Written for the "Wandering Eye" theme on pairechallenge on Livejournal.
Pairings: Peter/Claire, Nathan/Peter, Alex/Claire, and Nathan/Peter
AN: Thank you to rtwofan for the beta job.
Once You Fly
"I've met someone," she says. Claire's been twiddling her fingers before she finally gets the courage to tell him.
Peter turns to her, and there's a soft expression on his face. "Good. I'm happy for you," he says in a very uncle-like way.
But Claire knows it's false. His true feelings are hidden behind looks of longing and awkward silences. She furrows her brow and hates that she wants him to have more of a reaction. She can tell in his eyes he knows whoever she's met, it doesn't matter. It's not going to last.
He's been there before. It's the Petrelli curse.
"What about you?" She brushes off her problem and shifts the focus to him. She's honestly curious. Maybe if he has someone too she won't feel so guilty. She can delight in knowing that his will fail just the same as hers.
Instead, Peter gives her that knowing look. "Claire, you know how I feel about relationships."
She bites her lip and nods. "Right. You don't even bother anymore. Not since…"
"I don't want to talk about this."
"But you'll meet someone new," she adds hopefully. It gets really awkward now, so badly she wants to run from the room. She waits it out.
Peter laughs a little. He tips his head and leans close to her. He whispers condescendingly, "We all meet someone." He rises from the couch and leaves the room.
Claire feels the anger rise in her blood. His words cut just like an insult.
--
She visits Alex's place a few times before Peter starts to bother her.
"Don't you have school early tomorrow?" he says. She's coming back to the Petrelli household just before midnight, and Peter is waiting for her in the living room. Claire doesn't know why he's up, and she can't imagine that he's really interested in a book by Jacqueline Susann. It's not like Peter to read such a thing.
"Yeah, but I'm going to skip," she says with a sigh. She's barely walking up the steps before he follows her and pulls her back.
"Claire, you should take college more seriously," he says sternly. Claire rolls her eyes at him.
"I do," she says. "It's just community college." She stomps upstairs and shoots him a glare before slamming her door shut.
--
Peter knocks on her bedroom door early in the morning, and Claire groans awake when he disturbs a lucid dream. It's a good dream too, about midnight flights through the cool New York sky. Sometimes she dreams of swimming in the ocean, but the dream always changes to flight.
"Claire, are you awake?" he whispers.
"What is it?" she hisses.
"I'm sorry," he says behind the door. She can feel him shuffling away, but she opens the door before he leaves.
"Peter, what's the matter with you lately? You haven't spoken to me in weeks, not like you used to. I know that this whole disaster is over with, and we have a second chance to be normal, so why are you still acting like the only time we can spend time with each other is when we're in danger?" Claire blurts out.
Peter looks away dejectedly. "I've been thinking. You're right. We all deserve happiness now that we're no longer being hunted. Sometimes I think that's impossible, but I just…" He meets her eyes. "I want to meet him."
"Who? Alex?" Claire guesses.
"Yeah, is that his name? Your boyfriend?" he asks. Claire nods.
"Okay," she says, hesitant to how Peter will treat him. Whenever she brings up Alex, Peter never seems happy. It's weird… in a way.
Peter grants her his classic crooked smile. "Why don't we go out tonight? Over at Sam's on 13th street."
"The Italian place?" Claire asks. She knows this place well. Peter's taken her there several times. Sometimes she thinks it's their place. Peter nods. "Okay. I'll tell him." She retreats back into her room and stares at the ceiling.
For some reason, Claire can't fall back asleep for the rest of the night.
--
Peter and Alex hit it off well, though it's not like anyone can dislike Peter. They laugh and tell dirty jokes, and they talk about her, and Peter acts like the perfect uncle, and Alex looks at her with pride.
They both look at her with pride, but Peter's eyes seem darker. She avoids his gaze for most of the night. She feels naked in front of them, and she begins to think this dinner is a bad idea.
Alex plans to meet with Peter without her to lift weights together at the same health club. Alex is still new to New York, and Peter knows the best places to go. He even promises him a free membership because he knows the guy. Alex turns to Claire and smiles. She forces a smile back, and tries to draw both their attention away from her barely touched meal.
That night Peter leaves them and goes home alone, and Claire follows Alex back to his apartment. She doesn't really feel like it, but she takes Alex to bed anyway that night. Then afterward, she hopes she dreams of swimming that night instead of flying.
--
She feels dreadful that next morning, but she drags herself to her Anthropology class anyway. Claire comes home and all she wants to do is sleep. Peter interrupts her plans.
"I like him," he says. Claire gives him a placid look. It's not like she needs his approval.
"So do I," she says.
"So he has a special ability too," he adds. Peter is more interested in prolonging this conversation than she is.
"Yeah, but not like yours," she says. Alex's ability has never really impressed her, and its usefulness doesn't go beyond having sex underwater when they go to the beach.
"Claire, look, I'm concerned about you. You know that," he says, changing his tone.
She spins around. She tries to keep her anger down. "I'm not like you, Peter. I'm not going to mess this up. I want to be normal and happy. I want things that other women have, and when I met you… I learned I couldn't have those things."
"Claire…" His voice sounds all too pitying.
"Just stop, okay? I have a second chance with Alex," she says. She turns around, longing for her soft bed even more.
But she doesn't even get up the steps.
Peter grabs her arm, and he pushes her against the wall. Her mind feels the flutter for déjà vu, but then it passes as she looks into his eyes. Shadows of the house call to them, just as they always have before. Claire remembers Peter's first touch against her skin. She was so young and naïve. Sometimes she thinks she's never changed. His hand strokes her hip, and she inhales a quick breath.
"Don't do this to him. You know how this turns out." His breath is hot against her cheek. She stares at his lips, and there's a spark in her belly.
"It doesn't have to, not anymore," she says resolutely. Peter leans closer to her, nuzzling his nose into her hair.
"You really love him then?" he chokes out a whisper. "More than me?"
"No," she says in a harsh cry. She leans her head up. "You're always first, Peter."
"Then why are you doing this?" he asks. His hands tug at her shirt, but she resists.
"I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore," she whispers. She turns her head when he moves to kiss her. Lightly, she pulls from the cage he's trapped her in, and he doesn't stop her as she retreats upstairs.
Claire cries that night. She knows what broken hearts feel like, and she's not even sure if Alex is the one to mend the pieces.
--
Peter taps lightly on Senator Nathan Petrelli's door later that evening. He's drunk, and Nathan smells the booze instantly as Peter shuffles inside.
"Pete, you're a mess," Nathan says, and he gets up to pull Peter into a secure embrace. "What happened?"
"Nothing," he says petulantly. He looks up into his brother's eyes pleadingly. "Let me stay with you tonight."
Nathan purses his lips and then sighs. "Pete, why exactly are you here? I haven't seen you in…" His voice trails off, and he watches Peter fall out of his arms and pace the room. His little brother starts to pull off his jacket before he slumps into the office sofa and unbuttons his dress shirt. Nathan watches him intently.
"Whoa, something is really wrong." Nathan smiles darkly and makes a joke. "Usually we have dinner first." Peter glowers at him and doesn't appreciate the humor.
Nathan joins him on the sofa and pulls his brother against his chest.
"It's Claire, isn't it?" Peter winces, and Nathan almost regrets saying her name.
"I hate him," he says, and Nathan kisses him soothingly on the forehead.
"Shhh…" he says. "He won't last."
Peter begins to do undo the buttons on Nathan's shirt. His brother arches to his touch.
"They never really do," he says with soft laughter.
--
Claire grins at them cattily as Peter and Nathan walk into the Petrelli mansion, side by side, smelling like booze and something else.
"You two never change," she says condescendingly. She turns to Peter. "Especially you."
"Where's your boyfriend?" Peter asks a little too snottily. Claire raises her chin.
"He just left." She turned back to the kitchen. "Come have some breakfast. There are leftover waffles."
Peter frowns. Claire glances back at him as she already knows what he's thinking.
"No thanks," he says, and she guesses he doesn't want to eat breakfast she made for someone else.
"Well, I'll have some. I'm starving," Nathan says, ignoring their tense exchange. Claire's eyes darken. She doesn't know what annoys her the most: Peter's animosity or the lack of concern from her bio-father.
She thinks they're both acting like jerks.
Nathan disappears into the kitchen and Peter pulls her aside. She glares at him. "So I find someone and you go running back to Nathan. How typical."
"Hey, it could have been you last night, Claire. I need you, right now," he says. She stiffens in his grasp. "But it doesn't seem like you need me anymore."
She sighs. "Peter…"
"No, it's okay. Do whatever you want. Forget everything we ever agreed upon," he says dejectedly.
"It's not like that! Nathan gets a wife and a mistress and kids, and he still gets you. But I don't get you, not really, so when I find someone to fill the void, you act like I've betrayed you!" Claire yells at him.
"Claire, you've always had me. You know how this family works. We help each other out; we…"
"Just save it. I'm tired of all of this," she says.
"Claire, give me another chance," Peter says.
"And then what will happen? I have to sneak around and pretend that I'm single, so that I can be with the only person I've ever wanted to be with?" Claire let out an exasperated sigh. "This isn't living Peter. This isn't the way it works."
"Maybe not, Claire, but this is all I can give you," Peter says. He rests his hands on her shoulders. "Please, don't shut me out."
"Peter, I wish you could be happy for me. I have something with Alex. I really do." She pulls away from his touch.
"I want to be happy for you, Claire. But I know how this ends." Peter lets his arms fall to his sides, and he fakes a smile for her. "If he ever finds out about this family, he will never understand."
Claire doesn't say anything. Instead, she leaves through the front door. Peter watches with regret as Nathan comes from the kitchen with a docile expression.
"Just let her go. She's young," Nathan says, twirling a piece of waffle on a fork. He takes the bite, and Peter glares at him. "She'll come around. Even you had to learn eventually."
"And what about you? You ever make peace with Heidi?" Peter asks.
"Of course not. She never understood this family, and as for Tracy, well she didn't last long enough to get involved," he explains.
"It's probably for the best," Peter says quietly.
"It is, and Claire and her boyfriend will find out very soon."
"But what if she leaves and gives up on us?" Peter asks, fearing the outcome more and more.
Nathan shrugs. "Then she leaves." But his older brother doesn't seem convinced. "I don't think that's going to happen. She's already had us." Peter watches as Nathan raises one eyebrow. "It's not that easy to just break away."
Peter's brow creases from pessimism. Despite his worries, he starts to think of a plan.
--
When Claire comes home, Peter is lounging in the study with another trashy romance novel in his hand. Claire stops for a minute and cocks her head to him.
"What's with the 70's pulp fiction, Peter? I thought Stephan King was more up your alley." Claire avoids his lower body, and tries to catch his eyes with her disapproval. Peter's wearing a loose black robe while he reads, and she assumes he's come from the shower by his damp hair.
"Hrmm… because these characters are more fucked up than me. I suppose that's why," he answers, turning the page and feigning his complete interest in the book. His eyes glance her way for a moment when she realizes she's still staring at him. He shifts his position on the sofa.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" she asks, crossing her arms. His robe is entirely too loose, and she hates how no matter what the Petrellis do, they exude raw sex appeal.
"Reading another trashy novel and then working at 4, why?" he says.
Claire takes a deep breath. "Alex invited you to mini-golf with us. He wants you to bring a friend, if you like."
Peter's expression freezes for a moment, and then he smiles. "Okay, but I'm afraid I'll be solo."
Claire walks toward him. "Wait, you don't mind?"
He stares at her unconcerned. "Nope."
"But… I thought you didn't like him," Claire says with a frown.
"No, I do." He scoots over as she joins him on the couch. "Look, I've been thinking. If you want to be with Alex, it's selfish of me to stand in the way. I apologize."
She turns to him, looking deeply into his eyes and trying to ferret out the lie. She sees nothing off, and she feels even more confused.
"What's gotten into you? You really don't care if I'm… with someone else?" she asks bravely.
"No, like I said, it's not right of me to stand in your way," he says softly. He leans in and kisses her forehead lightly. He moves up from the couch, and he feels her watching him as he leaves the room. When she cannot see his face, he smiles.
--
Peter behaves better around Alex, and the mini-golf excursion is a hit, even with Claire. When they're alone at home, Peter no longer glares at her. He no longer lectures her or sulks about. Claire doesn't know if he's seeking out Nathan at night, but she tells herself she doesn't care. Peter lets her be with Alex without a fuss anymore. If anything, he encourages her, and his change in attitude starts to unnerve her.
She never expects him to be this supportive of her relationship with Alex.
When another sleepless night grinds by, she gives up. She goes back to Peter and tries to understand his change of heart.
It's barely midnight when she knocks on his bedroom door. He's just back from work, and he smells fresh from his quick shower. He's lounging on his bed with another trashy book in his hand. This time he's reading VC Andrews.
"Okay, I want to know what's up," she says to the point.
Peter gives her a mischievous expression. "You mean, about Alex?" Claire pursed her lips, and Peter's smile becomes wider. "I had a talk with Nathan. He told me to stop treating you like that, that it's your life."
"And…?" she says, expecting more.
"And he was right. End of story," he says, bookmarking his spot and putting the book aside. He swings his legs over the bed and sits up. He meets her gaze and Claire feels her heart flutter.
"Are you giving up on me?" she asks, not sure if she's going to like any answer from him.
"No, but I'm here when you need me," he says. Claire feels wilted. She hates that she'd hoped that he'd given up and broken things off. Instead, it oddly thrills her that he'll be waiting around whenever she has a whim to come to him. His decision feels so Petrelli-esque in nature.
"But… that's all you're going to do, is just be here?" Claire says. She doesn't think he'll pursue relationships on his own. Peter decides to act as he always has.
"Yes," he says.
Claire fidgets in front of him, and he watches her intently.
"It figures Nathan would suggest this," Claire bemoans.
"It works for him; it can work for me," he says resolutely.
"I see," she says, feeling more exposed. The idea still disturbs and invigorates her; so much she can't seem to leave his room. "And what works for me?"
He swings around and reclines back on the bed. "You'll have to figure that out, Claire."
Silence usurps their presence in the bedroom, and Claire shifts on her feet as she tries to mull over her next course of action. Can she really see Alex and still have Peter whenever she wants? Is this really how this family functions? She's accepted Peter's need for Nathan, and she's even accepted her own carnal desires for both of them. She's also accepted her doomed, solitary love for her uncle. Alex poses to give her a normal life, but is she really capable of living in this family with Alex on the outside?
What would Alex say about this arrangement if he ever stumbled upon their secret? She knows he'd never understand. No one really does, and even she's had reservations about it from the beginning.
But this is how things are in this family. She's a part of it, and Nathan and Peter and probably Angela too, know that she can't just break away.
Claire turns around and heads toward the door. Peter's still watching her, and she starts to loathe the smug smile on his face.
She stops and instead of leaving, she closes the door.
"Alright, you win, Peter," she says, turning around and striding from the door. She hovers over him on the bed.
"I haven't won anything, Claire," he says seductively. Slowly, she sits down and he strokes her bare arm, snaking his fingers under her small night shirt. "I can't win what I already have."
She leans down and kisses his lips lightly. "But you can always win something back."
-
Peter's robe slides off, and he hovers over her. Tonight, she lets him have control. She's wounded him, and in this equation, she's the one that readily submits. She likes his hands on her, rough and needy, pulling her and bringing her back into the warmth of his steady arms.
She belongs here, and he shows her how much she would lose if she ever decides to leave him again.
She arches as she feels his wet mouth over her belly button, trailing down to the nexus of her heat. And when he settles there, she cries when his tongue slides past her lips and into her burgeoning wetness. She moves her hips and goes through the motions as he treats her while her body waits and readies for something more.
With another lick, she tenses, and she screams out his name like a familiar song that flies from her throat.
"Claire…" he says breathlessly, and he moves up, holding her, caressing her, and securing her inside his paradise that she regrets ever wanting to leave. She meets his eyes, and she can't look away. Her hands fall over his muscles, tracing out each tight curve and angle, and she sighs lightly and closes her eyes. She can picture him with just her touches, and she doesn't need dreams to fulfill her need any longer.
He kisses her neck and their weight shifts on the bed. Down below, their limbs move comfortably entwined, and he slides into her, settled, hard and ready to be welcomed back. She moves her hips, and he falls into sync with her. She cries and he grunts in her ear, and she knows this is how it should always be.
He deepens within her, and he pushes her into the black, and when stars pulsate behind her closed eyes, she arches closer, and he fills her faster, and sweat drips down her temple when she screams.
Peter … her Peter, and she can't believe she ever wanted to give him up.
She hates that he was right. Alex will never be enough for her. He may define normalcy, but her life is beyond normal, so much that it seems regressive and mundane. And it's not an ability that makes her so different from all of them.
She's different because Claire is a Petrelli, and in this union, Peter reminds her.
He spills inside her and she feels broken in two. Lightly, he glides out of her, kissing her as her mind knits back together, and together they hold each other in a satiated glow. Peter's hands are still exploring her, and he treats her like something he's lost but found again. Claire smiles, and she understands. With this family, she knows about futility and inevitability.
"I love you," he says, and she says it back. Claire knows it's both their truest promise and guiltiest curse.
She settles her hands over his muscles and snuggles against his chest. She falls asleep in his arms and realizes she can never ever give this up.
The Petrelli curse doesn't really seem that bad.
--
The skies are gray and the air is damp the next morning. A storm is sure to come, and Claire sits in Angela's study and writes out a letter.
Peter saunters into the room sleepily, and he looks over her shoulder in curiosity.
"What are you doing?" he asks, even though the task is obvious.
Claire sighs heavily. "I'm writing Alex a letter." Her green eyes are bright when she looks at him. She smiles sadly. "I'm saving him the trouble and breaking things off with him."
Peter regards her for a moment and nods. He watches her as she seals the envelope. "Do the servants take out the mail if I leave it here?"
"Yeah," he says. He's still studying her with his dark eyes. She can't read if he approves or not. Claire doesn't want to know either way.
"You don't have to do this," he says.
"I have to. It's not fair to him," Claire says. She frowns. "He's a really nice guy. I don't deserve him."
"I can think of a hundred ways to argue that, Claire," he says confidently. Claire gives him a dirty look.
"That's exactly why this has to end," Claire says.
Peter walks toward her and leans over and grabs the envelope. Claire stands up and protests, trying to grab it away from him as he steps back.
"Hey!" she says, but he walks backwards toward the fireplace and throws the letter into the fire. "What's the matter with you?"
"You're not breaking up with Alex," Peter says shortly.
"The hell I'm not! It's not for you to decide," Claire snaps.
"Claire, don't let this family get in the way of things that make you happy," he says, and her eyes go wide.
"Don't say that to me after what we did last night!" she hollers. "You're the one that wanted me back so badly; well, now I'm here and you don't want me to break up with my boyfriend? What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with you? You don't understand anything. I thought you did but clearly you missed the point," Peter says. "Stay with Alex. Have fun with him; enjoy your time together, no matter how short."
"No! I won't do that to him," she says, and she pulls out another blank paper to write the letter again. She points at him. "I'm not like you and Nathan. That's what you don't understand."
"What do you mean?" he asks fuming.
"I don't hurt people, not like that," Claire says. "I won't have Alex become like Heidi or Meredith, or… any of the women that you bring around. I won't."
"Fine, if that's what you want." Peter says. "But you know what you're doing to yourself? This thing between us, it isn't something you can brag to your friends or show off in public. It has to stay in secret, always. This isn't normal."
"I know that," she says calmly. "I've always known that." She looks up from the paper and smiles at him. "I think I was right about this all along. I'm really not cut out for relationships."
"Claire…" Peter says, sighing dejectedly. "I didn't want to come between you and Alex. I just wanted you to be happy."
She grins reassuringly at him. "I never said I wasn't."
Peter nods, and he stays in the room while she finishes her letter. It goes through the mail, and Claire turns around and settles into the couch next to Peter. The two of them sit in a comfortable silence as the hours slide away.
She drops her head against the back of the couch and moans. "It's always going to be like this isn't it?"
"I'm sorry," he says.
"No, it's okay. Don't be sorry, Peter," Claire says. "I can almost hear Nathan now."
"Yeah," he says. Claire doesn't have to finish her thought; Peter already knows.
"He would say a Petrelli never feels sorry. Not for this." Peter nods and he takes her hand and squeezes. Claire leans against him.
"We should go to him tonight," Peter suggests. Claire closes her eyes.
"Yeah," she agrees.
The letter goes through the mail, and another soul is saved. Peter pulls Claire from the couch and they head toward the shower. She washes and dries her hair, and Peter takes a break to call Nathan about dinner.
She wears gray that night, and Peter wears smoky black and pure white. They dine at Sam's on 13th street, and they follow Nathan into the limo as they drive back to his place.
When Claire wakes up in the middle of the night wedged between them, she smiles against the sheets that carry their mixed scents. Everything she's come to know and love is still here, spinning in a perfect circle.
END