She gave me an odd look at my formalness before she responded, "Hello, Sakura. Do you need something?" She folded her hands over the desk and fixed me with a wary glance. I walked over and sat across from her in one of the chairs, I wasn't exactly sure how I should go about asking her but I just kept telling myself it was just a normal request for a mission, nothing more. I hoped that if I kept telling myself then I'd believe it and maybe I could make her believe it as well.
"Yes, I'd like to be put back on active duty, like I was before." Before I'd left I got to choose which missions to be sent on, I could say no due to hospital duties and I'd also be sent on more diplomatic missions the assignation ones. I didn't really mind, fighting wasn't my main skill and I'd accepted that a long time ago but I could talk very smoothly and I almost always won the argument. The Hokage looked me over before giving me a confused look, I thought my request was simple but maybe she'd been shocked by my wanting to go out so soon.
"Are you sure you want to go back out so soon?" She looked worried and I had to keep repeating to myself that she was only worried because she didn't want to lose me again. Still, it was a little insulting for her to think I couldn't take care of myself, sure I probably would have been killed on my last mission but that was the life of a ninja and I didn't like being held back because of someone else▓s fear.
"Yes, I can't take only working at the hospital any longer. I need to get back out, I can't hide in the village for the rest of my life." I smiled at her again, trying to get my point across. I hadn't figured out just how I would get a mission in the area I needed but the area I had to go to didn't much matter because I could always take missions until I was were I needed to be. She nodded and began sifting through the papers on her desk, hopefully looking for a mission for me.
After a few minutes she pulled out a thin folder, which was a shock because most diplomatic missions had thick folders filled with information on why I needed to go, who I had to deal with and information of those peoples dating back decades at times. She looked up at me and said, "This isn't a diplomatic mission, exactly. There are a few small town south east of us, they aren't attached to any village and over the years I've had a few contact me, hoping to join with us. Normally I send a few newly made joinin out, to test if they can handle themselves properly. But since your back and I want to ease you in, no offence, I thought you could take this."
I'd been on a few of these, a couple years ago and I'd done well on them but I didn't like being sent back on baby missions. All they required was someone to take notes on the town in question, examine the people ant report back on whether or not the town was decent enough to become affiliated with us. My first instinct was to reject it, I didn't need to be eased back into a job I trained my whole life for, but then I thought about it. This town was in the right area, it didn't require my presence to be document and it would be my job to explore the area and even surrounding villages, to make sure that they weren't in a fight with one. It would be a perfect mission, so there had to be a catch. Maybe she wanted Naruto to go with me, or maybe she wanted to test me somehow, would she be sending a spy to follow me, to see if I was up to something?
I couldn't imagine her doing that but I had been gone for months, my story involved people trying to get information about the village out of me so maybe she thought I'd been swayed to join them and was reporting to them. I wasn't sure if I should ask her about it or if I was being paranoid, after all I would be sneaking around so maybe I was just assuming the worst in people because I was doing something that would be considered wrong. Still I wanted to try it, I was a top ninja, I'd know if someone was falling me or if I didn't notice and went to Itachi, well then, he would notice.
I smiled and said in a slightly put off, because it was a baby mission, but excited, because I would get to go, voice, "Yes, I would like that." She smiled at me a spun the folder around, showed me the things I'd need to check out while there and who to talk to and told me I would have to leave tomorrow. Before I left I asked, "This is a solo mission, correct?"
"Unless you'd like me to assign you a partner, yes it is." She watched as I shook my head and walked out of the office back to my apartment, to pack. For some reason I hadn't expected Naruto to find out about my mission until I told him but some how he showed up two hours later at my house, full of questions but without the tact he'd had the day before. He was a bundle of nerves and energy, worrying that something would happen to me and questioning if I was only going to see the mystery guy. I rolled my eyes, "No, Naruto. I'm going because the hospital work is going to drive me crazy if I don't get out for a while."
He paused for a moment, to shudder as he thought about the white rooms of the hospital, which he hated with a passion. It didn't take him long to ask, "Do you want me to come with you, Sakura-chan? I wouldn't mind." He looked at me with big blue eyes, pleading with me to take him with me. I sighed, I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I didn't want anyone following me or have him playing twenty questions for the next few weeks, I had an excuse that wasn't a lie though.
"Naruto, I need to prove to everyone that I can handle myself, again. It's an easy mission, I'm going to a little town that doesn't even have ninja or have a reason for anyone to go there." I walked over and hugged him, he smiled sheepishly at me.
"It's not that I don't trust you..I just worry..your my family." I smiled at him again, he really was sweet and he did care a lot about me but I still couldn't have him with me while I was on this mission. He had defiantly matured over the years, I don't know how I missed it, he might still act like the annoying twelve year old sometimes but he really was all grown up now and he wasn't ashamed to show how he felt, Hinata was lucky.
"Your my family too, Naruto, don't ever forget that. Now, how about so ramen before I have to go?" He might be all grown up but he would always be a freak about ramen, that face-splitting grin appeared and off we went, he was almost dragging me but I didn't mind. The meal went by happily, laughing and joking with one another, it was like when we were children, care free and loving the world. After a while we split paths, each going back to our own homes, me to finish packing and him back to Hinata and his happy life. I knew I didn't have to leave until tomorrow but I couldn't sit around in my apartment, knowing I could see him again. So I left, I left a note for Naruto in case he came looking for me in morning and I ran into the woods, not a fast as I could have but not at a civilian pace.
Part of me realized I was exaggerating how happy I had been with Itachi, the last week I had been with him I'd spent all but a few hours thinking about Konoha but now that I was hear, all I thought about him. He was never romantic or soft with me, he never got me things or whispered sweet nothings in my ear but I had been happier with him then I'd been with any other man, I wondered why that was. I left that night, planning on using the night to sort out just why I had been so happy with him and not with the guys I could actually be with. It wasn't that he was dangerous or forbidden, if I wanted that I would still be pinning for Susake and it wasn't that I couldn't be with him because again, I could be pinning for Sasuke or even Naruto.
So why him, why Itachi? What made him different from the guys I could have here or Sasuke. He had returned my feelings, maybe not as openly as I would've liked but he had, but I had guys here who liked me and who I didn't have to sneak out to meet. My thoughts circled for hours into the night and when I finally stopped I hadn't figured anything about besides the fact that I was crazy for liking Itachi and not the guys who were in my village who had a lot in common with Itachi. Once my camp was set up and I had eaten the travel food I had packed, my mind went back to trying to figure out why I was willing to risk everything for one man.
The night was clear, I could see more stars then I ever could in Konoha and the soft sound of the wind was much more soothing then the sounds of the city, I felt free again. I expanded my senses, searching for a follower that Tsunade might have sent to watch me but I didn't feel any other presence besides my own. The stars distracted my thoughts from Itachi for awhile but eventually they went back to him and one stray thought showed me why I liked him and not the guys in the village. He didn't pressure me at all, there was no talk of marriage or commitment like I knew the guys back home wanted, but Itachi hadn't ever made me do anything. I knew back home I'd be expected to give up my ninja life to raise kids but some part of me knew that Itachi would never force me to choose either way, not that I was planning on having kids with him. Another reason might be that out here, I didn't have to watch everything I said and I could just relax and breathe, I knew people in Konoha were always watching everyone else, waiting for the next bit of gossip like sharks.
So basically it was the freedom he could give me that set him apart from everyone else and not just the freedom from rules but the freedom to just be and not be judged at every turn. Part of me was screaming that that was a stupid reason, that if that was all I could come up with then I needed to get over him and move on, freedom was something teenagers ran away to get, not something adults did. The other part of me was telling me that I shouldn't have to settle for something that doesn't make me happy and that I can't force myself to get over someone. Once again I found myself torn between being an adult and doing what was expected or giving into my selfish wants and allowing myself to love him.
Eventually exhaustion brought sleep to me, only a few hours before sunrise. When I woke up the sun was still low in the sky but the colors from the sunrise had faded away, it didn't take me long to pack up and start running again. I was only four more hours run away from the town I needed to get to, I wasn't sure how far away Itachi's home was from the village but I knew I could get there easily, as long as it was within a days run. When I got to the town, I recognized it as the little town were I'd almost had a one nights stand, the one I'd seen Itachi in before I'd run away and he'd saved me from freezing. It was bigger then I remembered and cleaner, which pleased me and I realised that I must have run through the poorer side of town.
This was strange, this town hadn't heard anything about ninja's in a long time but maybe when they saw me run through the streets faster then I should have, probably with Itachi on my heals, they got nervous. That would explain why they wanted to join with a village but why would they have waited almost half a year before contacting one? I reasoned that maybe we weren't their first choice, maybe they tried to join with a larger town before Konoha, maybe even another village.
I walked to the main building, in the center of the town, where I had been told to meet the leader, of course I was a day early but I figured the man should be in office. I showed my papers to the guards, they looked shocked but ushered me in none the less. The leader was younger then I'd expected, late twenties with light blonde hair and hazel colored eyes, he was rather attractive and his eyes roamed over me to, apparently I wasn't what he'd expected either. I bowed, showing respect, he was a leader, even if it was of a small town, "Hello, I'm from Konoha. I'm here on request of my Hokage to see if your village should be allowed to join with ours." I kept my tone professional and calm.
The man behind the desk stood up and said, "Yes, thank you for coming. Do you need anything?" He had a pleasant voice, I realized and he also had a pleasant smile. I wished I could fall for a simpler man like him, Tsuande would approve of him and she might have even let me come stay here to report back to her on this town. He offered me a seat across from him and I sat, masking the emotions I felt, this was a mission first and foremost.
"I need to know if you control any more..towns besides this one?" I opened the folder I had, with the questions I had to ask and the slots for the information I'd get. It was an interview and I couldn't risk forgetting anything so I always wrote down what I was told as I was told. He looked a little confused, I wasn't sure why but it didn't matter, I pulled out a pen and waited for him to answer my question.
"Um..yes.."He got up and walked over to a new looking map hanging on the wall to my left. He pointed to few smaller towns within forty miles of the town I was in, "A few of the smaller ones are under my rule. I can't offer them protection though, which I why I'm looking towards your village." He looked back at me, his eyes roaming over my body and gear, suddenly I understood the shock and confusion I noted before, he couldn't believe a women like me was a ninja.
"How many and what are the populations of the towns?" I smiled at him, I didn't need to be pleasant but I didn't see a reason to be rude as it was my experience that people talked more when you were pleasant.
He smiled at me again, showing white teeth and making me wonder again why I couldn't fall for him, "Five, counting the one we're in now. The smaller four have less then a thousand people and this one has about two thousand people. Any more questions?" He had sat back down across from me and was leaning forward, towards me. I wrote down his answers, they were what I'd expected as I'd been through a few of the little towns before. I looked back over to the map, one was about the same size as this one, I wondered if he was having problems with that one.
"Yes. Why do you require the protection of Konoha?" I looked back up at him, his clear eyes looking at with intensely. I was a little shocked by that but I didn't show it, I could not allow any emotion besides pleasantness to show.
He straighten up a little and looked back at the map before answering, "The people no longer feel safe, I've tried to calm them but I can't so I'm doing the only thing I can think of that will make them feel safe again." He sighed, looking a little defeated. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, he was very focused on the map, making me wonder if there was some sort of battle going on with the other town.
"Why do they no longer feel safe?" I still kept and pleasant face and tone of voice, after all he seemed like a good enough guy and he seemed to be trying to help the people. He looked over at me, a small on his lips.
"That town, "He gestured the largest village to the south, "Has recently begun...threatening the smaller towns not under my rule. The people fear that soon they will turn on us, I'm hoping that your villages protection will stop any ideas they have of attacking us." He looked troubled and I understood why. Again I wrote down his answer and I only had two questions left for the day, then I could go to my room and try and sleep before tomorrow.
"Two more questions then I'm done for now. Does this other village have ninja and would you require...financial aid?" The last question was what most towns hated to answer, they didn't want to admit to needing help but at the same time they knew they couldn't refuse it. Konoha never supplied them for more then a year and during that time we would send people to help educated them on how to run without going into debt, this village didn't look like it needed help but I still had to ask.
"They have no ninja and no, we do not need money." He still had the warm smile on his face and his eyes seemed to light up a little.
I nodded, wrote down the last bit of information, stood up and said, "I'll be in this village for the next few days, then I'll spend a day in each of the smaller ones you rule over before returning here with any additional questions. Then I'll return to Konoha and you'll have an answer with the next two months." He smiled again and I returned it.
"Ok...will you require anything besides a room?" He stood up and walked with me until we were standing on the front steps outside the building where his office was. The sun was starting to set, the sky was painted with dark reds and the eastern sky▓s were already dark.
"No, I will be paying for my room." He tried to interrupt me but I gave him a hard look and said, "Anything you give me will look like a bribe and I cannot accept them." He seemed at little put off by my sudden change in tone but I couldn't be swayed on this, it was part of my contract for the mission. He seemed to understand though because he looked back towards the sunset before he said, "Do you need an escort to your Inn?"
I shook my head and walked down the stairs, turning once I was down them, "No, I can see it from here." He smiled again and waved as I walked away, I could feel his eyes on me until I turned around a corner. Once I'd checked into the Inn I collapsed onto the bed, trying to decide if I should go try and see Itachi tonight or tomorrow night, I was tired but I doubted the knowledge of being so close to Itachi would let me sleep.
So I did the only thing I could think to do at the moment, I went to the roof of the Inn and unmasked my chakra, knowing that if he was within twenty miles of me, he'd come or he would choose not to. I sat up there for hours, waiting for him and watching the stars which were hided by the lights of the city again, I could see the brightest stars and the mood and I didn't so much as sense his chakra, once I heard a clock strike two I went back to my room and slept. The next day I dressed in civilian clothes, which consisted of a long sleeved red dress which stopped just above my knee's and sandals, I didn't want to look like a ninja while I observed the people but I had to cover my arms, the scars would cause people to question me, once I was done getting dressed I walked out into the town, to observe the people.
It was a Saturday morning, almost lunch time by the time I'd gotten out, some people gave me strange looks but most ignored me. I went into little stores and looked around, asking people about their lives here under the guise that I was thinking about moving here with my soon to be husband, people didn't like single women moving into their towns. They all said it was quiet, peaceful and a great place to start a family, I asked about crime, they said there wasn't a lot. The people I talked to were friendly, over all I didn't here anything that concerned me, which meant I should move on to one of the surrounding small towns. That night after dinner I packed up my belongings and decided I'd leave for the smallest town in the morning, visit all four over the next two days and have this mission over within the week but of course I new I wouldn't leave until I knew if Itachi still wanted me, if he missed me.
I went back on the roof, this time I thought I felt his chakra, just for a second but I wasn't sure so I went down stairs and went to sleep. I left the next morning before the sun was up and was only a mile from the village when the sun was just coloring the eastern sky, I knew none of the village people would really be awake yet so I made my way up to the top of a tree to watch the sunrise, it was my favorite thing in the world. I hated waking up in the morning so I never got to see it, which made the view that much more beautiful, the color's were happier and I loved the knowledge that everyone else was comfortably sleeping and the world was peaceful, if only for a few minutes.
Eventually the colors faded back into the blue that every one saw and I jumped back down to the earth, intending to make way into the newly awaken village but I was stopped by the pressure of chakra, which was a few feet behind me. I knew instantly who it was and my stomach dropped and my heart soared all in the same moment, part of me had given up on him coming but I didn't realize just how small of a part that was until I felt the overwhelming joy at his presence. I stood with my back to him though, I couldn't make myself turn around to look at him, my heart was pounding to hard and I knew my feelings were written on my face but I didn't know how he felt.
He kept the distance between us, not that I moved to be closer to him. We both just stood there, silent and still, I wasn't sure what I wanted to say to him and I couldn't even begin to know what he was thinking. Once I got my emotions under control, I turned to face him and I nearly had the breath knocked out of me. He was even more beautiful then I'd remembered and his eyes were glued to me, in a very heated way. I knew instantly what I wanted, I wanted a relationship with him not just a fuck buddy, I wasn't blind to how stupid and crazy that was and how hard it would be to have but I wanted that. But when I saw the look in his eyes, the raw want that burned in them, I lost all the words I'd strung together to form pretty speeches and could only think about him and how much I wanted him, how much I'd missed him.
However liquefied my brain might have been, I still didn't want to be the one who ran to him, I didn't want to give him the impression that all I wanted was a physical relationship. The tension between us grew steadily, his eyes burning and I could feel the lust leaking into my own eyes but it seemed he was also adamant in not coming to me. Once I realized that, I smiled, which seemed to have confused him because he raised an eyebrow in question, I return the gesture and took one step forward. He seemed to have understood and took a step forward and it continued like that till we were in the middle, both having taken twenty steps and having one step left, I didn't want to take the last step but I knew he wouldn't either. The tension was almost burning me at this point, we still hadn't spoken a word but that wasn't unusual, for us at least.
Of course I ended up taking that last step towards him and once he'd wrapped his arms around me, I'd heard him laugh, "Welcome back, Sakura." I froze, did he honestly think I'd left the village to be with him, did he think I'd become a traitor, I knew he'd felt me go tense but he didn't react, he just held me for awhile and I realized that this was the first time he'd held me. I didn't want to pull away, even though I knew I had to because he clearly thought I was here for him, which I was, but I wouldn't be here for more then a week. I turned my head so I was facing his neck, I could see his eyes if I turned mine up but I kept my eyes closed tightly, "Itachi..." I sighed his name, something I hadn't intended, "I'm here on a mission...I didn't..I can't leave my village to be with you."
I felt him shift to look at me but I didn't open my eyes, "I didn't assume that you had." My eyes opened of their own violation and I looked at him, I was sure he'd thought I'd come solely to be with him. He looked amused, apparently he knew what I was thinking and he found it amusing. I just looked at him, trying to figure him out because something had changed since I'd left, before he would have never have held me without kissing or touching me and he would have never thought I'd come here without the soul propose of being with him. I wasn't sure what to say but I couldn't seem to stop my mouth from opening and closing, looking for something to say.
He chuckled and said, "I'd felt your presence the first day you were here. I wasn't sure if you were here for me until you waited on the roof but I decided to wait to see you. You gave me the perfect opportunity today." My mouth froze open, I was aware I looked like an idiot but I couldn't stop myself from staring at him in amazement. He'd waited to see if I wanted to see him? That wasn't anything like what I'd expected, I wasn't entirely sure if this was Itachi anymore because he'd contradicted almost everything I'd remembered. I remembered my fear of being followed and I wondered if someone had figured out I was involved with Itachi and was impersonating him in order to catch me betraying Konoha.
I tried to pull away but he held me tight so I twisted me head away from him and said in a suspicious voice, "How do I know your Itachi?" I knew it was his chakra but I knew some people could take minute amounts of chakra from a person, then repress there own while allowing the other person chakra to flow free, effectively taking another chakra signature. I'd never known anyone who could hold it this long or heard rumors of anyone who could but I wasn't taking any more chances, it was foolish enough of me to walk into his arms, in a public place. If this was an impersonator or if I was being watched, I'd be in a lot of trouble when I got home.
He gave me an odd look, like I said something completely ridiculous, which I may have. Instead of answering my question, he kissed me, which was better then words in at least two nameable ways. Number one was, I'd wanted so badly to kiss him since I first sensed his presence and two because no one else kissed me like he did. I felt the uneasiness about him vanish, my mind still told me someone could be watching but I ignored it while he kissed me. Once he pulled away, just enough to have his lips brushing mine instead of attached to them, I said, "So..you are Itachi. I missed you."
I felt him smirk against my lips, I wasn't sure how I felt about this but I knew our time together, at least for the day, was coming to an end. "Yes..I've...missed..you as well." He said it in a hesitant voice, like he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say or not. I just smiled and pressed my lips against his in a tight lipped kiss, before I managed to brake away from his arms.
I said, "I'm here on a mission, I have to go." I took a couple steps away from him before saying, "I'll meet up with you later.."
For the rest of my mission he came to my room and I enjoyed every moment he was with me and I knew that I couldn't not see him again. I put off talking about how I would make our relationship work, I wanted to talk about it but I didn't want to spoil the time I had with him. It was the last day of my mission when I finally couldn't put off talking about what we were doing anymore. I had packed my things and my bags were sitting by the door, he was laying in my bed, with only sweat pants on and I was sitting next to him. "Itachi, do you want a relationship that▓s more then sex with me?" I looked down at him, every cell in my body on high alert and my nerves on end. I had to put it bluntly because I knew myself well enough to know that if I had beaten around the bush then I would've never gotten to my point.
He pushed himself into a sitting position and looked at me, dark eye practically burning me. "Do you think I only wanted sex? If that was the case I would've picked up a whore, they would be much less work." He was much more talkative then when we first met and I was thrilled at what he'd said but I was also angry because this would make everything harder. I bent forward and rested my head against his shoulder, breathing in his scent and trying to remember every moment I had left.
"You know as well as I do that this isn't going to work, Itachi. You can't come to live with me and I can't be here with you. Sure me sneaking away might work for a time but eventually I'm going to want marriage and kids..we couldn't do that." I knew he was looking at me, thinking about what I'd said but I buried my face in his neck as he pulled me closer to him.
"So, you no longer wish to be with me." He said it in a blank voice but his arms didn't remove themselves from around me. He didn't sound upset or angry, and I wasn't sure why I had expected him to, he was still Uchiha Itachi, after all.
I pulled away, shocked and looked at him with wide eyes, "No! I just...I don't know what to do. I want to be with you, but how?" I felt hopeless again, I wanted so much to be with him but I couldn't leave the people I loved to think I'd betrayed them, hurt them again.
He looked at me, his dark eyes burning into mine again and a small smile tugging at his lips, "I don't know. The only thing I do know is I can't go with you, I can't make this choice easier." Her brushed his finger through my hair and kissed my forehead softly. He was being gentle with me, I secretly hoped it was because he felt the same pain I did and the hopelessness, because if he felt it, then I knew I wasn't alone in this.
I had only come up with one idea, my idea was very flawed and probably wouldn't work but it was all I had. "What if..." I stopped, he looked at me, curiously, expectant "If I told her I wanted to move here, as it will be part of the village. I wouldn't be abounding my friends and I could be with you.."
He looked shocked, it wasn't a common look for him and I instantly felt stupid for voicing my idea out loud. Of course that wouldn't work, no active ninja was allowed out of the main village in case an emergency occurred, I was also helping to run the hospital and I doubted Naruto and Tsunade would let me leave anyway. I sighed, maybe I should just leave now and never come back, break my heart now instead of putting it off. I hated being the weak little girl, the one who had fallen for the only guy she shouldn't have and now was trying desperately to keep him, when she knew she couldn't, I hated feeling powerless.
He still hadn't spoken so I knew my idea was stupid, I shouldn't have spoken. "That might actually work." His quiet words shocked me, my idea was stupid. I knew of several problems with my idea like the fact that most people who moved from Konoha were retired Ninja's not active ones and certainly not the head medic. I felt so stupid, I should have run away, I should have never stopped running, I should have ran the moment I found myself back under his control but no, my foolish heart had fallen in love and now I either had to hurt my loved ones or myself.
"No..no, Naruto wouldn't let me leave. Let alone Tsunade, plus what if anyone came to visit me? If I lived with you I couldn't bring them there and what if people questions my lack of a realionship? I can't tell them about us.." I just looked at him. I knew now I should just end things now, go home with a broken heart that I would eventually get over it and move on, maybe settle down with a simple civilian. He was looking at me with his dark eyes, burning into mine, I would miss those eyes and those thin lips which were pressing into a frown. He knew I was leaving, I had hoped my emotions were more hidden but he was always able to read my mind.
I knew this would happen at some point, of course I'd tried to do this before only to bring myself back into this very hopeless situation, I was angry with myself for coming back to him. My idea could work, it would involve a lot of arguments, tears and pain but eventually I could move here permanently, work in the hospital here and set up defenses around the town, maybe even train some ninja's to help protect the towns. But sooner or later some one would come to visit me and ask why I wasn't seeing anyone, if I was ever going to settle down and how could I answer them? I couldn't tell them I was in love and happy with an S-class criminal who was an enemy to the village and what if I got pregnant, how could I explain a baby with the sharingon or even being pregnant in the first place.
His hands were resting on my hips and I could feel his eyes on my face but I kept my eyes on the wall across from me. He kissed me, hard and I lost myself in the kiss, only he would be able to kiss me like this, to make me want him so much from such a simple act. His hands went to my back and drew me into his lap, so I was flush against him and I could feel how much he wanted me too but I knew I couldn't stay with him. I felt his bare chest under my hands and then his hair, I wasn't thinking but I was vaguely aware when cold air hit my back, followed by warm hands and a very small very annoying part of my mind was telling me I shouldn't do this but the rest of me didn't care, it felt to good to leave now.
I moved so my knee's were on either side of his hips as I was still sitting in his lap, one of his arms was snaked up my back, holding me very close and he had propped himself up on his other elbow, to hold us both up. My traitorous hands pushed him against the bed, causing his mouth to pull away from mine, only to lock onto my neck and move over my collar bone and down in between my breasts and I heard myself groan under his touches and kisses.
I felt him smirk against my chest so I pushed him away and smirked, my lips going to his neck and I heard his breath quicken just a little bit. I rocked against him and I heard him growl, he never was very patient, unless it was me who was being tortured. It was long until I was on my back and he was removing the remaining articles of clothing I had on, I returned the favor, pulling his pant off. He pushed into me, slowly and we both groaned, it wasn't long until our pace turned frantic, my legs went around his waist as I tried to bring us closer together.
We eventually found release and he collapsed next to me, my eyes were closed but his eyes were still on my face. I groaned and placed my hand over his face, he smirked again and kissed my palm and I couldn't help but smile. We both just laid there for awhile but I sat up, bringing the sheet with me, I realized that I had done this before, in almost the exact same way but I ignored that and stood up, once again gathering my clothes and pulling them on.
Some how it felt different, last time I had left for the same reason because I couldn't stand to hurt my friends and mentor but now I realized that I could never leave them, even if I wanted to. This time I had actually come here to find him, searched him out and had even discussed ways for us to stay together but I still knew it would never work so I should just break my heart now. Once I was fully dressed I turned to look at and he was once again laying undressed in my bed, looking at me with smoldering eyes and I was sorely tempted to just crawl back in bed with him and never leave.
I looked at him for a while more before I said, "You know this can't work, I was foolish in coming back. Goodbye, Itachi."
I took my bags again and walked out of the hotel calmly, smiling at the old man behind the desk and waving at a few people as I left the village. I was extremly glad that I had finished my mission the day before, so that I did have to sit around in an office while I finish my paper work, Once I was out of the town, I took off at full pace and I didn't stop. I didn't let myself think about Itachi, I kept my mind solely on which branch I would land on next, on not falling or tripping. I got home the next morning, just after sunrise and Konoha was just waking up, only a few villagers were around and a couple shinobi who looked like they'd been out drinking all night. No one seemed to notice me and I preferred it that way, I kept my face blank and my eyes on the Hokage tower.
I handed my mission scroll to the girl behind the desk, knowing the Hokage wouldn't be in and that she was probably passed out drunk some where. The sadness I'd been repressing was starting to come up, I tried to burry it again but it didn't work. By the time I got to my house I was crying, I felt so weak again and I hated it, I didn't want to cry over my choice, after all I'd chosen my friends and Konoha. I wondered if I would have cried if I had chosen Itachi instead but it didn't matter because I hadn't chosen him, I'd chosen Konoha and I wouldn't go back on my choice, again.
I picked up work in the hospital again and I buried myself in my work and sometimes I even managed to enjoy my work, saving lives and healing people is what I was meant to do. Naruto still saw that something was bothering me, I knew he knew it was the guy and I wondered if he'd figured out that my mission was really an excuse to see my secret love. He kept asking if I was ok and of course I told him I was just upset about the guy, he understood and didn't force any more answers out of me. I managed to keep up a happy facade when I was at work or with friends, Naruto was the only one who really saw how upset I was.
A few times he'd encouraged me to just follow my heart and go to who ever this guy was, that when he became Hokage he'd clear my name and allow me to stay with the guy who was the source of my heart break. I told him no, I'd made my choice to be here, in my village with my friends and the people who were my family. He persisted though, with his plan because everyone knew he'd be Hokage within the next few years but I was just as stubborn.
Slowly the pain of leaving some one I loved turned into a dull ache that was always with me but I learned to live with it. Ino insisted that I go on dates with guys she thought I'd like, I never went out with the same guy twice and all of the dates were double dates with Ino and shikamaru, in loud, crowded dance clubs were I could just lose myself in the music and forget about the pain for awhile. I went on missions but stayed away from the places I knew he hung around, I knew I could always run into him but I didn't think about that I only rarely took solo missions. A few times I thought I woke up to see red eyes in the trees or thought I heard someone in the tree's but it always turn out to be nothing.
Some nights I found myself going to the Hokage mountain and staring at the stars and eventually I forgot just how many more stars I could see out side of the village. I found I didn't miss what I couldn't remember so I spent my time working at the hospital, writing teaching scrolls, reading medical scrolls or dancing with Ino. One day I woke up and didn't insistently think of how empty the bed was or how his smell wasn't around me. It wasn't until I was in the shower that night that I realized I went a whole day without missing his smell and touch, part of me was upset that I was forgetting things like that but the smarter part of me knew it was for the best. The dull ache was still there, even though I was forgetting things about him, I still had that painful ache.
I still wondered what would have happened if I had stayed with him instead of coming here, would I have been happy? Would I have started to forget things about Konoha and Naruto?
It was almost a year after I'd returned home that I met a guy that I liked. It was nothing like the attraction I had felt for Itachi but I reminded myself that it had taken months for me to get that level of attraction for Itachi, that it hadn't just happened over night. Ino had introduced me to the guy, one of attempts to get me out of my house and to stop working. The guy wasn't a shinobi, he worked in the hospital as a civilian doctor, I'd met him a few times but never really paid him any attention but he was the first of Ino's little dates that I actually liked. He made me laugh and he was a decent dancer, he was also rather attractive. He had very short brown hair and green eyes, he was a few inches taller then I was and he lacked the muscles that shinobi had but he was in decent shape.
I never looked very far into my future with him, I knew I was using him to get rid of the ache I felt and it was working. I doubted that he was the guy I'd spend the rest of my life with but he was the man I was going to spend the next few months with. I think he understood he was being used but he didn't seem to care, he smiled with me, laughed with me and he kissed softly. We were happy and it showed because Naruto finally stopped questioning me, I never really forgot about Itachi or about the months I had spent with him. Some times I still thought of him, of the nights spent with him and the way he use to look at me. But the way my new man looked at me, with open love and kindness was also amazing, of course it wasn't the same as that smoldering look that I would probably always remember but it was the same and better in different ways.
I saw Itachi again, when I was on my way back from a mission, I wasn't alone but when I felt his presences advancing towards us I halted our progress and instructed the two shinobi with me to set up camp. They listed as I was in charge and while they were doing that, I went to meet Itachi who had stopped a few miles away from where they were setting up camp, I left under the impression of going to bathe so the two men I was traveling with wouldn't come to look for me. But once I was out of viewing distance of my companions, I stopped. I was still to close to them for Itachi to come to me but I stopped, what would happened if I went to see him? What if I lost control of myself, I didn't want to do anything with him that would hurt the man who was currently taking care of me, who loved me and who I found myself caring for.
Part of me wanted to see him but a larger and smarter part didn't want to. I stood, thinking about what would happen if I did go and see him, would that just bring all the old hurt back to the surface or would seeing him finally make me leave everything for him. I tried to think of something good that would come from seeing him, anything good, even if it was small but I couldn't. I could only come up with bad things like doing something I'd regret or wanting him so badly but knowing I couldn't have him. I was finally getting over him, I was starting to enjoy my life at home and I didn't want to risk messing everything up or setting myself back months of recovery by seeing him.
I wanted to see him so badly though, I wanted to touch him and kiss him, my mind was reminding me of all those nights together and of his touches and of my longing for him. I could sense his chakra, it would only take a few minutes for me to reach him and I knew that the second I saw him I'd probably through myself at him and I would probably spend the next few hours with him and the next few months mourning losing him again. Slowly, the wanting him was surpassing the smart part of my mind and I found myself taking slow steps towards him but I stoped before I'd made it more then twenty steps, I knew that I'd see him again but I couldn't right now. If I saw him know, I'd never come home, I might spend the frist few days regreting running away with him but after a month or two I wouldn't regret anything besides leaving him in the first place. I knew that like I knew the sky was blue but I knew that I couldn't leave without a word to my friends and that one day, maybe soon, I'd would leave my village to be with him but I couldn't just leave.
My mind was made up, I turned around and went back to my team, they gave me odd looks, wondering why I hadn't bathed but they didn't question me. His presence stayed a few miles away for a few more minutes before I felt him retreating. I didn't regret him leaving or my choice and I knew with a certainity that I'd see him again and that when I did, I probably wouldn't leave.