.Fairy Tale.

"Alright, Toki," Murderface began. "I never told a bedtime shtory before, and you know what? I'd really rather kill myshelf than hafta do thish. But I guesh I can do it jusht one time, alright? And don't bitsch at me for schucking at it either!"

"Okay, Moiderface. I likes any stories. I'se listenings," Toki agreed easily and laid his head on his pillow, happy for any bedtime story at all.

"Onsche upon a time, there were theshe three little douschebag bearsh who were all crack headsh.

The firsht little crack head bear built hish little crack houshe out of shtrawsh. But not the hay kind of shtraw. The bendy kind that Picklesh likesh to put in hish lady drinksh. Then one day, a Polischeman knocked at the door. He shaid 'We have a warrant! Open up, or I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll knock the door down with my portable battering ram!'

The little bear schouted, 'Fuck you, pig!'

Sho the Polischeman huffed, and puffed, and knocked down the door of the shtraw houshe with hish portable battering ram.

"Oh noes!" Toki gasped. "Dat's terribles!"

"The shecond little crack head bear built hish little crack houshe out of cardboard refrigerator boxshesh which he shtole from bumsh. It wash more shtructurally shound than hish brother'sh shtraw houshe. The bearsh are all brothersh, by the way."

"Oh, okay, dat's good," Toki interjected. "I likes de family stories."

"The Polischeman knocked at the door and shaid, 'We have a warrant! Open up, or I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll knock the door down with my portable battering ram!'

The shecond little bear schouted, 'Shcrew you, pig!'

Sho the Polischeman huffed, and puffed, and knocked down the door of the cardboard crack manschion with hish portable battering ram.

The third little crack head bear built hish little crack houshe from the bricksh and schement he'd shtolen from a cunshtruction schite. And alsho one of thoshe tubesh."

"Oh ja! Ones of dose big metals ones?"

"Nah. One of thoshe giant concrete tubesh. Then the Polischeman knocked at the door and shaid, 'We have a warrant! Open up, of I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll knock your door down with my portable battering ram!'

The third little bear schouted, 'Shcrew you, pig!'

So the Polischeman huffed, and puffed, and knocked down the door of the brick and schement and tube houshe."

"But den what's is happens to all de bears?!"

"The End," Murderface shrugged. "They were all carted off to jail for dealing cocaine. The pig alwaysh winsh."