Never Again

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for possible sexual content, violence, and/or language. Reader discretion is advised. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SLASH (male on male) and MATURE THEMES (sex, swearing, violence, etc) and AU-ness!! Ye be warned; seriously, this is VERY mature people. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

Author's Note: Wow, so I was totally expecting threats of bodily harm and severe sporkings, but it was a most pleasant surprise to find that I didn't scare off too many of you, and to hear all your lovely compliments! *ego inflates dangerously* Anyhooters, onward with the story now that we're over the messy parts. Now Remus can focus on healing and letting Sirius into his heart. All together now… AWWHH!! XD And to answer many readers' questions, I CAN'T TELL YOU IF MICHAEL DIES OR NOT!! Mostly because I haven't decided yet, and because what kind of story would it be if you knew the ending? ;D So, here we go! I'll try not to let it get too depressive. 'I'd have to check my mirror to see if I'm still here…' Cheers!

PS. – I know I know, it's late, but…well work equals money and money equals happiness, so I'm pretty much just fucked. Apologies, lovelies.

PPS. - It's official that Jesus hates my life... I wrote the last half of this chapter on WordPad because my MS Word is FUBAR. -_-' And I have no idea how to fix it.

XXX

Remus sucked in a breath. "He…r… Michael raped me."

The words seemed to echo in the absolute stillness of Sirius' flat. Not a bird chirped outside, nor did a truck lumber noisily past. It was as if the pair had been rendered completely deaf to naught but the sounds of one another's breathing and the frantic thudding of their heartbeats.

Sirius swallowed, opening his mouth to speak, but only a soft gust of air came out. He didn't know what to say, what to do to make this right. He knew what he wanted to do, which included bashing something sharp and pointy, and preferably nice and heavy and made from metal, into Michael's cranium repeatedly, and then ripping off his fucking dick and making the sonofabitch gag on it, but that was far from what he thought he should do.

Instead, he looked at Remus, his Remus, the man who had stolen his heart and held it for longer than either of them had ever realized, and watched as the tears pooled steadily in his eyes, tingeing the rims pinky-red before spilling soundlessly down chalky pale cheeks. He wanted to hold him, crush the lycan to his chest to reassure him that he was still whole, still human, and most importantly, still loved. But he wasn't stupid enough to think that Remus would want that also. No…not yet any rate.

Instead he let the fingers that still ghosted over a stubbly chin wander, his thumb brushing the quivering lower lip he just wanted to suck on. "Oh Remus," he finally breathed, unable to articulate just what he was feeling right then. It was a strange, uncomfortable mix of pity, anger, sadness and helplessness and the Animagus loathed it even as it settled thick and heavy in his belly.

A silent sob shook Remus' body as he fought to hold onto hysteria, the gentle, tender movements of Sirius digits over his face threatening to unhinge him entirely. And that simply would not do. No. Remus prided himself on being able to remain stoic and calm in even the worst of situations, and he was not about to see that go to Hell in a fucking hand basket. Besides, he had shed enough tears over Michael. He wouldn't do that anymore.

So he gulped past the hard knot in his throat and forced the tears down, wiping angrily at the trails they'd already made down his face. Then the lycan sighed and changed the subject. "Can you heal my cuts for me?" he asked softly, reverting back to the less painful topic of his mangled body. Not waiting for a response, he edged back, out of Sirius' too-gentle touch and began to deftly unbutton his ruined shirt.

Confusion marred the beauty of the Animagus' face and eyes. "Don't you want to…talk about it Remus?" he whispered. "I mean, I know it's hard, but-"

"No. You don't know," Remus replied brusquely. "And no, I don't want to talk about it. What I want is for you to heal my cuts, Sirius."

Sirius sat back, feeling stung. "Why?"

Remus didn't falter in unbuttoning his shirt, even though his hands shook slightly. "Because they might be infected, or still bleeding. Or better yet, just let me borrow your wand and I can do them my-"

"No," the dark-haired man interrupted. "Why don't you want to talk about this? It's not like you, Mooney. You always talk about things…why is this different?"

"Because it won't help! It's not going to help if I keep going over it in my mind, if I tell you every tiny, minute fucking detail. None of it is going to help me. I just want to forget about it, all right? Or is that not good enough for you or something?"

"And what about when you can't forget about it Remus?" Sirius snapped back, unreasonably angry. The tightly controlled rage, sensing a weakness in its bonds, trickled out, tainting his voice with toxicity and malice. "Do you think I want to see it eat you alive from the inside out? These are the kinds of things that you can't just 'forget about'! I don't care if you tell me anything about what happened, I just want you to talk to me!"

Remus' face went impossibly whiter and then he snarled and shoved Sirius hard in the chest. The unsuspecting, and thusly unprepared, Animagus' body fell back and his head caught the corner of the bedpost. His vision swam and the room tilted drunkenly before he blinked and it righted itself…just in time for him to see Remus storming out of his apartment, Sirius' wand firmly in his hand. "Remus, wait!" he croaked, standing against the waves of dizziness that threatening to send him onto his ass. He made to step toward the bedroom door, clutching his nastily throbbing head, but the harsh, final CRACK of Apparition brought him up short. "Fuck!"

XXX

A strong sense of déjà vu washed over James Potter as he opened the door to Remus Lupin, looking far too pale, clad in an unbuttoned, bloodstained shirt, and clutching Sirius' wand. He wondered absently what it was about his friends coming to his door in the velvet indigo of twilight, even as he ushered Remus through the door and settled him into one of the chairs in the sitting room.

Lily poked her head into the hall and her eyes widened as the teacup she'd been holding slipped from her fingers and shattered, spraying the hem of her robe and ankles with scalding tea. She pulled out her wand and fixed the cup without thinking about it, coming closer to Remus and crouching down next to the arm of his chair. "What happened?"

The lycan curled back instinctively, his pride and sense of hopeless helplessness warring within him. On the one hand, he wanted to let the story gathering on the edge of his tongue unfurl, to put it all out in the open and get it out of his head. But at the same time, he wanted to hold it close to himself. It was shameful, and disgusting and he knew that the pity he could see gleaming in the depths of Lily's eyes would only increase tenfold, and that was something he couldn't bear. Not to mention that he would only bring his friends, people he loved and treasured, down into the dark and twisted depths of his own depression if he shared this with them.

He set his mouth in a hard line and shook his head. "Sirius and I…" He trailed off, the stab of pain from saying the name aloud robbing him of speech. "We fought. And he said things… We got angry, and I…I left. Stormed out."

James, who was regarding his friend with slightly narrowed eyes, pursed his lips before speaking. "Why do you have his wand? And why does your shirt look like you just went on a murder spree?" Remus winced at the analogy, but James continued. "And what did you and Sirius fight about?"

"Remus, what happened?" Lily prodded gently, placing a hand on the lycan's arm. Remus' hand curled into a fist, but he managed not to pull away.

"I don't want to talk about it," he whispered, hoping, wishing, praying that they would just leave him alone. His body ached and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in as tiny a ball as possible under a mountain of blankets and never have to move again.

The redhead's expression softened, and she smiled. "Okay, Remus, we won't-" But James interrupted her before she could finish.

"He was there, wasn't he?" James asked, his tone not really requiring the lycanthrope to answer. He nodded anyway, throat too constricted to speak. "And I'm assuming you have Sirius' wand because he took yours."

"Broke it," Remus corrected in a barely audible whisper. He could feel the burn of colourless humiliation radiating over his face and neck and sunk lower into the chair. James had always been able to read him like an open, large-print book. It was one of the things he both loved and hated about the messy-haired man.

James' hazel eyes hardened at this news and he ignored Lily's fiery glare boring into the side of his head. He hated, simply loathed when Remus was silent and moody like this. It was too Sirius, and didn't suit him at all, so he resolved to make the werewolf speak, even if he had to drag the words out. "And then what happened?"

Remus swallowed uncomfortably, tears threatening to come again. "He…he…" Remus couldn't force the words out again; couldn't relive the humiliation, the sense of un-cleanliness that speaking those three little words brought.

"He what?" James pressed.

"He raped me." The normally melodious voice was dead and the lycan's bright, knowledgeable gaze was dimmed. He was a shell, his insides burned, blackened, ruined…

James quickly pushed aside his rage, even as his hands curled into fists and Lily hissed murderously beside him. "And does Padfoot-?"

"I told him," Remus replied, sighing. "We fought because…because I didn't want to talk about it. Because I can't talk about it, James…" He raised his dead eyes to his friend's gaze. "I'm an idiot, aren't I?" he whispered, knowing the answer already.

"No, Remus," Lily began, rubbing his arm lightly. "No, you're not an-"

"Yeah, you are," James cut in sharply. Two heads whipped up to glare at him. "You are. Why did you push him away like that, Mooney? Why?"

"You think…you think this is my fault?" Remus demanded hysterically.

"Don't be thick," James replied, his voice softer, gentler now. "It's not your fault at all, Remus, that this happened to you. But it is your fault for pushing Sirius away again. He loves you, more than anything or anyone else, mate, and by doing this to him… Look, I know you Remus, and I know you want to be alone right now probably, and you want me to shut up, but I'm telling you this because I love you and goddamn it all I'm fucking scared for you. This is the kind of shit that destroys people…just...don't let it destroy you. We all want to see you work through this, just like everything else you've worked through, Mooney, and Sirius most of all."

Remus stared at James, the silence after his impassioned little spiel ringing and buzzing like mad wasps with bells on in the lycanthrope's ears. A tiny voice still insisted it was his fault, but for the most part, all Remus could focus on was the fact that what James was saying actually seemed…right. Logical; obvious even. He had, in his attempt to shield himself, hurt the one person he had never wanted to.

He knew what Sirius had done for him, what Sirius had sacrificed for him – an inheritance, his family, dozens of luxuries – and he had vowed to himself that he would never hurt his brunet other half. But yet, here he was, breaking his promise to the man he wanted to spend eternity and beyond with. Here he was being the thing he had sworn he would be never be in Sirius' life at the tender age of seventeen; another person who left.

"I should go back," he whispered more to himself than anyone. Lily's mouth pursed but she didn't say anything (even though she was itching to demand that the lycanthrope stay put at least as long as it would take for her to check and make sure his wounds were sealed and cleaned properly). James almost successfully covered the gloating smile that erupted across his lips, but couldn't erase the smug expression on his face as he nodded.

Sighing, Remus got heavily to his feet. His shoulders still sagged with the weight of unchangeable facts and slumped with the burden of guilt, but the empty hollowness was gone from his eyes and a tiny spark of his old self seemed to flicker in the amber orbs. "Thank you," he murmured, staring intently at his own shoes, "for everything." A tiny smile broke around the corners of Remus' mouth and he stepped forward into his friend's embrace.

"How many times have I told you to stop thanking me?" James teased, pressing the thinner man closer gingerly as the werewolf clung to him.

Clearing his throat, Remus stepped away. "See you two later," he rasped in a husky voice, thick with emotion. Fear and trepidation at what he had to do; anxiety over what Sirius would do; sadness at what had happened; and most importantly, hope. Hope for a new future with someone who loved him, really and truly, and hope for a brighter tomorrow.

XXX

Padfoot paced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth... It had always seemed easier for Sirius to slip into his Animagus form, especially under times of mental duress. His mental state was dulled, or simplified rather, into his needs. Food, sleep, sex; as Padfoot it was just so much easier. Until now of course...

Because while under the guise of his other self, all he could think about was Remus; his pack member, his mate, his other fucking half. Remus, Remus, Remus... The lycan's smell, the way one side of his mouth always slacked off at the beginnings of a smile, the steady, even thrum of his heartbeat...the way he would whisper Sirius' name in the soft repletion of sated desire; all of it. Remus, Remus, Remus...

The large black dog whimpered, his ears drooping as his pacing slowed, and he dropped down onto his haunches. Remus, Remus, Remus... Merlin he needed him; now more than ever. He would beg his beloved on bended knee, repent a million times over for his utter and complete stupidity. Who the hell was he to force Remus into discussing what was obviously a fresh, throbbing wound? He was a bloody hypocrite, that's who. Did Remus ever try to make him open up about things that were painful? Never.

Goddamn it, why was he so bloody thick all the time!? He'd gone and fucked things up with the one person he'd vowed he would never hurt... Again. Padfoot sighed and slid down onto his belly, head feeling heavy on his paws. Remus, Remus, Remus...

Closing his eyes, Sirius pushed his canine mind to remember every last detail of Remus - not as he'd seen him just hours ago, but as he preferred to think of Remus - asleep and relaxed, face cherubic without the cares of the world, a half smile melting Sirius' heart as the lycan snuggled in closer to him unconsciously. The delicate lattice of scars that mapped the route to bliss, the caramel strands of hair left in perfect disarray across the snowy pillow and their ivory skin. The soft, comforting scent of old books, machine-washed clothing (Remus loathed the spots magic sometimes left behind), faint hints of chocolate and cigarette smoke, and a downright Remus scent that was woodsy and wild and drove Sirius fucking mad.

Remus, Remus, Remus... Oh gods. Padfoot's eyes snapped open to land upon Remus, looking not like he had in Sirius' mind, but how he'd last seen him. A tortured yelp slipped free as Padfoot tried to shake the ghost image away from his eyes before gentle hands smoothed down over his ears, scratching in just the right spot.

"I'm sorry Paddy," the bloody-shirted man whispered to the shaggy, hulking black dog. "For pretty much everything, but mostly for hurting you... I just...I love you and I know I'm not...y'know...the same anymore..." The dog growled low and soft, effectively cutting Remus off before shaking his head. After years of experience, Remus knew exactly what the pureblood was thinking; 'Stop apologizing! And damn it how many times do I have to tell you to STOP SELLING YOURSELF SHORT!?'

Sirius inhaled deeply, wrinkling his nose slightly at the unpleasantness of blood marring his love's smell, but thoroughly enjoying it otherwise. He huffed gently and licked Remus' face.

A small smile lit the amber-eyed young man's mouth and Sirius' heart ablaze. "Oh Sirius," Remus whispered, a pair of hot, salty tears shimmying down his cheeks as emotion overflowed in him. A sob wracked his lithe frame. "Oh God I'm so sorry..."

And then it wasn't Padfoot's neck his face was buried in, nor Padfoot's hair his fingers clenched in, but Sirius'. Sirius' arms that wrapped around him and Sirius' mouth that whispered that everything would be alright and to please stop apologising. There was no fear left in Remus, just a hollow, cold emptiness, and he curled closer to his lover, craving heat and love and protection.

Whether they half-laid-half-sat there for hours or minutes, neither were sure, but there was no need to speak (even if the tears hadnt clogged Remus' throat), no need to do more than listen to each other's breathing and heartbeats and trace myriad patterns over one another's clothing.

"I..." Remus paused, the shattering of their perfect silence overwhelming him. But he had to say the words. "I love you," he whispered roughly, "and please, don't hate me."

"Remus, you know I love you," Sirius whispered back, eyes closing as the lump in his own throat grew, "and I could never hate you."

"I have to tell you something," Remus murmured, voice muffled in the pale column of the Animagus' neck.

"Shh, you don't have to tell me Remus," the brunet replied, gently weaving his fingers through the soft strands of honey brown hair.

"No, I do... Sirius, I..." His face crumpled in tandem with his courage and he gripped his other half tighter, unable to say the words. He was horrible, worse than any sort of beast he turned into once a month... He would never escape it, even in the Muggle world. He was a fucking monster. The lycanthrope drew in a deep shuddering breath and forced his mouth to form the words as his exhalation rumbled across his voice box.

"After...after he..." Remus couldn't say the word, but Sirius didn't need him to, "after he finished, I...I went out to leave, and...and I was so tired, but I knew...I knew I had to get out..."

The line of Sirius' jaw hardened at the reminder of what he owed Michael, but his voice was like velvet when he murmured "Go on, love, I'm here."

"I went into the kitchen, and...and there was this knife... I know it sounds stupid, but...but I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and picking it up. It was light and it felt so...right in my hand...and I couldn't help but wonder..." A shudder rattled Remus' teeth and rippled through his muscles. "I couldn't help but wonder...if it was some kind of...sign." He swallowed thickly, his mouth and throat drier than any desert. He could feel the tension under Sirius' skin, turning his normally pliant body into hard, steel girders, but he plowed on ruthlessly even as his heart threatened to jump out of the front of his shirt it was pounding so hard.

"I wanted to stick it as far as I could into his chest," Remus whispered hollowly. "I wanted to make him hurt, I wanted to know I was in control... I wanted to laugh at him while I watched him bleed to death..." His face buried into the brunet's shirt even more, so that Sirius had to strain his ears to catch the werewolf's mumbles. "I'm a monster," he rasped before dissolving into fresh, hot, salty tears.

Sirius cleared his throat as his own eyes beaded with moisture. His mind was whirling, trying to comprehend what Remus was saying and implying and not saying... "You're not a monster," he murmured back fervently, chest aching with love for this broken man. "Remus, what happened...? I mean...did you...?" He hated himself for asking, for even daring to doubt that his Remus would do the good and noble thing.

But in reality, he was the Remus Sirius knew (and loved so entirely) no more. He was different...Michael had made him different. And even if Remus somehow made it through this storm intact, Sirius was smart enough to realize that he still wouldn`t be the same old Remus. The mental scars of what that blond motherfucker had done to him would linger just as long as the pearlescent lines criss-crossing his body.

His fists had curled into tight fists against Remus' back and it took a supreme force of will for Sirius to force them back into flat, soothing palms. He commanded his lungs to expand and deflate in a relaxing, soft rhythm despite the fact his nostrils flared with every breath out. Raging and storming and seeking some kind of bloodthirsty vengeance wasn't what Remus needed from him right now.

The lycan still hadn't responded even though he had managed to mostly control the flow of tears. "Remus?" The Animagus hated that his voice cracked on the simple, two-syllable name even as a chill of foreboding slithered up his spine.

Burning amber eyes met his and Remus opened his mouth to speak, except that no words could come out. His throat felt like he had been screaming for the last ten minutes straight; hoarse and dry and rough, and his mouth was too dry to swallow for some attempt at relief. And yet, Sirius had to know the truth of what had happened.

Remus' vocal chords seemed to kick back into life and words began to pour out, tumbling into one another as the flood he'd tried to keep at bay was unleashed. "I-I walked into the...the b-bedroom," Remus stuttered as his body began to tremble and quake more violently than before, "and he was j-just lying there..." A particularily fierce shudder wracked him, his teeth knocking delicately together as his muscles clenched and rode out the shiver. "It was s-s-so warm in my hand, that knife, and I pictured myself j-just...just sticking it in him and leaving it there..."

Sirius wanted to plug his ears and start humming off-key to block out the words coming from his love's mouth. The large part of him didn't want to hear any of it; none of the moral questions that must have ran through Remus' mind and none of the burning needs for revenge. And yet there was a tiny, morbid part of him that was ravishingly hungry for every last sordid detail; a part that wanted every miniscule flicker of emotion and every last self doubt that had floated through Remus' magnificently complex brain.

It was this urge to understand, this hunger to know the intimate truth of what the lycanthrope had done to the sonofabitch, that kept Sirius from pulling away and cutting Remus off. He licked his lips and tightened his hold minutely on the thinner man in a mute show of support.

This seemed to be just what Remus needed, as his body's malicious tremours lessened by an increment and the last brutal words spilled forth. "But I couldn't," he whispered, almost sounding ashamed. "I know that it was right to walk away, and that I did the right thing... I know logically that I'm the better person for that, but... But even if I had decided right then that I was going to kill him, I couldn't have."

"Why?' The Animagus had to try three times to force the word out of his mouth, and it still came out hoarse and broken.

Remus looked up, his face tear-stained but his eyes dry now. "Because once upon a time...I think... I think I loved him once upon a time, and despite everything he did to me, despite the fact he deserves death more than anyone else I know, I couldn't be the one to deliver it. I didn't want to see the life leaving his body in a red pool. I didn't want to live up to what everyone thinks I should be..." He seemed to struggle to get his thoughts out in words that the brunet might understand to some degree. "I didn't want his blood on my hands. I didn't want to be like him...like a monster."

Sirius wanted to punch himself as the tears welled in his eyes. Why the bloody hell was he tearing up for Merlin's sake? He had the love of his life in his arms, safe and warm and solidly real, and his heart was bursting with pride and joy at the strength of Remus' moral fibre; why should he be blubbering like an over-emotional first-year feeling homesick at Hogwarts? "You could never be like him, Mooney," he whispered roughly as he hastily swiped at the moisture in his eyes, blurring his vision.

A ghost of a smile flitted across Remus lips, upturning them at the corners slightly, and instead of replying, simply burrowed into the canine's infectious warmth and closed his eyes as sweet, heavy exhaustion cloaked him once again. It had been a long night - too long - and all he wanted now was a hot bath and a warm bed. But for now, Sirius would do nicely.

XXX

"Are you hungry? I could pop over to Honeydukes' and be back in a second if you want some sweets... Or would you rather something from the Three Broomsticks? I could persuade Rosmerta to whip us up a feast and a half if you'd like."

Remus yawned lazily and rolled over in bed. "I'm fine Sirius," he murmured through a yawn and his pillow. The Animagus fidgeted uncomfortably as he stood at the foot of his own bed.

After Remus had unceremoniously passed out in his arms the previous evening, it had been almost impossible to pry himself away from the cherubic-faced, sleeping werewolf. However, Sirius knew that it would take more than a good night's rest for Remus to put his demons behind him and he didn't want to hinder that process with his own selfishness. Shaking this discouraging thought from his head, Sirius pasted on a motherly sort of frown. "You do have to eat, y'know," he chastised gently.

"Yes, thank you Mum," Remus replied, just a hint of annoyance colouring his tone. He'd never really enjoyed how overbearing and downright forceful Sirius could be when he went on a mothering tangent, and had no desire to really put up much of a fight right then. "But I'm not particularily hungry right now."

His body ached in the strangest of places and the empty sort of hollowness that felt as though it might consume him in James and Lily's sitting room was back, though thankfully much less intense. Now it was just a dull kind of ache that gnawed at him and kept a constant reminder of the previous night's happenings in the fore of his mind.

And yet, Remus couldn't really bring himself to be unhappy. Not with the morning sunshine gilding the glass of water on Sirius' bedstand, and Sirius himself hovering nearby. And despite the aches in his body from Michael's blows and restraints, Remus felt something he hadn't expected to feel for a long time.

Seeing the long, hard expanse of Sirius' body in the deep shadow of a heavily lined curtain, the sun just managing to glint of the button on his jeans and the fading glitter on his Brian Slade t-shirt, swirled a dangerous cocktail of mingled desire and revulsion, wantful need and disgusted loathing through Remus' brain. His mouth watered and his mind recoiled at the thought of what Sirius' deliciously hard cock would look like now, the pre-come slicked tip shining just as invitingly as the button on those damnable jeans was.

Swallowing thickly, Remus shifted and started as he felt his half-hard member throb. It hadn't been that long, and yet it seemed an age since he and Sirius last... But no. No, it would be foolish to do something like that now - especially in his already fragile state of mind. Surely it was better he resist the temptation of Sirius' hands and mouth and body to smother the sense of inadequacy that thrilled through him at the thoughts of what Michael had done to him. But damn it if he didn't want the other man...

He sat up, bunching his bedclothes conveniently around the faint lump in his lap. "What's the time?" he asked, trying to ignore than animal quality of Sirius' muscles as he sank onto the foot of the bed facing his mate.

"Just after eleven. You can go back to sleep if you're still tired... You had a rough night." A jaw-cracking yawn split the Animagus' mouth open wide and he stretched, precious inches of stomach flashing into sight briefly as the glittery shirt rode up.

"So did you," Remus pointed out. He patted the covers next to himself, trying to reason away his motives logically, because he certainly didn;t want Sirius to flop down so he could steal another tantalising look at his stupendous body. "You look like you haven't slept a wink."

Sirius hadn't. He'd been too worried - far too worried - about Remus to do much more than pace anxiously beside the sleeping lycan's door, checking on him at every little sound. His fingernails, once smooth and buffed and polished to a hearty shine, were now dull and ragged from his overactive teeth. So it was realyl no surprise that Sirius would flake out beside Remus in bed, allowing himself a few blissful moments of peace, breathing deep Remus' scent in his sheets.

"I should shower," Remus said after a fair few moments, sure that his partial erection had subsided enough to stand comfortably. He winced as he felt the scabbed-over cuts tugging at their fragile hold on his skin across his back and arms. "Or maybe take the bath I never got 'round to last night."

Having fallen asleep in the hazy warmth of Sirius' embrace, Remus had never gotten the bath he'd longed for, and while it was no longer to try and force some kind of heat into the freezing marrow his bones, he still had the urge to scrub the dried blood and grime from himself. He wanted to wash away all the traces of Michael from his body.

Sirius rolled over and smiled. "Anything you want Mooney. I'll go draw the water for you, shall I? Bubbles?" Sirius was already halfway to the door as Remus nodded his assent to bubbles and threw off his blankets.

Disrobing was uncomfortable, as in many places, weeping cuts had dried and attached his clothing to his body, but once Remus was comfortably stripped down to his underwear, he padded softly out of the bedroom and down the hall toward the the sound of running water.

"There, you are, I was wondering what was taking you so bloody lo..." Sirius trailed off as he gazed over his shoulder and spotted a mostly naked Remus leaning against the door jamb to his bathroom. It shouldn't have looked so perfectly sexy with the touseled tufts of the lycan's hair sticking up at random angles and the hard, sensual lines of Remus' familiar body, but... Merlin-damn-it, it was.

Sirius had to mental shake himself to prevent the rush of blood to his prick that he could feel building. The last thing he wanted was to freak Remus out with an unwanted hard-on.

"Bath's all ready," he said in a slightly deeper, more melodious voice than he meant, instantly regretting his lapse in sanity as a shudder coursed through Remus and goosebumps broke out over his flesh. The hungry look must have shown in Sirius' eyes... He forced his arousal down even as it flared defiantly, and hurriedly excused himself with something muttered about towels.

Remus let go of the breath he'd been holding as the warm waft of Sirius-scented air brushed past him in the brunet's wake. He'd seen the desire in Sirius' eyes, felt the hot focus of his passionate counterpart's gaze as it roamed freely, appraisingly over him and hadn't been able to suppress the shudder of attraction or the goosebumps of arousal. The sandy-haired man felt his face flush slightly as even more blood surged to his cock.

Teeth sinking into the plump flesh of his lower lip, Remus' hand ghosted over the bulge in his pants, breath coming tremulously. Shame glowed on his cheeks... He shouldn't feel this way; he shouldn't want Sirius so fucking badly as he did, not after what...what he had done, the memory still fresh and sharp, cutting painfully into Remus' mind. Yet still, he ached to feel not his own hand, but Sirius', on the steadily hardening length of his phallus, longed to watch him drop obediently to his knees and wrap his pefectly aristocratic lips around the head of his cock...

Remus' eyes snapped open suddenly and he quickly stepped out of his underpants, taking two long strides to the tub before sinking gratefully down into it. The water was just hot enough to soothe, not aggravate his cuts, and felt glorious on his almost rock hard member to boot.

Just as he was settling in and starting to feel his muscles loosen up, there was a soft knock on the door. "Remus?" Sirius asked lightly. "You decent?" A nervous laugh followed, muffled through the door. Remus couldn't help but grin. Fine pair they were; him not acting as he should given his currently turbulent mental state and situation, Sirius behaving, for possibly the first time in his life, in a manner that put another before himself.

"I'm decent," he replied, covering himself with a small mountain of bubbles. "It's perfect," he sighed as Sirius poked his head in the door.

"I, er...I found some towels," Sirius said awkwardly, leaning in to put the towels on the counter. Remus rolled his eyes.

"You can step in, Sirius."

The Animagus blinked and then smiled slightly shiftily and edged into the room, closing the door behind him. He gave the room cursory glance and made immediately for the toilet. Closing the lid, he sat down, facing his lupine friend and seemingly-not-meant-to-be lover. Remus gnawed his lower lip again as his cock hardened impossibly more in the bubbles, the soft rustling pop of the suds exquisite against the hot flesh.

Sirius swallowed unsatisfactorily as Remus' darkened amber eyes held his own shadowed silver ones and sexual chemisrty flared and arced between their bodies. "Are you stiff? You...you didn't seem like you moved much in your sleep," he said softly. Remus rolled his shoulders and shrugged.

"A bit," he admitted, not feeling bad about the generous embellishment of discomfort. His mind was several steps ahead, imagining Sirius' bath-warmed hands gliding up his chest, brushing a nipple... Oh fucking Merlin, yes!

"D'you...maybe...that's to say, would you... Er, I could, maybe y'know...give you a massage...if you wanted," Sirius offered, deliciously sculpted cheekbones pinkening at his inability to speak coherently.

Remus sat up carefully, rearranging his bubbles, but unable to stop his hand twitching toward his cock before he regained control of it and forced it to be still. The young werewolf didn't think before he spoke, so intent was his focus on the steady throb of his cock and the astonishingly fast rate of his bubble bath covering dissolving away. "Why would I mind? You've given me massages before...after full moons and such."

Sirius nodded along eagerly as he sank to kneel behind the skillfully Transfigured clawfoot bathtub, his conscience abating slightly at Remus' obvious interest in physical contact. Greedy, greedy, greedy! a nasty voice in his head murmured to him as his fingers and hands and forearms dipped into the steaming tub to warm up. He pushed the voice away, focusing on his movements around Remus. It was like approaching a unicorn (as everyone knows unicorns prefer a woman's touch); he had to be gentle and cautious and quiet and, most of all, move very slowly.

With the precise skill of a surgeon and the gentle touch of a feathered quill the brunet's fingers worked up the lycanthropes back, slowly, patiently easing out the knots and sore spots, smoothing over the poorly healing glass cuts across his shoulder blade and back with the barest of brush of fingertip. And as his fingers moved deftly up the pale smooth expanse of the back of Remus' neck, he couldn't help but whisper, "I love you." His breath was ragged with unspoken needs and Remus had to fist his hand as his heart rendered his voice useless due to immense swelling.

Instead he sought to catch Sirius' gaze, lifting one hand from his bath, dripping lacy clumps of bubbles, to raise the Animagus' chin and face. He couldn't speak past the lump his bursting heart had formed in his throat, and so did the only thing he could think of to convey the words he wished he could say.

Remus leaned forward, still holding Sirius' chin in his bubbly grasp, and kissed him tenderly on the mouth.

XXX

Author's Note: YAY! Three days in a row off helped me FINALLY finish this... Again I'm SO SORRY for the horrid late-ness of it, but I never forgot about it!! Expect the final chapter to be up... Oh hopefully before the year is done. . I love you all! Do you love me? Review...? Even Though I'm horrible and leave you with cliffies and never update... :D 'Getcha freak on!' Cheers!!

PS. - You got a longer-than-it-was-gonna-be chapter! YAY! XD