Disclaimer: I don't own Spongebob or Avenue Q, seesh.

If Squidward was Gay

Sqiudward was at home, in his favorite chair, he sigh of joy, "An afternoon alone with my favorite book, Clarinet Players of the 1940's. No neighbors to bother me. How could it get any better then this?"

"Well hi Squidward!", Spongebob and Patrick said as they barged in.

"Hi Spongebob. Hi Patrick.", Squidward said in an annoyed tone.

"Hey Squidward!", Patrick said, "You'll never guess what happened to us at Glove World this mourning!"

"Larry the lobster, was smiling at us and talking to us.", Spongebob said.

"Yeah, that's very interesting.", Squidward said, trying to ignore them.

"Yep,", Patrick said, "he was being real friendly."

Spongebob kinda laughed and said, "Yeah, and I think he was coming on to us."

Patrick said, "Yep, I think he might of thought that we were gay."

Squidward kinda choked and said, "Um, so, why are telling me this? Hm? Why should I care? I don't care. What don't you go away today."

"Well, you don't have to get all defensive about it...", Spongebob said.

Squidward yelled, "I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!"

Squidward calmed down and said, "Why do I care about Larry being gay? I'm trying to read."

"Well, we didn't mean anything by it Squidward.", Patrick said.

"Yeah,", Spongebob said, "we just think it's something we should all be able to talk about."

Squidward said, "Well I do not want to talk about it spongebob this conversation is over!"

"Yeah, but Squidward...", Patrick said.

"OVER!", Sqiudward said.

"Okay,", Patrick said, "but just so you know..."

Patrick sang, "If you were gay."

Squidward stared at them in an expression that said, WTF?

"That would be okay!", sang Spongebob.

"I mean cause, hey!", Patrick sang.

They both hugged Squidward and said, "We'd like you anyway!"

"Because you see,", Patrick sang.

They both let go and sang, "If it were me! I would feel free to say, that I was gay!"

"But we're not gay!", Spongebob sang.

"Spongebob, Patrick, please, I am trying to read.", Squidward said they stared at him awkwardly, "WHAT?!"

"If you were queer!", Spongebob sang.

"AGH! Spongbob!", Squidward yelled.

"We'd still be here!", Patrick sang.

"Year after year!", Spongebob. Yeah, like that was what Squidward wanted.

Spongebob and Patrick hugged him again and sang, "Because you're dear to us!"

They let go and Spongebob sang, "And we know that you..."

"What?", Squidward said.

"Would accept us too!", Patrick.

"I would?", said Squidward, confused.

"If we told you today,", Spongebob sang, "Hey! Guess what? We're gay!"

"But we're not gay!", Patrick sang.

"We're happy,", Spongebob sang, "just being with you!"

"Could you two get out of here!", Squidward yelled, they were really beginning to piss him off.

"So what should it matter to us...", Patrick sang.

"...WHAT YOU DO IN BED WITH MR. KRABS?", they sang together.

"Spongebob, that is gross!", yelled Squidward.

"NO IT'S NOT!", Patrick said.

"If you were gay!", they sang, while doing that dance were...you know...you got your arms other each others shoulders and you do that thing...were you kick? Yeah, that dance.

Squidward groaned, dropped his book, plugged his ears and said, "I AM NOT LISTENING!"

"We'd shout, hooray!", they sang (while doing the dance), "And here we'd stay!"

"LA LA LA LA LA!", said Squidward.

"But we wouldn't get in your way", sang Patrick.

"AHHH!", Squidward scermed while jumping out of his chair.

They stopped dancing and sang, "You can count on me...to always be..."

"...beside you everyday!", Spongebob sang.

"To tell it's okay!", Patrick sang, "You were just born that way!"

"And as they say, it's your DNA!", Spongebob sang.

"YOU'RE GAY!", they both sang.

"I AM NOT GAY!", Squidward yelled.

"If you were gay!", Spongebob said.

"AHHH!", Squidward scermed again, before collasping.

THE END