~Me and My Super Best Friend~

Hi! So I was gonna make this like a second-parter to my other story (Oh, Buhbi) but I decided against it. It eally has nothing to do with the other story though, except for the fact that they are both style. But since I figured this would be more than just a one-shot, I made it into its own little fanfic. Hope you like! I actually typed this idea all up on PictoChat on my Nintendo D.S. and then wrote it down and finally typed it up. So I put a lot of work into it :) Okay, don't want my author's note to be longer than the story!

-Incident One-

I, Eric Cartman, am a nice person. I bet you don't believe me right? Neither do any of my goddamn "friends" even when I keep telling them! Well hear me out before you start making your gaywad judgements.

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, Hippy, Jew, and I were at this David Blaine mass suicide rally trying to get us some tax exempt status or something. It was only after most people had drowned themselves that those dumbasses realized David Blaine is a total rump ranger who just happens to be so very full of crap.

Oh, but of course I knew that all along, and I kept trying to tell Jewboy that he better get his scrawny ass out of there before we get into some serious shit. But then no one listened to me like usual and we ended up at the Lincoln Monument anway.

Don't go asking Stan or Kahl about this. They might give you their fagged up version of how I was wrong and they were right. Like that is even physically possible! Besides, they were too busy mind-blowing eachother into oblivion to see or care much about what was actually going on.

Secondly, you kinda have to take my word for it cause who else you gonna ask? Po' Boy!? he was already dead by the time the real important stuff happened. And even if he wasn't dead like he spends half his time being, its not like anyone cares about his opinion anyway. I swear, the good lord put him on this earth for the sole purpose of taking up fresh air and making lewd comments. But isn't that what we are all doing? Cept me of course.

Enough of that however, this is what went on.

Number one, I save the day.

Two, Stan looks at Kahl all fag-like and says something like, "Wow Kyle. You are my super best friend. I would give anything to tap that and be with you so we can talk about our feelings forever and ever."

Then the Jew giggled and blushed. I swear if that didn't scream 'I take it up the ass in my spare time' to the pussy, what he said next had to. "Aw, Stan! I feel the same way. Now that I am able to accept the fact that Cartmen's hot body is just too good for me, the oppurtunity is totally open for you to talk about emotions with me and bone my scrawny white ass."

And that was when Stan replied, "Oh yeah! I can't wait!"

At this point I was so happy for my friends I said, "You guys! That is so sweet! I totally accept that you guys are butt pirates, in fact I knew it all along. I just didn't know when you would admit it to yourselves. I am so sincerely glad that this experience could bring you two together. Why don't you two go make out for a while!?

I mean, give or take a couple words.

Now, correct me if I am wrong but that sounded to me like the nicest thing I could think of saying at that point. And trust me like I said before, I am a very caring person. Here I am just trying to congratulate my friends on their coming out of the closet and I just get punished. I don't get it, I really did mean everything I said. Despite how many peoples' parents I tried to serve to them as chilli.

But then you would not believe what happened next. These Uncle Fuckers started kicking me square in the nuts catching me off guard.

And I was thinking, "No hippy! That's a bad hippy! and, That's not how you make babies you dumb jew! Gahd you guys, we aren't in second grade anymore

I left that day with sore balls and a realization- My friends are fucking douchebags.

TBC

I actually enjoyed getting inside the mind of Eric Cartman. He is so evil and funny though. Tweek is my favorite character however. Review!