Title: If You See a Shooting Star
Chapter 6: I Still Want You Inside Me
Beta: n/a

Author: Harper Hisoka
Warning: Shonen Ai/Yaoi, rape, dark themes of all kinds, I don't own the series.

Series: Yami no Matsui
Pairing: Tsuzuki x Hisoka, Muraki + Hisoka

Summary: Hisoka still doesn't trust Tsuzuki, but when Muraki kidnaps him it seems that his partner is now his only salvation. A cursed tattoo, the red moon, and the magic rope made of witch hair that holds Hisoka's life in the balance.

Today was the big day, and Hisoka couldn't help but feel more nervous than ever. Hisoka himself had made it to the nearby ally way by jumping out of their third story window unharmed but that was only part of the problem. He was supposed to be working on 'intermingling' with the normal people like he had done before. Lately, he had been getting better at controlling his own emotions in relation to others so they both figured it was time for the next step. Tsuzuki stood behind him, whispering an assuring promise to never leave his side for the entire day. When he was alone with Tsuzuki he was able to refrain from synchronizing their minds to the point where Hisoka wasn't sure who had been feeling what. Although this technique wasn't perfected it did let Hisoka feel slightly more human again, the knowledge of being able to distance his mind from everything else to be truly alone.

Tsuzuki slipped his hand in Hisoka's when he noticed the man frozen in place. The sudden touch didn't shock Hisoka; instead it seeped in some of Tsuzuki's current confidence and strength to mingle with his own insecurities. The point of today's exercise was to walk around, in low populated areas to start with without letting the world's problems overload his mind. The last time it had happened, they were in the bedroom and the furniture around him practically shattered and splintered into pieces. Even Tsuzuki felt the waves of energy his partner emitted yet in the end, it turned out positively. This day seemed to mark the first time in which Hisoka would start to favor a connection with Tsuzuki instead of the environment surrounding him.

At first, everything had been going well. Although Hisoka's unyieldingly hard grasp on Tsuzuki's hand was, so say the least, somewhat uncomfortable, Tsuzuki would never mention it out loud. Maybe he was masochistic, or too deeply in love but if he had to endure pain for the sake of Hisoka, then so be it. Although his area was the lower class section of the town, most of the inhabitants around during midday were street-sleeping, money-less, grim-covered beggars. In this particular case, since Tsuzuki scouted the area ahead of time, the people around here seemed pretty harmless. Although half of Tsuzuki's attention seemed to be lost in thoughts, a part of his mind never wandered from the immediate surroundings. Watching, studying, and waiting to protect his lover at a moment's notice. Besides that, Hisoka was unusually quiet – and although he wasn't particularly talkative to begin with, this silence seemed unusually tense.

Bright green eyes darted constantly around, scared but somehow, a hidden strength remained behind that fear. Since the area was relatively calm and desolate, getting used to being outside among civilization again would take time. It wasn't enough to try and get rid of the fear of other people, but that person also needed to be comfortable in his surroundings. Once the city buildings and shops were familiar, adding more obstacles and trials would be the most emotionally draining. Plus, Tsuzuki was afraid he would be more worried than Hisoka, and if his partner picked up on that in the middle of a crowd the consequences would be hard to explain to their boss. Even with his condition, someone had to be paid to clean up any messes made in the human world.

xxx

Exactly one week has passed by since Hisoka's first outing, and Tsuzuki wasn't entirely confident about the progress on what Hisoka could do, and what he wanted to do. Since being rehabilitated into the outside world, he started coming out of the hold he created, started becoming 'himself' once more. Even if this entire thing worked, in the back of Tsuzuki's mind, he knew Hisoka would never, truly recover from this incident. The past couple of nights, Hisoka's dreams were starting to shift towards involving Murata in some way which worried him extremely. If Murata was starting to haunt these dreams, then if he haunted Hisoka's thoughts even walking outside might reverse their progress to the starting block.

"Tsuzuki." A quiet voice called from the window. Hisoka stood staring outside, watching all the people down below come home from work. "I know I have to… rejoin them, but I have a bad feeling somehow. I'm…" He didn't have to finish, since Tsuzuki answer for him.

"Scared, I know, I know." The taller nuzzled his head upon Hisoka's shoulder, arms firmly secured around the small, shaking chest. Tsuzuki could feel the rapid breathing the younger man started to take; small, shallow breaths that rolled the line of hyperventilating. "Shh, Hisoka. It's okay; don't think about it right now."

Yet Hisoka's gaze was still planted outside that open window. The freeze breeze washed across his face, and his instinctual reaction had been to pull away in fear. He wasn't sure why the wind just now frightened him, although it likely had something to do with his intense fixation upon the humans walking the streets below them. Tsuzuki's unyielding body slowly served to remind him the safety of his current environment. In relaxing his mind, the calm emotions his lover felt passed into his entire body which served as the best mood stabilizer he currently possessed.

xxx

Although I tried to hide it, I started seeing Muraki everywhere I went. Tsuzuki didn't notice anything, but I could see that guy in everyone who walked by. I've only been out a handful of times in a small crowd. I'm afraid of what will happen if I'm ever alone out here. If Tsuzuki leaves my side, even for an instant, what will I do? Muraki messed with my head, placed a curse on my body, ruined me and then let me go.

He wants me back, and I'm afraid. I can't help it. I'm starting to feel the pull of Muraki's powers over me, even more so when I'm in a heightened state of emotional distress or fear. So far Tsuzuki has helped me out, yet the bottom line – when it comes to it, is if I'm strong enough to believe in my partner. He says we're lovers, even though we rarely have sex. I can't live without him that much is true – although, I can't help it. I doubt myself, I probably always have. I hope that Tsuzuki is strong enough to save me because I don't believe that I can do it on my own. I haven't even told him about what happened to me and Tsuzuki still stays by my side. I hope this is a sign, for me, to finally be able to give my trust, my whole self to another.

For I have never trusted anyone. Alive or not, I don't know how to trust. So, I call out silently for help, to be saved. Silently, quietly and alone in that infernal darkness behind steel bars.

Trials and tribulations aside, Hisoka managed a deep breath before leaving the apartment with his partner. Whether it looked weird or not, to have two guys holding hands in the middle of the day didn't matter. If Hisoka didn't have that hand, the physical reassurance he knew he would go crazy. Even if he hated crowds before it was never this bad. Being able to relatively control his heightened powers didn't lift his fear. The fear of people, of being alone or troubled, these things bothered him by tenfold after Muraki. Yet, whenever they went outside Tsuzuki would let Hisoka hold onto his hand has hard as he wanted, without retribution later. Maybe he deserved Tsuzuki and maybe not but this was not something he really wanted to think about. Such a minor issue like that shouldn't matter, because Tsuzuki's feelings were unwavering and strong.

As people walked past them, Hisoka avoided eye contact and reflexively flinched away towards Tsuzuki's side. If he looked into those faces around him, it would be possible his mind would transform those innocent beings into monsters. Yet, Hisoka had to remain calm and remember his training and prior rehabilitation. These people weren't out to get him, most were going to work or buying various items at the local convenience store. Nothing to be afraid of, nothing at all; since the thought of being able to walk once more by himself, returning to his duties encouraged him. Lately, Hisoka acted more bored then afraid and the dreams he had were beginning to only show themselves at night instead of all day long. Looking from a distance at those below him, from the apartment window had no longer struck fear into his heart.

xxx

"The beginning of the end," if I say it like that, then it can only mean one thing. The gears that Muraki have placed inside my body have begun to turn. I shall fall further into despair, that endless darkness. When I call out for help, I wonder, whose name will I call out? The person who made me this way or the person who calls himself my lover? –Hisoka

Everywhere, white coats with light purple belts were wisping just outside Hisoka's vision. He looked at the ground, walking closely next to Tsuzuki but those coats wouldn't leave his mind. A strong, sharp burning sensation ran in currents along his skin outlining the design that made up Hisoka's full-body curse. It didn't show on his hands, but the figures and designs were beginning to glow underneath his clothing. This pain was nothing Hisoka wasn't used to; in the past, it seemed to happen more frequently than it did now. A worried glace from Tsuzuki began to worry him, he didn't want Tsuzuki to find out his pain right now.

That stupid curse, it was embarrassing and a branding mark that he would never be able to get rid of. When first rescued, Hisoka remembered Tsuzuki taking away all the sharp instruments because of his own wanting to mutilate his body so that branding curse wouldn't be seen. A strong grip on Tsuzuki's hand only lightly reaffirmed him. The fact that Hisoka's mind was so closed off against the world started to become dizzying, a slightly lightheaded persisting feeling.

Soon after, those horrible white coats were fluttering into my normal vision, instantly disappearing and leaving me only to wonder if I had seen it at all. Tsuzuki called out to Hisoka, but the younger man barely heard his voice. Things like, "are you okay," weren't getting through at all; yet, Hisoka vaguely nodded in response and kept walking like nothing happened. The more people that come, the more coats I see in my peripheral vision. A short while later, sheer minutes and those coats are surrounding me like masks in the ballroom. One minute a certain mask is in plain sight and the next, to suddenly disappear.

Tsuzuki led Hisoka into a convenience shop, not the usual one but a smaller and out of the way. "I have to go to the bathroom; I'll only be a minute. Can you wait?" The small, one room bathroom door threatened to separate them. The store was deserted, save for the shop keeper and his cleaning assistant. "Yeah," he responded. Confident that just a minute or two wouldn't hurt; a small test to see if he can stand on his own for even a short while. Suddenly, Tsuzuki's warm, reassuring hands slowly let go of his. Slow motion, Tsuzuki smiled and said, "Be right back, okay?" and with a small laugh, closed the door.

Faster and faster, Hisoka felt his heart race along on its own pace. No one was near him, or talking to him but that subtle sense of dread shadowed his thoughts. It wasn't until three, rough looking boys strutted into the shop that Hisoka's body began to shake. Neither avoiding eye contact nor hiding in the far corner of the shop hid his presence from the intruders. The soft bang of glass behind him had Hisoka realizing an awful truth. Trapped in a corner, near the alcohol of all places and his body frozen to the spot; run – he wanted to run, to get away but the boys drew unknowing closer. Their crude laugh and vile jokes make cold waves run down his spine.

It also didn't take long for the boys to spot Hisoka cowering in the corner, while the shop keeper pretended to ignore the situation by slipping into the back room. His mind was so confused and twisted in fear that he couldn't recognize any words that the boys said to him. The shell around his mind began to drop and unhindered lust slowly overturned any emotions he felt. Fear kept his body from moving, wanting to fight back and strike out in anger died down with the sheer intensity of passion they admitted. When the rough, calloused hand slipped under his shirt, the caressing of his stomach made him moan. Laughter and grins pieced the air, while hands and lips pieced his skin.

Their touch was sickening but Hisoka's body betrayed him by calling out for more. Gasping, hurried breaths left his mouth when his pants were slipped to the floor. Acting like he was enjoying it, that's what disgusted him the most. Yet, he couldn't help but feel what they felt. Small drops of blood ran down his legs and a thrusting pain entered his body. Tears ran down his face, but only his mind could call out for help. Caught between pleasure and pain, teeth that marked his small body with red marks and all his own body would do, is enjoy it thoroughly.

"Tsu… zuki… please-" whispered words harshly interrupted by loud, pleasurable screams; before now, his voice had been kept in check. But he couldn't hold it back any longer, and only wished beyond all hope that that bathroom door he once stood near would open. The walls here were thick, or Tsuzuki would have heard him by now and rushed to his side.

"TSUZUKI!!" in a rush of adrenaline he overcame his own mind to call out for the last time. "HELP ME!!"