I really need to stop posting in the middle of the night, but I was so busy all day (shopping for spring school clothes, then starting my parental imposed regimen of DDR everyday to lose five pounds by prom) that I didn't get to work on this until ten thirty. And then it took me three hours to write! But I think it turned out well, so it was worth it.

The fight scene, however, sucks. I'm no good at them! Hopefully I'll be better by the end of the story.

I plan to update this on Fridays, and this will have between six and eight chapters (I'm not sure which yet).

I don't own One Piece or (sadly) Sanji. But a girl can dream…

12/18/09: Minor grammar edits.

A Chef's Hands

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 1

Let's see here… Carrots, tomatoes, cabbage… Running low on flour… Peppers, maybe some mushrooms…

Sanji added a few more things to his shopping list, then ran back over it again to make sure he wasn't forgetting anything. Triple checking his supplies (knowing it would be seen as his fault if they ran out of food during the next stretch of ocean), he added a thing or two more and then, satisfied, walked out onto the Going Merry's deck. Shielding his eyes from the sun, he watched the approaching island.

"Oh Sanji-kun!"

Sanji whirled around at Nami's call, full flirt mode going. "Yes, Nami-san? Whatever it is you need, I'm will-"

Nami cut him off. "Have you made the shopping list?"

"Oh, aye, Nami-san. Perhaps there is something special you'd like me to add, some dish you would-"

"I need you to pick up some map paper for me," she cut in again. "And the good kind, too; don't be stingy!"

"Yes, Nami-san! Anything for-"

"Here's the supply money." She dropped a small cloth bag in his hand. "I expect the change back."

"Yes, Nami-swan!" He watched the navigator's back as she disappeared back below, whispering "mellorine" to himself, before turning back to the deck, all trace of flirtiness gone. "Oi, Chopper, Usopp!" he yelled.

Two noses, one long and one blue, turned to look up at him. "Huh?"

"You two are helping with the shopping." He wandered back into the galley to wait for the ship to dock, ignoring the groaning protests launched at his back.

The supply shopping took a good deal of the day, more due to the shoppers' short attention span than the actual list.

"Usopp, you shithead," complained Sanji as he pulled Usopp out of the seventh trinket shop he had slipped into that day. "If you keep this up, we'll never get the shopping done." The cook looked around, then sighed. "Where the hell is Chopper?"

They found the reindeer entranced by some spinning window decorations. Both sniper and doctor then got a good scolding by Sanji about not getting sidetracked, about how they had an important job to accomplish and they couldn't forget about it over… Oo, who were those hot girls who just walked by?

Two pairs of hands restrained Sanji before he could follow the girls like a panting dog. "Oi, oi, what was all that about not getting sidetracked?" Usopp complained.

Against all odds, however, the shopping did get done, and, with the sun beginning to slip beyond the horizon, the three shoppers headed back to the ship with their goods.

I feel like I'm forgetting something, Sanji thought to himself, going back over his list and ignoring Usopp's complaints about how the cook wasn't taking his share of the load, or any at all for that matter. He turned back to look at the laborers. Flour… carrots… salt…

Then he stopped dead his tracks. "Aw, shit!" he said aloud, turning on his heel. "I forgot about Nami-san's paper!"

"Nami's what?" Chopper asked.

"Who cares?" Usopp added. "How about helping us carry-"

"Take that on to the ship!" Sanji ordered, running past them. "I gotta go back!"

Usopp and Chopper watched him disappear in a cloud of dust. Then Usopp turned to look at Chopper hopefully. "So, what are the chances of you carrying me and the supplies back to the Going Merry?"

Shit, shit, shit!!! Nami-swan's gonna kill me if I don't get her paper!

Every store Sanji had tried had been closed, and the few he had found that were still open didn't carry map paper.

This is just my luck. Nami-san'll never forgive me…

He was barely paying attention to where he was going, turning down random side streets and alleys in his effort to find a still open store. Finally, at the end of one such dark alley, he found a store with someone still inside, one that he was sure would have the paper he needed.

He wrenched open the door and nearly fell inside, panting heavily. "P-paper," he rasped out, sure he had left a lung back with Usopp in his haste.

The shopkeeper, who appeared to be getting ready to lock up, glared at him. "We're closed."

Shit. "Come on, I have money."

"I don't care; we close at seven, and it's…" He looked back at the clock on the wall, then scowled. "Six fifty-eight."

Sanji stared back at him for a moment, then straightened and smiled, pulling the coin purse out of his pocket. Looks like my luck hasn't completely run out. He walked over and emptied it onto the counter. "I'll take all the map paper this will buy." Then, he reached back in his pocket and pulled out a few more coins, his own money from his sparse savings. "And whatever cigarettes this will buy."

The man eyed him warily while he made the transaction, while Sanji idly adjusted his tie, unaware of the danger lurking just outside the door.

"So that's him, huh?"

"He fits the description; tall, lanky, hair covering one eye."

"East Blue's top chef, eh? He certainly doesn't look like much."

"He looks like a punk."

"Images can be deceiving, gentleman." The third man flipped a top hat he had been holding up onto his head, covering his messy black hair. "Don't forget, he is a member of the Straw Hat pirates."

"I don't care if he's Gold Roger's reincarnation," spat the first man, loading his gun. "He'll be no trouble at all."

The second man laughed cruelly. "Remember the deal; I won the poker game, I get to give the final blow." He pulled out a long dagger, twirled it expertly, then demonically licked the edge. "How much better this will taste after it's been marinated in his blood."

"Thank you, sir," said Sanji cheerfully, hefting the package of paper and his small bag of cigarettes. "Sorry for keeping you open." Leaving the shopkeeper muttering something about bratty, good-for-nothing punks, he exited the shop and started down the street, whistling a tune. He cut through an alley, stopping for a moment to put one of the new cigarette packs into his pocket and remove a smoke. He lit it and continued, still humming the tune to himself.

He was in the darkest shadows of the alley when three shapes stepped out from behind some crates and barrels, blocking his path. One man was huge, at least a meter taller than Sanji (he wondered how he had successfully hidden away the way he had), broad shouldered, and was holding a large gun in his hands. The second was about a head shorter than Sanji, lanky, holding a glinting dagger. The third, the one in the middle, was about Sanji's height, nicely dressed in a black suit with a matching top hat. He held no weapons, but Sanji sensed that he was the leader.

The cook stopped walking and ceased humming. Slowly, he took a drag of his cigarette, then took his time exhaling the smoke. "Well?"

"Well?" mocked the shortest one with the dagger.

Sanji ignored him. "Are you going to move? I need to get through here."

"My apologies," said the man in the middle. "I am afraid we must detain you."

Sanji took another drag. "Why's that?"

"We're under orders from our captain," said the big man.

"Ah, I see. And they would be…?"

"To make sure you never cook again," said the shorter man, smiling maliciously.

It wasn't exactly what Sanji had been expecting. "Who said I was a cook?"

"Are you not Sanji, cook to the Straw Hat pirates, formerly of the Baratie?" asked Top Hat.

Sanji studied them for a moment. "I am."

"Prior to entering the Grand Line, you entered a cooking contest in East Blue, correct?" Top Hat continued.

Sanji wracked his brain; too much had happened since entering the Grand Line for him to remember that far… Oh, right; against Carmen. When he had won that fabulous elephant tuna, and then that shithead Luffy had eaten the whole thing before Nami got a taste. The whole episode came back to him clearly. "Oh, yeah, that."

"And you won?"

"Yeah."

"So you would consider yourself one of the best chefs in the world?"

"I haven't met all the chefs in the world," Sanji conceded. "Though I would say I'm better than all the ones I have met. But stuff like that isn't important to me."

"I see," said Top Hat with a nod. "Well, regardless of whether you care about it or not, your reputation is still in danger of eclipsing our captain's."

Sanji could sense that things were about to turn ugly. "And your captain is…?"

"Nice try," the shorter man mocked, and, as though that was the cue, the big man took aim and fired at Sanji.

The acrobatic cook did a summersault to get out of the way, landing crouched on his feet. He quickly dived behind a crate to avoid a second barrage of bullets. Damn… now what?

Setting the paper down carefully on the ground, Sanji peeked back around, then ducked more lead. Maybe this isn't too bad; there's only three of them, after all.

SHING!

Sanji jerked back as a dagger narrowly missed his head, embedding in the crate's wooden side. He looked up quickly to see one of his attackers perched on top. With a yank he dislodged the dagger and came after the cook. Sanji rolled away from him and, using his hands to propel himself, flipped into a kick that landed square in the man's face. He was sent smashing through the crate's sides.

"Danni!" yelled the large man, and he sent another round of bullets at Sanji. He regained his balance from the previous kick and took cover on the other side of the alley.

PHWIP PHWIP PHWIP!!!

Something bulky and razor edged came boomeranging from around the barrel's edge, aimed right at him. Sanji tried to jump out of the way, but in his efforts left his right leg exposed. He strangled a yelp of pain as one of the bullets buried into the skin just an inch or so below his knee.

I'm getting nowhere. Gotta take the offensive.

Sanji launched himself over the barrel and found the man with the top hat, landing a kick squarely in his chest. A jarring pain shot through his left leg at the contact, and he fell back.

"Surprised?" asked the man.

"Is your frickkin' suit made of metal?" Sanji asked, getting to his feet and squaring his shoulders.

"I've eaten the Cotton Cotton no Mi," the man explained. "I can manipulate clothing at will, making them hard as steel," he held up the top hat, "or sharp as knives."

So that's what he threw at me. "Sounds pretty dumb," Sanji jibed. He ducked down and aimed at kick at the man's unprotected head.

As Sanji's foot connected with the man's face, a bullet connected with his back. He gasped as the pain coursed through him like fire.

SHING!

Before Sanji could recover from the shot, the dagger was being buried into his shoulder. He winced and swung his foot around, connecting with the smaller man's waist. The dagger was ripped painfully from his skin as the man went down again.

BAM! Top Hat's rock hard glove slammed into Sanji's face, knocking Sanji off balance. BANG! A third bullet grazed his arm as he flailed through the air.

With one last frantic kick, Sanji connected with Top Hat's legs, but his pants were as solid as his shirt had been, and the cook only succeeded in jarring his leg again.

Shit, shit, SHIT!!!

Sanji pulled himself into a handstand and spun his legs, connecting with the big man and causing him to drop his gun to hold the tender area his assailant had managed to hit.

PHWIP! The Devil Fruit man had thrown his top hat again, and now it was circling back around to Sanji. He tried to dodged, but misjudged, and the blade tore into the muscle on his left leg.

Sanji finally fell to the ground, coughing up blood, his leg searing like hell. He hacked and gasped for air. After a second, he felt a hand grab his left arm. He tried to pull away, but the big man was stronger at the moment and easily held him still.

Top Hat held up his foot, grinning mercilessly. "I am sorry, but our orders were to be sure you never cook again." And with that, he brought his foot down hard on Sanji's left hand, eliciting a sickening crunch that echoed in the small alley.

My… hand? No, oh God, please… not that…

Sanji gasped in pain, then fell to hacking up more blood. Why can't I feel it? It's so numb…

"Hey, wait," said the shorter man as Top Hat raised his boot again. "I get the last blow at the bastard, remember?"

"Apologies," said the Fruit user, backing off. "I had forgotten."

"Whatever," the man spat. "Hold him still, Micki."

The big man, Micki, put his knee down heavily on Sanji's back. The cook bucked weakly in protest but got nowhere while Micki pulled his right arm out from his side.

The dagger man knelt down by Sanji's visible eye. "Don't worry; this will only hurt a lot." Then, cackling loudly, he plunged the knife through Sanji's hand.

"Okay, the carrots go over… there!"

"Okay!"

"And the flour can go… there!"

"Right!"

"And the cabbage can go… overboard!"

"Okay!"

"What are you two doing?" Nami asked, poking her head into the galley.

Chopper stopped in front of the door, holding the cabbage guiltily in his arms. "We were just putting the supplies away," he explained meekly.

Nami looked around the kitchen; things were haphazardly laid out on counters and in chairs. She raised an eyebrow. "I see."

"What's with that sarcastic tone?" Usopp demanded. "I think I did a wonderful job of organization!"

Nami took the box of cabbages from Chopper and carried them to the counter. "Why don't you wait for Sanji-kun to do this. Where is he, anyway?"

"Dunno," said Usopp with a shrug. "He said he had to get some paper for you or something and ran off."

"My map paper!" she cried in understanding. "He better have gotten some."

"Sanji! Meat!" An impatient voice interrupted, and Luffy came flying into the galley. He looked around at the mess, slowly turning from Usopp to Chopper to Nami. Then he frowned. "You're not Sanji."

"Obviously," said Nami, rolling her eyes. "He's not back yet."

"But I'm HUNGRY!" Luffy whined.

"What's new?" Nami sighed.

"New? I'm usually hungry," said Luffy, confused.

Nami ignored her captain's cluelessness. "You're just going to have to wait until Sanji returns," she told him, exiting the galley.

"But I'm hungry NOW!" he called after her.

"Eat the cabbage," Usopp offered.

"It's not meat."

"Eat the cabbage."

"No."

"Eat the cabbage."

"No."

Nearly two hours later, and there was still no sign of the blonde cook. The sun was completely gone now, but Luffy's complaints weren't. He sat by the galley door with Usopp and Chopper, all three complaining loudly about hunger.

Nami was leaning against the railing, salty sea breeze playing with her hair. Her eyes scanned the port town for any sign of the approaching chef.

"I'm worried," she said aloud.

Robin, who was sitting a few feet away in her deck chair reading a book by candlelight, flipped a page. "I was wondering when you'd admit it."

"He's usually on time; something must have happened."

"Relax, Nami," said Zoro, coming up behind her. He joined her at the rail, turning around and leaning his back against it. "That ero-cook probably found some dancing girls to drool over, that's all."

Nami shook her head. "He always comes back, though…"

Zoro examined her for a moment, her eyes fruitlessly scanning the harbor. Finally he snorted quietly. "Didn't know you cared about that dartboard so much."

She narrowed her eyes at a movement, but it proved to be nothing more than a stray cat, looking for mice by the ships. "He has some of my money. I want my change."

"Oh, so that's what it is," said Zoro.

"Of course. I know Sanji-kun can handle himself in fight… right?" Her voice sounded the tiniest hint unsure.

Zoro folded his arms. "Don't tell him this 'cause he'll get a big head, but yeah, he can."

Nami half-smiled. "Wow. Didn't know you'd admit it."

Zoro scowled. "Admit what? I don't know what you're talking about."

BOING! Luffy had bungeed himself over to the rail beside Nami and was now crouched on it, looking out at the town. "Yosh! I've decided I'm tired of waiting on Sanji! I want meat now!" He stood up. "Nami! We're looking for him!"

Nami stood up straight and nodded. "Right. I can't get back to work until I have my map paper."

"You two have fun with that," said Zoro, starting to walk away. A stretchy hand grabbed the back of his collar and yanked him back against his will. "Ack! Luffy, the hell!?!"

"Zoro! You're helping."

"Tch. Why me?"

"Because."

Zoro sighed and rolled his eyes. "Aye, aye, captain…"

"Hello? Anyone there?"

Nami peered into the windows of the fifth store she had come to. Like all the others, it was closed for the night.

All the shops are closed… Where could he have gone?

She, Zoro, and Luffy had split up to cover more ground. She had been systematically checking each street and side alley in the commercial district, looking for any sign of the lovesick cook. So far the streets had been deserted, and completely Sanji-less.

She wandered in this way for another half hour, meeting no one. It's eerily quiet… so weird! It's giving me the creeps…

Looking down one alley she spied a familiar man walking on the street on the other side. She could recognize that walk anywhere.

The three katana sheaths at his hip helped, too.

"Zoro!" Nami called, running down the alley to catch up. "Any sign of him?"

Zoro waited for her to draw level with him, then continued down the street. "No. Are you yelling loud enough?"

"Huh?" she panted.

"Usually the ero-cook comes running at the sound of your voice." He sounded annoyed, but maybe, really, really deep down there was a minuscule hint of worry…

Nami followed the swordsman, peering into the shadows of every side street and alley. "All the shops were closed, so I don't know where he could-AAH!!!"

She shrieked, looking down at her ankle in fright. Zoro was at her side in an instant, ready to draw his swords.

A bloody, broken hand had emerged from the shadows of a particularly dark and sinister alley and grabbed onto Nami's ankle. It gave little resistance when she tried to pull away.

"N-nami-san?" whispered a weak voice from the shadow's depths.

"Oh my… Sanji-kun?" she asked tentatively, peering down at the hand's owner.

"The hell?" asked Zoro aloud, looking at him as well.

Sanji was laying on his stomach and looked as though he'd been trying to pull himself back to the ship. His black suit was torn and bloody, and a trail of dried blood extended from the corner of his mouth to his chin. His right eye looked up at them through a half-closed lid, glazed over. "And… marimo-head," he moaned.

Nami crouched down next to him and looked him over. "Oh, Zoro!" she cried after a moment. "Look at his hands!"

Zoro was looking, and he wasn't enjoying it. One hand was mangled and broken, like it had been crushed under something. The right hand had a gaping tear in it, a blade wound, and while he didn't know the full extent of the damage, he had a good guess that the hand was probably now useless.

"Who would do this?" whispered Nami in horror.

"It was deliberate," said Zoro bitterly. "Whoever did this wasn't interested in a bounty; it was a personal attack, and a hateful one at that."

"S'okay," Sanji slurred. "Had worse."

Nami looked up at Zoro helplessly. Sanji didn't know the damage yet, hadn't grasped what had happened… or was trying not to, like denying the truth would make it go away.

"Roll him onto his back," Zoro ordered, crouching down next to the cook. Nami did as she was told, gently flipping Sanji over. He moaned slightly.

"Am I hurting you?" she asked.

"Oh, you could… never hurt me, Nami-swan," Sanji lied. Then he felt an arm force its way under his back, followed by another that slid under his knees. "Oi, shitty swordsman! What the hell-"

"Shut up, idiot," Zoro interrupted, lifting Sanji easily. "I'm taking you back to the ship."

"I can walk," he protested, unconvincing but vehement.

"Yeah, I saw what a great job you were doing before," Zoro snapped. "Crawling along like an ant."

"I can walk," Sanji repeated.

Zoro sighed and lowered Sanji to his feet. The weak cook took one step and collapsed. Zoro scooped him up again.

"Sorry, but I don't want to spend all night just walking back."

"Shitty… marimo," Sanji muttered, but all his energy was gone. He relaxed into Zoro's arms, too exhausted to fight back.

"I'll go get Luffy," Nami said, starting to run off. Zoro stopped her with a yell, and she turned back.

"Wait until we get to the ship; I'll send Usopp or someone."

Nami looked confused. "Why?"

"Because I want Chopper to determine the extent of the damage BEFORE Luffy sees him."

"…Why?"

"Because when Luffy sees this, he's gonna want to find the bastards that did it and kick their asses. But until we know who it was, we don't want him on a rampage."

"Oh," said Nami with a nod. She hurried back to Zoro, and they began walking. "Sanji-kun, do you remember who did this?"

"Pirates," he muttered, his eye fighting to stay open. "Three. One had a Devil's Fruit ability."

"Their captain?" Zoro prompted.

"Dunno," he slurred. "Wouldn't say… Said they were ordered to make sure I never cooked again…" He laughed, though it was really more of a croak. "What could make them think I would ever stop?" Then he lost the battle with his eyelid and passed out in Zoro's arms.

Nami looked from Sanji's hands to Zoro, who shook his head and sped up.

"Chopper! Oi, Chopper!"

The reindeer ran out on deck. "Zoro! Did you find… Oh…" His eyes widened when he saw Sanji's inert form.

"Where do you want him?" Zoro asked urgently.

"Um…"

"Take him to my room," said Nami suddenly, and everyone looked at her in shock. "He'll be more comfortable there, right?"

"Well, yes, but," began Chopper, but he was cut off when Sanji woke up unexpectedly.

"Nami-san," he croaked. "You don't have to…"

"Well, I am. I'll just… charge rent," she said flatly.

He smiled weakly. "Don't worry; my hammock'll be fine. After all, it's just some stab wounds, and a bullet wound or two..." Suddenly a dark cloud passed over his face. "And… how bad are my hands?"

The three tensed and looked at each other, unsure what to do.

"Show me," he demanded.

Chopper hesitated, then nodded at Nami. She grabbed Sanji's wrists and began pulling his hands in front of his face.

Sanji let out a strangled yell of anguish at the sight of his hands, his beautiful, skillful hands, now a mangled mess of blood and gore.

"Now, Sanji-kun," Nami began desperately. "I know it looks bad, but I'm sure Chopper can-"

"Shut up!" Sanji roared at her, and she flinched back. Sanji never raised his voice to her, never. Tears welled in both their eyes, though the cook was oblivious to hers. "Just… shut… up…"

And then he passed out again in Zoro's arms.

Nami stared at him, shaky. The tears welled dangerously then subsided as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Cook-san didn't mean it, Navigator-san," Robin said confidently. "Surely you can understand how he must feel right now."

Nami nodded, calming back down. "I know. Zoro, take him to my room. Then get Usopp to go find Luffy."

Zoro, for once, didn't complain about being ordered around by "that woman." "Okay. But he's not going to be happy about this…"

Chapter 1 End

A/N: I'm doing my author's notes a little differently this time because it's late, and this story is thirteen pages long and I don't want to reread all that. Sorry if there are typos! (I try to reread each section as I go, but that doesn't guarantee there aren't any.)

Having Nami interrupt Sanji all the time was fun. All the parts with Usopp and Chopper were fun, too.

Attack of the sucky generic villain names! Seriously, Danni and Micki? I can't think of names! Sorry… The guy with the top hat (seriously, Cotton Cotton no Mi? I'm so lame!) still needs a name; wish me luck on thinking up a good one by his next appearance in the next to last chapter! Their captain also needs a name, a better one than the lame pun name I thought up this morning in the shower…

I have a serious problem with making up names for things, by the way. Plots, characters, species, lands… those I have no problem with. But names; nope, no capacity for creative naming at all!

It sucks beating Sanji up… Waah! I'm sorry, Sanji, forgive me!

Zoro's being nice! Good Zoro; have a cookie.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! See you soon!

This is DDR Master (on light mode T_T) Dandy, signing off!