It was an ordinary day. Well, I suppose I can't really say that. Any day that contains time travelers, aliens, and ESPers- not to mention Haruhi Suzumiya, the world's most maddening god- can't really be called ordinary.

Ahem.

It was an ordinary day, or at least what passes for ordinary lately. After school was over, I headed to the SOS Brigade's clubroom. The door seemed to be locked. "Hello?" I called, knocking on the door. "Is anyone there?" There were two possibilities. Either no one was there and I could go home, which was good- or Haruhi was forcing Mikuru into yet another cute outfit, which was very good.

"Come in," a soft voice said. "The door locks by itself sometimes."

When I walked in, the clubroom was empty except for Yuki.

"Umm, Nagato-san." I hesitated.

She looked up from her book. "Yes?"

"Ah… your hand…"

"What about it?"

"It's bleeding." A large paper cut ran diagonally across her palm. It wasn't deep, but it seemed to be bleeding a lot. The book she was reading was soaked.

Yuki glanced down. "I have observed that."

"You might want to, you know, put a bandage on it?"

Yuki nodded.

"Listen, Nagato-san." I looked over my shoulder. "When humans hurt themselves, they don't just keep doing whatever they're doing."

"What do they do, then?"

"They… I don't know, swear?"

"You will teach me to swear." It wasn't a question.

I pulled up a chair. "Okay, then. Do you know any swear words?"

"No."

"In that case, I guess just repeat after me…"

Yuki learned remarkably fast. By the time five minutes had passed, the petite humanoid was capable of swearing like a sailor.

The door opened. "Hey! Kyon, get out!" Haruhi shouted. She was holding a bikini in one hand and a trembling Mikuru's wrist in the other. "I want to see how Mikuru looks in this!"

"Hello, f*cking Suzumiya-san." Yuki said in her typical emotionless voice. "Damn it."

Haruhi's face was a picture. I had never seen her in such a state of shock.

"Umm…" Mikuru looked down. "How's the book, Nagato-san?"

Yuki looked up. "Sh*t afternoon, Asahina-san. The motherf*cking piece of crap book is f*cking good."

Mikuru's jaw dropped.

"Asahina-san, Suzumiya-san, would you mind leaving for a few minutes? Thank you very much." Before Haruhi and Mikuru could respond, I shoved them out the door and closed it.

Yuki turned the page of her book. "Did I f*cking damm do some sh*t thing wrong? I thought I learned the words f*cking adequate-"

"Nagato-san," I said quickly. "I think you need to learn a little more about how to swear…"