto like his life depended on it. His eyes looked so empty, with no real emotion. He just stared blankly in front of him. This man that sat next to her was not the Derek she knew. How was she going to get him back? How could she help him when she was just getting a hold on herself? How could she be strong for him, when she didn't even know if she was strong enough on her own?

"Derek?" She said meekly. "Derek? Please say something."

She got no reaction, he just kept staring ahead. Meredith felt helpless. She looked down at her hands in defeat. How could she help him if she couldn't even get him to talk to her? He needed time, that's all. If this was her going through this, she wouldn't want anybody to bother her either. She would need time to think and feel, but then why did it bother her so much that he hadn't said a word in the past hour? All he kept doing was drinking, then refilling, and not looking at her.

"Derek?" She said more loudly. Nothing. Not even a flinch from the shriek of her voice. Fine, if he wants to be stubborn, she could be stubborn too. She inched closer to him, turning her waify frame towards him. Meredith continued to stare at him, hoping that her piercing glare would make him look at her. Suddenly, the silence and lone staring contest were interrupted by the sound of a beeper. She turned towards the coffee table and noticed that it was hers. She was both bothered and relieved. She picked it up along with her cell phone and then gave one more quick glance at Derek before she dialed.

She came into the room a few minutes later and he was still sitting in the same position, looking in the same direction. They needed her at the hospital, one of her interns couldn't manage a central line and the other doctors were working on a trauma that had come in. She didn't want to leave him alone, but she had to go.

"Derek, I have to go and check on one of my patients. I won't be long, okay?" She said hesitantly. No answer. She was beginning to get frustrated. The least he could do was acknowledge that he had heard her.

"Fine! I'll be back shortly. I just..." Her voice softened. "...don't go anywhere, stay here, and please don't do any..." She left the last phrase unspoken. She turned towards the door and pulled her jacket on. She grabbed her keys and then turned to look at him once more before she gave him a rueful smile and then walked out into the cold Seattle air.

The loud thud of the door vibrated through the empty house. Derek took another sip of the strong liquor that was helping to numb him and then turned to look at the spot where Meredith had stood only a few seconds before. He began to chuckle but that chuckle soon turned into a biting laugh. He stumbled to the floor and was able to place the newly filled glass onto the table before he spilled it. He got up from the wooden floor and tried to steady himself in his drunken stupor.

This past week had definitely kicked him in the ass. First, he had gotten attached to his pregnant patient Jen, who he later inadvertently killed. Then, Addison had called him panic stricken and had begged him to save her brother...and he couldn't promise her that. Not even after she stripped down the strong, independent, hard as nails facade...not even after she kicked down her walls, those walls that she had built to shove the love she felt for him deep down came crashing down with her desperate plea. She was vulnerable and almost inconsolable and he felt absolutely helpless. He thought he would be causing her yet another heartbreak, but he did save Archer. He saved him but those hours that he had spent giving him back his life were the same hours that unwittingly were some of the factors that had caused his negligent operation with Jen. But for a moment, he had been a hero in his ex-wife's life. The same women he had a hand in breaking, was no longer looking at him with the same disdain that he felt for himself over the pain he had caused her. 
Life really wanted to shove a mirror in his face to show him what he had become. It wasn't enough to show him his failure as a surgeon, or his failure at being a friend for not keeping in touch with Sam, or his failure of being the man he had promised Addison that he would be. The song that he had written for her all of those years before...how they had deviated completely off that path they began together so long ago. He had failed as a husband, he had failed to love and make her happy 'til the day he died. He couldn't help but look at their friends and then at Addie and have regrets. He saw the pained look that had crossed her beautiful face, and had noticed that it took everything in her being to tell him that she was "shoving him back in the box." What the hell happened? 
And now, here he was with a girlfriend who thought he was capable of hurting himself, a dead patient who he killed, a life that he no longer had, and a ring he'd been carrying around with him for a week that he was about to give to the "one". I mean, she should be the "one" right? Even his mother had said, "Addie wasn't the right girl", but is Meredith the "right girl"?

A sad smile painted his haggard face. He thought back on this past week and it suddenly hit him...he finally realized what his life had become and what it could have been. The ironical workings of life. He burst into bitter laughter once more as a few tears escaped his swollen eyes.

He couldn't be here any longer, Derek needed to get away. He felt like he was suffocating in this house even though he was the only one there. He ran up the stairs and headed straight to Meredith's room. Funny how he still thought of it as her room and not theirs, even though he had been staying there for a while now. Derek grabbed the same bags that he had brought most of his stuff in and began rummaging through the closet and drawers, bumping a few things out of place. Once he felt in his inebriated state that he had gathered all of his belongings, he left. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked around the house that would never be his own, then shut off the light and walked out.

Derek wobbled as he attempted to get to his truck. In this hebetude he shouldn't be walking, let alone driving, but being mentally incapacitated at the moment, made it easier for him to not stop and think. He threw his belongings into the back and then got into the driver's seat and turned the ignition. He backed out onto the road without hesitation. He didn't care to look around for other cars. As he began driving, he noticed that his vision was blurry and the added drizzle was obstructing his view, but he wasn't going to stop. He needed to get back to the trailer. He needed quiet and a moment alone.

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She looked out through the window and noticed that it had begun to pour. That was one thing that she hadn't missed about this city. In LA, the great weather was something that she could always count on. Not to say that it didn't rain there, but it never rained for long. Addison walked back to her bed and flopped down onto it and then slid her heels off. She loved staying in this hotel because it never felt like she was in one. The beds were comfortable, the suite had that homey feel to it, the bathtub was massive, and they had walk-in-closets which she took full advantage of. She noticed that her muscles were still a bit tense from the day's events before she closed her eyes and rubbed circles onto her temples.

It had been a really long day. Actually, it had been a long week...but at least she could say that her brother was going to live. She knew that her faith in Derek had not been misplaced. She'd known that if anyone could save Archie, it would be him, and he did. Archie was now alive and well, but let's face it, his ego was a little bruised and he had fully expected Derek to fail.

He and Derek had always had this rivalry when it came to her affections and admiration. For the longest time, it had been Archie who made sure that she had everything she needed and wanted. It was he who had taken care of her and looked out for her. It has been Archie that Addison looked up to. So when Derek came into her life and he had began to provide all those things for her, well, let's just say that Archie was less than pleased. He had made sure to let Derek know that he wasn't worthy of Addie, and that he would spend the rest of his life a few steps behind her playing catch up, because nobody knew his sister the way he did.

But Derek was worthy, he was the perfect boyfriend and then the perfect husband. He became a brilliant surgeon who she admired. Archie had been wrong, he didn't have to play catchup because he was with her every step of the way. Their careers were on equal playing ground in their respective fields and they had it all until they didn't.

She hadn't allowed herself to revisit the past in a while, she had to move on. She knew that she couldn't keep living in the past. She knew that she couldn't have what she wanted to have, especially if she was always looking over her shoulder and thinking about what could have been. But at this moment, she couldn't help but think of the past...but more specifically, about what had happened five years before. Before the divorce, the prom sex, the name calling, the moving across the country, and the sleeping with Mark. Before things began to fall apart...to the night when Derek had lost a patient and had blamed himself, like he was doing tonight.

When he had lost that patient, he had instantly known what he had done wrong...and it hadn't mattered that other surgeons before him had made a mistake like that, because it was him...he had made the mistake. After that, no matter how many times Addison had told him that he was only human,that he couldn't save every single patient, and that he wasn't God, it hadn't made a difference. Derek had spiraled out of control. He began to drink, started putting off surgeries indefinitely, and then he stopped going to work altogether. He didn't want her near him. He pushed all his friends and colleagues away, and even his family. Nobody knew what to do. Addison dreaded going home to him at night for fear of what he would say or do to her.

He became completely unbearable. He would say awful, hurtful things and sometimes his anger would escalate so much that she feared for her safety. Addison put up with as much as she could. She stayed with him and tried to help him understand, tried to make him see himself, to see her, but he only grew angrier.

She found herself calling Mark over on many nights, letting him deal with his broken friend when she felt there was nothing she could do. And Mark being Mark, had wanted to save them. He loved Derek like a brother and really wanted to help them out, but he then later told her that he had stopped wanting to save Derek the moment that he realized that she needing saving as well. Mark saw what it was doing to her and he couldn't help but want to protect her. That instinct to keep her safe then turned into love...not that he didn't care for her before, but it had turned into real love, something he himself had never felt. Then with every night that he would show up to be with her and help her cope, the more she felt indebted and a connection to him that she hadn't before. Not that any of it justified what happened between them, because it didn't. She had made a huge mistake that night when she allowed Mark to love her and had physically given herself to him, but emotionally, she still belonged to Derek.

Maybe she took the easy way out that night...she'd known that he would be home and she had wanted to give him a reason to leave her because she was tired of fighting to save them when he no longer cared. She felt that he wanted to give up. She could see that he wanted to give up, but he wouldn't do it, so she did it for them. Archie did always say that she was the stronger one of the two. So, she did what had to be done. Well, at least that's what she had told herself in order to cope with things after he walked away without a fight. That's what she told herself when she had kept sleeping with Mark. She wasn't going to apologize for wanting to feel alive, connected, and loved, especially when she was having a hell of a time trying to love herself. That's all said and done now...it's been nearly 3 years since their divorce and he's moved on with Meredith, and while it's still difficult to swallow, she accepts it now. She moved on to Pete, and then to Kevin, but she still hadn't found her "one" yet.

None of that mattered now...what mattered was that Derek needed help. She needed to make sure that Meredith didn't allow him to fall into the same pitfall he'd fallen into before. He was on that same cusp and if he went down that road again, she was afraid that he wouldn't be coming out. He had gotten close to Jen in the short amount of time that he tended to her, and she couldn't blame him, for she had been a very likable women. The mistake was that he had gotten invested...and as much as you wanted to invest yourself in a patient, as a doctor, it is your duty to stay objective. With objectivity, you can still do your job, you can still deny a patient's request when it is not in their best interest...but she's one to talk. It had taken Addison a really hard lesson to learn that she had to distance herself. Even now, she still holds some resentment towards Richard...but she couldn't deny that it had helped her to become a better doctor for it.

The moment that they had gone into that final surgery, she'd known that something was off with him...being with him for fifteen years had given her the luxury to know him so well. She should have put a stop to it then, should have asked Richard to put someone else on the case, but she just couldn't do that to him. She could see his need to make it right. So she had put her fears and concerns aside for the man that she had asked to be God for her brother, the man that could still drive her to insanity, the same man that she had loved for half of her life, the one that she would still do anything for, she had let him continue...but Addison should have stopped him. Even though technically she wasn't the only one there, it still should have been she that put an end to it. Why did she even think that she could ask Meredith Grey for help? There was a reason Derek was with her...she was malleable. She was so young still, and even though he had hurt her, she could still look beyond that and see this brilliant surgeon and man...she could still see her "McDreamy". Addison didn't doubt that Meredith loved him or that he loved her, but she was easy...even with all her baggage, Meredith was easy. She didn't challenge him. She wasn't on the same playing field. She was always going to be the one a few steps behind. Derek, to Meredith, was that guy...the knight in shining armor, the guy who comes and saves her from her life. He holds an allure over her, he's the flame to her moth.

So when she had asked Meredith for help, what did she do? She had turned and asked him if he knew what he was doing? Of course he thought he was doing the right thing! When you ask someone who's insane if they really are crazy, do you think they're going to tell you that you're right? Of course not! He had scolded her and she had trembled and stayed by his side like a good girl. That's not here nor there, the problem was that Addison shouldn't have cared what Derek would have said or done, she should have just stopped it right then and there! Ultimately, she had...but by then it was too late...not too late to save Jen, because she was long gone, but too late to save Derek from himself.

So now, she lay on her bed in a room engulfed by darkness, dreading what was to come. Derek was in that dark place right now. She had seen it after he and Mark were separated from their fight. She had seen the pain in his eyes, he was in self destructive mode, and what scared her the most, was that this time he might succeed in letting it consume him. Addison knew that he had Meredith as was made abundantly clear by Alex, "That's her guy now", but could she trust that Meredith could handle what Derek was about to dish out? It had nearly shattered her when he had done this, would Meredith be able to save him before Derek tore himself down and crushed her? She couldn't just stand back and watch this unfold, she had to do something! She had fought for him before, just not hard enough. Addison would not let him do this to himself...even if he was someone else's guy, he had been her guy at one point in time and she was not walking away when he needed her the most.

She hopped off the bed, slid her heels back on, grabbed a coat, and then made her way out of her room. Addison knew that she was risking making a fool out of herself in showing up on Meredith's door step to check on her ex-husband, but she didn't care. Her pride could take a back seat, she needed to know that Derek was okay. She walked up to the valet and waited for her car to be brought to her. The rain had began to pound down more heavily. She looked up. "God I really hate this city."

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Flashes of the city lights were all that could be seen inside Derek's truck as he raced down the street. Lightning erupted with unyielding rage. The storm was really going now and his view was hazier than before, but he didn't ease up on the gas petal. He needed to get home, his home, and he wouldn't stop until he got there. Derek didn't notice that he was swerving from his lane into the next, he didn't notice when he ended up in front of the oncoming traffic, and he didn't notice the shock of the driver in the other lane when they forcibly veered to the side in an attempt to miss him head on.

He gripped his steering wheel in an attempt to miss the other car, and then everything slowed down for him as his truck spun out of control. He shut his eyes. If this was his end, he didn't want to see it. Different memories of his life flashed before him... his mother's smile, his sisters pestering him, fishing with his father, his best friend, the red head with the beautiful smile and the piercing blue eyes that captivated his heart, his wedding, Meredith lying in bed with him, Meredith walking down the steps at the prom, Addison lying on his chest in his arms, Addison clutching on to him, and then nothing. His head hit the steering wheel and Derek blacked out. All that could be heard was the two horns of both cars as they squealed for help.

The offensive noise from the horn brought him to lucidity. Instantly, he put his hand to his head because he had a blustering headache. His drunken stupor had subsided quite a bit, especially with the scare he'd just experienced. He looked around and noticed that he was on the side of the road. Relief washed over him when he realized that he hadn't hit anyone or anything. "Thank God!" He said out loud. Then the loud glaring noise from another horn broke him out of his own self inspection. He rolled down his window as water started violently splashing in. Derek noticed the other car, the one that he almost hit...it was on the other side of the road. He quickly exited his truck, not caring that he was getting soaked, not even stopping to look both ways before he crossed...he needed to make sure the other person was okay.

As he got closer, he noticed that the headlights where still on but the front part of the car was smashed in from the impact to the nearby telephone pole. A bit of smoke was coming out from the engine and the wipers were still swiping away the heavy rain. He could make out at least one person in the car as he tried to open the door but it was locked. Derek went around and tried the other doors, he stopped for a moment when he felt a bit dizzy, but then continued. Whatever his injuries were, he needed to help this person first. He went back around to the driver's side and wiped it with his hand and noticed that a women was slumped over on the steering wheel. He could see that she had a few head lacerations but couldn't see the extent of her injuries because of the red hair that covered her face.

Suddenly a wave of fear, nausea, and absolute dread took a hold of him. It couldn't be her! It couldn't be her! He didn't hesitate any longer. He mustered up all of his strength and broke the back passenger window and hurriedly unlocked the car. He could hear the ambulance approaching and the passersby that had stopped to take in the scene, but he didn't stop, he needed to make sure that it wasn't her. He opened the front door slowly...whomever this person turned out to be, he had to be careful not to make any sudden movements that may cause them more harm. He reached for the woman's face and gently swept her hair to the side...and it was then that he was hit with a crippling pain that instantly brought him to his knees. "Addison?" He sobbed.

The hammering of the rain drummed against the car. The lights of the siren almost hypnotized as he stood there in complete shock, overwhelmed by the scene as the firefighters and paramedics pulled her limp body from the car. A police officer in front of him asked him questions, but he couldn't hear a word...all he heard was the beating of his own heart.

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I know, I know, I haven't updated or finished up my other stories, so WTH am I doing starting another one? ;) I just couldn't not write something about this past crossover after seeing a glimmer of hope and then seeing it get ripped away from me, and then being kicked in the face and the gut. All while having Shonda standing over me pointing mockingly and saying "Na na nana na, neener neener, you so fell for it, you Addek lover. You get nothing and you'll like it! Now open your mouth so I can shove this Mer/Der crap down your throat."

So, in my world Addison and Derek will always find their way to each other, no matter what. =)

So obviously, it doesn't end there but I do have a few plans for them so I hope you stick around for the New Adventures of Addison and Derek. :)

PLEASE REVIEW :)
(Reviews are like Squee's =)

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