What is This?

            Okay. So I kissed him. Big deal. It doesn't mean anything. It's never meant anything with anyone else. I say some sweet talk, they flutter their eyes, we smooch, they leave and that's the end of it. But…why is the shocked look in those dark eyes lingering in my mind? Why am I remembering the slow reciprocation of his kiss? Why…why am I clinging to shreds of excuses, wanting to brush him off like I do to all the others?

            Why did I even kiss him? Why'd I even go in his room that night? I mean, come on! I'm *Yohji*! I *hate* men! Love women! Except…for him. I haven't got the faintest clue as to what I feel for Ken.

            Ken…what *do* I feel for him? I like him…I know that much…when I first met him, I felt a sort of affection for him kind of like a brother. But I shouldn't be kissing someone I have 'brotherly affection' for! I shouldn't even be in his room! But…why did I go in there last night?

            The only thought on that specific subject is that I was too tired to be thinking clearly. I must have been tired and wandered into Ken's room when I wanted to go to mine. And then, still being half-asleep I kissed him. Yeah, that's it.

            Maybe if I say it often enough, I'll believe it.

            I sighed and dropped my head to my hands, rubbing my temples gently. I must've done something terrible in a past life to deserve this. First *she* dies, then I'm a Goddamned florist by day and a freaking *assassin* by night and on top of it all, I'm kissing people whose bedroom's I have no business being in. Next I'll probably develop lung cancer or something.

            I sighed again and ran my hand through my hair, still trying to figure things out. "Yohji?"

            "What the hell do you want?" I snapped, spinning around in my seat to see a surprised looking Omi standing behind me.

            "Ne…never mind," he muttered, gathering his armload of books to him again and preparing to leave the kitchen, assuming an injured air.

            "Oh…you scared me for a sec," I offered lamely. "Sorry squirt."

            Omi looked at me rather curiously but only said mildly, "My name isn't squirt."

            "All right then, sorry *Omi*." I rolled my eyes at his name and added, "What is it?"

            "Nothing, just that I think Ken wants you." My heart leapt into my throat and I immediately lit up a cigarette, trying to distract Omi from noticing my nervous state. God, that kid'll miss seeing anything. Or maybe I'm a better actor than I thought. I like to think that. Kudou Yohji…the best damn actor in the world! Yeah…I like that.

            "He seemed real nervous, he kept muttering your name," Omi continued, jerking me out of my strange fantasies of acting. "Maybe you'd better go talk to him." He threw me another curious look before tramping up the stairs with his huge pile of books. Probably going on the 'Internet' or something…creepy.

            I sighed and stood up, crushing my cigarette between my forefingers and burning myself in the process. I cursed, threw the crushed cigarette into the garbage and slowly shuffled out of the kitchen, my heart pounding in a ridiculous fashion against my chest.

            "Ken?"

            "AAA!" The stupid idiot actually reached out and tried to hit me a few times before he actually *opened* those eyes of his and saw who it was. "YOHJI!" Strange, he didn't see happy to see me. Ouch. *That* was a blow to the old ego.

            "Didja miss me?" I asked, still clasping his wrists. His eyes flickered to my hands and up to my face before answering.

            "No."

            "Asshole," I said, letting go of his wrists.

            "Bastard," Ken responded automatically, staring at his hands briefly before shoving them in his pockets. He looked like a schoolboy trying to get out of trouble with his hands like that…aww, how cute.

            For once, that wasn't sarcasm.

            "Omi said you were looking for me?"

            "Omi lied."

            I sighed and reached over, grasping his hands firmly in my own and drawing him closer, pretending not to notice the sudden intake of breath. "Is this about last night?"

            "No, about the OTHER time you snuck into my room and kissed me!" He was angry. Ken got clumsy when he was angry. I made a mental note to calm him down before letting him near staircases, sharp objects and hot items.

            "Ken…I…" For once I was at a lost for words. I could always just blurt something out…no; I wanted to say something that MEANT something. But how could I…when I didn't even know what I felt?

            "What is it, Yohji?"

            "Did…" I *had* to say something. "Did you care that I kissed you?"

            His eyebrow arched suddenly and he remarked simply, "No. Not really. Why?"

            "Because…" I paused as the information processed in my slow brain. Whatever God there is, did you hear that? Ken didn't mind! Maybe he even liked it! Only one way to find out…I smiled slowly as I drew him closer until he was pressed tight against me. I smirked as his heartbeat picked up and breathing became harried. "I was thinking…maybe we could do it again sometime?"

            Ken nodded weakly, whispering, "Sure. I'd…I think I'd like that."

            In my mind, that was a yes. So I gently pressed my lips against his, unsure of whether or not I should be liking this. He responded instantaneously, lifting his arms and placing them hesitantly around my neck.

            It felt good.

            I should *definitely* be liking something that felt this good.

            Abruptly, I lifted my lips from his and he laughed weakly, clinging to me. "What is this Yohji?"

            "I don't know." He paused and shifted his gaze to the ground.

            I smiled.

            "But I'd sure like to find out."

::End::