Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and it's characters. I just make them darker.

Thanks to Reagan O'Connor for the haps!

Snick…swish….Snick….swish….

The sound of the wiper blades across the windshield was soothing, almost hypnotic. Too bad I was back in my least favorite place in the world, otherwise I'd enjoy it.

Jesus, does it ever not rain here? If its not raining, it's drizzling. Or foggy. Or damp.

I hate dampness. Cold. Wet. Dampness.

Reminds me of …death. And God knows, I've seen enough of that to last me a lifetime, no pun intended. Not like I have to worry about that.

I leaned back against the soft black leather of the limo. I'd normally drive Baby, my Mercedes, but I had loaned it out 18 months ago, and it was, once again, back at the detailers. There was this, this awful stench that just wouldn't go away; no matter how many times the guys at the detailers swore they couldn't smell it, I still could. And until I couldn't smell it, back to the shop Baby would go. Glancing out the window at the misty, wet, green landscape as we got closer to my destination, my mind went back to a conversation I'd had nearly a year ago:

"My God Edward, what did she have in here? A wet dog? "

"I'm really sorry Sofia, we tried to get the smell out, I tried to dissuade her, but..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you couldn't say "no". You know, you give in to her whims and desires too easily."

"But Sofia, I didn't expect her to do this. Normally she'd never even get in the car, much less drive it, so I had no idea this would've happened."

"Stop being such a pansy ass Edward! It's not becoming to you. I loaned Baby to you as a favor and this is how she repays me? I thought she had more sense than that."

Really, how difficult is it to not allow wet dogs in a finely crafted auto? Apparently for some people, it's asking too much. My brow furrowed at the memory of that conversation. I felt so, so annoyed with him; it was like I was talking to a toddler, not an adult.

We drove through downtown Forks. What a sad little town, nothing like the places the Cullens had lived before; I had joked once to Carlisle and Esme that Forks was like the last stop before Hell – forlorn and down at its heels, with an overall feeling of having given up. But the deal we got on the house then was well worth it – miles out of town, no neighbors snooping around sticking their noses into our business, bringing over cakes and pies 'as a welcome to the neighborhood', all the while looking into the house over Esme's shoulder to 'see what they've done to the place', and then gossiping about the décor and 'gee, those folks sure are pale'. Good thing too – I'd probably have to do a little, ah, sanitizing around the area. Send out a message that didn't require a 'No Trespassing' sign at the end of the drive.

God, my bones ached in this dampness. It just seeped through me. Which is ironic, when you think of it. I snuck a peek at the driver, who had been sneaking rather bold looks at me through the rear view mirror. Hell, he was doing more than peeking at me, he was pretty much raping me with his eyes.

Man, what a rack on that bitch. That blouse don't leave nuthin' hidden. And that ass. Really nice and round for someone her age. Never did a cougar before. I'd love to get her bent over the hood, make her bark, make her beg for it. Yeah, I'd show that bitch what a good hard fu..

"Excuse me, did you say something?"

Uh, wha?

"Driver, did you say something? I thought I heard you say something about a dog."

"Uh, no ma'am, no, I didn't say, uh, um…"

"Huh, I could have sworn I heard you mention something about a dog barking."

"No ma'am, didn't say a thing." Jesus that's creepy. It's like she read my mind. I gotta cut back on the weed, getting' paranoid.

"What's your name driver? Do you have a card? I need a driver to take me back to Seattle in a few weeks, and I like the way you…drive". I slipped my shades down a bit and gave him a shot of cornflower blue eyes, parted my lips and slowly ran my tongue over my bottom lip. That'd get him going.

Whoa, check that out. Tongue! Oooh baby, limo hood, here we come! Cougar city!

"Here you go" he said as he passed his card over his right shoulder. "Just call a day before you need me, and the office will arrange a time for me to come pick you up". His heart rate accelerated.

I looked at his card. Newton. Mike Newton.

"Thank you…Mike, I'll do that. Do you live in Seattle Mike?" Another quick glance at him in the rearview, then away. His heart was really pounding now. And his thoughts were giving me a headache, they were coming so furiously and, the acts he was thinking? Disgusting. Didn't this guy ever shut up?

"Ballard. I live in Ballard. I rent a house there, the old Presley house, over by the Ballard locks. You ever heard of it?"

"Ah, yes, the Presley house. I know that area. I have some real estate investments there". Including your house. How convenient for me. Too bad you won't make it down to Forks again, since once I'm finished with you, you won't have a job anymore. Or a life. To think such horrid thoughts about women. My God, some people have no sense of decency. At least my man does. He's a decent, respectful man. A good man. Searched a long time for him…

We turned into the winding driveway. I sighed, and started to gather my coat and briefcase, the messenger/knitting and Birkin bags. Driver boy was blatantly staring at me now, further irritating me. Yeah, he'd be sorry for starting his little porn show in his empty little head. As we stopped, he turned around and gave me the most disgusting, leering smile. Ah man, this is gonna be sweet! Check out this house man! Next time I come out here, I'll case the place, bet there's ton of shit I can take, maybe I'll get a little action going with sweet tits in the house before the ride back. Yeah, a little tongue action on old Major for an appetizer…

That did it. The shades came off completely. And instead of cornflower blue, he got cold, hard Amber. Jesus what was that? Her eyes went from blue to fucking yellow! WTF?

"Can you please get my luggage out of the trunk please? Take it up to the porch, that would be fine Mike". Gave him the blue eyes again just to put him off kilter some more. And for my amusement, I have to admit.

As I exited the limo, I looked up at the porch and smiled at Esme and Edward as they came out to greet me, a tentative smile on Esme's face, and a more inviting one on Edward's. The tension was palpable, which I expected. But I ignored it, and tipped Mike and turned on my heel to greet my familiy.

This could prove to be a most interesting few weeks. Carlisle didn't call me The Fixer for nothing. And we had a very large problem that needed repair.

A/N: This is my first foray into FF, so any suggestions/love notes/sock patterns would be appreciated. Sofia isn't the ball-buster she might appear to be. Girl has to look out for her best interests.