Chapter Four

"How are women and tornadoes alike?" House asked to a group of men and women sitting around a table. Which included Wilson, Cameron and several donors and their spouses.

Cameron who was sitting to Wilson's right rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink.

"They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave."

This caused a few snickers from the men and couple eye rolls from the women.

Wilson groaned laid his head in hand. He should have known better than to buy that dirty joke book for House last week. There was going to be no stopping him now.

"Here's one Wilson will appreciate," House said looking at Wilson and smirking.

Wilson knew House was about to say something embarrassing. He suddenly wished wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

"There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got."

Wilson groaned inwardly and buried his face in his hands. Cameron looked at him sympathy. She seemed to very happy that the she hadn't gotten involved with House after all.

One man that actually dared to laugh at House's ill advised joke earned a hateful glare from his wife that happened to be sitting right next to him.

House smirked to himself as glanced around the table. He seemed to make it his goal in life to make as man people uncomfortable as possible.

The wife got up from the table and glared daggers of hate at House before stalking towards the bar. The husband looked acutely uncomfortable and got to follow his wife.

Cameron excused herself from the table. "I'm going to find Chase."

Wilson got up from his chair to sit next to House. "Did you have to do that?" asked Wilson.

"Oh come that funny and you know it." He said place his hand on Wilson's knee and then ran his along his in thigh gently rubbing.

Wilson felt an uncomfortable tightening in pants. He reached down and pulled House hand away. "Cut it out we can't do anything right know." He said trying to think of something unsexy. 'Dying cancer patients' 'Abandoned kittens' 'Walking in on his parents having sex when he was twelve'. Yep that did it.

"Come on I need another drink." He said motioning for Wilson to follow him to the bar.

Chase and Cameron were standing at the bar and appeared to be having an intense conversation. House walked between them and said, "So you two defile anymore closets lately."

"Not lately, how about you and Wilson?" she quipped. "I heard Cuddy go you two on camera."

"Touché." He leaned around to look at Wilson "She what she did there?"

Wilson rolled his eyes and prayed for the night to end soon, before House thought of another way to embarrass him. Wilson didn't have to worry about that at the moment as he watched glance around the room until he spotted his target.

A woman of about forty standing at the other end of the bar; she was wearing and strapless off white gown and holding a glass of brandy. He watched as House walked over to her. They exchanged a few word, the woman's face turned red, hurled a few obscenities that Wilson couldn't quite understand and stomped out of the room.

House limped back toward Wilson and sat down at the bar next to him.

"What did you say to her?"

"Oh nothing much I just told her that her 'Husband looking like he was having a really good time with that student nurse in the closet.'"

"Please tell me that you didn't say that."

"Come on you know how much I love scandalizing people. And it's pretty obvious that he cheating her or has in the past."

"How to figure that?"

"If she trusted him she wouldn't have gotten so upset. She also wouldn't have called him a jackass and threatened to cut off his family jewels."

"Okay. I guess you have point. But do have any idea who that w?as."

House shrugged he shoulders and sipped his drink with feigned disinterest.

"That was Dr. Amelia Blackwell; she's the head of thoracic surgery at Princeton General. Her husbands on the board. He one of the biggest donars."

House shrugged his shoulders. "Opps."

"Well I'm going to the bathroom. I don't want to be around when Cuddy finds out what you did." He said walking away.

"Don't use the one on this floor." House called after him. Wilson waved and walked out of the room.

House glanced around the room until he found Cuddy. She was standing at the food bar fixing herself a plate. He walked over to her and stood in the way. "Who throws these cheesy parties anyway?" he said appearing causal as if he didn't know that Cuddy was the one hosting the benefit.

She rolled her eyes and stepped around House. "Are you behaving?"

"Of course. Wilson threatened to spank me if I didn't."

"Right." She said. "So you weren't the one who put the Vaseline on the toilet seats in the women's room?"

"No that was Chase."

"Sure."

"No it's true I saw him he's devious."

"Whatever, just stay away from the donors for the rest of the night." She said as stepped in her way again. "Don't you have some else you could be bothering?"

House watched as Cuddy reached a hand toward the spoon in the mashed potatoes. "Actually I do." He walking away and pulling out his cell phone.

"You and Wilson stay out the closet," she called after him.

House decided not to comment of the obvious joke she had just made and instead typed out a message.

Wilson was drying his hands when his phone rang. He pulled it out. 'One new message.' 'House'

Meet me in exam room 3. Five minutes.

TBC.

Note: The jokes House tells came from