Merlin Arthur fan fiction.

The past haunts those who try to ignore it.

It was late. He should have been asleep by now. Any normal person would be, but no Arthur was awake, lying down on his bed staring into the darkness. He hadn't been able to sleep properly since he had all but forced Merlin from his side. As time went on Arthur eventually drifted off to sleep. Visions of merlins face flashed before his eyes as he dreamt. Merlins face the 1st time they meet, His face when he was told he was Arthur's manservant, his face the 1st time Arthur hugged him close to his chest, the look in his eyes when he kissed him, the smile that covered his face when Arthur tole him he loved him, the look of shock as Uther walked into the room to find them together, the terrified look in his eyes as he was pulled away from Arthur and slammed into a wall. The pain that was visible to anyone when he was shoved into a cell. Arthur could still hear Merlin calling his name as Arthur was dragged away from him. The look of hurt and desperation as Arthur told him hey couldn't be together anymore, why didn't he understand that this was all he could do to save Merlin from death. In the end he begged Merlin to leave him almost forced him away. The look in merlins eyes made Arthur want to kill himself. His dreamed changed he was in the throne room with his father, he was madder then Arthur had ever seen him.

" he will die tomorrow"

" what no… you cant … he didn't … no please you cant kill him" Arthur pleaded.

" why no"

" because… I need him.. I cant live with out him.. Please I love him father please you can't kill him"

Uther didn't speak for a minuter, " you will remove him as you servant, if I ever see you two in the same room alone or with a meter of each other I will kill him without thinking, do you understand?"

"but" Arthur whispered

"do u understand" Uther yelled

Arthur woke up. He was covered in sweat and his hole body was shaking. He held his head in his hands. " why is this happening, why can't I get over this, why.." he stopped himself and laughed, he knew the answer he had for a long time, he loved Merlin, and nothing Uther did was going to changed that, but how could he, he couldn't even talk to Merlin with out putting his life in danger and that was something Arthur would never do, not again.

Arthur forced himself to get up before the sun was even up. He walked around the castle not planning to go anywhere but not wanting to stop. He turned a corner when he heard something behind him he turned to face the way the noise was coming from but instead walked straight into a wall and fell backwards. He hit the ground with a thud. He let himself lay there not having the will power to make himself get up, eventually someone would come and see him, probably think he passed out drunk and help him back to his room, all he had to do was go along with whatever they though happened to him. He tried to lift his head when he heard it. A soft whimpering sounds was coming from the other side of the wall. Arthur jumped up when he realised where he was. He had come to merlins rooms, of course he had where else would he want to be. The sound was getting louder and Arthur realised who is was. It was Merlin crying, he was in pain and it was all Arthur's fault. Arthur put his had on the wall and sighed,

" I'm sorry Merlin so ,so sorry and you'll never know…. I love you" Arthur said as a tear slide down his face and he walked away.

"Arthur" Morgona said as she entered his chambers.

" what is it" Arthur asked annoyed he didn't need this not now.

" you've no idea do you" she implied angrily

" about what" Arthur matched her tone.

"Merlins ill… Guias thinks he's doing it to himself but he wont admit it" she stated. " he wont say anything he just sits there with this look on his face like at any minute he's going to shatter in a million tiny pieces" she whispered sadly

" I know" Arthur breathed, Morgona stood up and stormed over to him " you what" she yelled, Arthur was scared he had never seen Morgona like this, "I said that I already new" Arthur said shaking his head, " and you sit here and do nothing, you let him suffer while you sit here and mop around like you're the one who is hurt" she accused him, whatever self control Arthur had was gone as soon as those words had left her lips, " YOU THINK I WANT TO BE HERE AND NOT THERE , YOU FOOL, YOU THINK I WANT HIM TO SUFFER, YOU SAY I DO NOTHIN BUT IF I WERE EVEN TO GO TO HIM IT WOULD BE THE DEATH OF HIM….." his blood was rushing through his veins as he yelled at her with such rage that it caused her to step backwards from him until she was leaning against the wall. "what do you mean. how could it be his death?" Morgona asked when she noticed Arthur was shaking again, " that's been happening as long as Merlin's been sick" she though to herself, she gasped to herself when she realised what Arthur and Merlin had been to each other, why she hadn't figured it out sooner, she didn't know. "oh Arthur I'm sorry" said as she hugged him, Arthur pulled away " he found out" he stated, "who?" Morgona asked confused, "Uther… he walked into the room when I was kissing him" Arthur laughed to himself remembering how sweet merlins lips had tasted. Morgona was trying to figure out why Uther knowing about them would mean anything when Arthur stood up and walked to the fire place. He stood there looking at the fire when he suddenly kicked at the chair next to the table. He couldn't control himself he just felt so angry and this was the only way he could take his anger out, Then he knocked the table over ,smashing anything that got in is way. " Arthur stop… please stop" she begged as she watched him destroy everything in his path.

Arthur stooped. He could feel his hands bleeding as he looked around his room. The only thing left was his bed, where a frightened Morgona sat with a very worried look fixed on her face.

"Arthur are you alright.. Is there" she began but was cut off by Arthur " just go please leave me be" he asked. Morgona nodded and left closing the doors behind her. Arthur laid down on his bed for another night with out sleep.

2 weeks had gone by since Arthur's fight with Morgona. He had avoided her at all costs, changing direction when he saw her walking his way, hiding in a room if he couldn't get away fast enough. Arthur sighed, it felt like his life was moving forward but he was stuck in the same place.

Arthur was ordering his new servant around, he didn't like him, he didn't want to replace Merlin, he didn't want a new servant he would rather do everything for himself then have another in Merlins place.

"And after you done with that you can go to my stables, clean everything in there and then go do the same for lady Morgona's stables" he ordered

"but sire I have to.." his servant boy said

"are you disobeying me" he growled

"no sire I just" he was cut off by a blood curling scream that shook through the castle. He knew that scream. It was Merlin, what was wrong, had something attacked him, had Uther heard him crying, whimpering his name and killed him on the spot. Arthur drooped the book he had been holding and bolted from the room. He couldn't see the faces that looked at him with confusion. He turned a corner with out looking where he was going and ran start into his father.

" Arthur what do you think your doing" Uther demanded

" saving him" was the only thing Arthur said before running away again.

Arthur barged through the doors of Gaius's chambers. He run up the stairs to find Gaius, Gwen and Morgona at merlins door trying to open it.

"Merlin…. Merlin what happened, are you alright" Gaius spoke in a serious tone.

Arthur looked at Gwen, she was crying. Hands beating at the door as if she tried hard enough it would open the door. "Merlin please let us in… please" she whispered. Morgona was on the other side of Gwen, the only emotion on her face was anger as she tried to unlock the door. Arthur took a step forward and Morgona's head spun back in his direction " don't just stand there you idiot do something for fuck sakes" she screamed at him and with that Arthur was brought back to earth. He suddenly realised what had happened. Merlins door was locked, the other were outside, Merlin was hurt but there was no one but himself in the room. He shock his head, no Merlin might be depressed but he wouldn't go that far, would he?. Arthur pushed the girls away and started bashing the door. Tears where running down his face as he tried to break into the room. "Merlin please open the door" he yelled not caring if the others could hear the desperation in his voice. When Merlin didn't respond Arthur using as much force as he could kicked at the door. The door open just enough for him to out his hand through and unlock the door.

Arthur dropped to his knees when he saw his worst fear come true in front of his eyes. Merlin was laying on the floor bleeding to death. The floor was covered in blood and he was steel bleeding .Arthur eyes looked over Merlins body as he pulled the men into his arms. There was nothing her could do, there were to many cuts, to many wounds and not enough time to heal him , he'd lost so much blood already.

Tears flowed from his eyes as Merlins eyes opened and looked into his. Arthur looked away at Merlins hands which still gripped the knife he'd used to destroy himself. Arthur ripped the knife out of merlins hands and threw it away as his body started trembling , but it wasn't like before, that was just out of anger or sadness now it seemed like he was physically falling apart as the one he loved most was slipping away from him.

"why" he whispered as his grip on Merlin tighten, as if the act itself would keep Merlin with him and not let him die.

"Arthur" Merlin whispered as a smile crept onto his face. Why was he smiling. He shouldn't be smiling, Arthur though to himself.

" why" he pleaded.

" Merlin please I need to know why you did this" he begged although he already knew the answer.

" I love you Arthur" Merlin whispered as he drew his last breath.

"Merlin" Arthur asked as he shook merlins body, but he didn't respond.

Arthur's tears where running down his face as Gaius tried to pull him away from merlins body but Arthur's grip was to tight and all Gaius did was drag them both a couple of centimetres to the left.

"Arthur" Morgona asked as she knelt down next to Arthur , Arthur didn't answer his eyes where still locked on Merlin. " how could I let this happen, I should have watched him more, I could have…." Arthur thought in his head

"Arthur" Morgona asked again this time wrapping her arms around him to try and stop his shaking. Gaius and Gwen kneeled beside Merlins body. Gwen shed he tears as Gaius closed Merlins eyes so he could be sleeping in Arthur's arms.

"its my fault" Arthur whispered for the 1st time since Merlin had died.

"what" Morgona snapped, shocked that Arthur could even think that. Gaius and Gwen look between the pair, both confused about what was going on.

" how could you even think that Arthur" she scolded him

" but it is, if I had never told him how I felt he would be alive and safe" Arthur chocked out as more tears threatened to escape. " Arthur Merlin loved you , he would not want u blaming yourself for anything, please don't do this to yourself at least for Merlin" she pleaded with him, but Arthur just sat there staring at his pale face.

They tried for hours to move Arthur away, but failed every time, he would not even speak but only continued to gaze at Merlin as if he was willing his to wake up and come back to him. It was only in the early hours at the next morning that Arthur's body gave out on him and he drifted off to sleep. His 3 friends took him back to his room and made sure he was asleep in his bed before leaving. "they were together weren't they?" Gwen asked.

"yes" was the only answer she got from Morgona before she walked away.

" you don't think that's why he?" she began to ask but Gaius new what she was asking and spoke before she could finish.

"we'll never know my dear, but the one thing I am sure of is that Arthur is going to need as much help as we can give" Gwen nodded before they went there separated ways.

Next chapter

What is wrong with my son Gaius

He hasn't spoken to anyone since the funeral

Gwen have u seen Arthur today

Oh my god ………………..what have you done …….