A/N- I've realized that there are some major kinks to work out in Strictly Professional, so it'll be a while before I update it. In that period of time I'll be working on this new story. Here goes nothing...
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Chapter 1: Sell Your Soul
Since the Winter War, not much had happened in the Soul Society. It was peaceful and quiet, the way it was meant to be. But, as fate would have it, another crisis came into play...
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MATSUMOTO!?" the youngest captain in the Gotei 13, Hitsugaya Toushirou, yelled at his lieutenant.
Matsumoto sighed as she told her taichou the news she had just heard.
"I heard from Izuru, who heard from Hisagi, who talked to Renji about you and the fact that the day you got a girlfriend, Yamamoto-soutaichou would grow an afro." She took a deep inhale of air as she finished her 'report'.
Honestly, if Rangiku had known that her taichou would be this upset about her latest tidbit of gossip, she would've kept her mouth shut. But, being the woman she was, she just had to tell it to the one person who'd take the most offense.
Toushirou, however, was fuming at the fact that people were talking about his inability to improve the state of his love life. I mean, wasn't his personal life supposed to be private? Apparently not.
"Why would you and your cohorts be talking about this? Shouldn't you people be doing something else...wait, didn't I give you paperwork earlier today?" Toushirou glared at his fukutaichou.
Matsumoto silently panicked. She had blown off the paperwork to go to the local bar with Izuru and Hisagi, hiding the paperwork under the sofa in her taichou's office.
"Umm, gee, see the thing is..." Suddenly, an idea popped into Matsumoto's mind. Her lips curved into a familiar Cheshire cat smile and her grey tinted eyes sparkled with mischief. "Hey, taichou...do you want to know how to get a girlfriend?"
Toushirou's eyes widened at his lieutenant's sudden change in attitude. He felt his ears grow a bit red at Matsumoto's offer. Finally, regaining his normal captain stature, he answered with a sophisticated and intelligent, "Huh?"
Matsumoto's grin widened even further. "Come on, taichou. Haven't you ever wanted to have a girl that you can just grab and start mak-"
"Stop right there, Matsumoto or I'll assign you five times the amount of paperwork I normally give you" Toushirou glared at her, however, the mischievous look did not leave Matsumoto's face.
"All I'm saying is that if you have girlfriend then all the rumors, jokes, and gossip about you never finding a girlfriend without using eHarmony will disappear." Toushirou's ears perked up at the comment. How he'd like to show them all...
"How do you plan to help me get a girlfriend?" Matsumoto waved off his question.
"Oh, don't worry about that, taichou. I'll handle all of the dirty work" Toushirou rolled his eyes.
"Who do you plan to use as my 'girlfriend'?" He made air quotes around the word 'girlfriend'.
"Well, I was thinking someone pretty, sweet, tolerant of mean taichous, and most important of all, someone around your height." A tick mark appeared on Toushirou's forehead.
Matsumoto tapped her chin, deep in thought. "Who to choose, who to choose...I GOT IT! Rukia-chan!"
Toushirou's ears colored again. "What?"
Rangiku smiled happily and clasped her hands together in a day dreamy fashion. "Oh, it'd be perfect. I can just see it now, you two walking air park holding hands, catching her in a warm embrace as she falls, you professing you undying love for her on a beach during sunset while Free Willy leaps out from the ocean, splashing you two with a small mist of water..."
The tick mark grew. Toushirou's cheeks burned at all his fukutaichou's crazy rambling. "Matsumoto, are you delusional?"
Rangiku snapped out of her dreamscape and shook her head. "Taichou, I'm telling you I can see a WONDERFUL future for you and Rukia...and I can help you win her heart. You know you like the Kuchiki heir, I've seen you ogling her a-"
"MATSUMOTO!" Toushirou was positive his face's color just about rivaled a firetruck. Rangiku waved her hands in a surrendering matter.
"Okay, okay, taichou. If you wanna remain a cold, icy bachelor you whole life then be my guest." Toushirou sighed as he thought of his possible life as an eternal single.
"Matsumoto, do you seriously think you get Kuchiki to be my," Toushirou coughed. "girlfriend."
Rangiku nodded. Her grin was transforming itself to a deranged smile of doom. "Taichou, come on give it a chance!"
"But what if..."
"Lonely-"
"What if..."
"Single-"
"I just don't..."
"eHarmony member." That was the final straw. Toushirou sighed.
"Alright...Matsumoto...I accept your...offer." Forcing down his pride and pushing out the words, Toushirou sold his soul.
"Excellent!"
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A/N-Heh, how was that. I kinda got the idea of a lonely eHarmony (dot com) member from a classmate of mine. I made a lot of mean jokes about poor, lil' Shiro-chan. FORGIVE ME, TOUSHIROU! XD. Hah, Free Willy, that idea was from watching a bit of South Park...Free Willyzx. Was it good, bad, improvement from the previous? Tell me please! If you've made it this far, then stop reading and review!