Yachiru in Boots

A Oneshot Crackfic

by

EvilFuzzy9

I have excuse for this fic. There is no excuse for this fic.

Disclaimer: "Tite Kubo owns Bleach. EvilFuzzy9 is not Tite Kubo. Therefore, EvilFuzzy9 owns Bleach." Determine whether or not this conclusion is logical by writing the contrapositive of the statement. Show your work.

It was a normal day in Soul Society.

At least, it was until Ikkaku slammed open the door to Kenpachi Zaraki's office while sporting a crudely drawn cat on his chrome dome.

Ikkaku whined, "Captain, captain! Yachiru is being mean aga- OH GOOD HEAVENS!" He screamed in horror as he tried to claw out his eyes.

He had just seen something that could simultaneously scare Poe, Lovecraft, and Hitchcock back to life.

His captain – the manliest man in a squad of testosterone-fueled adrenaline-junkies – was wearing a frilly pink tutu.

With sequins.

"Uh... it's not what it looks like...?" Kenpachi said uncertainly. You could cut the awkwardness with a knife. ... That's a bad metaphor.... Meh, whatever.

"I'll just be going now..." Ikkaku whimpered.

"Well, captain? How did my beautiful plan work?" Yumichika eagerly asked the scowling man when he entered the fifth seat's personal powder room.

"Lousy," Kenpachi replied grumpily. "My reputation as a badass is ruined," He was close to actually sulking.

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about Ikkaku bothering you about Yachiru anymore, right?" Yumichika asked, less bouncy in the presence of his monstrous captain's bad mood.

"Yeah, I suppo-" Kenpachi started, before he was interrupted by Makizō Aramaki.

"Captain! Something strange has happened!" The scruffy fellow declared, before a certain third seat officer planted his foot on Aramaki's back, causing the poor guy to crumple to the floor.

"You know what, captain? You're right!" Ikkaku exclaimed.

"... Huh?" Kenpachi was having trouble registering anything at the sight of Ikkaku dressed in a sailor fuku that was three sizes too small.

"From hereon out," Ikkaku shouted, "The Eleventh Division shall be known as the cross-dressing division!"

Kenpachi staggered back at this bombshell. There was only one way he could respond to news like this.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Kenpachi Zaraki awoke with a shout. He was shivering feverishly and was drenched in cold sweat.

"That's it, I'm not going to eat nachos and drink sake before bed ever again," He swore upon realizing it was all just a dream.

"You can say that again," Shunsui groaned from next to him. "I really hate waking up in bed with strangers. I'm just glad we're both wearing clothes,"

Kenpachi stared at the person next to him in his own bed, and thrice swore a solemn oath to never drink. Ever again. Period.

"Let's go get hammered," The laid-back captain suggested. Maybe this time he would end up in bed with Matsumoto...

"Sure, I need a drink," Kenpachi grunted, promptly forgetting all about the solemn oath he had just made.

Heh, sorry for the cliché ending, but even I am not crazy enough to actually make Kenpachi a cross-dresser... for long, anyways....

R&R and TTFN!