Through The Gate

Lt. Commander Richie

Disclaimer: Hoshino Katsura owns DGM. The utterly godlike MGM owns Stargate and thusly my Goa'uld muse, Seshat. Figures this would happen eventually. Just didn't figure it would happen like this. I used to write so many crossovers- whatever happened to that?

"Hey Lenalee, planning on joining the world of the normally-functioning and socializing human beings anytime soon, or am I gonna have to pull rank?" The redheaded annoyance that poked his head around the open door to the lab was far too cheerful for the early hour that the digital clock on the nearby shelf proclaimed it was. But of course, there was always coffee brewing in the underground base in which they were situated. There had to be, or else half the staff would go into withdrawals and the other half would simply keel over where they worked. By that train of reasoning, the redhead was functioning on a circulatory system that was run through solely with coffee. No blood, just coffee.

Her black hair pulled back with two small pink rabbit hairclips, Lenalee Lee- Major in the USAF and a graduate from three different prestigious colleges including MIT with degrees in multiple studies including Theoretical Astrophysics- was a sight to behold. It might have been the dark circles under her eyes, or the grim and tight line her lips were forced into. It might have been the part where she had been up since before the mission briefing the day before, which had been at noon. It was bordering on the ungodly hour of seven in the morning.

"Sir, would you rather I leave the refining of the Naquadah Generator design to someone else, maybe someone a little less qualified, so that when they kick the whole thing into gear the whole mountain goes sky high?" That last part came out as a hiss. The redhead seemed to shrink a little. Lenalee was really, really scary when she was operating on three hours of sleep and a cup of cold coffee.

"I brought a peace offering of coffee?" Like that she was smiling warmly, the dark circles seemingly gone and the horrendous sleep-deprived vision of a seething Chinese scientist all but vanished. Everything was about the coffee in this base. Coffee coffee coffee. Nobody could survive without it.

"Thank you Sir, I need it." Cautiously, the redhead made his way into the room and sat the blue and pink rabbit-print coffee cup on the desk the woman was working at. You couldn't see his right eye for the black eyepatch that covered it, but the left one was a vivid and smiling green.

"How many times have I told you to just call me Lavi?" He asked, taking a gulp of his own coffee once he finished. Lenalee shook her head and took a sip of coffee. She almost spat it back into the cup at the fact that it was blacker than space.

"About as many times as I've told you that that would be a major breach of protocol, Colonel." Instead, the Chinese woman smiled into the rim of her coffee cup and swallowed the vile-tasting substance. "World's Greatest Grandpa?" She asked jokingly, and the Colonel's visible red eyebrow shot up before he realized that she was reading his coffee cup.

"It's, uh- it's General Bookman's." He muttered, taking another sip of his drink. "I swiped it 'cause I figure he'll never really use it anyway. Man never drinks coffee out of a coffee cup. Every single one I get him goes into the base kitchen for free use."

"Maybe you should just get a pallet of coffee mugs and stop getting them for him for his birthday." Finally unable to stomach the taste any longer, Lenalee put the cup down in a space on her desk devoid of papers and other such things that would be harmed if they came in contact with the wet bottom of a coffee mug.

"And here I thought you were supposed to be one of the smartest people on the planet next to that Bak Chan guy." At the black-haired scientist's puzzled glare, Lavi began to explain. "You don't just go get a pallet of blank coffee mugs from some wholesaler for an old guy's birthday, you gotta go get him something that shows him you care. That's why I get Gramps something nice every year- I kinda care."

"That's really sweet, Colonel Bookman." The redhead suddenly shot the woman a glare over the top of his coffee mug. She cocked her head to the side in the universal constant for what did I do now? and fiddled with the pen she had been writing with.

"Don't think I haven't realized that you changed the subject, Lena. You can only get me to prattle on until I leave without remembering why I came in in the first place so many times before I wise up." Lenalee smiled apologetically as the Colonel took a slurp of coffee. "You coming with, or am I gonna have to pull rank?"

"Going where, Sir?" The black-haired scientist asked, raising an eyebrow at the face her Commanding Officer made at the coffee as he took another slurp. "We're not due for our mission for another hour or so."

"You do know what day it is, right?" Lavi asked, finally setting the coffee cup down and then picking Lenalee's up. The Chinese Major looked inside the white coffee cup to see that it contained a mix with cream and sugar- he had mixed the two up and drunk half of hers before he realized. The man had no taste buds left if he had managed to do that.

"It's not anyone's birthday, is it?" She asked, taking the coffee cup and downing what was left in it. No sense in letting a good drink go by. Her redheaded CO did the same to the coffee in the cup he had commandeered. "Everyone on base is so hard to shop for. Allen's not happy unless it's something he can work to figure out, Kanda's not happy unless it's sharp and pointy, Miranda's just not happy in general-"

"You've really been in here since you came in Friday, haven't you?" Lavi asked, suddenly businesslike. "You only left for food and coffee runs, and for the mission briefing. Major, if you don't stop pushing yourself so hard you'll be in the infirmary more often than Allen."

"I'm sorry Sir, but redesigning the flux capacitor housing of the Naquadah generators so that they no longer compound-" The redheaded Colonel held up a hand.

"Enough of the technobabble, Lena. You know I can't stand it at eight in the morning." Lenalee blinked, then looked at the cheerful little digital clock on the shelf nearby.

"But Sir, it's seven in the morning." Lavi burst out laughing, and grabbed the clock from the shelf and replaced it with the now-drained coffee cup. With a simple motion he flicked a switch, and the clock jumped ahead an hour.

"Not as of oh-one-hundred this morning, it isn't. Daylight Savings Time." Lenalee's eyes got rather wide, and she began furiously scribbling on the papers in front of her. She crossed out dates and times as fast as she could and re-wrote them, fast enough that the original times turned to smears and the new ones were nearly illegible. Lavi watched with a wide visible eye.

"So we have an-" The Major started, her concentration not even so much as wavering as she corrected all her papers she had worked on since midnight.

"Away mission in thirty or so odd minutes? Yep. When you weren't the first one to the equipment room Kanda sent me after you. Allen would'a spearheaded the mission to rescue you from the bowels of the science department himself, but then he and Kanda started fighting and I volunteered."

"Chivalrous of you, Sir." Lenalee muttered, eying the blue and pink coffee mug he had commandeered as she stood up and arranged her papers into a pile. Lavi grinned and scratched the back of his head, gesturing to the open lab door behind him.

"I know, right? C'mon, they'll replace us with Major Barry and Lieutenant Colonel Marie if we don't show up soon." The redhead led the way out the door with his hands behind his head, fingers laced together. Lenalee sighed and followed, re-doing one of the clips in her hair as she walked down the hall.

"You're wearing that backwards." The man with the long black ponytail and the bowl-cut bangs that covered the gold disk on his forehead had his arms crossed in a menacing manner as he spoke. In front of him was a smaller man, skinny and definitely not used to wearing massive amounts of gear since he was a civilian. He was the epitome of a scientist, with big eyes and kind of long white hair despite his youth with skinny arms and legs that weren't that great for fighting but really good for running in the opposite direction of whatever was shooting.

"How can it be backwards? It only buckles one way!" To be quite fair, there was a reason that the rather Asian-but-not man had his arms crossed and was wearing a scowl. That reason was the scientist in front of him, one Allen Walker, PhD in archeology and anthropology and fluent in a good twenty-six languages, twenty-nine if you counted the extraterrestrial ones.

"It buckles in the back, you moron. Even a blind child could see that." Grumbling, Allen unbuckled the extra harness and then pulled it off before re-buckling it behind his back. "See? Not that hard, even for you."

"There a reason why I have to wear all this extra stuff? I've probably got thirty extra pounds of weapons on me- the heck am I gonna use three, three! Zats for?!" With an angry gesture at the three extra laser weapons, the white-haired scientist sat himself down on a plastic chair.

"So you don't die." The black-haired man ground out over his crossed arms, the massive black tattoo arching in sudden gashes across his left shoulder twitching in something akin to anticipation. Probably for the fight that was liable to ensue in a moment. "Again."

"One time. One time I die and come back and all of a sudden it's like I'm breakable or something." Allen accentuated every few words with a one-fingered poke in his adversary's direction. "Besides, you never let anything get within thirty feet of Lenalee, and she never gets more than ten feet from me. I'm perfectly safe."

"Sorry we're late!" The scientist groaned and put his hands over his head, protecting his hair from the inevitable ruffling it was going to get from the owner of the voice. When it didn't come the hands were lowered, and then he was set upon almost immediately. Somehow he managed to get trapped in a headlock and given a noogie within a second. That's what you got when your team leader was ex-Special-Forces-Black-Ops-y-stuff.

"I didn't know it was Daylight Savings Time and thought I still had an hour." Lenalee offered, pulling on a tactical vest and hooking her headset into her ear. "Aren't you suiting up, Kanda?" The Asian-looking man-alien huffed something that sounded like 'Che' and stood upright from where he was leaning against his locker before opening it and pulling out his jacket and tactical vest. He was done before Lavi even managed to begin to untangle his headset from the knot he had managed to get it into since the last time he had worn it.

"So where are we going this time?" The redheaded Colonel finally asked, giving his team a grin. "Somewhere with lots of sun and sand and hot blonds, right?"

"As long as the food's good and there's lots of it, I don't care if it's Hoth and we run into the snowbeast that hung Luke by his ankles from the ceiling." In the midst of the disbelieving stares from Kanda and Lenalee, Allen looked around completely oblivious. "Hey, where's Miranda?"

"Did you two pay any attention at the mission briefing yesterday?" Lenalee asked, clipping a P90 submachine gun to the clip on the front of her tactical vest.

"That's me, Lena," Lavi began, offering the Chinese scientist a broad and teasing grin, "too dirt poor on my substantial military salary to even afford to pay attention." That was when the crashing started.

It began with a thump, then something akin to a wail came from somewhere in the base. Then there was a bang, followed shortly by another one. After every thump, everyone winced. It didn't sound too good. It sounded like it was coming from the hallway, and it was closing in fast. Then it became a methodical bang, one every other step. Like someone had something metal stuck on their foot.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, you can give me back to Road so you won't have to put up with me anymore! I'm terrible! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Miranda Lotto, another civilian-slash-alien like Kanda, turned the corner into the team locker room. She was certainly a sight to behold. Her eyes were bloodshot and her eyes had deep and dark circles under them. Her hair was an uncombed curly mess, and mascara from the day before was streaking down her cheeks from her tears. She had a metal trashcan wedged on one boot and one cheek was slowly getting red. For a moment, there was silence.

"We're not giving you back to the Goa'uld, Miranda." Allen stated rather frankly, clipping his final weapon to his tactical vest and nearly falling over at the sheer weight. "Your knowledge about the inner workings of the minds of some of the System Lords is invaluable." Miranda sniffed, and seemed to regain some composure.

"Did you just wake up?" Lavi asked, despite the throat-slashing motions he was getting from Lenalee. Miranda promptly burst back into tears and threw herself at the redhead's feet.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I overslept because my alarm is broken but I don't want to ask for a new one because you've already done so much for me and if I ask for anything else you'll think I'm a burden-" Lenalee sighed and crouched down next to the woman, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Miranda, we don't think you're a burden. We could never think that." Major Lee reassured the woman, and then gently helped her to her feet. "Come on, let's get you suited up for this mission and get that trashcan off your foot."

As Lenalee helped the woman to her feet and brought her over to her locker, Colonel Bookman and Allen turned to each other. "So, seriously," the redhead began, an eyebrow raising. "Where are we going, and will it have blonds in bikinis or less?"

"We're going to M42-541." Kanda ground out, once again leaning against his locker as he double-checked everything that was currently hanging from his tactical vest. The civilian scientist and the Colonel pondered for a moment, then looked at each other in shock before looking back at their not-really-Asian alien teammate.

"That's that one planet modeled after turn-of-the-century England, right? The one some other team explored?" Kanda nodded, his grimace slowly but surely deepening. "We went there once, right?" Lavi turned his attention to Allen, who was too busy trying not to be in Kanda's path of destruction when Lavi would eventually set him off. The scientist was trying to wedge himself in his locker. Oblivious, the Colonel turned back to the alien. "That was the one with the woman and that kid with the Ancient device that got set in his forehead, right?"

"Indeed." Kanda ground out, one hand straying dangerously close to a Zat he had clipped to his belt.

"Hey, the chick... Yuu, what was her-" The redheaded colonel's one eye swiveled inward to look at the business end of the Zat that was no more than an inch from his nose. He gulped audibly, and behind him Allen managed to get his locker door shut.

"Yu is a frail, forgetful, pitiful excuse for an Emperor that dares to have the audacity to call himself a System Lord. Even my mistress Amaterasu could have taken him out at the peak of her power, though it wasn't much." The Zat was deactivated and lowered, and Kanda turned and stalked out of the team locker room. "Don't call me by my first name!" echoed down the concrete corridor of the underground base after him.

"For a Jaffa, he's pretty tetchy." Lenalee shot him a look as she and Miranda passed the redheaded Colonel, and he made the universal facial expression for Hey! What did I do this time? without much luck.

"You did provoke him, sir. You know how sensitive he can be about the feuds between the Asiatic System Lords." Lavi followed the two women towards the door, protesting.

"I didn't even say anything about the System Lords! Didn't I?" The Colonel paused for a moment, then ran after Lenalee and Miranda as they turned the corner into the hallway and undoubtedly began to run. "Lena! Tell me what I did wrong! C'mon!" Echoed down the corridor along with the sounds of running feet until the entire locker and armory level of the base was silent except for the background noise.

It was all quiet and peaceful for a moment.

"Guys?" A bang issued forth from Allen's locker, then another. Then a series of bangs like someone was struggling. "Guys, you didn't forget me, did you?" Inside the locker it was dark and cramped, moreso with the thirty extra pounds of Try not to die... Again equipment that the scientist was sporting. With a sigh he struggled until he could reach and activate his radio. "Someone wanna come bust me out of my locker?"

"Chevron one, locked."

"You know, I always get the willies when I see this thing." Allen, freshly escaped from his locker and looking no worse for wear except the part where he was slightly rumpled, looked up at the team's mode of transportation in awe. It was big, it was round, it was... MacGyvered into working by a somewhat-inefficient system. Either way it was big. And round.

"Chevron two, locked."

"Oh come on, it just deconstructs you on the atomic level, shoots you millions of light-years away from Earth in less time than it takes to blink and then re-forms you the way you were meant to be with little to no variation while maybe leaving some Naquadah in your blood in the process. Nothing to worry about." Lavi slapped Allen on the back a few times as he talked, before slipping a bandanna around his neck and then up to hold his slightly-shaggy hair back. He needed a new buzz-cut, this one was getting a little too long.

"Chevron three, locked."

"Yeah, sure. Nothing to worry about." The scientist looked just a little bit more worried now. He gulped audibly, looking up at the massive ring with its spinning inner ring and methodically-lighting outer chevron locks that were being encoded by Sergeant Wenham up in the control booth. The white-haired scientist looked down the line of his teammates, seeing Kanda at the very opposite end of that which Colonel Bookman occupied. Next to him was Miranda, her shoulder-length curly hair in a small ponytail at the base of her head and the mascara from the day before wiped off and a new coat reapplied. Next to her was Major Lee, her pink bunny clips foregone for a pair of bobby pins.

"Chevron four, locked."

"You all know just how important this mission is to not just us, but the people of M42-541. If we can bring them under the wing of Earth's influence in the Protected Planets it's one less planet we have to try to keep out of the hands of the System Lords." The speaker's voice was old and gnarled, but held wisdom. Lavi turned around and grinned up at the control booth, and the nearly-bald old man that stood on a chair to be able to see into the Gateroom scowled back.

"Chevron five, locked."

"Especially the Millennium Earl?" The Colonel asked, the grin he wore unfaltering despite the nearly-literal heat of the scowl that was being directed at him by General Bookman.

"Chevron six, locked."

"No, just the two-bit group of System Lords that follow him and call themselves the descendants of Noah. Of COURSE the Millennium Earl, you idiot excuse for a grandson! Who else is the entire galaxy at war with, I wonder?" Lavi actually flinched at the berating the little old man gave him, and with a slightly-guilty look on his face he turned to face the still-dialing gate.

"Chevron seven, locked."

"The Replicators?" The Colonel whispered in a sarcastic tone, only to yelp and pull his headset out of his ear when a shouted reprimand came through it loud enough that even Kanda snorted at the names the redhead was being called by his grandfather.

"The gate is encoded, activating now." With a mighty rushing sound unlike anything else that could possibly be heard on Earth, a blue substance coalesced inside the ring and exploded forwards. Not even Miranda ducked at the apparently-deadly outward explosion that quickly sucked itself back in to become a rippling puddle of blue that cast light all across the Gateroom.

"SG-1, you are clear to go. Have a safe- hey! Hey, someone get him out of here before he-" Reever Wenham was suddenly cut off as a new voice came over the comm, and Lenalee let her P90 fall from her hands to hang on its strap as she put her face in her hands and moaned.

"Lenaleeee~, be safe out there! Brother loves you~!" Allen and Lavi both hid snickers at their teammate's expense in coughs, but they were soon outright laughing.

"Komui..." The Major moaned, shaking her head as though to deny that this was actually happening. A scuffle broke out in the control room, banging being heard even through the plate glass that separated the Gateroom from the people controlling the gate. Finally the comm cut out with a screech that even made the guards wince, and everything was silent except for the banging still coming from the control room.

With a 'Che', Kanda made his way up the ramp that led to the rippling blue surface of the gate and made a jerking motion with his head for the rest of the team to follow. When Miranda started forward, he passed through. Ripples cast out across the watery horizon from where he walked through, and his were joined shortly by hers. Lavi and Allen both started forward, but when Lenalee didn't move the redhead backtracked and grabbed her by the arm to get her going. At the top of the ramp, just before the event horizon, Allen paused and looked up at the window into the control room where Komui was now having his face pressed into the glass by a musclebound Marine.

"You ever suppose that some other time, some other place, this is all way different?" He asked, tilting his head to one side as he watched the older Chinese scientist slowly slide down the window and leave a trail of drool. Behind him, Lenalee immediately perked up at the subject.

"Well of course! You know as well as I do that there are infinite parallel universes- we've met ourselves from some of those universes on more than one occasion. There's no doubt in my mind that at some point in the infinite variations of ourselves there is some kind of massive change, perhaps even on the physical or psychological level- yes, Sir?" Lenalee paused as Lavi held up a hand, a look of mock anguish on his face.

"What time in the morning is it, Lena?" He asked, his one visible green eye roofed by a raised red eyebrow.

"Around oh-eight-thirty, Sir." The Chinese woman said, slightly confused. With a noise not unlike the schlup of jell-o hitting jell-o, Allen disappeared into the event horizon and left nothing more than ripples in his wake.

"And what are you speaking?" The Colonel asked, and Lenalee finally caught on. She gave a long-suffering sigh and stood a bit straighter, looking her CO in the eye.

"Technobabble, Sir." She said, fighting to keep a smile off her face. Lavi was finding it hard to do the same.

"Don't let it happen again." The scientist nodded and the two turned to the rippling surface of the gate, and passed through.

As soon as the two remaining members were on the other side, the Stargate disengaged with a sound not unlike a vacuum sucking up something small and fuzzy.

So I just got finished nearly overdosing on Stargate and -Man, to the point that I'm cosplaying from both to my next con. At some point I decided to write this, but I'm not too sure when. It may have been somewhere in-between Vala loosing her memory on that episode that was on last Friday and the episode that was on today that involved the evil twin universe sans goatees and gold sashes.

So yes, I'm a terrible and rather horrible LaviLena shipper to the point that I even do it indirectly by casting them as the equivalents of Jack O'Neill and Sam Carter. Allen is Daniel Jackson because he's died and come back before, Kanda is Teal'c because I was feeling silly until I realized that I could work with it (he's the former First Prime of the lesser Goa'uld System Lord Amaterasu, in case you didn't pick up on that), Miranda is Vala Mal Doraan because I was feeling silly and never really managed to roll with it, and the Millennium Earl is a Goa'uld System Lord. Probably the equivalent of Anubis or Ba'al, not Apophis. Apophis just isn't cool. The Noah are also System Lords. Since Vala used to be K'tesh the System Lord, Miranda is something along those lines but Road was her partner-in-crime-type-thing instead of Athena. In case you didn't really pick up on that.

So yeah, if you've been living under a rock since 1994, this was a Stargate crossover. I say '94 instead of '97 because '94 is when the original movie came out. Go watch it, bitches. It's pretty epic. Kurt Russel as Jack instead of Richard Dean Anderson- that's the only part I don't like.

Otherwise, you know, it's all goo~d!

If I scare you? Yeah, that's normal. I ship a guy with a chair. Don't judge me!