MESSAGE FROM THE FUTURE: This is the first thing I have ever written about anything ever, needless to say it isn't very good. But, since this chapter (and a few others after it) My writing abilities have improved drastically and the story is much better than this chapter would have you think. So, please, read on, ignore the abuse of vulgarity, out-of-character-action, and overall uselessness and I promise you will find a story worth being written. This has been a Message from the Future.

Ok so i read over the first chapter of my old story and it really really sucked

so i wrote something differnt to start it off. Enjoy

I Dont Own Anything...yet.

Several members of Organization XIII were sitting in the Kitchen of Depressing Delights, talking and waiting for their superior to tell them what to do for the day.

"Dude, you have to tell me, who named this kitchen 'The Kitchen of Depressing Delights? Isn't that an oxymoron?', asked Xigbar

"I dont know", replied Xaldin, "Probably Xemnas or Zexion named it, they named most of the rooms in the castle"

"It figures", Marluxia piped in, "Those two are so emo...", Marluxia flipped his hair in a beautiful fashion "...And ugly"

Somewhere deep in the castle, Zexion looked up from his lexicon. "Marluxia just called me emo and ugly, he will pay!

Back in the kitchen, Xaldin, Xigbar, Marluxia, Larxene, Luxord and Lexaeus, sat around the huge circular booth in the corner of the kitchen. Xigbar got up, and walked over to the pantry. " I'm gonna get somethin' to eat, anyone want something?"

"Oh, I heared women like chocolate during, you know, that time of the month, so give Larxene some Hershey kisses", Luxord said. Everyone burst out laughing, except Larxene. "Heh heh. Bleeding out of you cooch once a month, is so unbeautiful," Marluxia proclaimed, flipping his hair in a beautiful fashion.

Larxene growled. "Fuck you, you french piece of shit!" she yelled.

"My dear, I am British", Luxord raised his cup of tea to the air, "And damn proud of it". Luxord stood up and proclaimed, "God save the Queen!". No one stood and toasted with Luxord, who quikly sat back down, sipped his tea and said "Bloody Americans."

"We're Japanese, Dude", said Xigbar, finally reaching the pantry. He pulled at the door, and it didnt open. He started tugging at the door, and nothing happened. He placed his foot on the door, and tugged harder, and the door still didnt open.

"Did one of you cockfags do something to the door! I want my friggin' chips!", Xigbar yelled.

"Ugly language is so not beautiful", Marluxia proclaimed.

"Hey fuck you pretty boy!"

"Fuck you one-eyed ugly face!" Marluxia yelled, giving Xigbar the bird.

"Fuck you!"

"No, fuck you!"

"No, fuck you!"

"No, fuck you!"

"Guys, Guys! Calm down", Lexaeus interrupted. He got up, and stood in between the two, trying to keep the peace. "If it makes you two feel any better, fuck the both of you". Xigbar and Marluxia turned away from each other. " Now", Lexaeus continued, "The door isnt locked and there is nothing blocking I'ts path, so it's obvious that the door is being magically sealed".

"So what do you suggest we do, then?", asked Xaldin.

"I'ts obvious. Magic defeats magic", Lexaeus stated.

"Thats the stupidest thing I have ever heared", Xigbar said, summoning his guns."I've never met a problem that my guns coudn't solve!"

"Xigbar, dont!". But Lexaeus's warning went unheared. Xigbar started teleporting around the kitchen, sending a barrage of bullets at the door. Xaldin yelled, "Run away!", as every single bullet deflected of the door and started bouncing and rebounding off of any surface in the kitchen, everyone, except Xigbar, ran out the room. Xigbar teleported upside down to the ceiling, to avoid the bullets. He failed to see seven bullets ricochet off the Refrigerator of Refrigerated Doom(?), and hit him right in the ass.

"Aaaaah! My ass!", Xigbar dropped and unsummoned his guns. Xigbar fell from the ceiling, and to the floor, landing on his ass. "Aaaaaaah! My ass!". The bullets faded away, and the door remained intact. Lexaeus, Larxene, Marluxia, Xaldin and Luxord came back into the room, to see Xigbar, groaning, flat on his back and trying to roll over to his stomach. Larxene came over and kicked Xigbar in the ribs, propelling him onto his stomach.

"Lexaeus told you not to do it, and you do it anyway", she said.

"Okay, alright, you were right Lexaeus. The door is magic, so what do we do?", groaned Xigbar.

"Theres only one person with the magical resources to unlock such a door: Zexion". A bolt of lightning boomed outside the window. "Eerie", Luxord stated.

After Xaldin and Luxord found Zexion, explained the situation, they forcibly dragged him to the kitchen, after his many protest. Zexion walked into the kitchen, looked around and found what he was looking for.

"If you're wondering where the door is", Marluxia started, "I'ts right over-Aaaah!". Before Marluxia could even finish his sentence, Zexion had kicked him square in the balls. Marluxia crouched down, holding himself. "Aaaah! What...what was that for?"

"I heared you call me emo and ugly. Nothing personal, I'ts just revenge. Oh, wait, It is personal!

"Oh, my beautiful balls!", Marluxia fell over, and passed out from the pain.

"C'mon Marluxia, you know you always have to protect the McNuggets!", Xaldin stated. He started laughing, and was joined in with everyone else. "Oh, spot on, spot on", Luxord said.

"Ok. Down to bussiness". Zexion walked over to the pantry door. He gave it a good look, then turned around to face the others. "Yep, this door is definitely magically protected".

"How can you tell?", Laxene asked

"Because, It says so on the lable", Zexion pointed down to the bottom of the door, to a lable that read 'MagicOn, keeping roommates away from your food since 1956'.

"Oh, I didn't see that".

"From what I can tell," Zexion started, "Is that, this is a pretty powerful spell, so i'm going to need a powerful unbinding spell. Lexaeus, I need you to go to my room, and brng me a book titled, I Lost My Keys, I Need Magic."

After Lexaeus brought Zexion the desired book, he started flipping though the pages. "Ooooh," Xaldin shivered.

"Whats with you?", asked Larxene.

"I'm getting the willies."

"They what?"

"They willies. It means I'm sensin' some bad mojo, mon."Xaldin said in a rastafarian accent.

"Oookay", Larxene said, taking a few steps away from Xaldin.

"Ah, here we go. I found the right spell", Zexion said, resting his hand on the page. "Now this is a powerful unbinding spell, so brace yourselves and hold on to your pants". Everyone took a few steps back and braced themselves. Zexion's book started to give off a small tint of crimson, then it levitated into the air by itself. Zexion balled up his fists, then pointed out his pinky finger and his pointer finger. He opened up his eyes wider, and his voice got very dramatic as he spoke. " The old man without a face calls to you, by the endless sea of vengence and despair, the evil strength of Bahamut beckons you, by the crimson pride of Lord MoldyButt, I command you, door, OOOPPEEEN!( he said open like he was in an opera)

Zexion's spell echoed throuhout The Castle That Never Was, opening every door, lid, window, cupboard, drawer, chest, and cabinet. The spell also undid shoelaces, buckles, belts, buttons, and zippers, anything that could be unbinded.

Demyx was whistling, and walking down one of the long and winding staircases in the castle. Then he heared Zexion's voice saying 'OOOPPEEEN!'. He said, "Is that Zexi- what? What the hell?". Demyx's shoes became untied, his belt unbuckeled, and his pants fell to his knees. He tripped and started to tumble down the stairs, screaming as he went...

Back in the kitchen, everyone and everything had been affected by the spell, except Zexion and the pantry door, it still remained intact. The book stopped levitating and fell into Zexion's hands. Xaldin, Xigbar, Larxene, and Luxord, were standing there, dumbfounded, and half naked, because their pants had fallen to the floor.

"Dude...", mumbled Xigbar , "It didn't work".

"I dont understand," Zexion said, "It should have worked. This spell is supposed to be the 'shit'."

"Well, it turned out to literally be 'shit'. I know this was going to happen." Xaldin yelled, pulling up his pants, "What did I tell you, Larxene? The willies never lie!"

"Damn you, damn the door, and damn your willies!", Larxene yelled, pulling up her pants, and rehooking her bra. "I'll be in my room, let's go, Marluxia".

Larxene grabbed the hood of a still passed out Marluxia and dragged him out the door. Passing by the doorway to the kitchen, was Roxas, Number XIII, who was also pulling up his pants and rezipping up his cloak. " What the hell happened in here"?

And so, Zexion, Luxord, Xigbar, Xaldin, and Lexaeus explained to Roxas what had happened. " Well, of course your're not getting it opened, I put the spell over the door."

"You did what?", yelled Xaldin.

"Why!", yelled Luxord

"TELL ME WHY I SHOULDN'T KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!", yelled Xigbar, summoning his guns, and pointing them at Roxas.

"Because...", Roxas said, he walked over to the pantry door and summoned his keyblade, Oblivion. He pointed it at the door and a light shot out of the tip. From the door an unlocking sound could be heared. He opened the pantry and pulled out a bag of Funyuns. "...these are mine, not yours. Do you see what it says on the bag?". Roxas pointed to some writing on the Funyuns bag that said 'Roxas's Funyuns. The property of Roxas. Do not touch except for Roxas'. "It's not enough that I put my name on the bag, and you all still eat my food! The food that I brought for me. The label means, and I quote 'Them's ain't yo Funyuns, them's Roxas's Funyuns!". Roxas popped open the bag and grabbed a handful, stuffed them into his mouth and started to walk out the room. " Oh yeah, and Xemnas told me to tell you guys that we're having a meeting in a few minutes."

Luxord grabbed the bridge of his nose, and sighed. "Well, mates, I have a feeling that we are going to be dealing with a lot of situations like that in this fanfiction."

"Shhh!", Zexion shushed at Luxord, "You're breaking the fourth wall!"

"Oh, sorry.", Luxord turns to look at you ( the reader). " Just ignore what I said. IGNORE ME!"

"Come on lets go to the meeting." They all opened portals and teleported away.

Ok thats it I'll update it...eventually. please please please PLEASE REVIEW!