Chapter 24: Zack Needs Advice For Most Things

"Stay here while I go get our sleeping bags," Zack said in what he thought was a 'smooth' manner. He hoped to excuse himself without suspicion from Georgia's presence briefly so that he could ask Hodgins what he should do in order to make their stay in the lab considerably less awkward than it was already destined to be. He was not confident in his ability to pull it off, but Georgia just nodded and snuggled deeper into the couch. Zack took that as a sign that she did not suspect his reason for leaving her, and he hurried down into the room where Hodgins was attempting to sleep on one of the spare autopsy tables.

"Where's the lady friend? Please tell me that she found an escape route through the vents and you came to fill me in."

"I left her in the lounge. I have a problem."

Zack pulled himself into a seated position on the autopsy table next to the one on which Hodgins was lying. He made a conscious effort not to engage in what Georgia referred to as his 'tell', the nervous tic of biting his lip when he was uncomfortable or unsure of something.

Hodgins evidently did not need the tic to understand that Zack was nervous. He shrugged and spoke in a comforting tone.

"Okay. Well, look, just close your eyes and think of Tricia Helfer, and it'll spring right to life."

"I know you are joking, but I don't understand what it is supposed to mean. However, given that you mentioned a woman who is very attractive, I am going to assume that your joke was sexual in nature, and I would like to point out that I do not appreciate it. My sex life with Georgia is highly adequate."

"Oh, well if it's adequate…"

"Do you not know the meaning of the word ade…?"

"Just stop right there. I'm too tired to talk circles around you tonight. What's the big issue?"

"I am afraid that this experience will prove to be unpleasant enough for Georgia that she will want to dump me when we get out of here."

"I wouldn't exactly blame the girl. This is no way for anyone to spend Christmas."

"You are my friend. Say something supportive. I do not need to be reminded of the reality of the situation."

"Wow, she's really been getting to you, huh? Usually you tell me that my support has no effect on the outcome of anything in your life."

"I am beginning to see that I was mistaken in assuming that the feeling of self-confidence gained from the support of a friend is entirely useless. With Georgia's support I find that I am able to constantly surprise myself in work and other areas of my life."

"Okay, sure. Whatever. Look, I'm going to try to talk to you like a human being right now, and it's not my fault if you don't understand any of this. I'm not going to lie to you. She might take this as a sign that your relationship isn't going to be easy. Or maybe spending three days together will make her see all the things about you that annoy the crap out of the rest of us. So you're going to have to spice things up a little. You're gonna have to make this the most exciting three days of her life."

"That was what I had in mind, but how exactly do I go about doing that? I am not an exciting person."

"I've always wanted to give it a go in the decontamination shower. It might be a little uncomfortable, a little messy, but just imagine her naked body pressed up against the sides…"

"Hodgins!" Zack exclaimed, alarmed at the low and inarguably sexual tone of Hodgins' voice. "I did not mean…I didn't think that…"

"What? Having sex in new and different places is the most exciting thing you can do for a girl. She'll be all over that! Trust me; it's the way to go."

Zack frowned and stood up.

"Maybe I should have gone to Angela, first," he sighed. He ignored Hodgins' indignant gasp and quickly headed towards Dr. Brennan's office.

He was pleased to see that Dr. Brennan was working on the man from the fallout shelter. That meant that Angela was alone.

He enjoyed his talks with Dr. Brennan very much, but she was too much like him to be of any real assistance in such a situation. And it was easier to talk about personal problems when his boss was not in close proximity. It always felt as if she were studying him. As if she were confused as to how he believed he would be able to maintain a normal relationship, with his personality being what it was. He felt judged, and judgment was not what he required. He was interested in something a little more helpful than that.

In a professional and academic setting, judgment was a good thing. It motivated people to do their best. In personal situations, he found that it had the opposite effect.

So he snuck into Dr. Brennan's office, careful to avoid attracting her notice. He closed the door behind him and turned to face Angela, who was reading a worn-out paperback book.

"Angela," he said quietly, so as to not startle her. "I need your advice."

Angela turned to face him, a grin spreading across her face. It reminded Zack of the cat from Alice in Wonderland, a film which he had failed to understand as a child. Still, the comparison seemed fairly accurate.

"Sweetie. Sit."

She tossed the forgotten paperback to the side and patted the couch's cushions dramatically. Zack sat as far from her as he could. He suddenly felt as if he should have just taken Hodgins' advice and made love to Georgia in the shower.

"I am afraid that Georgia is going to be bored here, and she won't want to continue dating me once we are able to leave."

Angela laughed. Zack was not sure why. Angela was a keen observer of human nature most of the time. She should have been able to tell that he was legitimately distraught over his current predicament. But instead, she laughed.

Finally, she noted the frown lines in his forehead and the perturbed grimace he was sporting. She put her hand on his knee, stifling her laughter.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry. But Georgia isn't going to leave you. She looks at you like you're the sun."

"Is that a good thing?"

"That's a very good thing. Zack, Georgia isn't going to leave you because of this. If anything, it'll strengthen your relationship."

"But arguably, this is my fault. It is my fault that she is going to spend her Christmas here."

"And you think she's mad about that? I know she's talked to you about her past Christmases, and she told me a little bit, too. I don't think Christmas in the lab is as bleak an experience as you're making it out to be. I think that as long as you're here, she'll be fine."

Zack was not so sure.

"I want to do something special for her. Something so that she will know that I care, and that I'm sorry. Whether you think I should be sorry or not."

"It definitely couldn't hurt. And I think it's sweet. Really. She'll love whatever you decide to do. But right now, I'm gonna turn in for the night. If you still want to talk about it tomorrow, just come find me and we'll figure something out."

Zack was beginning to feel frustrated. Hodgins and Angela were supposed to be the people he could go to with problems and could leave five minutes later with said problems solved. They were his normal friends, the people who would tell him if he was doing something wrong. They were the people who always had ideas about what he should and should not do with his personal life. And now that he was making progress, now that he was struggling to hold onto the most normal woman he would probably ever get a chance to date, they were not nearly as helpful as they had been in the past.

He was very confused. And beginning to feel desperate. So he did what he never thought he would do; he headed towards Angela's office to ask Agent Booth for assistance.

Agent Booth was not normally the type of person who one could ask for help in anything. Especially not if one's name was Zachary Uriah Addy. It was a simple and unavoidable fact that Agent Booth was not fond of Dr. Brennan's favorite grad student. Zack liked to think that it was possibly an alpha male reaction to a perceived threat, but he found it hard to imagine that Agent Booth considered him a threat in any way.

No, Agent Booth disliked Zack for many reasons, but Zack was not as concerned about going to ask for his advice as he normally would have been. Agent Booth, after all, was on the receiving end of some very potent drugs. Drugs that were blessedly giving him a sense of euphoria. A sense of love and camaraderie with everyone around him. The blaming and the complaining were far behind him for the time being, and Zack intended to take advantage of it.

He walked into Angela's office where Dr. Goodman and Agent Booth were staying for the night. Dr. Goodman was sleeping on the couch, while Agent Booth had taken up residence on the floor. Both looked up with surprise when he walked into the room. Agent Booth sat up with a smile. Dr. Goodman closed his eyes and sighed with what was evident even to Zack as relief.

"Oh, thank God," Goodman said.

"Hey, Zacky. What're you doing here? Where's the special lady friend?"

Agent Booth was much friendlier than Zack had anticipated. It made him highly uncomfortable. It was like he had awoken in an alternate universe where things were not as they were supposed to be. But it was for Georgia, he reminded himself, and so he stepped further into the room and closed the door behind him.

"I have a problem, and since you are proficient with women I thought that you might be able to help."

"Tell me you don't have another girl lined up!" Booth exclaimed. "That would just be crazy."

"No! No, there is no other girl. However, I'm afraid that after this weekend there may be another man. For her. I am afraid that she is going to wish to terminate our relationship because of my part in the events that transpired earlier today."

"Well you did breach protocol by cutting into the bone with Hodgins in the room," Dr. Goodman pointed out. Zack was not cheered by his tone.

"I am not worried so much about her opinion regarding the breach in protocol as I am about the fact that I have contributed to what will likely be a very uncomfortable Christmas for her."

"Uncomfortable? You mean if she contracts the disease?"

"I suppose that would make matters worse than they already are, yes. But even if she doesn't contract the disease, spending Christmas weekend here is not what we had in mind. And although she was nervous to meet my parents, I believe she was looking forward to being able to travel out and see them. I am afraid that she will be disappointed if she is not able."

"No, no. No way. Georgia loves the lab!" Agent Booth exclaimed.

"I have to agree with him on this one. Georgia does seem to be quite fascinated with the lab and what you do. Perhaps you could get some work done and show her your process. After all, you have plenty of time to make sure that she understands."

Zack was not positive, but he had a feeling that Dr. Goodman's 'advice' really had more to do with Zack getting work done than it had to do with making certain that Georgia did not dump him by the end of the weekend.

"I have already explained many of my processes to Georgia throughout the time we have been dating, and she is a fast learner. She remembers the things that I teach her. Nothing that I have now is anything that she hasn't seen. I don't think it will work."

Dr. Goodman frowned and looked down at his hands clasped in his lap, evidently either engaging in religious reflection or trying to figure out a way to help Zack in his endeavor. Perhaps with a less selfish solution than before.

"Look, Zack, buddy, Georgia doesn't need any special treatment. Georgia is, she's totally alien. She thinks you're God's personal gift-wrapped gift to her. There's no way she's dumping you over this."

"Once again, I have to agree with him," Goodman put in. Agent Booth gestured wildly to Goodman, nearly hitting the other man in the face. Goodman shot him an exasperated glare that Agent Booth did not see.

"See? Zacky boy, you have a good girl who thinks you're the coolest thing since…I don't know…something really weird that you like. Mummified remains or Battlestar Galactica or something."

"Your eloquence leaves a lot to be desired," Dr. Goodman said with a heavy sigh. "Why don't I step up to this figurative plate. Mr. Addy, as you know I try to avoid getting entangled in the personal lives of my employees as much as is possible. I do not relish being bombarded with excuses as to why people perform inconsistently, and I do not enjoy being expected to care about minute problems when I have my own to deal with. However, because your relationship with Ms. Regan is so…interesting, I have noticed that it is very strong. So strong, in fact, that I do believe it would survive whatever hardship was thrown its way."

His words were comforting. There was no denying that. There was possibly even some truth to them. Zack was very aware of Dr. Goodman's policy of ignoring his employees' personal reasons for sub-par work. Angela and Hodgins were often very upset by it. Zack did not understand why. He thought that Dr. Goodman's policy was a very effective tool when it came to motivating people to do their assignments. He would have preferred a more lenient employer, but if he was speaking as a purely objective third party observer, he would have commended Dr. Goodman for his professionalism.

Still, Zack was not quite sure that Dr. Goodman completely understood what he was trying to say. And although he was reluctant to say anything else because he was genuinely worried about what Agent Booth might say under the influence of a hallucinogen, he felt that it was a very desperate time indeed.

"I have been reassured of Georgia's affections for me by everyone I have gone to for advice. But I do not feel that the data has been conclusive enough for me to determine that Georgia will not leave me at the end of this weekend. I would appreciate advice on how to prevent or at least delay a breakup caused by this quarantine. I want to make these three days very enjoyable for her."

"Talk about your Christmas miracles," Agent Booth muttered. He and Dr. Goodman chuckled loudly together as if they had said something very funny indeed. Zack was not quite amused, although he understood the joke they were trying to make. He just did not find it very entertaining.

He supposed that maybe he was letting his personal feelings get in the way of the matter. After all, it was his life they were laughing about. The only woman in his life – discounting his mother – who had ever been able to handle his strangeness and take it in stride. Zack was not sure what he would do if he did not have her. And the fact that the possibility of her presence in his life ceasing to be was a damning one. He almost could not bear the thought.

And they were laughing. Dr. Goodman was married to a woman who, as far as Zack could tell with his limited experience, seemed very lovely and kind. Agent Booth was the kind of man who could get nearly any women he wanted, and who enjoyed himself in doing so. They had everything that they needed in order to be successful in relationships, and they were laughing at him.

He did not usually feel insulted. It was a useless emotion, and it only served to hinder one's self-confidence in times when it was arguably needed the most. But on this particular occasion, he could not rationalize what he was feeling. He could not put his emotions aside and look at the situation in an empirical way – why were they laughing? Did they have reason to laugh? Were they not emotional beings driven by their impulses and not the logic that Zack's mind was fueled by? – He could only sit silently and glower at them until they both realized that he was taking their derision in a much different way than he normally did. Agent Booth grew slightly more serious, perhaps sobered by the realization that he had transcended past mere joking and had begun to be, quite simply, cruel.

"Zack, buddy. Look, it's nothing personal. It's just that, you know, Georgia's a one-in-a-million girl for you. She hasn't looked at me twice since the day we met, but she's got eyes for you twenty-four hours a day. She's not put off by the awkward thing, and she's really, really hot."

Booth, who had actually been doing pretty well for himself with the advice for once, giggled and lay back down on his pillow. Then he muttered something about how amazing the drugs were. Zack frowned and looked at Dr. Goodman, instead.

"Mr. Addy, I think what Agent Booth was trying to say before he was sidelined by his euphoria was that Georgia is not a girl that we understand. No one can understand her but you. And if you really think about it, I believe that you know what you should do."

And Zack realized that he was right.

He returned to the loft with his sleeping bag and Georgia's held carefully under his arm. Georgia looked up from her silent observation of the Christmas lights strung up nearby, and she smiled a watery smile at him. Zack set down his things and knelt next to the couch, next to her.

"Georgia, I know this is not an ideal situation in which to find oneself near Christmas, and I am very sorry for my part in it."

"Oh, Zack, it's…"

"Please, please let me finish. I went to Hodgins and Angela and even Agent Booth and Dr. Goodman asking them if there was something that I could do to make you happy this weekend, because I did not think that I knew how to do it on my own. But I realized that I was wrong. I know how to make you happy because you are happy. With me, I mean. And I do not understand it because it is not logical in the slightest, but I accept it as something that is far beyond my comprehensive abilities. Like the seeming necessity of makeup or the mentality of the Alpha male. None of it makes sense to me. But I know that you care about me, and you enjoy spending time with me. And I know that you will not leave me because of this. You are a positive person, and you will find a way to look at this in a positive light and turn it into something to be enjoyed rather than something to hate. And I believe that is why I love you."

Georgia's eyes widened and Zack knew that she was happy. He could not read it on her face or in her body language, but he knew. It was an empirical fact. It was data. He did not second guess himself, and he did not feel the need to remind himself that he was not very good at seeing things such as emotional responses. He just knew.

He leaned up and took her face in his hands and then he kissed her. He tasted salt and knew that she had shed a tear. But he knew that it was a happy one. Because then she pulled his face away from hers and she spoke.

"I love you, too."

They made love on the floor of the lounge.

Hodgins was right.

The next day, they met his parents. When Georgia introduced herself, Zack's entire family stared. Then laughed. Then finally cheered and congratulated him. Although they expressed their confusion as to how Zack was able to meet and seduce a woman who seemed so normal, they were as supportive and loving as always. His mother even cried.

And Zack knew, judging by the way that Georgia's smile never faded as they stood there with his extended family beyond the glass, that he and Georgia were going to make it.

Like Dr. Goodman had said, their relationship was strong enough to outlast every bad thing that was thrown their way.

But Zack never could have predicted the hardships that were to come.