The fear of losing myself seems to be tearing my heart apart at the seams..

Even if i did lose myself it wouldn't matter..

I have nothing,
No one..

A few of the boy's tears spotted the page of the tattered old journal. Several of the books pages were ripped out, others were torn and spotted.
His hands gripped the sides of the book with such force his fingers ached. This wave of depression hurt... It hurt more than the others had. It crushed his very hopes, but he still tried to fight the feelings back.
He bit his bottom lip viciously, mentaly reasoning with himself that the words that he had scratched onto the page were not true.

But the larger, darker, pessimistic part of his consious begged to differ.

Tossing the book to the floor, he stood. He stretched his fingers, the joints popping in restraint, losinging from his recent harsh grip.
He shrugged off all remaining feelings of his poor mood.

He knew once person cared for him.
But that person was not his to care for..

But he couldn't help it.

A small picture on his desk reminded him of that person. A small, sad smile touched his solemn features. He lightly traced the rim of the picture frame before grabbing it off the desk to examine it closely.

The picture was recent.. it wasn't old at all. He, along with the other person in the picture, were smiling.
The boy's dark, amythyst eyes lingered on the other face next to his in the picture.

He cringed away from the happy memories.. They were no longer relavent.
Not as long as Semei was alive.

Semei..

The once beloved older brother. Now the hated, despised, unknown stranger that darkened the boy's every thought.
Ritsuka trembled.. He was begining to feel the depression swell again. He was lonely.. He needed someone.. Anyone!

No.. not anyone. He only really wanted one person. A phrase played in his mind.

I'll be there. No matter what. I'll always be there when you want me.