They were supposed to leave for the new building today, and so extra precautions would be taken to ensure that everyone was safe in relocating. Since Kira was somewhere out there, silent, but out there nonetheless, they all needed to be especially alert when moving outside. And championing this vigilance to the highest degree was L, as he should be, since his life was the one most in danger. No one had felt his measures were extreme since he was doing this to protect both the investigation team and himself, and so they had gone along with all his directions. L was not known to do things half-assed, but even so, there was a limit to how careful a person should be, and he had clearly crossed that line on morning of their departure.

Everyone was to split up in two teams. The first team consisted of Soichirou, Mogi, Aizawa, and Masuda, while the second consisted of L, Watari, Raito, and Misa. They were to each leave an hour apart and take different routes. There was nothing peculiar about this arrangement as switching hotels up to that point had been a common occurrence for Raito, but the difference now being he and Misa were officially prime suspects—he chained to the detective and Misa kept under twenty-four seven surveillance in a provided room.

For the detective, Raito thought, the fact that he and Misa were officially prime suspects made a world of difference in how he would handle them, since it seemed to give him an excuse to become even more paranoid. This was no better demonstrated at the time of departure, when L, suddenly turning to the group, announced in the most factual of tones that he would now be performing a strip-search on the two prime suspects.

This news was obviously not well-received.

"This is not the time to joke, Ryuuzaki," Yagami-san said, tone absolutely serious because this was his son and a young lady the detective was talking about.

"I agree that this is not the time to joke. That is why I am being completely serious."

"But that's totally inappropriate!" Matsuda shouted, voicing everyone's opinions.

"Yeah… that kind of thing should be out of the question," Aizawa added.

Mogi nodded along.

"I understand everyone's concerns, but the transportation of prime suspects is usually where most of the danger lies, and I would not want to be caught unaware because I did not think to search them before hand."

"But how could they hide anything? Raito is chained to you and Amane is always under surveillance."

"I do not want to insult you, Yagami-san, but if your son is Kira and Misa-san is the second, then they are obviously capable individuals who know how to take advantage of a situation. They have avoided any detection that could directly implicate them as Kira so far into my investigation, so I doubt this system we have arranged to monitor them would be a 100 percent guarantee that any of us are safe. Not to mention that I do not have eyes in the back of my head."

"Are you sure about that?" Aizawa mumbled.

"Therefore, there is no way for me to always keep track of Raito-kun and Misa-san, and no one way for me to know for certain that they will not try anything against me during our short time outside."

"Is that all?" Matsuda said, like he had come up with an idea that would put L's fears to rest. "Then Misa-Misa can ride with us. It'd be smart to split them up if you're so worried about it. Right?" Turning to the chief, Matsuda looked to him for approval on the idea.

"No," L said at once, cutting off anyone that might want to contribute to Matsuda's plan. "That will not do."

"Huh? But why not?" Matsuda said, indignant that he had been shot down so quickly.

"Because I want to ride with both of them."

"…"

"Uh… don't you think you're being a little unreasonable there?" Aizawa said.

"What is unreasonable about wanting to protect yourself?"

"But you just said –" Matsuda interrupted.

"What did I say?" L answered back, holding firm to the plan that both Raito and Misa would accompany him on the drive to the new building. "I am taking extra precautions. I apologize if my suggestions are offensive, but please work that out among yourselves while I conduct my search. It should not take very long."

Raito and Misa, who had remained quiet so far -- shocked into silence more like it -- were jarringly brought back to the present when L suddenly grabbed onto one of their wrists each and started pulling them towards an empty room.

"Ryuuzaki, can't we talk about this?"

"Misa doesn't want anyone but Raito to see her naked! Waahhh!"

"Dad, do something."

"Ryuuzaki, please reconsider." Yagami-san stepped into L's path, speaking on behalf of the two that were currently trying to flee L for everything they were worth. "This is… I don't think this situation warrants such extreme measures. If anything, please reconsider because Amane is a young woman and to force her into this is ah," cough, "highly questionable."

L came to a stop and this gave the two pulling away from him the chance to break away. He was staring at the chief intensely, like he was trying to wrap his head around the implication of "questionable" and not having any luck.

"Do you mean to say that it is fine for me to perform this search on Raito-kun but not Misa-san?"

"Of course not!" Raito answered in his father's stead.

L touched a finger to his mouth, nodding along. "Excluding one and then performing the search on the other, I think that would actually be more questionable than what I wish to do. I am glad that Raito-kun and I are on the same page about this. It makes things go faster when I have another person to argue my point."

"Huh?"

"Since that has been settled, I will start with Raito-kun. It is very considerate of him to volunteer to go first. That will give Misa-san time to prepare herself mentally, if need be. Though I doubt she would need to. She should be more accustomed to such things due to her being a woman and needing to visit a gynecologist for annual check-ups."

"I can't believe he just said that, I can't believe he just said that," Aizawa said in total disbelief.

"Now wait a minute!" Yagami-san persisted. "You can't expect us to accept this quietly." Yagami-san motioned towards the two that were currently trying to sneak out of the room while everyone's attention was on him. "Please Ryuuzaki, as a young adult, please put yourself in their shoes and rethink your actions. You are being unreasonable."

"I am sorry that you think that way, Yagami-san," L told him without an ounce of that supposed apology in his voice, "but I will be going ahead with my plans. I cannot offer you any more reassurance on this, but if we were to look at this from an anatomical standpoint and not a social one, then I think that would put some of your fears to rest.

"For Raito-kun and Misa-san are practically the same. The only difference," L said and raised a finger in air, "is that Misa-san will have one more place for me to search."

Everyone in the room stopped and stared at L, stunned silent.

They stared at him and his completely serious expression and that pointer finger that was still in the air and not looking like it was going to lower anytime soon.

"Well then, we should get started," L said while everyone continued to stare at him in disbelief and maybe a bit of horror. "Watari, please set the lube and gloves in this room." Turning to Raito and Misa, who had gone several shades of white in the last minute and were now on par with L's skin tone, the detective continued to prepare in a professional manner.

"Are any of you allergic to latex? If that is the case then please speak up now so I can switch over to a synthetic material. That way I will not irritate either of you down there and cause this to be an unpleasant experience for you."

"Please remove your clothes and sit on that table."

"Do I have to remove all of my clothes?"

"Is there a reason why you would not part with certain articles of clothing? Would these articles of clothing have secret pockets that you do not want me to find?"

"I'll remove them."

"Please set them down there so I can check through them."

On the other side of the door, everyone listened in horror as they heard shuffling and what could only be Raito stripping down.

"Poor Raito-kun," Matsuda lamented for the teen.

"Don't violate my boyfriend!" Misa cried at the door and scratched at it weakly, new tears forming in her eyes, both for Raito and soon for herself.

"Now please open your mouth."

Everyone shivered as they heard what distinctly sounded like gloves being snapped into place. A calm sounding "ah" followed the request and it alleviated their fears a little, that is, until they heard what sounded like a slap and Raito coughing loudly, which only upset them again.

"Don't just shove your hand down my throat, you idiot!"

"Do I have to remind you that this is all a part of procedure? Now please compose yourself and open your mouth again. I was not finished."

"This is so…" they heard Raito swear a bit and then the room went silent again except for the slick motions of a glove.

"Raito-kun?"

"Whut?" Raito asked, attempting to sound normal, even though he must have had L's hand searching around in his mouth.

"You have very nice teeth."

They heard the teen groan in exasperation. "Are you done yet?"

"Yes, you're oral examination is complete. Next I will proceed onto the full body cavity search," he declared. Everyone outside the door heard the menacing snapping sound that signaled L was changing gloves. "Stand up and raise your arms."

Sardonically, "Like this, Doctor Ryuuzaki."

"You catch on quickly, patient Raito-kun."

"I'm not the sick one here."

"I have only just finished with the top half of your body and am now moving onto the lower half, so I would refrain from insulting me."

"Dad!" Raito suddenly shouted.

"Yagami-san, do not come in here. This is a sight that I doubt would warm any father's heart, so I must insist that you stay on that side of the locked door and I on this side. Though for everyone else concerned, Raito-kun has a barely noticeable freckle on his right shoulder. I give it two thumbs up."

"I want to see it too!" Misa cried on the other side, scratching at the door like a cat begging for food.

"Misa-san is more than welcome to. It would certainly spare me the trouble of retrieving you when your time comes."

"Don't casually invite people in!" Raito yelled at L.

"There is no need to be shy. It is a nice freckle. Now please turn around and bend over the table. I must now search the second largest orifice of your body, the first being your big mouth."

"I'm so going to sue you for everything you're worth when this case is over and I'm proven innocent."

"I am actually worth quite a lot, so I wish you good luck on that. Now let us see if Kira is as creative in hiding potential weapons as he is in hiding from the law." That menacing snapping sound cut the silence again and everyone behind the door froze.

But what was possibly more disturbing than latex gloves being snapped was the sound that came right after it.

"Ryuuzaki, can you… please not hum while you're doing this."

"It's supposed to relax you."

"It's not going to relax me, trust me."

"But it is Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata--I find it very relaxing."

"No amount of hummed-Beethoven is going to restore the dignity to this situation."

"So Moonlight Sonata is a 'no'? That is okay. I have other selections that I can use. How does Ode to Joy sound?"

"Oh god, just hurry up and –" A loud thump followed by a strangled cry made Yagami-san rush towards door in alarm and pound a heavy fist against the wood.

"It is okay, Yagami-san," L said and didn't even need to see to know who the noisy person on the other side of the door was. "Raito-kun was just a bit startled. Though I admit I was a bit startled myself because I was confident that your son was not a virgin."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

A long tense pause followed, but instead of answering Raito's question, L suddenly flung the door open and pulled Misa into the room before the girl could even cry out. The door slammed in the faces of the rest of the investigation taskforce and they turned to stare at each other in disbelief.

"Now I am going to have to ask Misa-san to take off her clothing. I promise to not touch you inappropriately, unless you want me to."

"Ryuuzaki… can I please have my clothes back?" Raito interrupted, though hesitantly.

"No, you may not have your clothes back. I am sorry, but until I am certain that neither of you are hiding anything, I must ask you to remain where you are."

"I can see Raito naked," Misa suddenly giggled.

"And soon, he will be able to see you naked as well," L pointed out candidly.

"Well that's fine, I want my Raito to see me naked," Misa answered defiantly. "But I don't want Ryuuzaki to see. I'm not his girlfriend."

"Again, I am sorry, but I am not asking Misa-san. So I apologize if this is rude, but –" There was a sudden fwoosh sound and everyone on the other side of the door heard Misa shriek.

"What're you doing to Misa-misa?!" Matsuda was the one to bang on the door this time, but no clarifying response from L was needed when everyone heard Misa yell, "Give me back my skirt!"

"Ryuuzaki, you can't just do that," Raito criticized, though he sounded remarkably calm in spite of what was happening in the room. Then they heard him add, somewhat drolly, "Though I've never seen someone rip a girl's skirt off like a table-cloth before."

"I am not proud of the skill—no. Neither am I very proud of this."

"My bra!"

There was a deafening silence on the other side of the door, each man not knowing exactly what to do in the face of hearing a woman shriek 'my bra' at the top of her lungs. Of course their first instinct was to bust down the door and arrest the parties responsible for stripping said woman of her undergarments, but with L they couldn't exactly do that. Even though they really wanted to.

"Give it back, you pervert! Raito, tell him to give it back!"

"Give her back her bra, Ryuuzaki."

"I am sorry, but I have to confiscate this—there is a wire in it." A ripping sound followed this statement and they could only assume L was doing the unthinkable.

"Don't rip it open!" Misa cried.

"I will buy you a new one," L reasoned, like that was obviously the problem here. "I will also need the rest, Misa-san."

"Rest of what?"

"Your clothes."

"But I'm cold!" Misa yelled. She didn't seem to realize that her reasoning skills were just as poor as L's, as she had totally missed the other point of why people wore clothes.

"I doubt she could hide anything in her underwear, Ryuuzaki. It's lace and practically see-through."

"You have a point," L agreed, but the investigation team heard him snapping on gloves nevertheless. "I am still going to have to ask you to remove your underwear, since it will get in the way of the vaginal and anal—ah, Misa-san, where are you running off to?"

The doorknob on their side jangled. "I'll never let Ryuuzaki touch me."

"I enjoy a challenge Misa-san, so you are not doing yourself any favors by running away and telling me what I cannot do." They heard footsteps approaching the door, then they heard another set of footsteps scurrying away, or attempting to, anyway.

"Ah! Let me go! Put me down!" They saw the shadows under the doors retreating and they assumed L had been successful in capturing and carrying/dragging the blonde towards the table.

"Rapist!"

Hanging his head in shame, Yagami-san was starting to wonder who exactly the greater evil was between Kira and L. Of course it was Kira, but sometimes the detective made it really hard to see that….

"I don't think you should force her like this if she doesn't want to, Ryuuzaki," they heard Raito say, tone unusually calm for all the crazy things that were happening around him. "It doesn't really reflect well on you when a girl starts calling you a rapist."

"I am not raping anyone," L said factually, and everyone on the other side of the door heard Misa struggling. "I am simply taking precautions. How those two things can be confused confuses me and I—do not kick me there, Misa-san; unlike you, I actually have something down there."

"Ryuuzaki-o-baka!"

They heard Raito sighing loudly. "Okay, if you're going to do this, can you please hurry, Ryuuzaki. It's not the most comfortable thing in the world when you have to sit naked on a cold table."

"I would be done already if Misa-san were not so dead-set on fighting me."

"Misa, can you cut it out?" Raito said tersely, which surprised everyone outside the door, as they had thought Raito was on the blonde's side. It was the only sensible side when they had to take in account the other side belonged to L.

"How can you say that?" Misa shouted. "I'm your girlfriend and you want another man to violate me."

They heard more sighing. "Misa, besides the fact that we're not going out, do you really want to be stuck in this room all day, shivering and naked. Ryuuzaki can outwait both of us. He's done it before. He's not really the type of person that takes 'no' for an answer."

"I take offense at that Raito-kun as you are making me sound like a rapist—again—but Misa-san, he does have a point: I can wait here all day."

Matsuda pounded on the door. "Hey, don't gang up on Misa-misa."

"Shut up, Matsuda-san," Raito and L said frighteningly in unison.

"I'm not saying this is okay," Raito added, "but it could be worse. Once you get over the initial surprise of it… it's not so bad. Ryuuzaki seems to know what he's doing… which makes me wonder if he's done research on this and I don't really know how to feel about that—" Raito finished with an uncertain tone.

"Your feedback is much appreciated, Raito-kun. And, maybe next time, when I conduct a strip-search, it will only involve the two of us and there will be no gloves."

"What did he just say?" Aizawa asked.

"Now, please take a seat on the table, Misa-san."

"I won't," she said, still stubborn. They heard her stomp her tiny feet like she was about to make a declaration. "I won't let you touch me until Raito agrees to a date with Misa and Ryuuzaki promises to give us time alone."

"You are very cunning, Misa-san. I like that trait in girls, so I will give you an hour alone with Raito-kun."

"Yay!" The investigation team heard Misa's victory cheer, and then they heard her jump up on the table like L had asked her to. "I'm delicate, so you mustn't be rough with Misa," she warned. "Did you hear that, Raito? Your Misa is delicate like a flower."

"I will take that into consideration," L said and they heard him snapping on gloves again. "But before we get onto the actual searching, let me take a moment to point out that I can see your butt, Raito-kun, and it is a very fine butt."

"I want to see!" Misa said, not realizing something that everyone behind the door (well except Matsuda) was privy to as the words left L's mouth. The next thing they heard was a girlish yelp--L's distraction having worked like clock-work--and a loud banging noise, like Misa had knocked her elbow into the table in her surprise. There were a few more noises following the first set, which was then rounded out with a scandalous moan that had the investigation team coughing and backing away from the door.

"Well, we are done here," L said, snapping his gloves off. "I would like to thank both of you for being such good sports about this."

"Uh-huh," Misa and Raito said in unison. They sounded tired.

"Do not put on your clothes yet. I will ask Watari to bring you robes, as I will now be confiscating all your possessions. That also goes for your watch, Raito-kun." There was a pause. "You are still wearing your watch, Raito-kun."

"Oh," Raito said, as if he was now coming out of a daze. "I didn't even realize. Here, but will you give us back our things after the investigation? That watch was given to me by my father as a graduation present and I cherish it very much."

"Yes, after the investigation. I will keep it safe for you."

The door-knob jangled on their side and everyone took a few steps back to let L through. The detective had a bundle of clothing in his arms. Watari, who had been missing in action ever since the strip-search had officially begun, appeared out of nowhere and took the bundle from L's hands. "I will need two robes for now," L dictated to the older man. "Then I will need you to search through these thoroughly." He motioned to the bundle in Watari's hand. "Have you gone through their other possessions?"

"Yes, I found nothing."

"Well, that's alright; I'll have you get rid of everything, anyway. And just to be sure, burn it. Don't throw it out."

"Yes."

"Also," L took Raito's watch out of his pocket and held it up in front of Watari, "dismantle this for me, would you? Search through it very thoroughly. Then after you are done, destroy it and buy one that looks exactly like it. I will also need you to buy them a whole new wardrobe. Be done by," L turned the face of Raito's watch around so he could see the time, "Be done by twelve."

"Yes, sir," Watari said tersely. L casually placed the watch on top of the pile of clothing, and as if that was his cue, Watari walked off to accomplish his tasks for the morning.

The investigation team, who had been as quiet as church mice during L's orders, finally found their voices and stepped forward to question the detective. They all had an especially bad feeling about how quickly L had gone from all fun to all business. As soon as he had stepped out of that room and away from Raito and Misa, it was almost like he had turned into an entirely different person. They all feared the worse had happened and L had found incriminating evidence on the two.

"Did you… did you find anything, Ryuuzaki? Did you find anything?" Yagami-san asked, the pain at having to ask that question clearly reflected in his eyes. He was looking to L with both pleading and damning eyes.

L pressed a finger to his bottom lip, stared up at the ceiling thoughtfully for an excruciating moment, then turned those big all-seeing eyes toward him and said with a faint smile: "Yes, I did find something out, in fact. Two things actually." He tapped his bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Did you know that Raito-kun is a virgin and Misa-san is not a real blonde?"

A/n: Then Yagami-san kills L for saying that about his son and everyone lives happily ever. That's how I should have ended it, but the opposite seems to be applied here. If L had just taken away the watch from Raito in the manga he would not have been killed. A lot of Raito's plan hinged on that watch, which made me kind of laugh and love it all the more. Some would say that a smarter L would have stripped Raito and Misa of all there possessions in incarceration and upon releasing them kept it all (that watch included), and I would agree with them if that scenario didn't make me incredibly unhappy. One of the highlights of deathnote for me anyway was when L died because 1) I didn't expect it at all and 2) Raito's 'I win' face was made of well… epic win.