If Only Chapter 2, a naruto fanfic

Sasuke actually astonished himself by not immediately masturbating the second the embarassed blonde ran out of his apartment. The sight of his first up close, personal, incredibly attractive cooch sparked a kind of revolution in his head.

Actually, it wouldn't be completely inaccurate to say his mind spun with possibilities. And probabilities. And plans. New thoughts, new dreams…

New goals.

He still had to get revenge on his brother for the whole clan killing thing, but somehow it seemed so much less important than it used to.

Sasuke stood up, clenched his fist, and swore his dedicated pursuit of the feisty, charmingly inept girl Naruto had turned out to be. He might have to keep her secret. They might call him gay. Let them. He had seen that golden prize between her legs. He swore off jerking it, so the pent up frustration would fuel his efforts to a greater frenzy. He swore off endless training, because that would cut into the time he required to seduce Naruto. He swore he would fight through her tough tsuntsun exterior, and pin down the deredere maiden within.

Then, with the spirits of his ancestors as his witness, he would fuck her until the bed turned to splinters!

His resolution to not masturbate lasted almost an hour.

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In the middle of cleaning up, his apartment that is, he stopped and considered. It was a little annoying that she'd trashed everything. Sasuke didn't exactly like to clean, and approached most of it with a casual indifference. He kept his place neat and when the floor got dirty he swept it, but he'd never waxed it and most of the unused surfaces of his home were covered in a thin film of dust that'd he'd rationalized away by calling it a security precaution. Being able to move without disturbing dust was considered a chunin level skill, so theoretically he'd know if someone had entered his home without permission.

Well, Naruto had entered his home without permission, and now there was dust everywhere.

Maybe he should wait, win another bet, and get her to do it? He bet Naruto would be cute as hell in a maid outfit, though she really needed longer hair to pull off the look. Hmm. Yeah, she'd look great with long hair. Maybe in pigtails. How would he get her in pigtails…

Hmm, well, he knew his fangirls would do anything if they thought it would make him like them more…

Ahah! He just had to convince her she was in love with him and she'd grow her hair out!

Of course, convincing her that she loved him might be kind of tricky, since she was one of the few girls who didn't like him. Maybe he'd have to change.

Sasuke made a mental note to find out what kind of men Naruto liked.

But what if… what if her biggest problem with him was that he was a jerk?

Contrary to popular opinion, Sasuke knew he was a jerk, he just didn't care. Since things like that didn't matter, he'd always ignored the little voice in his head that notified him of socially inacceptable behavior.

Was he going to have to start being nice to people?

Would it even be worth it?

Sasuke considered that for a moment, considering his nearly photographic memory of Naruto's naked girlbits.

Oh yeah… totally worth it. But let's not be hasty now, first things first. Hell, he needed to finish cleaning his apartment up first. Wash his dishes, refold his clothes, hang his curtains back up, everything. At least she hadn't broken anything in her rampage. That was remarkably considerate given he knew she was seething in rage.

Really, though, it was the dammedest thing. He had no idea why she would dump the entire contents of his medicine cabinet in the bathtub, but leave his toothbrush alone.

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Naruto wandered around aimlessly for a while, avoiding people and fiddling with her jacket. Every few minutes she'd remember what she'd done earlier and her cheeks would burn in embarrassment. Then she'd remember that she'd gotten her jacket back from that jerk, and it was clean and mended and had really neat new pockets and some mesh reinforcement in a few spots, just like real ninja clothes, and she'd be all but walking on air.

Finally, she decided she'd had a rough enough day it was worth using one of her alloted Ichiraiku meals. She could only afford to eat there thirty times a month, so she had to ration herself carefully. A couple of incidents where she had to go whole weeks at a time without a bowl of Ichiraiku ramen had installed iron discipline in her that would be handy when she became Hokage, or so she fancied.

Ninjas had to know how to deal with deprivation and adversity, or so Iruka-sensei kept saying.

"Hey, Ayame-neechan!" Naruto called happily as she bounced up to the stand and took a seat.

"Hi- Oh nice!" Ayame blurted. "You cleaned your jacket!"

"Inorite?!" Naruto squealed back, twirling to show it off. "And it's got new pockets and armor and everything!"

"Very nice! It looks good on you!" Ayame replied, playing the good big sister. "Dad, look!"

"Ooooh, you really spruced it up, Naruko-chan!" Teuchi said cheerfully, wiping his hands on a towel.

"Mouu, I told you, old man, it's Naruto! Call me Naruto-kun!" Naruto, actually, Naruko hissed back in a loud whisper. "I'm a boy, remember?"

"Oh, oh, I forgot again. I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. Your new jacket makes you look very manly," he said with a chuckle. "But you know, convincing people that you're a boy when you've been known as a girl for almost your whole life isn't going to work very well."

"It's totally working!" Naruko insisted. "Everyone calls me Naruto and everything!"

"Yes, yes…" Teuchi replied. "So what will the young sir be having today?"

"Large miso, please!" Naruko chirped.

"So did you clean the jacket yourself?" Teuchi asked, working on the order behind the counter. "Some of those stains were really in there."

"No, actually…" Naruko looked embarrassed for the first time. "Uh, someone else did it for me. At a laundromat."

"For you?" Ayame asked, passing the bowl of ramen to the disguised girl.

"Thanks for the food!" Naruko said loudly, and dug in.

"Oooh, my girl senses are tingling. Something happened didn't it?" Ayame pressed.

But Naruko just blushed and shook her head and would say no more that night.

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Naruto twisted to the right, but Sasuke was too fast for her, and his follow up leg sweep put her on her ass.

Jumping to her feet in indignation, she started protesting, but Sasuke's confident smirk derailed her accusations of cheating before she really got going. He didn't have to cheat.

"You're a bastard," she accused him.

You're cute, he didn't say back.

And she was, even with the short, pixie-like hair. Once he really looked closely, he could see how small she was under those baggy clothes she wore. She was the shortest in the class, even though she was the same age or older than everyone else. But, underneath that wrapping, her breasts weren't really small. They kinda popped out there. And she was kinda bumbling and inept, but not bad at fighting and really, really hard to pin down. Nothing he couldn't handle, but enough to make her… a challenge.

Blushing cutely, she yanked up her shirt and pushed down her pants and panties in one jerk.

"Fine, happy now?" she said, her voice laced with anger, but full of embarrassment as well.

Wonderful breasts, too large to be entirely hidden by bindings and now free from henge. Creamy pale skin and a little pink nipple just stiffening in the air, practically begging to be touched. And down below a tuft of soft, golden curls, just barely screening an intriguing fold, sent shivers up his spine and made his mouth dry.

Ah, to see them both at the same time!

Naruko squeaked as he stepped forward confidently, looming over her. Intimidated by his overwhelming proximity, she froze as he reached out and stroked a hand down her side, making her shiver. Slowly, his other hand drifted lightly over her flat, taut little belly, it would feel like velvet over smooth braded cords, and cupped one of her breasts, kneading and teasing the nipple between his fingers.

Sasuke shifted slightly, making more room in his pants for his erection.

His other hand drifted down, his fingertips combing through the delicate curls of hair, parting folds and stroking the satiny-

*WHAP*

The chalk shattered into a cloud of fragments as it bounced off his forehead, startling him back to reality.

And a classroom full of laughing people, plus Iruka-sensei, who was looking both amused and irritated from his position in front of the blackboard.

Iruka-sensei was known for being a deadly shot with that chalk of his against anyone caught not paying attention, but Sasuke had never been nailed before. It was sort of humiliating.

"Um, yes, Iruka-sensei?" Sasuke replied, blushing slightly in embarrassment.

Iruka's eyes twinkled in amusement and tapped a diagram of a complicated knot he'd drawn on the board. "I was saying, perhaps Sasuke would like to come up here and show us how to tie a three tug release knot in wire for a kunai trap."

Sasuke thought about that for a moment. Thought about how huge his erection felt in his pants and the rough probability of it being seen, which he 'modestly' assumed to be 100% due to the size.

"Um, no?" he replied, blushing even more furiously, his normally pale, stoic face a red mask of horrified embarrassment.

Iruka stared at him. Sasuke never turned down a chance to demonstrate his superiority. Iruka put two and two together and assumed five, in this case, quite correctly.

"Oh god. I just lost another one to puberty," he said faintly as he facepalmed.

Fortunately, the rest of the class was either too busy laughing at Sasuke's embarrassment and surprising refusal to show off, or didn't understand what Iruka meant.

For his part, Sasuke was rather relieved when Iruka relented and picked someone else to do it. That was a pretty complicated knot and he wasn't sure he could do it and hold a book over his crotch at the same time.

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Naruko snagged the back of Masa's shirt as the boy twisted away from a slash with the wooden practice kunai. The blunt wooden training knives wouldn't do more than scrape and bruise, but it still hurt and provided plenty of incentive to be cautious in a fight. Unfortunately for Masa, the left handed slash was a cover for the grab she made with her right, and she had enough strength to yank up on the shirt as she twisted, copying Sasuke's move of two days previous.

Masa was flipped backwards over Naruko's head, his shirt bunched up around his arms and head so he was momentarily blinded as he landed in an awkward crouch on the other side, and Naruko's foot caught him square in the chest and laid him out flat.

Naruko stood up, holding his shirt aloft in triumph.

Laughter and a few small cheers rewarded her triumph. Masa wasn't bad at taijutsu but Naruko had given them all a thoroughly entertaining fight, and leaving him shirtless had been hilarious.

"Winner, Naruto!" Mizuki said loudly, as if the outcome was in doubt. Iruka scribbled something in a notebook and offered her a thumbs up.

"Hey, good fight!" Naruko offered cheerfully, offering both shirt and a helping hand to the brown haired boy as he sat back up, gasping and rubbing at his chest.

Scowling at her, he took the shirt but ignored the hand, climbing to his feet on his own.

Shrugging, Naruko returned to the sidelines as the next two, Kuda and Ryoichi got up to fight. The carefully monitored spars would take most of the day and served as a test to monitor taijutsu skills, since written exams could hardly show how well someone could throw or take a punch.

"Nice, Naruto," Chouji offered as the disguised girl plopped down on the ground beside the other slackers. Not that Chouji was a slacker, he actually had a pretty good class rank, but his best friend Shikamaru most certainly was. "You've gotten better."

"That shirt stripping move was pretty nice," Kiba agreed. Akamaru arfed agreement.

"Thanks," Naruko said modestly. "I have gotten better." She paused. "I even beat Sasuke yesterday!" she blurted suddenly, clearly having been waiting for any excuse to bring it up.

"Lies," Shikamaru replied.

"No! I totally beat him! We fought in that tangle of trees over behind Ishida's produce! It took a couple of hours, but I totally won!"

Kiba gave her a dubious look. "I dunno. If you said you'd beaten, I don't know, Noboru or Ino or someone like that, maybe I'd believe you, but Sasuke? If you're gonna make up stuff, at least make it believable."

"I did, dammit!" Naruko insisted, starting to pout. "We fought up in those trees, and he's a lot taller so he had more trouble moving in there. I did something he didn't expect and he acknowledged the win!"

"I believe you," Chouji said. Of all of them, Chouji was always the nicest to her.

"I believe we're not hearing all the story," Shikamaru said quietly, opening one eye and raising an eyebrow.

Naruko blushed suddenly. "What else is there to tell?" she insisted stubbornly. "We fought, I won."

Kiba sniffed, as if in disdain, but then he rubbed his nose slightly. "You do smell slightly like that showoff, but I bet Shikamaru's right."

"Whatever," Naruko snapped, and turned away.

"Oi, Sasuke!" Kiba called suddenly.

"No! Don't call that bastard over here," Naruko hissed, but it was too late.

Mizuki turned and glared at them for being loud during the fight, which they were supposed to be paying attention to, but Kiba ignored him and Naruko didn't notice.

Sasuke would have ignored the Inuzuka, but he'd noticed that Naruto was over there as well, so he feigned reluctance and casually walked over.

"Dammit, Kiba," Naruko hissed.

"Hey, Sasuke," Kiba said, ignoring her, "Naruto said he beat you yesterday. 'Zat so?"

Sasuke paused for a long moment.

Naruko glared at him, daring him to deny it.

Sasuke smirked.

Naruko's face fell, knowing that all he had to do was deny it and everyone would believe him. After all, who could beat the invincible Sasuke? But that never stopped her from trying, and her disappointed frown started turning as she prepared to fly into a rage.

"I knew it," Kiba crowed. "Naruto, you suck at lying-"

"He…" Sasuke interrupted, stressing the word, "is right."

Everyone stopped and stared at him. Even people nearby who weren't a part of the conversation turned and were obviously listening in.

"According to our agreement, Naruto won." Sasuke stood there, smirking in a self satisfied manner as Naruko's incipient explosion completely disappeared and she stared at him in surprise, along with everyone else. "It was a good fight," he added as an afterthought. "I wouldn't mind fighting him again."

Naruko gaped at him. So, for that matter, did everyone else.

Sasuke debated on whether or not to announce that it had actually been a double win, but wasn't sure whether it would be a better reaction or a worse one.

"Ohmigod Naruto beat Sasuke?!"

"Sasuke wants to fight again?!"

"Sasuke, I'll fight you!" Ino cried, pushing her way through the crowd.

"No way, Ino-pig! I'm gonna beat him up!" Sakura yelled back, giving her rival a hard shove as she also rushed Sasuke.

Unfortunately for Ino, she was off balance from shoving people, and Sakura was quite a bit stronger than she looked. Ino practically went flying out of the crowd, stumbling to keep her footing, right into the middle of the fight between Kuda and Ryoichi, both of whom were locked on to defeating the other. Ino took a kick to the side from Ryoichi, and Kuda's simultaneous punch landed squarely on Ino's nose.

Cartilage cracked.

Blood spurted.

Kuda's eyes widened as he realized exactly who he had just punched. He slowly pulled his fist back and started to stammer an apology.

Kuda was ranked 17th in the class overall, and 23rd in taijutsu. Ryoichi was 9th overall and 7th in taijutsu, just ahead of Naruko herself, who despite a last in the class rank was considered 8th at straight taijutsu.

Ino was second overall.

And currently third in taijutsu.

She did not go down from a nose breaking punch or a solid kick in the side.

She did, however, get pissed.

Even the two teachers weren't fast enough to stop what happened next. Ino's left hand grabbed the collar of Kuda's shirt and her right slammed into his solar plexus at almost the same instant, driving the breath from him in a woof. Then he was hurled bodily into the crowd, arms and legs flying wide.

The crowd of students, already riled up from previous or anticipated fights, and on the hair trigger of people being taught to kill, plus reeling from being shoved by Sakura, reacted poorly to this new assault. One boy caught Kuda's forearm across the face. Another girl, Ami, got kicked in the back.

And even as Ino rounded on poor Ryoichi, the class spontaneously erupted into an all out brawl. Ami turned at the kick and threw a straight punch at Sakura, who responded with a textbook tomenage stomach kick-throw, rolling backwards to toss Ami behind her. Only to be accidentally kneed in the head as she went backwards by Matsuda who was just trying to get out of the way of someone punching wildly behind him.

Kiba, a hair trigger if there ever was one, and watching the ball of kicking, scratching chaos sweep towards him, excitedly lashed out at the first person he saw.

Which was Sasuke. Who, honestly, was not expecting an out of the blue punch to the eye, which temporarily blinded him with pain.

Naruko had actually stepped forward to stop Kiba, or the fight behind Sasuke, or, possibly, just to get involved. She immediately got a misaimed split lip from Sasuke for her troubles. Then Akamaru bit her when Kiba, dodging Sasuke, ran into her, and then Sasuke pitched forward as no less than three struggling students slammed into him from behind.

Chouji tried to hold out his arms and brace to shield Shikamaru from the incoming clusterfuck, but unfortunately most of his techniques tended more towards unstoppable force rather than immovable object.

Shikamaru simply wasn't fast enough to get out of the way, and ended up on the bottom of the resulting pile, being slowly suffocated by the combined weight of several people plus Chouji.

Quickly calculating the likely results of any possible actions, he opted to simply lie there and hold his breath. Being stepped on a few dozen times by people not watching their footing was infinitely preferable to the quickly developing epic asskicking everyone was dishing out to everyone else above him.

Only one person in the entire class managed to avoid the fight, and it wasn't poor shy Hinata, who was blushingly stammering apologies to Tatewaki as she choked him unconscious with an arm across his neck while using him as a human shield against two friends who were trying to get through her against another boy they had a mutual grudge against. Sadly, she went down to an axe kick, meant for someone else, that caught her in the short ribs.

Shino never moved from his seat no less than ten yards from the closest student, even when Mizuki and Iruka waded into the huge free for all, literally sending students flying with kicks and throws in their rush to separate the students who were quickly degenerating into dangerous, potentially lethal techniques.

Sometimes, being a loner pays off.

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"That," Kiba wheezed, holding his side, "was awesome."

Almost the entire class was lined up in the hallway. About half of them were still bleeding or holding sprains, waiting to be seen by the medics on staff. A few were inside, getting treated. And the rest, after they had been treated, were immediately lined up again, leaned against the wall or sitting against it as they waited to be called in, one by one, into the classroom for individual punishment.

Six people up the line, as one of the few not requiring actual treatment for the foot shaped bruises covering his body, Shikamaru demurred. "That sucked," he opinioned. Though he hadn't been one of the actual fighters, the only one spared the teachers' wrath had been Shino, who clearly hadn't been involved. Shikamaru's protests that he'd just lain there had fallen on deaf ears.

Sakura held a small tuft of pink hair in her hand and worried if her forehead was even more prominent now while she rubbed gingerly at a bump on her head. Ami pulled hair.

"I blame Naruto," Ami said.

"I blame your face," Matsuo countered.

"I hate you all," Sasuke announced as he emerged from the nurses office, his face and neck stained brown from the iodine used to treat the long scratches he'd picked up… somewhere.

"I' w's kinda funn'," Naruko lisped through split, swollen lips and picked at the gunk she'd gotten under her nails with one thumb as she helped support Hinata behind her, who couldn't stand up straight. She was at the head of the line, next to be called in.

Ino emerged from the classroom, rubbing her backside gingerly. She had a large bandage over her nose and, for a change, actually did sort of look like a pig. Her cheeks were red and she wouldn't look at the others.

Naruko looked at her for a moment, but couldn't help herself.

"Did he at least give you an A?"

Sakura giggled.

Ino giggled, though it was pretty nasal.

And pretty soon the entire class was laughing, even as Iruka bellowed "NARUTO!" from inside and Naruko went to face the music.

Author's Lie: Eh, here's as good a stopping place as any. I have more, but I'll save it for the next chapter. I've also got almost completed new chapters for a lot of things, as well as one more new thing. Look for a lot of new updates in the next week or two. Or three.

Sorry it's taking me so long to update lately. I've been having issues.