My Alphabet Soup Is Talking To Me

By MadnessinmyMethod

Author's Note: Hey, there. This little ficlet is in response to the LiveJournal Fairy Tail community (Fairy Flash) prompt: horrible pick up lines. Credit for the inspiration goes to my good friend Kate, who at this point better be dedicating a book to me for all the editing I've done for her. I also want to credit theleafylord and her(?) awesome Black Magician crack-fiction for the "GuiDUHld." That is not my own invention and I do not claim it as mine. But I digress, enjoy.

Gazille gazed down at his lunch with marked distaste. Lunch was free at the Fairy Tail Tavern if you ordered the special and had the guild mark somewhere on your physical person. Gazille was relatively broke and so he ordered the special quite a lot. Today's special: Alphabet Soup.

It was a strange sort of alphabet soup. He was pretty sure there was more than one kind of alphabet floating around in the sorry excuse for broth. There were the usual letters like Q and R and X, but there were also a lot of strange symbols, some of which Gazille thought he recognized, but most of which he didn't.

The true shame about eating the alphabet soup didn't come from any of the previously mentioned reasons, but for something entirely different. Out of the corner of his eye, Gazille spied the Guild's other dragon slayer. In between Natsu's "witty" commentary about how they should call Fairy Tail the "GuiDUHld" because he'd read it somewhere in a fanfiction about magicians, the fire mage glanced less than surreptitiously at Gazille's lunch and snickered.

Gazille ground his teeth unpleasantly in annoyance and he was pretty sure that at this rate Natsu would earn him a trip to the dentist. And Gazille hated the dentist.

Feeling rather sorry for himself, Gazille scoop up a U and several other strange symbols and shoved them down his throat. His small measure of patience was wearing away and he was near breaking point. Any minute he might fall into a long-winded and irrevocable cursing spree.

He was saved, however, by the only person in the Guild that he would willingly admit maintained any semblance of sanity: Levi MacGarden. She bounced into the tavern with her usual sprightly levity that bordered on dancing. She even stopped by Gazille to say hello.

"Nice lunch," she teased him.

He glowered. She was about to walk away when Gazille called out. "Hey," he shouted awkwardly. "I think we should rearrange the alphabet so that U and I are together!"

Levi flushed for a brief moment then replied, "Or we could leave it the way it is and keep N and O together." She smiled. "See you later, Gazille."

Gazille stared after her for a moment then looked down at his soup. For some reason the H's and A's were congregating in the same place. "Who asked you?" he snarled at the bowl.