Case File: TOAST
Case 003
March 10, 2009
Toaster Warning Label: To reduce the risk of electrical shock, do not place any part of this toaster under water or other liquid.
17:23
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Mikey peered stealthily over the railing of the second floor. Down below in the living room, Raph lie on the couch in front of the TV, flipping through channels. With a sneaky smile, Mikey ninja'd his way over to Raph's bedroom door and intimidated the doorknob with a stare. He reached forward and turned it, pulling hard. Unfortunately, the door refused to give.
"He locked it?" Mikey whispered aloud, frowning. "Why? He's so paranoid." Pouting, he turned and leaned on the door, contemplating what to do next. After several minutes, he made a strange face and turned the doorknob again. Taking a deep breath...he closed his eyes...and pushed.
The door opened.
Mikey smiled sheepishly and laughed to himself. "Duh." He stepped into the room and looked around carefully, investigating under Raph's bed and in various drawers. "Where would he keep them?" he wondered aloud. He put a hand on top of a table, thinking hard.
K-chunk! A six-by-six square in the table under his hand recessed into the wood. Startled, Mikey watched a small section of the wall slide away, revealing an open alcove. Blinking in surprise, Mikey walked over to examine the hole.
"Donny must have rigged this for him," he mused. Focusing his attention inside, he grinned. "Alright!" He reached in and pulled out a box of chocolate poptarts. "Score!"
An alarm blared to life. "Secret voice recognition test failed," an automated, Donny-like voice announced. "Get outta Raph's room!"
"No, no!" Mikey exclaimed, yanking a poptart packet out and shoving the box back into the hole. "Wait! Ssh! Uh, backspace! Shift! Control-Alt-Delete! Copy-Paste!" Panicked, Mikey was throwing out every computer term he'd heard Donny use. "Abort!"
The alarm cut off, and the auto-Donny-voice said, "Abort command recognized."
Mikey sighed deeply. Abruptly he realized that someone else—the worst case, Raph—probably heard the alarm, and so he immediately scampered very un-ninja-like from the room. He headed downstairs and glanced nervously at the couch, pausing to look for movement. After a moment, a loud snore drawled out from the other side, so with relief Mikey moved on to the kitchen.
Smiling like a gleeful child, he reached into a high cabinet and pulled out a new, shiny toaster from a shelf. After plugging it in and scanning the area for any signs of his brothers, he shoved the poptarts into the toaster and turned it on.
A few quiet second later, he frowned. "I know I forgot to do something."
"Good evening, my son," a calm voice said behind him.
Mikey used his very small ounce of self-control to refrain from jumping out of his shell in surprise. He turned around and smiled. "Oh, hi Master Splinter. What are you doing here?"
"It is the kitchen, Michelangelo," he replied. "If one is hungry, they come here."
"Right, right," Mikey said, nodding and subtly standing in front of the toaster. "Well, Leo ordered pizza and he's out waiting for it. He'll be back."
"I will get something to eat anyway," Splinter explained dismissively. "I want to eat a small piece of cake."
"Oh," Mikey said with relief as Splinter turned to the fridge. "Well don't let Donny or Leo see you with it, or they'll take it."
"Yes," Splinter sighed as he pulled the piece of cake out and shut the door. "I know."
"Well, enjoy!" Mikey exclaimed, grinning as Splinter left. "See you are dinner!" He sighed, relieved.
Then, he paused. Something smelled...like it was burning.
"Oh, crap." He whirled to look at the toaster, which was smoking profusely. "Oh come on!" he exclaimed. "Stupid poptarts, you haven't even been in there that long!" He peered inside the toaster, frowning, and spotted the problem—he'd left the wrapper on the poptarts when he'd shoved them in. The highly flammable wrapper.
Abruptly, Mikey jerked back as—Pwoosh!—the toaster caught fire. "What the shell!?" he cried. "Not cool! Uh...fire extinguish—wait." He stared upward as the smoke rose toward the smoke alarm. "Not again!" He yanked out a chair and stood precariously on it, and with a few punches, he ended the life of the device before it could begin to sound its alarm. "Whew." He inhaled smoke and coughed. "Oh yeah!"
Leaping off the chair, he grabbed the fire extinguisher from off the wall and aimed it at the burning toaster. He pressed the button, and to his dismay, nothing happened.
"Aw dude, why?" He groaned, putting the extinguisher down. "Uh...okay. Fire. Fix fire with..." He glanced around the kitchen and his gaze halted on the sink, which was directly beside the toaster. "Water! Yes!" He plugged the sink up, turning the faucet on as far as it would go and glancing back at the toaster nervously.
"Hey, Mikey!" A voice called from the living room. Oh crud, Raph.
"Yeah?" He called back as he shut off the sink once the sink was over halfway full.
"What smells? Did you burn something?" He asked.
"Uh..." He grabbed towels and wrapped them around his hands, and grabbed the toaster. "Yeah, sorry! I put something in the microwave and it cooked too long!"
"Moron," he heard Raph mutter. "It reeks."
"Shut up, Raph!" He replied, tossing the toaster into the water. The water hissed with steam when the toaster broke the surface, and Mikey grinned. "Yes. Problem solved. Donny didn't even find—"
"Mikey?"
Why me? He turned and stared at Donny, who was walking into the kitchen with two boxes of pizza in hand. Leo stood behind him, carrying additional boxes. Mikey waved. "Hi."
"What did you do now?" Donny demanded, setting down the boxes and walking toward him. Mikey blocked his view of the sink, holding his hands out.
"Nothing, dude!" He exclaimed. "I burnt something in the microwave! That's all!"
Leo shook his head. "Mikey..."
"Let me see," Donny said flatly. "Why did you put it in the sink? How could that help?"
"I panicked!" He insisted, waving his arms dramatically to block Donny's view. "Seriously, there's nothing to see! Go get Master Splinter and Raph, and we'll eat pizza! Wahoo, pizza!"
"Move, Mikey," Donny said with a roll of his eyes. "I want to see the damage you've done this time..." His voice trailed off as he caught a glimpse of the stretched electrical cord that seemed to lead directly into the sink. "...Mikey..."
"Go away, Don," Mikey said, grinning sheepishly.
"Mikey," he repeated, his voice rising ever so slightly. "What did you do?"
"I think I will go get Raph and Splinter," Leo said, setting down his boxes of pizza and quickly walking away. Mikey swallowed, scratching his head. "Seriously, it's nothing—"
"You did it, didn't you?" Donny asked calmly. "Used the toaster."
"I—"
"The new toaster," he went on, "that was very expensive. I thought, 'hey, Mikey promised not to touch it again, so let's get a nice toaster instead of something like the lame one we had before,' so I got it anyway. Hoping you would listen. And not destroy it yet again."
"Well, you know, that's your fault for buying an expensi—"
"My fault?!" He snapped.
Mikey threw his hands up in defense "Wait, I didn't mean it! I'll fix things, Donny! Really! I'll buy a new toaster. I'll get this one out of your way, too!" He reached toward the water to grab the charred toaster.
"No, Mikey!" Donny yelled, reaching for Mikey's hands. Startled, Mikey jerked back his hands—and therefore, Donny's hands plunged into the water. He howled in pain and jerked his hands out, glaring at Mikey.
"What was that about?" Mikey asked, wide-eyed.
Donny set his jaw angrily. "Putting an electrical device into the water while it is still plugged into the wall turns said body of water into an electrified pool of death."
"Oh," Mikey replied, blinking. "Right. Thanks for not letting me do that."
Donny glowered at him and opened his mouth to speak, and suddenly, Raph shouted, "Mikey!"
"Uh oh," Mikey said nervously.
"What? Did you light his room on fire like you did with the toaster?" Donny asked sarcastically, unplugging said device and pulling it safely from the water.
"The thing is, what I burned inside the toaster," he explained, backing away from the advancing thundering footsteps, "was a pack of poptarts. I forgot to take off the wrapper, and that's what set it on fire."
"...Raph's poptarts," Donny clarified.
"Yeah. Raph's poptarts."
Donny smiled serenely as Raph stormed into the kitchen and grabbed Mikey. "You," he hissed. "You were in my room."
"Wait, Raph-!" Mikey started.
"My room, and in my food," he continued, glaring.
"You should really learn to share your poptarts—"
Raph growled and dragged Mikey out of the kitchen. "We'll settle this, you moron. Get your nunchaku. You'll need to defend yourself."
"What? Master Splinter wouldn't approve—"
"Sorry, can't hear you. Hold still."
"Raaaph!"
Donny tossed the incinerated toaster into the trashcan and leaned on the counter, looking on as Raph thoroughly pummeled Mikey. "Ah," he sighed, smirking. "Karma."
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Mikey's Toaster Safety Guide
1) When using the toaster as a dryer, get back to the toaster A) just in time to remove dry clothes or B) before Donny does.
2) Putting the toaster in the oven actually makes the toast cook faster—maybe a little too fast.
3) If the toaster catches on fire, putting it in water will douse the fire, but it will turn the water into a sea of electrified death.