If You Only Knew, a wrestling fanfic

If You Only Knew

A/N: At long last, the long awaited Shawn and Rey story. Though it is done as a separate story, it continues off of Tangled Up In You. Hope you Enjoy.

The song 'If You Only Knew' is from Shinedown's album The Sound of Madness . . .

Shawn lay on his back, staring up blankly at the ceiling. He had been trying to fall asleep for the past four hours. Yet, no matter how hard he tried or how tired he got he just couldn't sleep. Turning his head slightly, he looked at the empty spot next to him. His heart heavy, Shawn stretched out his arm to lightly run his hand over the empty space. Eyes misting over, he rolled onto his side, curling up into a ball.

"I miss you." Shawn whispered softly to the darkness. Closing his eyes, he imagined Rey laying in his arms like he usually did, his head on Shawn's chest as he lazily traced a finger across his bare stomach. He let out a shaky breath as his heart clenched in fear and sadness and the first tear rolled down his cheek.

Why was I so stupid? Shawn thought bitterly as he sat up. Shaking his head, he got up, unwilling to fight to get some sleep any more, and made his way to the living room. Sitting at the desk that occupied one corner of the room, he flicked on the television to interrupt the silence that filled his hotel room. Sighing, he let his head fall into his hands, the heels of his palms rubbing at his eyes. Sniffing, he wiped away the stains his tears had left on his cheeks.

I had to push it, didn't I? I had to be myself. Shawn shook his head again, grimacing. Why couldn't I have just left things alone? Let them be?

"I'm so sorry, Rey." Shawn muttered, wrapping his arms around himself, not quite sure what else to do. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at the clock on the wall; 3:30am. In eight hours I'm supposed to be walking down that aisle. He thought sadly, as he twisted his engagement ring around his finger.

Turning around, Shawn pulled a pad of paper toward him. Picking up a pen, he tapped it against the paper, trying to decide if he should write or not. He had tried to contact Rey so many times without a reply that he doubted if this time would be any different.

"What am I thinking?" Shawn muttered bitterly to himself. "I have to try one more time. Damn it, I need to try and talk to him one more time." He swore angrily under his breath as he looked at the other letters on his desk. Strengthening his resolve, Shawn took the cap off the pen and he began to write.

If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned

Shawn sat back in the chair, his thoughts racing through his mind. He knew what he wanted to say to Rey, but he had trouble trying to formulate it into coherent thought. There was just so much he wanted to say. So much he wanted to apologize for. More importantly, he wanted to apologize for not being serious enough. Shawn looked up blankly at the wall, the sound from the television a mere hum in the background.

Flashback

Rey paced the hotel room, giving Chris a headache.

"He'll be here." Chris sighed, rubbing his temples. "Mark will make sure of that."

Rey stopped pacing to look at Chris, who was currently sitting on the bed. "How can I be calm when Shawn's out there getting into who knows how much trouble?"

"Calm down, Rey. Remember, Mark's with him. He'll keep Shawn in line." Chris smiled reassuringly. "Besides, they're only going to pick up their tuxes. They'll be fine."

Rey sighed before taking up a spot next to Chris. "You're right. I know you're right. I'm just worried."

Chris nodded, patting Rey on the back. "It's understandable."

At that moment, Shawn burst into the room, a huge smile on his face. Undertaker walked in after him and closed the door. The expression on Taker's face had Chris frowning. Undertaker noticed the frown and merely shook his head and rolled his eyes at the unasked question.

"Oh, Rey. You wouldn't guess what I saw while getting the suits." Shawn said happily, bouncing over to where Rey sat on the bed.

"What?" Rey asked, rolling his eyes.

Shawn sat down next to Rey, his eyes bright with excitement. "I found the cutest wedding dress."

"Oh . . . Shawn." Rey sighed.

"What?" Shawn asked, his eyes showing his confusion.

Rey shook his head. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" Shawn looked between Rey, Chris and Taker in confusion. "What's wrong?" He asked, looking back at Rey.

"Why would you be looking at dresses?"

"I wasn't." Shawn answered. "I just happened to spot it."

"It's true, Rey." Undertaker said, nodding slightly. "It was actually really nice."

"Really?" Chris asked in surprise.

Taker nodded.

"Wow." Chris smiled. "Didn't think you would like a dress?"

"So, can I wear that instead of the tux?" Shawn asked, ignoring Chris and Taker, looking at Rey expectantly.

"No." Rey responded quickly.

Shawn blinked, taken aback. "No?"

"Why would you want to wear a dress?"

Shawn shrugged. "I thought it would be fun."

"Shawn." Rey sighed, putting his head in his hands.

Shawn continued to look confused. "What?"

"Why can't you take this seriously?!" Rey snapped, glaring at Shawn.

"Wha . . . what?" Shawn stuttered.

"You've always got to do something funny don't you." Rey said, shaking his head roughly. "You don't take anything seriously."

Undertaker looked at Chris, his eyes asking if they should try and sneak out, leaving the other two to figure out this little conflict in private. Chris stared at Taker, uncertain of what to do. He didn't want to be present during the fight, but didn't want to leave either. He wasn't sure how this was going to turn out.

"I do to take things seriously." Shawn retorted, his brow furrowed.

Rey rolled his eyes as he stood up. "Oh really."

"Yeah, really."

"Name one time when you took something seriously." Rey challenged, standing in front of Shawn, his hands on his hips.

"Well . . . there was that time when . . ."

"I'm waiting Shawn." Rey said as he watched Shawn's face.

Shawn looked up at Rey, searching for an answer. "So, I can't think of one right now. That doesn't mean I'm never serious."

Rey rolled his eyes. "If you can't even think of one time . . ." He trailed off.

Shawn stood up, looking down at the smaller man. "Why do I have to take everything seriously all of a sudden?" He asked, frustration showing in his face. "I thought you loved my childishness?"

"I do . . ."

"Then what's the matter?" Shawn demanded. "I'm lost."

"I just wanted you to take this seriously." Rey replied.

Shawn threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "Fine. I'll wear the tux. You could have just said, 'no Shawn. I'd appreciate it if you wore the tux. Please?'" Shawn snapped, turning away from Rey to look out the window. "But no, that would have been too simple, wouldn't it?"

"I would like you both to -"

"Butt out, Chris." Rey whispered. "This whole thing is just one bug mistake."

Shawn whipped around, staring at Rey as though the smaller man had struck him. "What?"

Rey looked up at Shawn, his eyes full of determination and tears. "This whole thing was a mistake. The wedding is off." He replied, turning on his heel and walking out the door.

Chris looked between Shawn and Undertaker for a second before running after Rey. Shawn stood still for what seemed like hours before he fell to his knees. "What did I do?" He muttered, his eyes glazed over.

Taker moved toward the smaller man, helping him to his feet so that he could sit on the bed. "Don't worry too much, Shawn." He whispered. "It's just pre-wedding jitters."

Shawn shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Really, I think that that is all it is." Undertaker said encouragingly. "Everything will be better in the morning. It's like every other time you two split."

Shawn shook his head again. "I think it's different this time." He muttered. "I think I lost him for real this time."

End Flashback

Shawn wiped away the fresh tears that fell down his cheeks. Blinking rapidly, he tried to clear his vision so that he could continue his letter . . .

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew

Stifling a yawn, Shawn stretched in the chair, leaning back to crack his back. Glancing at the clock, he couldn't believe only a half-hour had gone by. Yawning again, he reached over for his cell phone. Flipping it open, he felt his heart sink again when he saw he had no messages. He must have sent Rey fifty text-messages in the past week, and he hadn't gotten a single reply. Not to mention the ten or so hand written apologies he had sent and gotten back unopened.

"I don't even know why I'm trying any more." Shawn muttered, dragging a hand across his face. "He hasn't replied to any of my other letters. What makes me think this time is any different?"

But Shawn knew why he was doing it. He knew he had to give it one more shot. He didn't want to lose Rey this way. Hell, he didn't want to lose Rey at all. But if he was going to lose Rey to his 'childishness', then he'd at least make sure he read his last letter.

Nodding to himself, Shawn looked down at the letter in his hand. Smiling in satisfaction, he got up from his chair and walked into the bedroom to put some clothes on before he left to deliver the letter. Though Shawn wasn't ashamed of his body, since he had started to date Rey, he didn't want anyone else to look at his bare ass.

Well, what do you know. Shawn thought, smiling sadly. I can take something seriously. I took my relationship with Rey seriously.

Once he was dressed, Shawn went back to the letter and added a little more to the end of it. Happy with the way it looked, he folded up the letter and walked out of the hotel room, to a room three doors down. However, once he reached the door, he hesitated, his resolve diminishing. He wanted to talk to Rey desperately. Yet, at the same time, he was afraid of being rejected by him. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Shawn knocked softly on the door. To either his relief or disappointment, it wasn't Rey who answered the door.

"Oh, hey Shawn." Chris said, slightly surprised to see the smaller man there.

"Hey, Chris." Shawn replied, lowering his gaze. "Um . . . how are you?"

"I'm fine." Chris looked at Shawn, his head tilted. "Rey's here. If you want, I can see if he'll talk to you?"

Shawn shook his head. "No, it's . . . it's okay."

"Is something wrong?"

Shawn shook his head again. "No." He looked around, not sure what to do.

"Do you want to come in?"

"No." Shawn whispered. "I'm sorry to bother you."

"Wait." Chris said, moving into the hallway, closing the door behind him. "Shawn, what's wrong?"

"I just . . ." Shawn waved the letter slightly. "I just wanted to give this to Rey. But I don't even know if he'll read this one. He hasn't read any of the others."

"I could give it to him personally?" Chris suggested.

"Would you?" Shawn asked, hope shining in his eyes.

"Of course." Chris smiled.

"If he . . . if he doesn't want to read it . . . would you read it to him?" Shawn asked. "Make him listen to it?"

Chris nodded. "Of course."

Shawn smiled a little. "He just needs to hear this one. Then I'll leave him be."

Chris nodded again, smiling sympathetically. "I understand, Shawn." He placed a hand on Shawn's shoulder. "I'm sure he'll change his mind about the wedding."

Shawn smirked. "Maybe."

"It'll all be okay." Chris smiled.

"Sure." Shawn shrugged. "Um . . . could I ask you a favour, Chris?"

"Anything."

"Can I steal Mark away from you for a little bit? I don't really want to be alone right now."

"Of course." Chris replied, opening the door to his hotel room. "Mark? Can you come here for a sec.?"

"What's up?" Taker asked as he walked toward the door.

"Shawn wants to spend some time with you." Chris explained, nodding toward Shawn. "Could you please keep him company tonight?"

"Now why would I do that?" Undertaker raised a brow.

Chris walked toward the bigger man and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Because I asked you too." He said sweetly.

"Doesn't seem like a good enough reason." Taker replied jokingly.

"And if you don't, you'll still be sleeping on the couch after this is all finished." Chris said threateningly as a smile came to his lips.

"Okay, okay." Taker chuckled, holding his hands up in mock defeat as he looked at Shawn. "Let's leave the girls alone and go have a party of our own."

Chris punched Undertaker playfully in the arm before shooing both men from the room. After closing and locking the door behind them, Chris took Shawn's letter into the room he had originally shared with Taker. However, with the strange turn of events between Shawn and Rey, the room had been given to Rey with Chris bunking with him to make sure the smaller man wasn't alone. Forcing the Deadman to sleep on the couch. Chris knocked on the door softly before letting himself in. Rey lay on the bed, his eyes closed.

"Rey?" Chris called softly.

"Yeah?" Rey opened his eyes and looked up at Chris.

"I've got a letter for you."

"Who's it from?"

"Shawn." Chris replied simply as he sat on the edge of the bed next to Rey.

"Oh." Rey rolled over onto his side, his back to Chris.

Chris shook his head, annoyance appearing on his face. "You're being stubborn, Rey."

"I am not." Rey retorted, sitting up abruptly.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Shawn has sent you tons of letters and texts and you haven't responded to any of them. Hell, you haven't read any of them."

"Your point being?"

Chris smacked Rey upside the head. "This time you're going to read the letter or I'll tie you done and make you listen to it as I read it."

"Why should I?" Rey asked. "It's probably full of Shawn's typical childish antics."

"So what?" Chris demanded. "Does any of that really matter in the scheme of things?"

"What?"

"You loved Shawn all these years, and now, when you are finally going to marry him, you go all weird." Chris snapped as he glared at Rey. "You're about to let everything you two have go for an incredibly stupid reason."

"What would you know?" Rey retorted.

"I know that I would never give up Mark." Chris answered. "I love him too much to lose him. I thought you loved Shawn that much to." He continued, getting up. "Guess I was wrong."

With that, Chris walked toward the door, only silence following him. Once he reached the door, however, Rey finally spoke up. "What does the letter say?"

If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that went wrong
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're gone
I don't regret any days I
Spent, nights we shared,
Or letters that I sent

Rey sat against the wall, his knees drawn up to his chest as he held his head in his hands. "What have I done?" He whispered.

"It's not too late." Chris replied, putting an arm around his friend.

Rey shook his head. "Of course it's too late. He must hate me."

Chris smiled as he glanced at the letter again. "I don't think he hates you."

Rey looked up at Chris, tears in his eyes as he looked at the bottom of the letter and the last three sentences it held.

Shawn paced back and forth, fidgeting with his tie. Undertaker sat in the corner, watching Shawn's movement, not sure how to calm the smaller man down. Unable to stand it any more, Taker decided it was time to speak up before the Heart-Break Kid wore a hole in the floorboards.

"You've done all you can. You just have to wait."

"I know, I know." Shawn sighed. "It's just so hard."

"Well, either calm down or I'll have to tie you to a chair." Taker replied, unable to hide the annoyance he felt.

Shawn stopped pacing and turned his gaze to Undertaker. "I'm sorry, Mark. It's just that I don't know if he's gonna come."

Taker shook his head in sympathy. "You know there had to be a reason why he didn't cancel everything." He said, raising his hands to encompass the room they were in.

Shawn nodded, sitting in a chair opposite of the Deadman. "I know. But it could be, he thought that I would cancel everything . . . tell everyone the wedding was off."

Undertaker smirked. "If he really believed you didn't take everything seriously, I may have had to agree with you."

Shawn looked up at Taker, his brow furrowed slightly at what he was saying.

"Rey has to know that you take your relationship seriously." Taker explained. "He must know that at some point you would get through to him, talk to him." He paused.

Shawn shrugged. "I had to at least try to talk to him one more time. We still have to work together."

"Exactly." Undertaker nodded. "You would do whatever you could think of to get your message to him. That tells me that you take this very seriously and if Rey doesn't see it, then you deserve so much better then him."

Shawn glared at Taker as his words sunk in. "How could you say that?"

"Simple." Undertaker shrugged. "Because if he doesn't realize how much you love him, he's a nutcase. And you deserve better then a nutcase. Hell, we don't need two nutcase's marrying each other. We'd be screwed."

Shawn chuckled. "Thanks, Mark. I think."

Taker nodded, smiling. "But time you smiled. I was starting to get depressed."

If you only knew

Shawn sighed. "Well, we can't have you feeling depressed now can we?"

Taker shook his head. "Hell no. I wanna drink later and enjoy it, not try and drown out my depression."

Shawn burst out laughing. "I think Chris would be a better remedy for the blues then beer."

Undertaker thought about it for a second. "True. Things have definitely gotten more interesting since I married him."

Shawn leaned in a little closer to Taker. "Any details you'd like to share?"

"I don't think so." Undertaker shook his head. "You'll have to save that dirty mind of yours for Rey."

"I'm not the only one with a dirty mind. Rey has one too."

"Oh really?" Taker asked, a little surprised.

"Oh yeah." Shawn nodded, leaning back to think about it. "Some of those positions he contorts into . . ." He shook his head. "It's unbelievable."

"Okay, okay. I don't need to know any of that." Undertaker said, raising his hands up to wave off any further conversation on the topic of Shawn and Rey's sex life.

"But of course you need to know that. How else are you going to learn how to satisfy Chris?"

Before Undertaker could respond there was a knock on the door. A few seconds later the door was opened to reveal Hunter on the other side. The Game seemed a little nervous when seeing Shawn and Undertaker staring at him expectantly.

"Something wrong?" Taker asked.

Hunter shook his head. "No, nothing's wrong. I just came to tell you whenever you're ready."

"Whenever he's ready?" Shawn asked, confused.

"No, whenever you're ready, Shawn. The church is full." Hunter explained.

"Oh." Shawn said, his heart hammering in both fear and excitement. "I'll be out shortly then."

Hunter nodded before leaving to inform the priest. Shawn let his head fall before running his hands through his hair in a very Edge like manner.

Undertaker got up and moved to the Heart-Break kid's side. Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, he whispered. "You ready for this?"

Shawn didn't move for a moment, making Taker wonder if he had changed his mind. Then Shawn looked up at him with determination in his eyes. "Even if I get stood up, I'm going out showing that I fought for what we had and that I was serious about what I said."

Taker nodded in agreement. "Good for you." He smiled.

Shawn smiled back before getting up and headed out to where the entire roster of the WWE and a few members of TNA had congregated in the hall. As soon as Shawn entered the hall, the noise died down to a low buzz as those in attendance grew excited. Undertaker stepped out to take his place beside Shawn as the best man.

After a few minutes, Shawn started to get worried when he didn't hear any music signaling Rey would be walking down the aisle. He continued to glance over at Undertaker, trying to gain some reassurance from him. Taker merely shrugged, unsure of what to tell Shawn. He just hoped that Chris would be able to convince Rey that he still loved Shawn and wanted to marry him.

As Shawn was about to walk away from the front of the church, the music started . . .

I still hold onto the letters
You returnedYou help me live and learn

Shawn paused, turning to look back down the aisle, his eyes hopeful. That hope faded slightly when he saw Chris walking down the aisle. Once he reached where Shawn and Undertaker were standing, he smiled, nodded and went to take his position on the opposite side of the stage. As the three men turned to look down the aisle again, the music's tone changed and the entire congregation stood and looked in the same direction.

Shawn smiled broadly as Rey appeared, with flowers in his hands, and started the long walk toward his lover. Once Rey reached the stage, he handed off his bouquet to Chris and walked the final steps to where Shawn stood, taking his hands in his own.

"I didn't think you'd show up." Shawn whispered.

"For a while, I didn't think I would either." Rey admitted.

"Then why did you?" Shawn asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

Rey moved closer to Shawn, capturing his lips with his own. When he broke away, his eyes were shining with tears. "Because I love you. I just needed to be reminded of how much and how much I nearly gave up by being stupid."

Shawn smiled. "I love you too. And I'm sorry for not taking this all seriously earlier."

Rey shook his head. "Don't be. I was just scared and got a bad case of cold feet. I was angry at myself for that and took it out on you." He looked over at Chris. "Then I was reminded that it was because of that childishness that I fell in love with you in the first place."

Shawn leaned forward, brushing Rey's lips softly. "Still . . ."

"And then when Chris read the last letter you sent, I knew I made a mistake. Especially when he read the last bit of it." Rey stared at Shawn, his eyes misting over again.

"What I wrote is true. Though I didn't realize it till I finished the first part of it." Shawn replied. "I take our relationship seriously and I do love you."

"And telling me that you'd be waiting for me here, whether I showed up or not just sealed it." Rey said. "I was stupid to think you didn't take this seriously. You probably are taking it more seriously then I am."

"Are we having a wedding here or not?" The priest asked, stepping toward them. Shawn looked at Rey, waiting for an answer.

"We are." Rey smiled, taking Shawn's hand and together they stepped toward the priest, allowing him to conduct the ceremony.

Once the I do's were said, Shawn put his arms around Rey's waist and dipped his head to capture his lips, kissing him passionately. The crowd roared in applause, a few wiping away tears. Shawn and Rey started their walk down the aisle together, Chris and Undertaker following, all of them with their arms wrapped around their lovers.

"I love you, Rey." Shawn whispered when they were alone, wrapping his arms around Rey, holding the smaller man close to him.

"I love you too, Shawn."

"I'm never gonna let you go."

"I don't want you too. And I'm never gonna let you go."

"Even if I'm childish sometimes?"

"I expect you to be childish sometimes."

"But I'll try to be serious too."

"As long as you are serious when you say that you love me that is all I need." Rey smiled, looking up at Shawn.

"I'll always be serious when I say that." Shawn replied. "I love you."

"I love you too." Rey said as he kissed Shawn softly.

Shawn broke the kiss to lay his head on top of Rey's. Closing his eyes, he remembered when he'd been laying in bed, imagining this feeling. That was no where close to the real thing. He thought to himself.

"I was wondering . . ." Rey said after awhile.

"What about?" Shawn asked, not moving from where he was, nor loosening his hold.

"Why didn't you wear the dress?"

A/N: They finally got their wedding. It's a happy, faerie tale, ending for everyone.