Chapter Twelve

When the police had come around about the explosion at the apartment, Keiko apparently made up some story about not knowing what happened, and it was officially being put down as another arson attempt. (Yuusuke was worried about being blamed for it himself at this point, but Kurama and Kuwabara had given him a pretty solid alibi.)

He did eventually return to the home he shared with his mother-for one thing, he needed an extra pair of shoes. The other sneaker was still in the cave, somewhere, after bouncing off Sensui's face. It wasn't worth going back for just an old, beat up sneaker.

Koenma's shield had mostly kept the building protected, but Yuusuke hadn't been sure of most of the damage until he saw it with his own eyes. There were still some scorch marks and cracked walls, but it wasn't too bad after things had been picked up. Some paint and fresh drywall and it would be good as new. The neighbors eyed him warily as he passed by, but that wasn't too different from usual. He didn't like people and people didn't like him.

True, the long hair was garnering a lot of attention as well. He was keeping it braided, though his own attempts were way messier than Koenma's neat plaits.

Yuusuke also expected Atsuko to be furious with him when he finally returned. While there was some anger, there was also resignation in her expression as well. She didn't yell or even scold him for missing school. Her eyes were sad as she'd greeted him with, "Still alive then?" It was messed up but he couldn't tell his mother the truth about what he was doing-and what he was now. Atsuko would never understand that there was demon blood in their family, or she would treat it as a joke.

His hair was certainly a source of humor. She accused him of having extensions done.

It was just cruel that he had to keep running out on her, to the extent that Atsuko now seemed to think it was certain he wouldn't come back one day. Sadly, it was true. Yuusuke fully realized it now more than ever-he was going to leave and not come back, likely leaving Atsuko clueless for the rest of her life about what happened to him. It wasn't because he didn't care, it wasn't because he was a jerk-he was a jerk but he did care.

If he told Atsuko, then her life would be in danger. He would inevitably drag her into all the crap he hadn't meant to drag Keiko into. He couldn't do that to his mom. Not when he could still remember, vividly, how she mourned him when he died the first time.

That night, he also learned where Atsuko had been all those times he was, albeit rarely, at home. She wasn't out drinking. She had gone to some meetings, seeking actual treatment for her alcoholism, and was dating one of her ex-boyfriends. He sounded like a good guy with a decent job, and was even encouraging Atsuko to continue attending the alcoholics meetings rather than putting her down for a perceived "failure."

Atsuko tried, with painstaking casualness, to invite him out with them sometime. In her tone, Yuusuke knew she thought he would turn her down. He didn't disappoint, only giving her a vague, "Maybe," for an answer.

He was glad that she was finally moving on with her life. He loved that she wasn't drinking. But what was he going to do meeting some normal guy anyway? When he was pretty far from normal. Yuusuke thought he was likely to scare the guy off.

He wished he could talk to Koenma about it. He nearly called, but all he managed to do was pick up the cordless phone from the cradle and stare at the dial pad, Genkai's number scrawled on a rumpled post-it. He wasn't sure what to say his problem was, other than he wished that he could tell Atsuko the truth. He wished his choices, made for good reasons, didn't also hurt people.

He stayed through Sunday night and went to school on Monday, but the idea of sitting in class was just unbearable. He ended up spending most of his time on the roof, then the final bell rang and he trudged home. Kuwabara was, weirdly, the one that started nagging at him about test scores and high school entrance exams. The big lug was taking his studies seriously again, like that time when Yuusuke's spirit helped Kuwabara study for a test in his sleep. (He was still amazed that worked.) It began to feel stifling the more his friend went on about placement tests, and Yuusuke just rolled over where he rested and tuned him out.

He avoided Keiko, nor did she come find him, though she always seemed to know where he disappeared to before. There was just no trying to get that around in his mind-he still didn't have any idea what to say. He had no more doubts about who he wanted to be with, who he was tentatively starting to picture his future with. That was Koenma. He just had no idea how to tell the girl that in a way that wouldn't hurt her badly.

Yuusuke began to wonder if that was all he was capable of: hurting people.

By the next day, he knew he could not stand it any longer. It wasn't just because he was lazy, as his friends surely thought. He was indeed lazy, incredibly so, and normal society had always felt constraining. He had never wanted anything to do with it. But now there were other things to consider, like what the hell was a teenage demon supposed to do with his future anyway? What did being a demon even mean?

He no longer knew who he was, what he was, and what he was supposed to do. Koenma wasn't working for the Reikai at the moment, so he didn't feel obligated to be a Tantei anymore. It would be weird now to hunt demons for them, not that he would obey the assholes unless his Ko was in charge once more.

He wanted a future of some sort with Koenma, he just didn't know how he would provide for that future the way he was. Kurama and Hiei couldn't help him-they were demons but they hadn't gone through the same experience that he had. They were born demons. He had gone through a change he wasn't sure how to describe.

Was he evil now? Was he worthy of being Koenma's mate?

There was no way he could go to school with all this on his mind, so he ditched. He left the apartment with his bookbag, telling Atsuko he would see her later, with no intention of doing so any time soon. He caught a bus down the street and was quiet on the way to the temple. If he garnered anymore stares-because of the hair or otherwise-then he didn't notice.

Yuusuke didn't want to think that he'd end up becoming something other than what he was. It was true that he had changed much since becoming involved with the Reikai, but those changes had been for the better. As much as he complained about all of it. But part of him, even now, still remained human. It had to have, he reasoned, because he still remembered random things that demons wouldn't give a damn about-like the Captain Planet theme song.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized this was a good example. Captain Planet wasn't exactly normal and not entirely human-but he always came when those kids called for him.

Yuusuke wanted to remain like this-to never forget and never stop caring about his friends. He just wasn't sure it was possible now.

He needed to talk about these things to Genkai and Koenma. They were the only people that could possibly come close to understanding. If he could get over himself long enough to ask...

He had left Sunday night, and it was Tuesday morning. A little over a day since he last spoke to his tentative boyfriend. Yuusuke had never been a clingy person, but he realized how much he had missed Koenma. He wanted to be near him, to feel his warmth and to garner one of those smiles. Maybe even do something stupid to make Ko laugh.

He found Koenma curled up in bed-it was still early but it was strange anyway. The former god tended to wake with the sun. Yet there he was, curled up on his side, a frown marring what should have been peacefully sleeping features.

Yuusuke sat down on the side of the bed and reached out to touch Koenma's shoulder.

He wanted to whimper, but he didn't have enough breath. All he could manage was to keep his chest rising and falling, even though it hurt, every gasp for air painful, because everything hurt. All his short time as a human, in this life where he lived by a different name, he had never experienced such agony. Sweat dripped from his forehead, slipping into his eyes, but the sting was nothing compared to the rest of his body. It just made it hard to make out the blurry figures around him.

Not that there was much he wanted to see.

If he had enough energy, he would have whimpered out, "Why? Why are you doing this to me?" to the soldiers around him. He only wanted to help. Even though he had felt this coming, felt the betrayal deep to his very mortal bones, it still hurt.

He also knew it was necessary. It was destiny and no one could fight that power. This was the final stage that would cement the safety of an entire race. He knew they needed to be saved, because none of them could do this sacrifice themselves-this pain, this blood that he shed, would ensure it for them. He wanted to save them, he wasn't trying to refuse-but Spirits above, he had never expected this level of torment. Not because he didn't think they were capable of it-because they were, that was the point, that was why he was doing this-he just hadn't known what to expect. Or how the pain would actually feel.

He knew other things though. He had seen the future. Though this act would ensure their safety, it would also be misinterpreted and the real meaning of the lessons he had tried to teach would eventually be lost or confused. Wars would be started and lies would be told in his-his pseudonym, because it wasn't his name, it had never been his name. But that wasn't the point, he hadn't done any of this-coming to this dimension to live with them to this final act of selflessness-for acknowledgement.

It was to save them. Even if they never knew, or forgot, or tried to kill themselves in the name of some religion he would never support.

The knowledge that this is what would happen, though, had made him as heartsick as knowing that one of his friends would betray him.

His chin lolled against his chest and he had no strength to lift it again, despite the added strain it put on his already labored breathing. Rough wood dug into his burning flesh, splinters cutting into him skin easily, an annoyance he couldn't put out of his mind even with all the other pain. His lungs spasmed, shaking his thin frame with forceful coughs as they struggled to eject blood and fluid, unable to make room for precious air.

A weak moan escaped his lips. "Stop!" he wanted to scream at his vulnerable, wrecked, and human shell. "Just give up! Just die already and then the pain will be over and I can go home!"

He wanted to go home. Even if there was nothing there, and those he had once called family had grown to hate him, he still wanted to go back. He wanted this to be over, to find some quiet place in the Reikai to curl up and hide. Then he would sleep for as long as he was allowed. Even if that quiet place would be a prison, he would prefer it to this.

Tears ran unnoticed down his cheeks, mixing with the sweat already stinging his eyes. He'd lost count of how long he had hung there as his form refused, again and again, to give in. He blacked out a few times, but the blissful relief did not last long, as he always woke up strapped where he was. He was hopeful every time that he would finally wake up in the Reikai or floating above his body, waiting for a ferry girl to come collect his soul.

He wished again that humans were not built so resilient. With nothing he could do to ease his torment, he wept.

A voice spoke, gentleness and familiarity a balm over the pain.

"Ko. Hey, Koenma."

But none of them knew that was his name. Koenma tried to look in the direction of that voice, to find who was calling him. Was it a ferry girl? Was it time to finally leave his human life behind?

Someone touched his shoulder. The touch wasn't painful. "C'mon, Ko. You're dreaming. Come back to me, babe."

A dream. It was just a dream. Koenma struggled against the grip of it and woke with a gasp, gazing up into Yuusuke's beautiful brown eyes. He sat up sharply and, too late, realized those eyes were far too close to his own.

Their foreheads slammed together.

"Ack!" Yuusuke moved back quickly, smiling and holding his head. "Hey, I thought I was the one that did the head-butting. Sorry, babe."

"Ow." Koenma rubbed his own head. "S'okay." He brushed tears from his eyes absently, not really caring if Yuusuke decided to turn back to his old self and tease him.

That was not what happened, of course. The hand on his shoulder squeezed gently. "It's okay, Ko. Just a bad dream. Bad dreams can't hurt you. Even if it was really, super horrible and then there was head-butting."

Koenma rolled his eyes bitterly. If Yuusuke only knew-but of course, he could never tell him the truth. Not only did he not know where to begin, he had never told anyone. He didn't even talk about it to those who did know. How was he supposed to talk about it with Yuusuke?

The teen was going through his own problems anyway.

Yuusuke's hand on his shoulder switched to his hair, massaging his scalp and causing his muscles to relax against his will.

"Ko, when I touched you... something weird happened."

"Huh?" He turned his gaze back to Yuusuke, who seemed hesitant and sad. Both of which were unusual for the teen.

"I don't know if I can explain it, but I'm pretty sure it came from you... There was terrible pain, everything hurt. Way worse than what I felt when Sensui-when he killed me. You were strapped to something, I think."

Koenma frowned, brow furrowing. He had been nailed to something, but Yuusuke being able to sense his dream-his memory-was unusual.

The teen's brow was furrowed with sincere worry. "Ko, what were you dreaming about?"

"The past," Koenma answered honestly.

The hand in his hair kept petting. It felt so nice and he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. The pain from the dream felt very far away now, eased by Yuusuke's touch.

"Sorry," his Tantei spoke softly. "If you ever wanna talk about it..."

Koenma glanced at him again, but he looked too confused to have guessed what the dream was about. It was a little hard to believe that someone in this day and age, especially someone as culturally aware as Yuusuke could be, couldn't have guessed the truth himself. But the teen honestly seemed to have no idea. Yuusuke's emotions always shown so clearly in his eyes.

Koenma shook his head. "It was a long time ago." He couldn't even talk to Tatsumi about it, and Yuusuke was just as dear to him, if in a different way.

Tatsumi was the closest thing he ever had to a true father, while Yuusuke was the only love to ever remotely return his feelings. Who had kissed him and-other things-and for a time gave him something else to feel other than loneliness and the fear of his unrelenting father.

There was no way he could, no part of him that really wanted to. In fact, given Yuusuke's temper, he would be better off not knowing how Enma had used his only son in order to gain power in the Reikai once again, after that disastrous war in the Makai.

"Okay," Yuusuke said, shoulders slumping.

Koenma inched a little closer, shy and uncertain. He didn't know how receptive Yuusuke would be to their closeness, not after spending a whole day around his girlfriend again. He was certain that seeing Keiko would have reaffirmed their feelings and Yuusuke would conclude that he'd made a huge mistake.

Yuusuke smiled shyly and leaned into him, their shoulders touching. The closeness and security that had been building between them renewed in seconds and Koenma sighed in relief.

It seemed Yuusuke wouldn't be going back to Keiko. At least not yet. She was his true soulmate, there was no way he could fight against that kind of bond. Even if Yuusuke had seen his memories of that fateful, horrible time so long ago, and it had probably been because of the bond, it didn't necessarily mean anything.

The teen nuzzled close, his nose brushing Koenma's cheek tenderly. "It's alright. Maybe one day you'll feel different. If you do, I'll be here."

Koenma swallowed thickly. He couldn't see that happening, not ever, but he nodded anyway and said, "Okay."

It was hard to believe, but Yuusuke made him feel very far from the person he had been almost two thousand years ago.

He relaxed slowly as the teen's hands slipped behind him, rubbing at the knots of tension in his back. Yuusuke stayed close, breathing softly against his cheek or neck as he alternated where he nuzzled, and soon Koenma's head started to feel it was stuffed with cotton-in a surprisingly pleasant way.

"Anyone ever give you a massage before?" Yuusuke asked softly, lips moving against the shell of his ear.

Koenma shivered a little and absently shook his head. As much as Yuusuke professed not to have any experience, there was something about his actions that seemed preternaturally sensual. Perhaps this was just another of the teen's blessings-he was inherently good at driving Koenma nuts.

He could hear the smile in Yuusuke's voice. "Want me to?"

Koenma blushed at the boldness. The straightforwardness was nothing new. "Yuusuke, are you trying to seduce me?"

Yuusuke pulled back a little, enough so that Koenma could see his sheepish expression. "Maybe. Is it working?"

The former god laughed softly. "You're horrible."

"Love me anyway?" the teen pressed softly, looking up through dark, shaggy fringe.

Koenma noticed for the first time that Yuusuke must have tried to braid his hair himself, and it was awful. It was coming loose and had been tied in place with a rubber band, which was going to get horribly tangled in his hair. He would have to fix it, and possibly trim the split ends.

He blushed and felt himself be drawn to honesty again. "Yes," he answered, even more softly.

Yuusuke beamed and pressed a light kiss against the corner of his mouth, which Koenma didn't even have time to return.

"So. Want me to?"

Koenma hesitated some more. He wasn't quite sure what Yuusuke had in mind, if he had anything at all in mind, nor if either of them were really ready for such a step. He had just begun to feel as if he could-maybe-give himself over to such an act, but he wasn't entirely sure he would be able to perform when he still held himself back. He had some doubts about what future they could possibly have-if not about Yuusuke's feelings changing eventually.

They had already touched a little, but Koenma hadn't really been thinking too much either at the time. He'd just been happy that Yuusuke was there with him. Still alive, healed and recklessly beautiful.

The teen spoked up again, adding: "It's okay. I just wanna make you feel good. Won't do anything else unless you want me to. You've just got to lie on your stomach."

He looked into Yuusuke's eyes again, saw the teen's own hesitation and Koenma relaxed again. He would take his Tantei's words at face value-and if something happened, he would decide then what he would do.

Nodding, Koenma lied down on his stomach. Under Yuusuke's ministrations, and then when more inevitably happened, he let himself forget his worries for awhile.

Afterwards, he felt so content that he hardly wanted to move at all, and he basked in Yuusuke's presence which seemed so much stronger. The two of them felt so close now, not just physically, but their prince-tantei bond as well. He enjoyed the feeling of Yuusuke's tanned skin and tracing the scars that marred his compact frame. Yuusuke would never be bulky, he wasn't tall enough and a martial artist did not really want to do that to their bodies. Toguro's exaggerated frame should have been their first hint that all was not what it seemed with him.

Yuusuke's hair had also come completely loose and it was everywhere around them on the bed. When he could move his arms again, Koenma started to brush it out and away with his fingers, trying to get the thick locks back in order. It didn't really feel like human hair anymore, but like animal fur. Koenma found he loved it just for being part of his teen.

"Love you," he whispered into Yuusuke's fringe, which mostly covered those large brown eyes.

It had been a long time coming, and as much as he feared how it would hurt later, it also felt good to finally say it. Especially as Yuusuke's smile stretched wide.

"Ko..."

He flushed and shifted, sliding his gaze away from those eyes that occasionally saw way too much. Yuusuke wasn't the brightest demon ever, but he had moments of brilliance.

"Hey." Those strong arms were tugging him close, and those surprisingly soft lips were kissing everywhere they could reach. Koenma felt it was a little easier to breathe.

Yuusuke continued to smile brightly. "You're beautiful and wonderful and I love you too. Sorry, you just surprised me."

Koenma could accuse the brat of the exact same thing. He held in a squeak of embarrassment at the compliments and hid his face against Yuusuke's chest. After a few breathes and listening to the teen's slow heartbeat, he felt his body begin to relax, Yuusuke's hand rubbing his back in slow circles.

"Definitely glad I skipped school today," Yuusuke murmured above him.

"Keiko will be mad," Koenma pointed out softly.

Yuusuke didn't even tense up at the mention of his girlfriend. He continued to sound sleepy and content. "Mm, she's always mad about that. But I had a good reason this time. Not that she and Kuwabara will buy it..."

"Yeah?"

Yuusuke sighed heavily. "I'm just starting to wonder if I really belong here at all."

Koenma rubbed Yuusuke's waist, able to hear the doubt and sadness in his tone. He'd thought the teen might struggle with some of his recent changes-he had gone through so much and now he was part of something new. "Do you regret coming back?"

"No." Another smile, and a kiss pressed against his forehead, which tingled from a minor power exchange. "Because you're here."

He winced into Yuusuke's chest. It would have almost been better of Yuusuke had stayed in the Makai-especially as Enma was sure to make another attempt on Yuusuke's life. He had already explained this to the teen, and naturally he had chosen to remain confident in the face of the real threat. That was just how Yuusuke was.

But if Yuusuke stayed in this world because of him, it could very well get his love killed for real this time-and Koenma didn't know how he would survive that happening again.

"Feel like I'm crying at the moon, yanno?" Yuusuke said around a yawn. "If I was in the Makai, I'd miss all of you. But being here, I just think about all the secrets about myself that are waiting for me to uncover in the demon world."

Koenma nuzzled against Yuusuke's chest sleepily. "Talk to Genkai later."

"Oh yeah, she'll love that. She'll just say she's not my damn shrink."

"She loves you."

"Hm, yeah, I finally started to grow on her. Like fungus."

The former god smiled tiredly. "You just called yourself fungus, silly. Go to sleep."

"Mm, yeah. Nap time. Then I should check on Puu. Then maybe talk to Grandma. Was thinking about it anyway."

"Okay."

He settled down against Yuusuke, safe in those strong, protective arms. There were no more nightmares, not that day.

Koenma was glad that Yuusuke had skipped classes as well.

Puu kept reverting back to his smaller form, seemingly at will. Without warning, the Phoenix would start glowing as it gathered energy, concentration on his tiny beaked face, then there would be a very large bird filling the tight spaces of Genkai's home. Then they would turn around and Puu would be a tiny chick once more. Seeing this firsthand a few times, Yuusuke eventually laughed and proclaimed, "He's just practising. Let him, it's his first talent."

Puu was offended and picked at his master's hand, as if to argue that he had lots of natural talents and Yuusuke just never took notice. Then the teen would pet his blue feathers and all was be well again.

Koenma continued to marvel at the change in the relationship between boy and spirit beast. In the beginning, Yuusuke and Puu had both seemed easily irritated by one another. Since their rebirth, they were truly bonded together. He supposed the transition would have been easier if Yuusuke ever owned a pet, which he hadn't.

He sat on the porch with them later that same evening of Yuusuke's return from town, watching as the teen tried to feed the spirit beast some bird seed from Yukina's stores. Puu was not wanting any part of it, turning his tiny face away from Yuusuke's outstretched hand.

"C'mon, Puu," the teen pleaded in frustration. "You need to eat."

Puu made a disgruntled noise, flapping his small wings in annoyance.

Something told Koenma that the common bird seed just wasn't going to cut it, but he said nothing for now. He just wanted to watch them, as neither had really noticed him joining them yet. Upon getting dressed, he had decided randomly to don one of Yuusuke's old t-shirts over his pajamas, which were far too baggy-purchased out of a bargain bin, so there hadn't been much choice for sizes. Koenma was not sure how Yuusuke would feel about him wearing the shirt, though, so he let the bird keep the teen occupied.

Puu took off into the air, making Yuusuke give chase, and Koenma watched them circle around him a few times before the Phoenix came to a rest in the safety of the former god's lap.

Yuusuke pouted, hands on his hips. There was bird seed everywhere. "C'mon, Puu."

"Puu!" the bird almost scolded.

The teen sighed and reached for a broom sitting nearby, almost as though it had been left by some insightful soul who knew Yuusuke would be making a mess today. "Well, I guess he really doesn't like the bird seed."

Koenma brushed his fingertips against the soft black feathers on Puu's head, getting the bird's attention. "Puu."

The bird nuzzled against him, and Koenma melted, taking the little bird into his arms and holding him like a baby. "You really do need to eat, Puu."

"Puu?"

Koenma gently stroked his soft belly feathers as he glanced over to see what else Yuusuke had brought to feed him. "Do you want some sunflower seeds?"

"Puu!" the tiny phoenix chirped happily.

Koenma smiled. Likely Puu had known his preference the whole time and was just teasing his master. "Alright then."

He fed Puu some of the black seeds, which had the bird squirming happily in Koenma's arms, while Yuusuke cleaned the floor and grumbled lowly under his breath. He swept the birdseed into the grass, where some wild birds came to greedily eat them up. Puu paid them no mind, almost basking in Koenma's attentions.

Back when he had more doubts about Yuusuke's feelings, Puu's fondness of him had seemed strange, but he found some small comfort in the closeness. Now it made perfect sense, but it made him no less fond of the spirit beast. He loved Puu very much, because he was sweet and an extension of Yuusuke.

Yuusuke sighed heavily as he sat the broom aside, glaring down at the phoenix. "Stupid boyfriend stealing bird."

Koenma focused entirely on Yuusuke again, startled. He called the boy's name twice before Yuusuke looked at him in return, the glare softening somewhat into another strangely adorable pout.

"Are you jealous? Of Puu?"

Yuusuke flushed brightly and looked away instead of answering vocally.

He didn't need to and Koenma couldn't help but giggle a little. The idea of Yuusuke being jealous of a bird-it was just so silly!

Then the teen growled. "Well, I'm so glad that someone finds me amusing."

A chill settled in Koenma's chest, and his breath quickened, the laughter dying in his throat and replaced by growing panic. He shouldn't have laughed, he shouldn't have let down his guard. Now he had displeased Yuusuke, just as he always seemed to displease his father, and he began to apologize quickly-

"Crap, Ko." Yuusuke was crouched down in front of him as his voice broke through Koenma's rushing thoughts. The glare was gone, as gentle fingers brushed under Koenma's chin, making him meet Yuusuke's gaze. The teen looked intensely guilty. "I'm just irritated, not mad, and not with you."

"Oh?" Koenma managed to ask, his throat still tight.

"Yeah, babe." Yuusuke kissed him lightly, thumb lightly stroking his chin, just under his mouth. "I'm the one that's sorry. You're right, I was jealous of Puu." The admission had the teen blushing again.

"Why?" Koenma asked softly, uncertain, his human heart still beating too fast.

The teen shrugged awkwardly. "Because he looked so darn smug being in your arms and having all your attention. He planned that whole setup somehow just for your attention."

Koenma absently petted Puu some more, and the bird nuzzled his hand, but he kept his eyes on Yuusuke's embarrassed and honest features. Slowly, the panic subsided, and Koenma felt silly for panicking like that and making Yuusuke worry. After all, Yuusuke could not be more different than his father. He wasn't sure why he reacted that way.

"Do you want me to hold you and feed you sunflower seeds?" he asked gently, teasing.

Yuusuke grinned shyly. "Okay."

He held open his arms immediately in invitation, which Yuusuke accepted by slipping close, snuggling. The boy took Puu into his lap instead, where the bird chirped in mild disgruntlement before settling down against Yuusuke's worn jeans.

Koenma smiled and pressed a kiss against Yuusuke's hair, which was neatly braided once more, getting a noise close to a purr from the recently reborn demon.

Yuusuke shared the sunflower seeds with his spirit beast, which Koenma also approved of. There was no reason for them to fight over him; as silly as it seemed, that was what had just occurred.

"Sorry, Ko," Yuusuke said again, muffled into the former god's shoulder. "It seems stupid to be jealous of Puu, who's practically me, but I guess I was. Weird. It was like when I was jealous of Itsuki. And Sensui."

Koenma blushed. He hadn't told Yuusuke much at all about his feelings for his previous Tantei, but his reaction was probably enough to give himself away.

"I don't know, Ko. I'm starting to worry it's because of how I came back." Yuusuke's voice was softer and the teen pressed closer in his arms. "I need to be near you, and I get mad if other people got your attention."

Blinking, Koenma stroked Yuusuke's cheek. "Why? You don't need to be. You're the only one..." He trailed off, too embarrassed and uncertain to continue. This wasn't about him, it was about Yuusuke.

Yuusuke lifted his head, offering a wolfish smile. "I love you so much, Ko."

The former god's heart clenched and rose simultaneously, with happiness. He really believed Yuusuke meant it, and no matter how selfish, no matter if Yuusuke truly belonged with Keiko and not Koenma, he wanted the teen to keep saying it. Forever.

"I love you too, Yuu," he murmured softly, a giggle bubbling up again as Yuusuke dropped more kisses on his mouth and neck. He brushed the teen's thick bangs from his eyes. "So you don't need to be jealous."

Yuusuke nodded sheepishly. "I know that, logically. And I know you are gonna love other people. Friends, family, that aren't me. And that's fine. Not sure why I'm even bothered this much."

Well, it had only been of Puu, but it was true that it kept happening. Koenma thought that Yuusuke had been getting jealous even before his rebirth, but it was possible that had caused some sort of catalyst. He said, "It might be some sort of side effect of the Mazoku."

The teen sighed heavily. "Great. More."

"It's no different than me learning to be human," Koenma pointed out reasonably, leaving out the fact that it wasn't his first time. It wasn't even his second time.

Yuusuke rewarded him with a fond, lopsided smile. "I guess not."

"You'll get used to it."

"Mm."

A soft cheek nuzzled against his own. Yuusuke wasn't even shaving yet, Koenma thought absently-but of course, demons grew in body hair differently. He doubted that Yuusuke would ever need to shave very much in the future. Koenma wouldn't be particularly bothered by this, though. The teen had plenty of hair now as it was, since he refused to cut his long length. (Admittedly, Koenma did love to play with it.)

"What else have you gotten used to?" Yuusuke asked softly. "You never told me much about it before. Well, I was kinda being a jerk when I asked before..."

"You were fine," Koenma assured, cuddling lightly as Yuusuke tucked close again. "It's just a lot of little things."

"Like?"

Koenma sighed. He was starting to wonder about Yuusuke's ability to make him admit things he'd rather not. "Like being with you."

"Huh? How? Did you not want to be with me before?"

He blushed. "I did. Desire is very different from willingness and ability."

He could hear Yuusuke's confusion in his muffled voice, the part-demon's face pressed into his neck. "Willingness and ability? What do you mean?"

Koenma shook his head. "It's not easy to explain." He considered his words carefully as Yuusuke waited patiently for him to continue. "How much do you know about demons?"

"Just what Hiei and Kurama tell me, and I think some of what Hiei said he made up so he can laugh at my expense... Why do you ask?"

Koenma nodded. That did sound like something Hiei would do, so he didn't blame Yuusuke for the assumption. "A comparison would make it easier to explain. In humans, your body, mind, and emotions are more separate from each other. For demons and gods, it's different-the three sensations are more in tune with one another. You've experienced it yourself. The knowledge that you must be stronger can make you stronger. At least temporarily."

"Huh, true." At least the teen was actually listening to his explanations. It made Koenma wonder that if they'd been lovers from the beginning, he could have gotten Yuusuke to listen to him better. "So for you guys, sexual feelings are like that?"

"They can be. Thoughts and feelings and will can affect your body if they're strong enough."

Yuusuke nodded against his shoulder, thoughtful. "Okay. So, you wouldn't have done anything with me if you didn't feel anything for me? Basically?"

Koenma nodded, blushing. "Some demons see sex as the ultimate form of control and so they can only be aroused when they feel the need to dominate someone. Some see sex as shameful and so are never aroused at all."

"And some gods are like that?"

Koenma nodded, not meeting Yuusuke's eyes as the boy lifted his head again. He continued in a softer voice. "I see sex as the ultimate expression of love and so I can't be aroused unless I'm truly in love with someone..."

His eyes darted up quick when the boy said nothing at first, and he blushed when he was greeting with a slow smile on Yuusuke's face. Koenma was embarrassed, but also grateful that his Tantei seemed to understand what he was getting at finally.

"I was trying to keep my feelings from growing further," Koenma found himself also admitting, and winced. That was much more than he wanted to say. "You made it very difficult," he added, remembering the frustration he felt when he hadn't understood Yuusuke's flirting.

Yuusuke's hand, strong and firm, curled around his neck and rubbed gently. "Because you thought I was in love with Keiko?"

Koenma hesitated. "Partly."

Yuusuke's hand continued rubbing his skin and Koenma felt himself melting against the long haired teen completely. Very few people had ever been able to help him relax like this-he could have loved Yuusuke for that alone.

"And Daddy dearest."

Koenma sighed sadly and nodded.

A thumb rubbed soothingly against his cheek. "You're still worried though, so something else has changed."

The former god felt his face grow warm. "I became human."

"Yeah, I noticed that." Yuusuke grinned briefly. "You became human... meaning that you're not restricted to only having sex with someone because you're totally in love with them?"

Koenma nodded.

"Oh." The teen's shoulders drooped. "So you're not totally in love with me."

Koenma blinked and rubbed Yuusuke's back gently, feeling tense muscles unknot. "I didn't say that, silly. It was interesting to feel things without them affecting me. To be able to do things without risking tearing myself apart. But my core self hasn't changed, and I loved you before, if you were listening to what I was saying."

"Sorry, Ko." Yuusuke pressed their cheeks together again.

"And your core self hasn't changed, either," Koenma added. "You're still yourself, Yuusuke. You're still the person I love. You're too irritating for me to believe otherwise."

Yuusuke snorted in amusement. "Thanks, Ko. No, really-thanks. Don't let my weird demon possessiveness or recklessness or stupidity chase you away."

Koenma shook his head, touching the soft hair behind Yuusuke's ear, tugging gently on the lock. "I won't leave until you want me to."

"So that's basically never. Cool."

The former god sighed and focused on the moment-of Yuusuke's arms around him and on Puu cooing in the boy's lap. He was still worried, but right there and now, Keiko and Enma could not hurt them.

TBC. I promise, we are not bastardizing Keiko-and the soul mates thing will be clarified soon.