"PARROTS"
By: Otaku Tess

Chapter Eight
Alternate Ending

There was a long silence after that. Snake got up momentarily to put more wood on the fire. I just sat there, not really thinking, just staring blankly at the fire. It brought back a sense memory that I couldn't quite place. But it was relaxing ... and I was tired.

I was tired in just about every way a person could be tired.

The Parrot slept peacefully on the mantel. I wondered momentarily what its name might be. What would Emma name her parrot? ... I shook the thought away.

"Snake...?" I started after a moment.

"Yeah, Otacon?" Snake asked gruffly, sitting back down.

I sighed, "Why..." I looked away for a moment, biting my lip, "--I don't know... Sometimes I just wonder -- Why I even bother." Oh, shoot. That sounded bad.

"Otacon?" He persisted, visibly concerned. It was unusual to see him like this. I mean, he's my friend, so of course I'd seen his caring side more than most people would have, but this was a new dimension -- It was nice to have someone around who cared. It was hard for me sometimes to sit and listen in via CODEC while he was out on missions, doing all the work. There had been a few occasions where I had insisted on going along, and that usually ended in his getting pretty POed at me. I'm not a soldier. I can't hold a gun. -- What I can do is the easy part. I sighed.

"Otacon?" He said again.

So many missions he'd been on. He'd always come back alive and in one piece. Why was I ever even worried? This man had been blessed with skill and luck. He would probably out live most people he knew, despite his smoking, or the FOXDIE that was supposed to have killed him, or his life threatening missions in to destroy Metal Gear. He was blessed as a survivor. An honorable survivor. -- Me. I'm cursed as the survivor. I never even have the satisfaction of having risked my life... I'm the dishonorable survivor. Hiding in the shadows until everything is over with. I lost Sniper Wolf as I watched from the outside, unable to take any real action. Unable to be her hero. I lost my sister the same way... What was next? Was Snake going to be the next victim of my bad luck?

"It's just ... sometimes -- I just feel like there can be no happy ending for me... -- I'm always the survivor. I'm always the one left feeling guilty or alone. -- What next, Snake? Do I lose you too?" I sighed, my hair fell into my eyes as I dropped my head. My tears formed small pools in the lenses of my glasses.

"Happy ending..." Snake repeated, thoughtfully.

That's right. He'd HAD his happy ending back on Shadow Moses. -- He and Meryl speeding off through the snow.... --So what if things didn't work out in the end? Where was it written that just because the hero gets the girl he has to keep her? I momentarily wondered why action hero movies never showed us what happened after the hero rides off into the sunset. Does it end the way Snake and Meryl did? Not with a bang but with a whimper? Waking up one day and deciding it was over? Departing as friends -- before they could become bitter? "You're thinking of her, aren't you...?" I asked after a moment.

"...Meryl...?" He paused, "Yeah. That was my happy ending." He snorted bitterly.

"Oh, come on, Snake..." I frowned, "You can't tell me you don't at least still care about her -- She was your first love!" If I didn't know better, I'd have thought Snake was blushing a little ... must have been the fire light, though.

"Well, in that respect. Yes..." He nodded after a moment, "She will ... always have a place in my heart." He sounded as though he were struggling to get the phrase out.

"... Snake?"

"Forget it, Otacon." He waved my comment away, "There was that whole age difference, and she was kind of needy, too ... and such a tomboy... Plus, we had different agendas. I was needed with Philanthropy. And.. She didn't want to have to deal with that..." Snake sighed.

"I don't blame her..." I said softly.

"... If she had been willing to join..." Snake said, I noticed his gaze had turned to the fire, "... Maybe things would have been different..."

Hah! I knew it... I knew he still loved her! "Oh..." I said, as the gravity of his situation hit me, "You mean...-- I'm sorry, Snake."

"Hey, duty calls." He sighed, looking back to me, "Maybe someday the war will end and we can see each other again."

"Don't wait too long... You might wake up one day and find out its too late." I uttered softly.

"Words can weigh you down..." Snake said sympathetically, but I wasn't really listening.

I looked quietly to the parrot. It was still asleep. I half wanted it to speak up again, just for an excuse to cry. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. -- All I wanted to do was apologize. All I wanted to do was let her know that I cared for her and always had. I needed her to understand...!

"I'm such a loser!" I blurted, "I'm sorry... Forgive me, Emma..." I sniffed, as a fresh stream of tears trickled down my cheeks.

Snake let out a sigh, "Emma can't forgive anyone anymore."

I glanced up at him and nodded. "I-- I know... I just wish I could at least tell her ... at least let her know that I love her. That I've always loved her...-- that I want my sister back!" I sniffled.

Snake was silent for a long moment, then finally Spoke, "'Death is not defeat.'"

"Hemingway..." I muttered, looking up in surprise as I wiped my tears away, Snake was smiling softly. I was surprised such a thought would come from Snake. He always seemed to me to be the type that just thought "Dead is Dead." And left it at that. "Do you ... believe that?"

"Well... I suppose I do. Though I said it more because it sounded like something you might have said to me. -- I don't think about death too much. -- It's a trait I picked up on the battlefield, I guess. I spent too much time living in the moment to be worried about what would have happened if I ever died. I guess the occasional nagging thought that nothing happened was what kept me alive. Knowing that if I died that would be it."

"Hmm..." I grummbled, feeling worse than ever.

"But..." He began again, I perked up, "That was back when I only fought for myself. When I only did it to feel alive -- Now, though..." He paused again, "Once you find a cause -- someone to live for, something to fight for... It gives you a whole different perspective on life -- and death. But still, I find that it doesn't really matter what I believe, because what will happen is going to happen regardless of what I personally think... But, I suppose..." He paused, "If I were to tell you what I would like to imagine happens... I would have to say that I think people live on through each other. We leave each everyone we meet a part of ourselves, at least we do if we're willing to share ourselves with them...-- If someone never lets themselves fall in love, or get close to another person ... then they might as well be dead. You have to be able to live for someone, before you can die for them. But.... these are just thoughts. Take them at face value, okay?"

I nodded. Snake wasn't offering me a path to enlightenment. He was offering me his personal feelings ... which to me was a little more comforting at this point. I didn't need a religion or a philosophy. I needed a friend.

Now that I knew for certain that I had one... Things seemed a little easier to handle now.

"Hal... I miss you." The parrot cooed softly, waking up again.

I stood slowly, holding out my arm to it. It hopped onto my hand and I sat back down. "Parrots..." I muttered.

"Huh?" Snake grunted.

"Oh... It's just...--" I held out the parrot to him, "See? My whole family ... has been making the same mistakes, as far back as I can count. Our history with nuclear weapons or plain old bad luck in war, our inherent loneliness and need to be loved ... at least one of those traits has been handed down to every Emmerich I could name. It's almost as if nobody ever bothered to stop and think that they were repeating history with their actions. Like... -- Emma..." I shook my head, "how could she have gotten involved in all of that?"

"Hal..." The parrot said, cocking its head.

"She did the right thing in the end. The same as you." Snake said comfortingly, "No use worrying about it now."

"You're right. What's important now..." I said, walking over to the window, "Is that the actions have been stopped in their tracks. No more repeating mistakes."

I opened the window as the sun crept over the horizon, casing a panel of light across the faces of all in the room. I blinked a moment, shading my eyes with my free hand.

After a pause, I extended the parrot out the opened window, and shook my hand gentley. It took the hint, and flew off with an exited flap of its wings. I watch for a moment as it made its way gracefully over the trees.

"The parrot is free."

END.

Notes:
Well, here I am again. Writing notes. ^-^ ahh.. First of all, my reasons for writing for this are due to the fact that my original ending went along with the (fake) ending, where Meryl dies. Here I have addressed the ending where Meryl lives. Kudos to you if you noticed my Role reversal. I wanted to use some of the dialogue from the Otacon ending, and decided it would be interesting to have them switch lines for the fic. I'm pretty pleased with that, at least. ^_^
And THANK YOU to Mika-Chan who suggested I write this chapter from Otacon's perspective. It REALLY helped me out. ^___^ I also wish to thank all my FF.net friends whom I IM with, you know who you are... Plus everybody who reviewed my work, or read my work, or reviews anybody's work for that matter... Everyone here is so incredibly nice and constructive. You guys are a billion times nicer that other FanFic forum/website people I have encountered. Thank you for the encouragement.
AAAND... Now for some things I had to kick myself in the butt to prevent myself from putting them in the fic:
SNAKE: "Death is not defeat."
OTACON: Hemingway...
SNAKE: Yeah. That means that ... you know, just because a person is pronounced dead doesn't mean there's no hope. You know how people in hospitals can get a flat line, and then the doctors take out those paddles and yell "Clear!" and then the beeping comes back so they're not dead anymore. Wow. Hemingway just thinks of everything.
OTACON: Stop making fun of me... ¬_¬
And...
OTACON: Just do me a favor, okay, Snake?
SNAKE: Yeah?
OTACON: Don't ever get a step Mom, because I can't make any promises.

Now for a "preview" (of sorts) of my next project.
My next project, currently titled "Crimson Tinted Lenses" (liable to change) will be about Otacon's involvement in the happenings at Shadow Moses (from when Fox-Hound arrives to the end of the game) from his POV. Each chapter (or at least SOME chapters, depending on what I decide on) will include a flash back to an incident in his past.
There are SEVERAL things mentioned in "Parrots" regarding to Otacon's past, as well as his feelings about his past, that I am going to change when I write "Crimson."
I don't feel that what I wrote here is as Canon as it could be...
Observe this useful information I obtained:
"ArmsTECH METAL GEAR Project chief engineer.
Wears glasses, and has a friendly nature but he is a weapon development genius. He did not attend school but studied through the Internet and matriculated at MIT. Earned his Ph.D. at an early age. Earned his bachelors and masters degrees at Princeton -- a genius too young."
While this is grammatically a little confusing... It appears Otacon didn't go to proper school until College. So I am thus eradicating his time at conventional school from "Crimson." Also, his obtaining a Ph.D. at an early age leads me to believe he was more like 19, 20, or 21 when he got it. ALSO, if he got his bachelors and Masters degrees from Princeton, that would mean he went to Princeton FIRST.
"In his college years, he put together a program to solve the year 2000 digit changing problem in computers and drew major attention as the savior of the computer world. Came up with the idea but earned no money from it. ..."
My guess would be that he did this while at MIT, not Princeton.
"Loves Japanimation (Japanese animation). His nickname "Otacon" comes from the "OTAKU CONVENTION" which is a fan event of Japanese animation held in the US, and of which he is a regular participant."
OtaKon didn't start until 1993. Oh, and I felt I gave Otacon too many friends... LOL, poor guy.
Just want to give a heads up. I think I have things pretty much Canon in my notebook. I drew out a time line and everything. I changed Otacon's age (during the Shadow Moses incident) to 30, instead of 32. I wanted to get him graduated ASAP. ^_^ If only I had a definite peg on Emma's age... Though in my time line she's 20 when she dies. ;_;
Thank You.